Dallas/ Hot Tips
Aug 1st, 2001 | 01:15 PM
#1
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Dallas/ Hot Tips
Now I love this city, and I still think of it as mine, but......
Life in America’s fifth largest city - Dallas
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
3. All directions start with, “Get on Beltline” ...which has no beginning and no end.
4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
6. Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We have had soooo much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway (aka 190) and Jupiter Roads to the mix.
7. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Fort Worth!!”
8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
9. All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way.
10. Inwood Road, Plano Road, N. W. Highway, East Grand, Marsh Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections. (These are only a FEW examples) The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands, cross NW Hwy and it becomes Plano Rd, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5.
12. A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
13. The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn’t ornamental.
14. It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST highway. Don’t let this confuse you.
15. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.
16. LBJ is called “The Death Trap” for two reasons: “death” and “trap.”
17. If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. If it’s 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.
19. If it’s rained 6 inches in the last hour, you are at the Byron Nelson Golf Classic in the second round if it is spring and you’re at the Texas State Fair if it is fall.
20. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
21. If you need to ask for directions, get ALL the names of the street you are being told to turn onto...we intermix numbers, letters, & names for the same roads. (Stemmons, 35, I35)
22. If your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
Life in America’s fifth largest city - Dallas
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
3. All directions start with, “Get on Beltline” ...which has no beginning and no end.
4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
6. Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We have had soooo much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway (aka 190) and Jupiter Roads to the mix.
7. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Fort Worth!!”
8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
9. All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way.
10. Inwood Road, Plano Road, N. W. Highway, East Grand, Marsh Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections. (These are only a FEW examples) The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands, cross NW Hwy and it becomes Plano Rd, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5.
12. A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
13. The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn’t ornamental.
14. It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST highway. Don’t let this confuse you.
15. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.
16. LBJ is called “The Death Trap” for two reasons: “death” and “trap.”
17. If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. If it’s 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.
19. If it’s rained 6 inches in the last hour, you are at the Byron Nelson Golf Classic in the second round if it is spring and you’re at the Texas State Fair if it is fall.
20. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
21. If you need to ask for directions, get ALL the names of the street you are being told to turn onto...we intermix numbers, letters, & names for the same roads. (Stemmons, 35, I35)
22. If your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
Aug 2nd, 2001 | 07:01 AM
#3
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Amen to all that! I also live in Dallas. It's all true, but we love it here anyway (except for July and August!) If you're not into scenic beauty, or prefer to save great scenery for vacations, it's a great place to live. We recently completed a cross-country road trip, through many major cities. Dallas had, by FAR, the worst traffic of anywhere we traveled.
Aug 2nd, 2001 | 12:29 PM
#4
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Dear OliveOyl--some of what you say is true; however, you have probably never been to Oak Cliff (I live there and have no bars on my windows, neighbors actually know each other, we have hills and large trees, I can go from downtown to my house at rush hour in 15 minutes, we have large houses, Starbucks & a bank in our Albertson's, and our crime rate is a lot lower than north Dallas), the 100's are over early September, and we are no worse driving than Boston (not saying much, I know).
Aug 2nd, 2001 | 01:26 PM
#5
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Linda, I think we've had this discussion before. I know what you are saying about OC; I lived in Plano, but am familiar with it. Needless to say, I did not write the above, it's just one of those things circulating the internet, sent me by our son...who lives in Las Colinas now...which also has hills.
You know most all of it, including the ornamental ironwork, is written tongue in cheek. But...much is very true and humorous. Imagine yourself the out-of-towner who has only two choices of direction on 35E, either north or south!! It took me a long time to figure out the 35-Stemmons connection...I knew where 35 went, but Stemmons, where was that? ;> Most of my driving was LBJ and north, or at worst, Loop 12 and north (speaking of which, did they mention Loop 12/Northwest Hwy connection or the fact that Loop 12 in Arlington isn't related to Dallas' Loop 12?)
No offense meant, and certainly not against Dallas, which I do love. Many of these driving tips could be applied to any city, and I dare say that when I get "home" to Dallas from Tampa, where we live now, driving there is a welocme relief after Tampa, Road Rage Center!!
You know most all of it, including the ornamental ironwork, is written tongue in cheek. But...much is very true and humorous. Imagine yourself the out-of-towner who has only two choices of direction on 35E, either north or south!! It took me a long time to figure out the 35-Stemmons connection...I knew where 35 went, but Stemmons, where was that? ;> Most of my driving was LBJ and north, or at worst, Loop 12 and north (speaking of which, did they mention Loop 12/Northwest Hwy connection or the fact that Loop 12 in Arlington isn't related to Dallas' Loop 12?)
No offense meant, and certainly not against Dallas, which I do love. Many of these driving tips could be applied to any city, and I dare say that when I get "home" to Dallas from Tampa, where we live now, driving there is a welocme relief after Tampa, Road Rage Center!!
