I am a local travel agent here in the islands (Oahu and Kauai) and would like to help you with all your travel needs. I discount my commission by 20% for everyone who uses me through this board. Thanks for the business.
Honolulu Hank

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look, NOADS, lighten up, o.k. Hank's just trying to do his job (hehe, loved the @mauiheidi.com)

Great bit, Honolulu Hank. My compliments!

Come on, help me help you folks, I am trying to drum up business for charity. Let me and Heidi, er my un-named friend I mean, help you.

This is MY turf, weasel boy.....I'm warning you: find your own trough.
Don't mess with me. These islands aren't big enough for the both of us.

You're both fools and frauds! Can you provide well equiped apartments? With washcloths? I doubt it.

Forego those stupid islands and join me at one of our wonderfully appointed apartments here in Rome. I'll even pick you up at the station.

Hey, back off Abate....we all know you're a fraud. I'm the new fool in town and my song's laid down by the underground (the Mafia, that is). We're working hard down here in FLA to flush out the asbestos and the freeloading foreigners who think that any Tom, Dick and Elian who washes up on shore should be given a home and meal ticket courtesy of ol' Uncle Sam. Really frosts my pumpkin.

Forget Honolulu Hank and Maui Heidi,

I can get you a real steal on some way awesome luggage. I am a high-ranking captain type at a major airline you have all heard of. And it isn't one of them cargo planes, neither. Anyway, this luggage is way better than the stuff they sell at Costco, and it comes in two designer colors: black and deep charcoal. But it's the luggage that real, honest-to-goodness flyboys like me use to take off every day. E-mail me with your credit card number (don't worry -- secure server) and I'll set you up real good for the next time you touch down.

Roger.

Hank,
Your offer sounds great, but I'm a little nervous about the mole people I have heard about in Maui. My best friends mother in law's dogsitter's ex-husband heard that these subterranean creatures have even infected beautiful Maui. I could never enjoy a tropical luau knowing those creatures are around!

Can you tell me where I can get Poi-in-a Tube (TM)?

Jamaica is a dump. And anyone who doesn't agree with me or has any other opinion about anything is a beer-swillin', mac and cheese eatin', trailer park trollin' idiot who don't know nothin' about nothin'.

I've heard that, at the luaus on Maui, as long as you don't sit on the ground naked (you know, on those mats!) that the Mole People there don't bother you, except to try to sell you that Poi-in-a-Tube, but nothing is perfect, is it?

Be careful at the luau. While you're busy watching the Hula of the Mole Children, their friends the Gypsy children will rob your fanny packs!

Just as long as it's THE BEST luau. And can I get a discount with the Entertainment Book?

Can I take in more than 10 rolls of film?

Be aware that Mole People do not usually show up on film! Now there are special glasses that I can get for you, with a discount of course, if you'll just e-mail me at the above address, that will enable you to see them in your photos! Of course, I do this out of the goodness of my heart...........

I....I...I just can't believe that I have so many enemies here! I left work last Thursday and came back today, only to find that snake-in-the-grass Honolulu Hank has taken over my Hawaii travel business on Fodor's! How could you all be so fickle? I've worked day and night on my seven thousand, two hundred posts, and all out of the goodness of my heart. Why, I came here at least twenty times a day just to type in "to the top" on all my posts so everyone could benefit from them at all times. And what do I get in return? Hostility and ingratitude. I'll never, ever post here again, you have all wounded me deeply.

(E-mail me with all your travel needs and don't forget that I host discussion forums on any other free web host I can find!)