After living in NYC for more than a decade, my husband and I are considering a move. We're in our mid-30s, don't have kids and have careers that could transfer fairly easily (he's a programming and I'm a librarian). I've lived in the New York area my whole life; my husband grew up in small-town Ohio but likes urban living.

So here's my question: is there life after NYC? We're thinking of scaling down to a smaller city -- say, Portland, Minneapolis or Madison (all places we love).

If you're a New Yorker who has left the city, I'd love to hear about your experiences. Was it the right move? Did you end up coming back? Thanks in advance.

D'oh! I meant to say my husband is a programmer, not a programming.

You will get plenty of replies to this email. Yes, of course there is life after NYC. Don't expect to duplicate your life and you'll be fine. If you're always comparing your new locale to NYC, you'll be disappointed. That said, plenty of people have made the move, for personal, financial and, gasp, even bigger and better reasons!
What are you looking for? Do you like warm weather? Do you still want to maintain an urban lifestyle? The cities you mention each have their own unique qualities. I highly suggest spending at least a week in each, with the main goal of moving to each one. Meet with realtors, investigate the job market, go where the locals go and see how you feel. It's easy to fantasize a move when you're still in the city, but you'll get a much better feel once you visit your choices. I left after 12+ years and am as happy as a clam in Atlanta. Sure, I miss the "scene" but I get my fill of it all here. I find that you can pretty much find the same things everywhere, you may just have to work harder at it.

Chicago did it for me. Live farther north in the city, have an easy commute to downtown (or suburban jobs), trees, houses, yards, and it feels like a town, but with everything (just about) NY has to offer.

Like Syd, I moved to Atlanta (10yrs ago as a late 20s single girl) It was a great move for me and the cost of housing is a big plus. Granted, Atlanta doesn't have all the options in theater and the arts, but it is a metropolitan city with a pulse. I don't see us moving back--my husband is from Central Jersey--and it would take a lot to get him to consider moving up north again...

Glad to hear you're all doing well after leaving NYC. Thanks for the interesting replies and good advice. If we're serious about moving, spending a week in each city sounds like a great idea.

We like Chicago (Atlanta is out b/c my husband hates hot weather) but worry it might have similar downsides to New York (see below). So it's possible to have a yard and still be in the city? That is appealing.

The things that would make us leave NYC:
- the cost of living
- the pace
- the fact that all the interesting things to do, from museum exhibits to movies, are always unbelievably crowded

We like the liberal attitudes, weather, public transportation and food, so wherever we go should have things along those lines.

My biggest worry: I can get ANYTHING I want in NYC (with the notable exception of space!). I'm worried I might feel a bit deprived elsewhere. I'm also a little worried that my NYC-honed sense of humor wouldn't go over well in the heartland.

I'm with you SZ! Do you live in Manhattan? (I do). I'll be interested in following this thread & seeing where you go & what you think! Have you been to Seattle?

Most of the people who I know who left NYC have seriously regretted it, and it's an expensive mistake to correct.

One couple, mid-30's no kids, moved to a "dream house" in the suburbs but are now moving back to Manhattan, three years later.

Tough call, and very specific to you & your husband. Good luck!

Based on your reply, Chicago is the answer. It's less crowded, cheaper, and with all the benefits -- restaurants, bars, culture, numerous neighborhoods. Of course, it's not NYC, but nothing is!

Hi SZ,
Funny you should mention this
My husband and I sold our home in NYC and moved to Jax Florida, one year ago.
At first, everything was new and we enjoyed a warm-ish January. Then summer came and then the lack of anything to do besides travel somewhere else to find something to do.
My husband was born and raised in NYC, I lived there for many years.
We miss it all the time.
That said, if you have outside interests, work, have children, or plan to, then there is something else to do. We are able to not have to work.
We went to Portland Oregon last Sept. to see if we would like to live there.
Tomorrow, our house goes on the market and we are moving to Portland Oregon, hopefully we will be in our new home before the hurricanes hit ~
If you are used to theater, art house films, good museums and good places to eat, I would not suggest a move to a totally "country" environment..have a larger city nearby.
I once thought of living near Philadelphia, the countryside is lovely there.
We don't really want to come back to live in NYC because we can visit when we wish, but we do want to be closer to what a nice size city has to offer.
Good luck~

i lived in nyc from '94 to '00 and then in the suburbs (summit, nj--still working in nyc) from '00 to '04. in '99, we bought a weekend home in rural MD on the chesapeake bay. it was spending most weekends at this house that made us really start to dislike the city and everything that goes along with it. the city does have its plusses but life there really is a rat race where you have to deal with yahoos and rude people, aggressiveness, bad traffic, filth and people who just don't give a crap about you on a daily basis. when you are a part of it, you just get used to it and deal with it. we finally moved here fulltime a year ago and could not be happier with our decision. i never see myself moving back--life is too short. i don‘t regret my time in the city, i did love it while i was there--in fact, i think everyone should live there for some part of their lives.

i do miss having anything delivered to my door (we don't even have pizza delivery here) but you get used to it. and the upside is so much better. honestly, if we hadn't spent so much time out of the city in such a wonderful place, i don't think i would have ever realized how stressful life was in the city. i think it is a great idea to spend some length of time in other cities to see how you like it and to see how much you feel you missed new york upon your return.

oh, and i think there are enough transplanted ny'ers that you won't have to worry about your sense of humor

I just thought of my son being the Ultimate Transplanted NYer...he lives in Tokyo
When he was here visiting, he went to NYC for a few days, he got such a kick out of the way the guys in the Deli made jokes with the customers and everyone was so friendly..it was good, made him want to move back to the US

I left NYC for the exact same reasons and also had the same fears. Here's what I suggest no matter where you move. Pick a "walkable city"
I think Chicago is the ultimate city (aside from the weather which doesn't seem to bother you). Yes, you'll find a more midwestern attitude overall, but consider that a blessing in disguise. Museums, food, arts, shopping, etc. are all superb, quaint little areas to live and walk, very urban in nature (tho my friends who live there say they can't get food delivery). Portland is supposed to be fantastic as well, so again, go visit, seek out the most urban spots in your choices and PLEASE write us back during and/or after your adventure so we can assist you further! I know how difficult the decision this is...but you don't have to "sell out" and buy a mcMansion (as we do here in GA), you can still read the paper, seek out eccentric theater and the unique people (plenty of 'em here in Atlanta) and try to make the most out of a new area without the cost and pace of NYC. Good luck!

SZ,
Noting your age I would suggest the Northwest also. I grew up on Long Island, School in the City, moved to Chicago (loved it but...too hot in the Summer, too cold in the Winter)otherwise a great city. From Chicago I moved to San Francisco. Best city in the USA in my opinion but...outrageously expensive to live. From San Francisco I moved to Billings, Montana. A favorite but since I'm not 30 anymore (heehee) the things I loved to do can only be sorely missed. From Billings I moved to Seattle (Eastside) and I would be prejudiced to recommend it over Portland but it does have more to do and the weather is really not as big a deal as its been out to be. Portland is slightly drier but very slightly. Vancouver Canada is terrific and close. If you like to ski, enjoy water activities and the outdoors in general then both cities offer ample get-aways. Competition in both your fields is fierce so I would get that set up as best you can before a move. Presently I live in sunny and warm South Florida (not in the Cold North!)..sorry "you know who"!

We're going to Seattle in September -- will let you know if it lures us away from NYC. We lived in Manhattan for six years and have been in Long Island City (not exactly the garden spot of the world) since 1999.

I actually know a few people who have left the city. One went to Rochester, NY, for a job and is desperate to move back. One is in Austin, where she likes everything but the relative slowness. Two went to L.A. and had a really hard time (serves 'em right, heh heh). And finally, one is raising her family in Seattle; she likes though she misses the everything-ness of New York.

It's true -- the situation is unique for every person. If we do move we'll probably sublet our NY place, just in case.

You'll never live anyplace as great as NYC. Stay put. Every other place is going to feel like Podunk, USA.

Most of the people I know that moved out of NYC do NOT regret it.

I moved here from NYC to a cornfield in the middle of PA. Now, don't get me wrong, it was a bit of an adjustment. I think that I was depressed the first 6 months.

Now, I would never move back. There are many things that I miss, yes. I miss the ethnic diversity, the food(!!!)
the museums, and the theatre district.

I do not miss the traffic, the cost of living, the cramped quarters, the crime, the pollution, the tax on clothing, and some of the people.

I now live on a 90 acre farm, I have a
job that I can afford many things, it is not the greatest pay scale here, but I am not starving, a high percentage of people are friendly, helpful, kind and more on the conservative side around here. I like it.

My husband is a dairy farmer and we lead an okay life. The choice to give up some things in exchange for peace of mind is worth it to me.

Now, granted I went a little extreme, I realize that. There are other 'cities'
that you can pick and still have the things that I gave up.

I think that there are many fine cities in the US. I realized that for me, I perferred the country.

I have so many relatives that have left NYC and a very happy where they are now. If you pick another city, than they will have the same urban life style, and cultural items that you would have in NYC.

You can sit down and make a list of pros and cons. Make a list of things you think that think you will miss the most. Make sure you pick a city that has those very important things for you.

It certainly requires much thought. Good luck to you. I really do feel that there is life after NYC. I visit very rarely, but when I do it feels okay. Like yeah, this was my home, nice place to visit, but I don't want to live there.

Hey, that is just me though. I am sure that you will get tons of different answers!

Scarlett, tell us about your views on Portland. We're gonna miss you on the east coast, but I'm starting to think you've come up with a fantastic idea.

I lived in Manhattan for 5 years and left almost 2 years ago for SF with my then NY-suburb raised boyfriend (now husband). We love NYC and miss certain things about it but we would never move back. When we first moved, we missed the convenience aspects of things (no more Fresh Direct!), the energy of the street life, the slower pace of life. However, despite our comparable cost of living, our quality of life is so much better. We can go hiking and skiing much easier than we could from NYC (and also more often, b/c the weather is better). Our pace has slowed, but we still have our NY edge (we hope!) but it is just a bit softened.

I agree with some of the other posters - do not expect to find NYC in another city. You will undoubtably be disappointed. Instead, just accept that it may just a little less inconvenient to do things that are so easy in NY. But the tradeoffs will probably be great. Good luck!

Oops! I meant that we miss the pace of NYC life, however, one of the reasons we left was that the pace was really getting to us. Go figure!