Debbie

Hi,
We are going to Sanibel Island in August and have invited my parents to come along. This will be the 2nd time vacationing with them since being married. First trip with them was to Disney and there was so much to do, this time will be more relaxing so we are not sure if they will get on our nerves. Anyone have any tips on traveling with elderly parents?

Nan

Be patient and kind, you will want to be treated that way yourself someday. What goes around comes around.
I am glad I had the opportunity to travel with my mother as she aged, now that she is gone, I miss her humor and joy of traveling.

gail

The reason vacations with those we love sometimes are so stressful is that spending 24 hours a day with anyone gets old after a while.

So, they may want a break from you as much as you want one from them. I would discuss ahead of time parameters, interests. For example, they may like to get up early and see birds on the beach while you sleep in. Or you may like to spend far more time sunning, walking mid-afternoon than they do. And there will be some things you both want to do and some that each compromises for the other.

Find out what their usual schedule is (do they eat "big meal" at mid-day like many elderly, do they sometimes nap - do you like to nap on vacation?) and both agree to be flexible about the others schedule as well as respectful of it.

If you end up eating 3 meals a day with them, trying to find compromise activities for the rest of the day instead of SOMETIMES each doing what you want, you may all get on each others nerves.

Eva

My husband and I took my parents to the Abacos with us a few years ago, and then took both sets of parents with us on a sailing charter in Grenada and the Grenadines in 2000. For the most part, they were good trips, and even though hubby and I didn't necessarily have the best time, the parents talk about the trips still, with the fondest of memories. My biggest beef about them coming along with us was that they TOTALLY relied on my and my husband to make every decision and choice, which put the burden of their pleasure completely on us (and implicitly put the blame on us if the food wasn't too their liking, or too expensive, etc.). Knowing this might be the case, we had tried to prepare them by giving them cruising guides and books as gifts beforehand, hoping they would actually read them and find somethings they might be interested in doing, or a new food to try, etc. No dice. They turned to us every time. Perhaps its just a function of aging, that they become more reliant on children to take care of them, and I'm willing to accept that, but it makes it much harder on us kids. (Since each of me and my husband is one of 4 children, we have agreed that we wouldn't take the 'rents along on another trip until the other kids have each had a vacation with them, so as the share the burden.)

audra

Oh yes, we have many times. Not everytime, as its special to be away with our children. However, it always worked out fine with planning and patience.

And remember THIS: Your CHILDREN are watching and learning from YOU to see how you are treating your parents.....there is a chance (!!HA!!)that they too, will treat THEIR parents the same way someday.

Think about it!!!!!

Sue

Difficult to make a precise reply, of course, without knowing you or your parents! But Sanibel Island may well be a great place for you to all enjoy doing different things. We went last Christmas. The hotel (Song of the Sea) had its own bicycles - I guess most hotels there do - and we went on long bicycle rides all over the island. Well, maybe you could do that and your parents could laze by the pool or stroll on the fabulous beach. Sanibel is a great place for enjoying doing nothing!

traveller

Some years before my mother passed away (at the time she was 77), I took her on a road trip to Yellowstone and throughout Montana. Just myself, my daughter and my mom. It was a wonderful trip. Even though she was aging and in not good health, she trekked to the paint pots, walked about Custer Battlefield, she was game for anything. She told me wonderful stories about our family trip there when all four kids were young. We took the time to visit my brother's grave and she told me the story of his death, one which she had never spoken of and I didn't know as I was not yet born when he died. She told me about her youth in the East (New Haven) and how she came to Montana and married the young farmer that changed her life. And never regretted a minute of her life except the loss of Dad and her young son.

Thinking about that trip, brings tears to my eyes but grateful tears as I had that wonderful time with my mother.

Take the trip with your parents. I guarantee there will come a time when you look back and are forever grateful that you were given that time.

Annie

Debbie:
I travel with my Mom once a year and will continue to do so until she can't do it anymore.
We are going to London in October. Her dependence on me has definitely become obvious and she will not make any decisions. The up side is that she is game for anything and is a trooper.
She'll be gone before long and all that will be left are the memories.
So where to next, Mom?

Beachbum

Yes Debbie, we've taken parents with us on vacations, both his and mine, and were happy to do it. Was it 24/7 great fun? No. But some wonderful moment memories came from those trips. When my DH and I were struggling post graduate students, my father took us with them to his state association's annual meetings, footing the bill for everything. Without that kindness, we would have gone a verrryy long time without any R&R. So once we were financially able, we were glad to repay them. Do it, talk ahead about those wonderful points that Gail brought up, and take that camera. When they are gone, those memories and pictures grow dearer.

x

I would rather eat glass.

SSS

Not only have we taken my parents, but we've taken my husbands parents and BOTH sets of parents on vacation at the same time and every time it is a gift. We have such a blast! My parents and my husbands parents are very good friends and all of our family is close.

kc

We have gone on vacation several times with my parents and once with my in-laws. We've been to Yellowstone, Mesa Verde and several times to the beach. The beach works out best for us. We rent a house and everyone can pretty much set their own schedule. We always eat supper together, but other than that we don't schedule our activities. It does sometimes make me feel a little stressed, because my parents will want me to do something with them while my husband and/or kids are wanting me to do something else. All in all it has been a good experience for my family. We don't see my parents often because of the distance between our homes, and the vacations are a time for my children to get to know their grandparents and for me to reconnect with my parents.
Have fun on your vacation!

Sandy

I've traveled with both my parents and my mother-in-law on separate occasions. I think as long as you can find some time to do things they would enjoy as well as having some time alone, you will be fine. I know my father especially enjoys his afternoon naps. Maybe you and your husband can plan outings alone while your parents enjoy some relaxing quiet time.
As far as their getting on your nerves, just think of it as payback for all the times you got on their nerves as a child, LOL! Have a great time.

Annie

X, that's so sad. We have many great memories of traveling with our mothers and our son has many memories of traveling with his grandmothers.

Debbie, we have taken our mothers with us for at least one trip per year since we were marrried 32 years ago. We (husband, son and myself) even took them with us to Hawaii, where we went on our honeymoon, for our 20th anniversary. They never traveled anywhere and we felt they deserved to see a little bit of the world. We took them to Sanibel many times.

Yes, sometimes they may get on your nerves and you on theirs, but allow time during the day for everyone to have some time to themselves. Don't plan for them, but ask them what they have in mind for the day. If they want to do something different than you do, allow for that. Our mothers enjoyed sitting on the patio for hours while we walked on the beach.

I think it is important that they have their own room if you are staying in a hotel. If you are renting a condo, get a big enough one so that there is plenty of space so people can find a quiet spot if they so choose.

Our mothers even enjoyed eating out by themselves once or twice. Go for it if they can handle that. Don't get me wrong, we spent loads of time together.

You won't have your parents with you forever so it is a kind and loving thing you are doing.

Best wishes for a great trip!

Kat

Hi
I went on vacation w/ my parents last year (I'm a single female, not a couple) and I had a great time. Yes, we got on each other's nerves a little, but we all were able to recognize when this was happening and gave each other needed space. It was actually pretty neat to spend consecutive days w/ my parents because I got to know them better and talk to them about all kinds of things--things that I don't usually get the chance to see when we are just visiting for short periods of time.

It's important to be open and honest and if you need or want some alone time or to do something different, just say so. If not, resentment builds up and then things start going downhill. I also try to have the attitude of "go with the flow" when traveling anyway; patience and a good attitude can go along way even if things aren't perfect!

ace

For a 7 -10 day stretch, here's how it usually plays out:

First day or two, trip is new and exciting, but a few annoying things are noticed (by both sides).

Day 3 - 5, some toes have been stepped on, some tempers have flared, you wonder if this vacation together was a good idea.

Day 6 - end, you're glad you did this and wish that you had more time to spend together.

When the vacation is over, you're very glad to be home and glad you spent the time together.

Gotta

I cannot understand people wanting to take their parents with them on vacations!Don't you have friends your own age? do you need to take someone else with you? Why can you and your husband not travel alone? Why your parents for Heavens sake?? Are you a Daddys Girl or a Mamas? Give me a break!
And you took them to Disneyworld! Can't face being a grown-up?
Sanibel is boring as hell,you will all pick up shells all day on the beach,eat in some all you can eat dive,or overpriced dive,all with early bird specials, then go sit and look at each other.Some vacation!

JB

Dear Gotta,

What is wrong with enjoying your parents? I would love to go on vacation with mine but they don't want to do what we want to do, so we don't.

I agree friends are great too, but family is #1! I hope my kids and I can enjoy many things together including travel someday!

JB

xxx

Dear Gottaeing that I've already lost one parent, I really treasure the times I have with my remaining parents (Mother, Stepfather, and in-laws). Yes, my husband and I travel frequently together ALONE. You must be from a wonderfully close family.

Gary

Before my father passed away I didn't mind going places with him but my mother was impossible to be around. Not everybody can work out a managable trip with their parents. My mother ruined every trip she was ever on. I would rather have bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails. My family was never very close in the first place. I sometimes envy the way a lot of families work & play together. I realize also that nobody is perfect.