jbtan

Hi Toedtoes -- I guess being bossy helped...! Anyway, my friends know me well enough that if I said, "OK, let's do this trail and not that one", they know I must have a good reason for saying that. In the first place, I painted enough worst-case scenarios so that their expectations -- blue skies everyday, great rooms everywhere, punctual buses every time -- based on the beautiful travel guides were moderated down to a manageable degree... especially when we're traveling in-between seasons with rather discouraging weather forecast. That must have done the trick!

toedtoes

Jbtan - that sounds like me, I am well known for telling folks everything that might go wrong so that they'll be prepared. I get teased about it, but when something does go wrong and I've got the solution figured out and done within minutes, they tend to stop teasing.

Quietplague - be happy for small blessings, it's better to be hit on by men 10 years younger than by men 40 years older...

cchottel

Interesting thread. I prefer solo travel, too. The dinner part doesn't bother me because I have been divorced for 17 years, don't like to cook for one, so I eat out almost every day. As I mentioned, though, I don't like going into a "bar" alone just to have a drink. I will stop at a sidewalk cafe to have a glass of wine or cocktail though.

It has been mentioned that men may have it easier, but in my experience, men are less likely to travel alone. I seldom see men traveling alone. Usually when they do, it is apparent they are on business.

I don't want to generalize, but in my experience, men are less likely to want to contend with the inevitable little problems that arise. They don't want to contend with the crowds, the waits, the inconveniences.

Also, men are more focused on one interest. Women are more likely to have less concentrated interests, but for many more things. This decreases men's need to travel.

Also, I suppose that many of us begin to travel later in life. Probably because we have more money than we did when we were younger, more likely to be alone, and more likely to have developed the self-confidence to travel solo. Women tend to outlive their husbands and then can finally travel if they have always wanted to, but didn't because he didn't.

Tipsygus, you have the right idea! I feel much like you. Years ago, I worked part time in a nursing home doing activities. I had a discussion group one day and asked, "What would you have done differently with your life?" The men were mostly satisfied, but the women said they would have traveled more. They were disappointed that they had spent so much of their energy on their homes and yet, they ended up in a room with only a bed, dresser and chair, and no memories. You don't reminesce about "the blue flowered sofa or the perfectly manicured lawn."

I always make dinner reservations for two and then get "stood up." Many restaurants do not make reservations for one. So, I'm a two.

The only complaint I have about solo travel is that deals are so often, "buy one, get one free." Most are not changed to 50% off for one.

toedtoes

Cchottel - I wonder if it might have something to do with the service. I look at my family, and most of the men (most generations) were in the service when they were young. They travelled all over during that time. Whereas the women were home waiting for them. Then, when they returned, life was centered around building a family and working. Maybe they don't regret because they had the opportunity to see the world at some point...

JBHapgood

If you have to make sweeping generalizations, men tend not to like to travel in general. (I'm an exception, which is probably one reason I travel alone by default rather than by choice.) In my own experience, married/family men take family vacations and romantic getaways at the insistence of their wives and families. They're rather be on the golf course, fishing, watching sports, working on the car, or other specific goal-oriented pursuit (if they're not working extra hours chasing phantom success at the office). Single men travel to please or impress their girlfriends. So that's why you so rarely see men traveling alone except for business.

Because the male solo traveler is so rare (at least in the US), men really don't have it easier. We're more likely to be seen as threatening or at least abnormal when traveling alone. That means that reaching out to socialize with the couples, families, and groups we do meet (I very rarely encounter an unattached person of either sex) requires extra effort to convince them that we're just being friendly, not lascivious or criminal. I haven't had many experiences with the spontaneous conversations and connections with new friends while traveling that so many women claim to enjoy. Traveling in the United States might have something to do with it, as the only time someone is likely to show interest in talking to me is if he or she has a foreign accent.

I have only occasionally encountered restaurants that won't make reservations for one. They're usually in tourist areas. In such circumstances I'm more inclined to stifle an unprintable response when told that than to try the stood-up couple ruse. But maybe it's a better idea?

As for the two-for-one deals, my strategy is to ask the manager (or a supervisor) whether there's an alternative deal available, as I'm traveling alone. The worst thing that could happen is to be told no. That's the most likely reponse, but it's worth pursuing because it might open up their eyes to the fact that some people do travel alone. It's possible that there is a discount available to those who ask. Another option is to use a two-for-one as a pickup line, or at least an invitation to another solo traveler to make a friend by sharing a bargain.

cchottel

jbh, you make some great points.

You are probably right about the conversation being easier for women. I do like to strike up a conversation at times with other travelers, but usually not more than a few minutes. That's why I wouldn't suggest sharing a two-for-one. Frankly, I don't really want to have dinner with someone else. Does that sound terribly anti-social? I'm not really. I just value my peace and quiet so much when traveling.

My best way to speak to people is to offer to take a photo. If I notice a couple, taking each other's photo, I will make the offer to take a photo of both of them or a family. People ask me to take pictures, too, since I usually am shooting photos anyway.

I do wonder if the restaurant reservation thing has something to do with the gender, too. Fine, expensive restaurants have been the place where men take their clients on expense accounts or spend a lot of money on their dates. A restaurant may not want to jeopardize that contact.

I don't notice many solo male travelers in Europe either. A few more than here. Don't know about the other continents. Maybe more likely, but I doubt it. I imagine the same single focus, goal-oriented preferences apply.

But it is great to hear from a guy who enjoys traveling alone.

JBHapgood

cch-- first, you're making an assumption that I enjoy traveling alone. I really don't enjoy it. But I do enjoy travel; and if I don't have anyone who can go with me the only option (beyond staying home and watching Globe Trekker) is to go alone. My best travel has always been with a companion. But my solo trips are good enough, certainly better than the "vacations" I've spent at home. I suspect that there are a lot more solo travelers (of both sexes) who are like me than those who enjoy solo travel and would prefer it even if they had other choices.

I have never tried sharing a two-for-one, if only because there isn't anyone to share it with. I occasionally read about "communal tables" and would like to try it, but I've never seen one and have no idea where I might actually find one. I find that solo travel is at its worst when it's dinner time.

Because I have an "expensive-looking" DSLR and my camera bag is my constant companion when I travel, I do get asked to take people's photos. Usually they're foreign couples or families, as the American couples and families tend to avoid solo men. The strangest such experience was in Las Vegas last December (as it happens, on a rare non-solo trip) when a Japanese guy handed me his brand-new Canon 5D (with 24-105L IS lens and a large flash I didn't recognize) and gestured that he wanted me to take his picture. It was rather strange to have a stranger hand me something worth 6000. I hope I did a good job.

From Americans I'm more likely to get stares and questions about what I'm taking pictures of and why. Since no wife or kids are visible, they must think I'm a terrorist or something (even though my ancestors most likely left the Middle East over 1000 years ago, if indeed they came from there).

Maybe Australian men travel alone? Nearly all the unattached men I've met on my trips in the US come from there, and they tend to think nothing of approaching me to talk. I have yet to see an unattached woman on my US travels.

jbtan

Hi everybody, thanks for all the responses to this thread of mine. Interesting feedback. BTW, I just got back from a business trip to Taipei and no prize for guessing what questions I was asked (yet again!). Besides the usual "Aren't you scared to...?", I had one asking, "But what do you do while waiting at the airport by your lonesome?" Huh? I just said I mostly buried my nose in a book.

JBHapgood, I definitely agree that I seldom see guys traveling alone; my five elder brothers are among the exceptions; they hare off everywhere at the drop of the hat -- not sure if they're escaping my sisters-in-law or the kids, or both. LOL.

cchottel: sometimes I would offer to take photos for fellow travelers but since I'm rather butter-fingered (the problem strikes at rather weird times), I only do so with those carrying less expensive cameras.

I guess being 'obviously foreign' has its advantages especially when it comes to solo travel. So far, knock on wood, I'm yet to encounter an unpleasant encounter during my travels.

cchottel

jbtan: I have only ever had one "scary" moment. On a French train. Alone in a first-class compartment late at night and a drunk decided to come in and plop himself down right next to me. I was afraid he might not be drunk but might be a pickpocket I solved the problem by getting up and plopping myself down in the compartment that the conductors sat in.

JB: It is a shame you can't find someone to travel with. I'm surprised you don't see more woman traveling alone. I don't see hoards of them, but I will see 10 women for every man. Maybe you go to more male-oriented places.

Actually, I don't know anyone who travels alone who would rather go with someone else. Or I just assume they prefer it because I do. People I work with and other friends hint at going with me, but I just ignore it. I will only travel with my children if I have to travel with someone else. Even then, I prefer traveling alone. Like today, I took the day off work and went on a road trip. I could have waited for the weekend and asked someone else to go, but I preferred it alone.

cchottel

I just realized that their are two jb's. The first part of my last message was to jbhapgood.

Also, Hapgood: I forget to mention that is it very easy to find communal tables in Italy. You can find them here, too. Amish country. Dinner theater.

I can remember when I was young, if you were sitting alone at a table and another lone diner came in the hostess would ask if she could sit the lone diner with you.

fishee

This is so interesting, I never thought about the absence of solo male travelers but I think everything that's been observed is very true.

I would be much more open to talking to other male tourists vs. local men. I always feel "pursued" when local men approach me but I'd feel less threatened by another male tourist - I wouldn't assume there's romantic interest, but just that he'd prefer to not eat alone, or whatever.

I tend to be very stand-offish when I'm traveling internationally to avoid being approached. Even small talk leads to the sharing of so much personal info (so you have to lie about where you're staying, how long, your name, etc.) -- it just seems unsafe to share this kind of info. Am I missing out on potentially meaningful exchanges by being too cautious? If you carry yourself in a more open and friendly manner, don't you have to also deal with more male advances?

suze

fishee, I have never had that problem in Europe, although I have in Mexico (not to the point I felt afraid, just bothered). I don't feel it is unsafe to talk with people, but for me personally I'm not looking to make friends so am stand-offish naturally and don't feel I am missing anything.

cchottel

I don't usually talk too much to single men, but prefer couples. I don't look to make friends, but just to be friendly. Actually, I usually talk mostly to other tourists. If I see a family or a young couple of any nationality who are passing the camera back and forth to take photos, I offer to take a photo of the couple or group.

fishee

No, I totally see what you're saying, it's not like you're making eye contact with the men in the room but rather with families, couples, children, etc. I also offer to take photos when I see couples straining to take a picture of themselves -- I've had my share of mis-shapen alien head pics of me and my boyfriend (he holds the camera since his arm is longer) to sympathize.

I find myself completely fawning over dogs because I just can't help myself.

suze, you sound like me in terms of how you carry yourself. I would like to try interacting more with the world -- I sometimes resent performing this aloof, detached attitude when I travel alone. It's not at all how I am when travelling with friends or the boyfriend -- I don't feel the need to be so self-protective. But then I read JB's posts and I can see how being a solo male has its own problems.

toedtoes

Fishee - I'm a sucker for a dog too! Or a cat, or any animal really...

I have actually found that I am much more receptive to people when I'm travelling alone than when at home or with friends and family. I think it's because at home I'm thinking of work, errands, etc. and when I'm with others, I tend to be caught up with them. So when I'm alone, I actually see the people around me and interact.

suze

For whatever reason meeting strangers just isn't all that interesting to me. More often I am adopted without really trying, by another traveling two-some or a couple, most often resulting from casual chat over lots of wine or cocktails somewhere.

Back to the original question proposed, in many many years and solo trips, I honestly can't think of a single time when anyone ever specifically asked "why are you traveling solo?"

teach2travel

I think I am more often asked about traveling alone by those at home than those I meet. I always get the "Aren't you afraid?" questions. I always say not really and certainly it beats sitting at home. I guess I am a little fatalistic - if it's your time to go you go. I think of it as a public service to die in a manner that generates an interesting obituary. Better to go out run down by a bus in Cambodia that falling down the stairs in my house.
Mostly people I meet when traveling think it's cool that I'm alone. The only exception is when I've travelled in Indonesia, where they think it's very brave but they are sad becasue they do nothing alone. My encounters there are different also because I used to be married to an Indonesian and so I speak the language and know the culture so I go to a lot of non-tourist places.
Overall I am honest and tell people I travel alone because I'm selfish. There is no negotiation when you go alone. If you are hungry you eat if not you don't. If you aren't interested in the "must see" you can skip it.
I'm careful about my safety, but I don't make up elaborate stories or invent a fictious husband. I guess I think if I have an imaginary husband I might miss out on meeting a real one. (Certainly if I had made one up my autobiography would be missing the chapter called "The Time I Married an Indonesian".)
Maybe another alternative would be to ask people why they don't travel alone.
Sorry this is a little rambly I still have jet lag from Italy.

janf1261

I'm with you. I work for an international airline and keep my passport with me at all times as I never am quite sure when and where my ability to travel will strike. I have a weird schedule and can go at a moment's notice and often do. If I had someone to travel with, I might not be able to take advantage of what comes my way. Oh, a my best friend of 20+ years works for the same airline, so often, if I'm at the airport whane she is flying a trip and I have the time off, I often tell the crew to tell my friend, "I'm coming along!" Usually to Zurich, Frankfurt, Spain, Lisbon or London. Oh waht a drag to travel alone!! Yea, right!!!

Abby43

In the past 7 years or so I've traveled all over the place by myself. I decided long ago that b/c I had the time, money, and moxie to go anywhere I wanted I might as well do it rather than do what most ppl in NYC do-waste their money on a share in the Hamptons and the time spent there waiting in line at some club. Then I come back from a great trip and everyone says they want to come the next time but of course never do. So my stock answer if asked (which is rare) is "my friends are too lame to get their acts together so I left em at home." Oops, a little blunt but true and usually it makes me look all the more brave and interesting!!!!

vjpblovesitaly

"I think of it as a public service to die in a manner that generates an interesting obituary. Better to go out run down by a bus in Cambodia that falling down the stairs in my house."

That is great! I’ll have to remember that one.

I have also traveled solo on vacations – Florence, Italy, San Francisco and Williamsburg, Va. and on day trips and enjoy it very much. Probably more than traveling with someone. I once had someone tell my I was a loser for going somewhere alone. I think it was to the movies or something, though, not on vacation. This particular individual, on his second trip to New York City, left right after his "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" audition rather than checking out a museum, seeing some sites, etc. even though he liked the city the first time because he didn’t want to do anything alone. I wonder if he's been back since so he could enjoy the sites with the blessing of a friend or relative. Doubtful.