Lea here--any ?s on soloing
Mar 15th, 2005, 01:23 PM
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Lea here--any ?s on soloing
Hi. I'm an intrepid solo traveler (been to over 110 countries, but who's counting!). I wrote Fodor's new book, Solo Traveler, and I'm hosting this forum for a week. Any questions from you soloists?
Lea
Lea
Mar 15th, 2005, 05:08 PM
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When I travel abroad I try to learn the customs and proprieties of the countries I'm visiting. In some Middle Eastern and Asian countries, for example, just being on your own makes you seem more available.
You might need to dress more conservatively than you would in the states. Here we quickly use first names, tend to touch casually, and dress provocatively. You'll need to prepare ahead to reflect the cultures you're visiting, and maybe pull back a bit. Friendliness might be interpreted as flirtation.
Language may be a problem. (It's hard enough here!)Keep a phrasebook with you.
Everywhere I go, when I solo, I try just a bit harder to stay alert, focused, and to blend in, keeping a low profile. That said, I go! And I enjoy!
Lea
You might need to dress more conservatively than you would in the states. Here we quickly use first names, tend to touch casually, and dress provocatively. You'll need to prepare ahead to reflect the cultures you're visiting, and maybe pull back a bit. Friendliness might be interpreted as flirtation.
Language may be a problem. (It's hard enough here!)Keep a phrasebook with you.
Everywhere I go, when I solo, I try just a bit harder to stay alert, focused, and to blend in, keeping a low profile. That said, I go! And I enjoy!
Lea
Mar 15th, 2005, 05:47 PM
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Lea, you are a different soul than me. I have made three solo trips and each one was worse. I hate the feeling of looking around seeing couples, families with children, groups, etc, and then heading on alone. Lonely nights where I won't go out to a bar alone, though I like to drink. I hate eating alone.
Yet, I love to go and sometimes friends and family can't join me. I would like to join a tour but always shutter at the large tour groups sticking out like a sore thumb in cities.
What do you think of a person like me? Is there hope that I should try again to go solo?
Yet, I love to go and sometimes friends and family can't join me. I would like to join a tour but always shutter at the large tour groups sticking out like a sore thumb in cities.
What do you think of a person like me? Is there hope that I should try again to go solo?
Mar 15th, 2005, 06:04 PM
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Dear Cymbeline,
I think you need to look at the alternatives--staying home or venturing forth. Which is better? How many lives do you have?
How about joining an affinity group? What do you enjoy doing? How about wine tasting? Groups are traveling the world doing every possible thing. These are not sad loners. They are people interested in something--painting, rock climbing, cooking, golfing, ancient burial mounds,etc, etc. I suggest you try that route. Just google your interest and you'll find groups traveling to enjoy that interest.
Good luck, and let me know if you come up with an idea that rocks your world.
Lea
I think you need to look at the alternatives--staying home or venturing forth. Which is better? How many lives do you have?
How about joining an affinity group? What do you enjoy doing? How about wine tasting? Groups are traveling the world doing every possible thing. These are not sad loners. They are people interested in something--painting, rock climbing, cooking, golfing, ancient burial mounds,etc, etc. I suggest you try that route. Just google your interest and you'll find groups traveling to enjoy that interest.
Good luck, and let me know if you come up with an idea that rocks your world.
Lea
Mar 15th, 2005, 10:33 PM
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Hi Lea, I have found travelling to western and central Europe that cater to the tourists pretty easy as a solo traveller. Basically these countries have a very good tourist infrastucture. However, can you give some information on travelling solo to Africa, South and Central America? I'd like to make them my next destinations in the next 10 years. What sort of experiences you had in travelling to these continents?
Also, in the span of how many years you went to 110 countries solo?
Also, in the span of how many years you went to 110 countries solo?
Mar 16th, 2005, 03:41 AM
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Hi Zbjoon,
No, I'm not 110! As a travel writer (who has written many guidebooks for Fodor's, by the way) I have traveled extensively, in bursts--sometimes only a few days at a time to far-flung lands. So the total accumulated in about 35 years.
I would recommend joining a safari in Africa--for many reasons. Too many complications in infrastructure. Once I almost didn't get out of Malawi because of some dumb reason, and if I weren't with a group leader who talked the talk for hours on my behalf I may still have been there!
As for South and Central America, I've been on my own and had no problems, but as I write in Solo Traveler--I stay extremely savvy, and blend in as much as possible. Plus, I speak some Spanish. Be aware of the vast distances in countries such as Brazil and Argentina, where you'll need to fly most places. Groups may be more cost-efficient. I've traveled all ways, and I'm not at all averse to traveling with others when it makes sense. Just as long as I don't sit on my rear and wait!
Lea
No, I'm not 110! As a travel writer (who has written many guidebooks for Fodor's, by the way) I have traveled extensively, in bursts--sometimes only a few days at a time to far-flung lands. So the total accumulated in about 35 years.
I would recommend joining a safari in Africa--for many reasons. Too many complications in infrastructure. Once I almost didn't get out of Malawi because of some dumb reason, and if I weren't with a group leader who talked the talk for hours on my behalf I may still have been there!
As for South and Central America, I've been on my own and had no problems, but as I write in Solo Traveler--I stay extremely savvy, and blend in as much as possible. Plus, I speak some Spanish. Be aware of the vast distances in countries such as Brazil and Argentina, where you'll need to fly most places. Groups may be more cost-efficient. I've traveled all ways, and I'm not at all averse to traveling with others when it makes sense. Just as long as I don't sit on my rear and wait!
Lea
Mar 16th, 2005, 04:39 AM
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Hi Lea- I'm a middle aged woman who has been traveling for years on my own. I love traveling solo and to me, there is nothing more rewarding than being out in the world learning new things meeting people of different cultures!.
I notice one frequent comment from solo travelers seems to be that many of them find eating out to be a problem of some kind. I have found various ways to make this part of my travel a positive experience but I;d like to know-What are your views on this?
You also mention in a post above that you have been in Central and South America and had no problems. I have traveled in Central America, and speak Spanish.
I had many wonderful experiences, but I would never say that there were no problems at all. Sometimes things arise no matter how savvy we are, and no matter how much we think we are "blending in" with the local culture.
I want to say I think it's much more realistic to be prepared with a plan of how to deal with things if they do occur. For example, how to create a support structure within a short period of time if we are in a foreign country.
Can you comment on how to do this in Central or South America? For example, if you rent a car in Mexico, and have a minor collision, how to work with Mexican traffic laws, which are so different than American and British Laws?
I also believe that especially for female travelers, it's very important to know that while dressing conservatively, keeping a low profile, studying the language, and staying alert and confident is very smart travel practice for solo travelers, it's also important to try to make some further connection with locals if possible, and to establish a presence in some way, so that if any problems do occur, you have a starting point,
Do you agree with this, or do you think its better to try to be anonymous and "blend in with the crowd"?
I notice one frequent comment from solo travelers seems to be that many of them find eating out to be a problem of some kind. I have found various ways to make this part of my travel a positive experience but I;d like to know-What are your views on this?
You also mention in a post above that you have been in Central and South America and had no problems. I have traveled in Central America, and speak Spanish.
I had many wonderful experiences, but I would never say that there were no problems at all. Sometimes things arise no matter how savvy we are, and no matter how much we think we are "blending in" with the local culture.
I want to say I think it's much more realistic to be prepared with a plan of how to deal with things if they do occur. For example, how to create a support structure within a short period of time if we are in a foreign country.
Can you comment on how to do this in Central or South America? For example, if you rent a car in Mexico, and have a minor collision, how to work with Mexican traffic laws, which are so different than American and British Laws?
I also believe that especially for female travelers, it's very important to know that while dressing conservatively, keeping a low profile, studying the language, and staying alert and confident is very smart travel practice for solo travelers, it's also important to try to make some further connection with locals if possible, and to establish a presence in some way, so that if any problems do occur, you have a starting point,
Do you agree with this, or do you think its better to try to be anonymous and "blend in with the crowd"?
Mar 16th, 2005, 06:28 AM
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Hi Bellastar,
Great comments, which only goes to my point that those of us with the smarts to go it alone are pretty savvy, indeed.
When I wrote that I had "no problems" in Central and South America, I meant no MAJOR problems. I did once get sick in Guatemala, and decided to bail out and return home. Health trumps anything else. (Turns out is was a smart move, as my symptoms led to a successful operation, and I returned 6 weeks later, raring to go.)
There are always going to be problems in life, and I agree 100% that you do need to plan carefully in order to enjoy the freedom and spontaneity of soloing. That means studying as much as you can about the culture and language, having adequate insurance and meds, getting fit ahead of time, carrying maps, familiarizing yourself with the consulate or embassy phone number and address, and choosing lodging that will be near where you want to go.
I find if I stay in a small hotel or pensione, I often make friends with the owner, and that is an easy connection. Also, you may want to take your meals in one cafe, and get to know the owner there. As for other ideas for dining alone, you know them I'm sure: eat main meals at lunch, bring stuff to do, come early, eat at informal places. And, have an attitude. I play the diva!
Check out the Travel Wire on fodors.com I gave an interview, and address many questions. Also, there is a photo, to prove that I am not 110, despite the 110 countries I have been to!
All the best,
Lea
Great comments, which only goes to my point that those of us with the smarts to go it alone are pretty savvy, indeed.
When I wrote that I had "no problems" in Central and South America, I meant no MAJOR problems. I did once get sick in Guatemala, and decided to bail out and return home. Health trumps anything else. (Turns out is was a smart move, as my symptoms led to a successful operation, and I returned 6 weeks later, raring to go.)
There are always going to be problems in life, and I agree 100% that you do need to plan carefully in order to enjoy the freedom and spontaneity of soloing. That means studying as much as you can about the culture and language, having adequate insurance and meds, getting fit ahead of time, carrying maps, familiarizing yourself with the consulate or embassy phone number and address, and choosing lodging that will be near where you want to go.
I find if I stay in a small hotel or pensione, I often make friends with the owner, and that is an easy connection. Also, you may want to take your meals in one cafe, and get to know the owner there. As for other ideas for dining alone, you know them I'm sure: eat main meals at lunch, bring stuff to do, come early, eat at informal places. And, have an attitude. I play the diva!
Check out the Travel Wire on fodors.com I gave an interview, and address many questions. Also, there is a photo, to prove that I am not 110, despite the 110 countries I have been to!
All the best,
Lea
Mar 16th, 2005, 09:00 AM
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Lea - what wonderful advice you give. I too travel solo and love it.
The end of next month I am going to Paris. My one concern is when going to a cafe or bistro is it okay to sit down at a table or should I wait to be seated. I have read so many different responses regarding this question.
The end of next month I am going to Paris. My one concern is when going to a cafe or bistro is it okay to sit down at a table or should I wait to be seated. I have read so many different responses regarding this question.
Mar 16th, 2005, 09:40 AM
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Lea - Just wanted to put out a thanks to you for your insights! I'm enjoying reading your comments. I've put your new book on reserve at the library (my $ is being saved for my trip!), and I look forward to reading it. Thanks again!
Mar 16th, 2005, 01:00 PM
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Dear Madison,
I'm not sure about taking a seat at a cafe--it may depend on the cafe, and how crowded it is. What I am sure is asking when you get there. Ask the front desk at your lodging all sorts of questions like this. And bring a phrase book and learn, "May I sit here?" The main thing is that there are answers to most questions. Some can be found in books like Solo Traveler. Others can be found by asking people on web sites; and other more specific questions, by asking locals. And don't worry. Even if you sit down and a crusty waiter yells at you, so what? Just smile, and say "Pardon." Your smile is your best asset as a soloist. (Well, maybe there are others, but that's another thread!)
Lea
I'm not sure about taking a seat at a cafe--it may depend on the cafe, and how crowded it is. What I am sure is asking when you get there. Ask the front desk at your lodging all sorts of questions like this. And bring a phrase book and learn, "May I sit here?" The main thing is that there are answers to most questions. Some can be found in books like Solo Traveler. Others can be found by asking people on web sites; and other more specific questions, by asking locals. And don't worry. Even if you sit down and a crusty waiter yells at you, so what? Just smile, and say "Pardon." Your smile is your best asset as a soloist. (Well, maybe there are others, but that's another thread!)
Lea
Mar 16th, 2005, 01:07 PM
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Dear Suspire,
I want to thank YOU, and all the other posters, who are handing out really wonderful personal tips and advice to others.
I do appreciate the compliment. And I think you'll enjoy Solo Traveler. I'm told it is funny and touching as well as useful. Please let me, and others know if you agree when you read it. (Since it just came out March 1, I'm not sure libraries will have it yet. Check out Amazon, where it's discounted to $10. Might be a good investment?)
Lea
I want to thank YOU, and all the other posters, who are handing out really wonderful personal tips and advice to others.
I do appreciate the compliment. And I think you'll enjoy Solo Traveler. I'm told it is funny and touching as well as useful. Please let me, and others know if you agree when you read it. (Since it just came out March 1, I'm not sure libraries will have it yet. Check out Amazon, where it's discounted to $10. Might be a good investment?)
Lea
Mar 16th, 2005, 03:41 PM
#14
Sadly I only speak one language only English. But I always learn a few phrases and practice so they sound right & I have them readily in my mind. "I'm sorry", "Excuse me", "I'm sorry I don't speak xxx". "One glass of white wine please".
For Madison and the cafe seating question, my advice as for many situations, is step back for a moment and watch how other people are doing it (is there a podium or a greeter at the restaurant? do you bag your own items at the grocery store? do you take a number from the machine to get served at the post office or just get in line? do you weigh your own produce in the grocery? etc.).
Most things can be figured out by observation if you pause for a minute, and don't let yourself get flustered.
For Madison and the cafe seating question, my advice as for many situations, is step back for a moment and watch how other people are doing it (is there a podium or a greeter at the restaurant? do you bag your own items at the grocery store? do you take a number from the machine to get served at the post office or just get in line? do you weigh your own produce in the grocery? etc.).
Most things can be figured out by observation if you pause for a minute, and don't let yourself get flustered.
Mar 16th, 2005, 06:31 PM
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Hi Lea, i live in Northern Ca. and buy the San Francisco Chronicle (SFC) each Sunday for the travel section...a few weeks ago they had a review of your book and an interview with you- (which i tore out and saved-for future follow up) so how exciting to see you here!! thanks!! my ? is regarding solo travel in Belize. (which i 1st got interested in by an ariticle in the SFC of a woman solo traveler and manatees) anyways, i soloed to Caye Cauker and took day trips from there for 2 weeks in 1995, by the time i left i could address 25 people by name, not counting a few parrots and dogs. i think this is a most important part of successful solo...people love!! to be called by their first names...i returned two years later with my son, journal in hand and was able to re-introduce myself- "Juan, i'm Mitty.. last time i was here ....blah, blah,...and it worked great. so, now i'm going back to Caye Caulker solo, and i'm good with being comfortable there and day trips. but, i will be in Belize for 15 days so i'm thinkin'- i should expand my horisons and see more of the interior of the country. but its outta my comfort zone....what do you think?
Mar 16th, 2005, 07:37 PM
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Hi Mitty,
Thanks for the kind words. It's great being here. Didn't see the article in the Chronicle.
Whenever I feel out of my comfort zone, I take a pause and evaluate the options. When it comes to the interior of Belize, I'd consider joining a group. Lots of infrastructure to deal with--difficulty getting around, etc. Also, I would enjoy learning about the history and architecture of the country from experts. You've already mixed it up a bit in Belize, using day trips. But if you have a long stretch of time and your gut is telling you to think again, then think again. Just because we're capable of being altogether alone doesn't mean we have to prove anything. I very often mix and match togetherness and solitude so that I feel a balance. Try and stay loose to achieve that balance. That may mean joining a group for part or all of your next trip. Have you done that before? How would you feel about that? Or perhaps you'd like to stay a long time at one of the wonderful interior resorts, and go out from there. It will take some good research about options. But interior Belize is fascinating, so I hope you enjoy it and meet some new "Juans" and "Juanitas."
Lea
Lea
Thanks for the kind words. It's great being here. Didn't see the article in the Chronicle.
Whenever I feel out of my comfort zone, I take a pause and evaluate the options. When it comes to the interior of Belize, I'd consider joining a group. Lots of infrastructure to deal with--difficulty getting around, etc. Also, I would enjoy learning about the history and architecture of the country from experts. You've already mixed it up a bit in Belize, using day trips. But if you have a long stretch of time and your gut is telling you to think again, then think again. Just because we're capable of being altogether alone doesn't mean we have to prove anything. I very often mix and match togetherness and solitude so that I feel a balance. Try and stay loose to achieve that balance. That may mean joining a group for part or all of your next trip. Have you done that before? How would you feel about that? Or perhaps you'd like to stay a long time at one of the wonderful interior resorts, and go out from there. It will take some good research about options. But interior Belize is fascinating, so I hope you enjoy it and meet some new "Juans" and "Juanitas."
Lea
Lea
Mar 17th, 2005, 12:00 AM
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Hi Lea-
Thanks for your responses. I checked out your interview, and I wish you luck on your book sales-I'm sure that this added exposure will generate interest...
Dining out alone is something I do so often, since I am single and live in NY, where there are lots of us.
So it doesn't feel that unusual to me, and I have enjoyed some great times meeting people at evening meals too, in places like Italy, where there is so much activity and social interaction in the evenings.
So instead of eating my big meal during the day, I tend to have smaller lunches and more relaxed dinners. It's not hard to have conversation with people, I do find that while bringing a book or a magazine can give you something to do, it can sometimes keep you from interacting with people, so I think writing a postcard or two is a good "prop", because then it leaves more opportunity to look up and talk to others.
I agree that attitude is everything, so if I go to a restaurant, I might not really want to play the diva, but I bring confidence and a ready smile, and I never accept a table that is too isolated.
I strongly agree on the great importance of befriending a few people wherever you are while traveling, and have found so many doors suddenly open up when I learned to speak the language.
Hi mitty-
I traveled around the interior of Belize for about 3 weeks some years ago-and I think it would be very smart to research short trips with groups there, giving yourself solo days in between. I had a traveling companion, and we had several amazing and spontaneous adventures, including an unexpected overnight stay on an island off of Stann's Creek where we witness a Voudon ceremony going on. I was glad I was with another person that time, though I love going it alone whenever possible!
Enjoy your trip!
Thanks for your responses. I checked out your interview, and I wish you luck on your book sales-I'm sure that this added exposure will generate interest...
Dining out alone is something I do so often, since I am single and live in NY, where there are lots of us.
So it doesn't feel that unusual to me, and I have enjoyed some great times meeting people at evening meals too, in places like Italy, where there is so much activity and social interaction in the evenings.
So instead of eating my big meal during the day, I tend to have smaller lunches and more relaxed dinners. It's not hard to have conversation with people, I do find that while bringing a book or a magazine can give you something to do, it can sometimes keep you from interacting with people, so I think writing a postcard or two is a good "prop", because then it leaves more opportunity to look up and talk to others.
I agree that attitude is everything, so if I go to a restaurant, I might not really want to play the diva, but I bring confidence and a ready smile, and I never accept a table that is too isolated.
I strongly agree on the great importance of befriending a few people wherever you are while traveling, and have found so many doors suddenly open up when I learned to speak the language.
Hi mitty-
I traveled around the interior of Belize for about 3 weeks some years ago-and I think it would be very smart to research short trips with groups there, giving yourself solo days in between. I had a traveling companion, and we had several amazing and spontaneous adventures, including an unexpected overnight stay on an island off of Stann's Creek where we witness a Voudon ceremony going on. I was glad I was with another person that time, though I love going it alone whenever possible!
Enjoy your trip!
Mar 17th, 2005, 12:00 AM
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Hi Lea-
Thanks for your responses. I checked out your interview, and I wish you luck on your book sales-I'm sure that this added exposure will generate interest...
Dining out alone is something I do so often, since I am single and live in NY, where there are lots of us.
So it doesn't feel that unusual to me, and I have enjoyed some great times meeting people at evening meals too, in places like Italy, where there is so much activity and social interaction in the evenings.
So instead of eating my big meal during the day, I tend to have smaller lunches and more relaxed dinners. It's not hard to have conversation with people, I do find that while bringing a book or a magazine can give you something to do, it can sometimes keep you from interacting with people, so I think writing a postcard or two is a good "prop", because then it leaves more opportunity to look up and talk to others.
I agree that attitude is everything, so if I go to a restaurant, I might not really want to play the diva, but I bring confidence and a ready smile, and I never accept a table that is too isolated.
I strongly agree on the great importance of befriending a few people wherever you are while traveling, and have found so many doors suddenly open up when I learned to speak the language.
Hi mitty-
I traveled around the interior of Belize for about 3 weeks some years ago-and I think it would be very smart to research short trips with groups there, giving yourself solo days in between. I had a traveling companion, and we had several amazing and spontaneous adventures, including an unexpected overnight stay on an island off of Stann's Creek where we witness a Voudon ceremony going on. I was very glad I was with another person that time, though I love going it alone whenever possible!
Enjoy your trip!
Thanks for your responses. I checked out your interview, and I wish you luck on your book sales-I'm sure that this added exposure will generate interest...
Dining out alone is something I do so often, since I am single and live in NY, where there are lots of us.
So it doesn't feel that unusual to me, and I have enjoyed some great times meeting people at evening meals too, in places like Italy, where there is so much activity and social interaction in the evenings.
So instead of eating my big meal during the day, I tend to have smaller lunches and more relaxed dinners. It's not hard to have conversation with people, I do find that while bringing a book or a magazine can give you something to do, it can sometimes keep you from interacting with people, so I think writing a postcard or two is a good "prop", because then it leaves more opportunity to look up and talk to others.
I agree that attitude is everything, so if I go to a restaurant, I might not really want to play the diva, but I bring confidence and a ready smile, and I never accept a table that is too isolated.
I strongly agree on the great importance of befriending a few people wherever you are while traveling, and have found so many doors suddenly open up when I learned to speak the language.
Hi mitty-
I traveled around the interior of Belize for about 3 weeks some years ago-and I think it would be very smart to research short trips with groups there, giving yourself solo days in between. I had a traveling companion, and we had several amazing and spontaneous adventures, including an unexpected overnight stay on an island off of Stann's Creek where we witness a Voudon ceremony going on. I was very glad I was with another person that time, though I love going it alone whenever possible!
Enjoy your trip!
Mar 18th, 2005, 09:25 PM
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Lea and Bellastar: i appreciate your resonses. Lea, i don't mean to date you but your's is very "sage" advice and i believe i hear what you are saying. and no, i am not opposed to joining a group to get where i want to be safely. thanks, you are very special. Bellastar: what island where you on with the Voudon ceremony??? i'm very courious about that! TX!
