I want to take a kind of self-realization trip in Eastern Europe, but I'm very apprehensive about going solo. I take quite a while to warm up to people, especially in big social situations... Do people like me learn how to thrive in solo travel excursions?

What do you mean by a "self-realization trip"? And, for that matter, what do you mean by "learn how to thrive"?

If you're asking whether the trip will draw you out of your shell and turn you into a proper extrovert, the answer is "maybe, but probably not." But you don't need to be an extrovert to enjoy solo travel. Some solo travelers consider meeting new friends wherever they go as important as visiting new places. Others put no priority at all on meeting people, but enjoy the new places by themselves.

In general, I think that if the purpose of your trip is to explore Eastern Europe, you're likely to have a great time. But if you expect some epiphany from heaven that will transform you into an entirely different and more gregarious person, I think you're likely to be disappointed.

If you're "very apprehensive about going solo," why not start with smaller steps? Try a weekend in a nearby big city and see how that works out.

Corshi,

I’m getting the impression you are considering trip to Eastern Europe to bring you out of a shell and a way to help you warm up to people. I’m not a counselor, so I’ll try to offer some thoughts as someone who once was quite shy.

Going solo to a foreign country - and Eastern Europe at that - as a way to warm up, is like deciding to learn how to swim by dumping yourself off a few miles into the ocean. Please start with the wading pool instead.

I consider myself fairly outgoing, yet I would certainly have a difficult time communicating, let along socializing, with others where I don’t speak the language. (You don’t mention what languages you speak, or where in Eastern Europe you’re thinking of going, so I made an assumption.)

If you want to try something solo, why not try a trip in your own country where you know the customs, language, and social protocols? If you live in L.A., spend some time on Oklahoma City, or Glasgow in you live in Edinburgh - you get the idea. Why add all of the additional stresses of going to another country and facing those factors?

Fill us in on the specifics that JP asked, too. We solo travelers love to help each other out!

By self realization, I'm hoping that spending alot of time on my own will force me to look inward for happiness, to learn how to be my own best friend so to speak. I have alot of friends at school, a few very close, but my main problem is I hope to get to know myself better... And being alone on a trip in a foreign country may force me to confide in myself, as I will have no one else to confide in.

At times, I can be very outgoing, even with people I don't know. I'm planning on staying in hostels, traveling mainly in the Czech Republic... I have been learning key phrases that I might need to get by. I plan on taking the trip in June, but I'm taking steps to prepare myself now for a solo trip, doing things like going to music concerts on my own.

The problem I'm finding with "going solo" in places nearby is I still feel attatched to my close family and friends... I don't feel any need to reach and branch out to other people.

You can see I'm confused about taking a trip like this... The trip will start at the end of a group tour I'm taking with my school, I plan to cancel my return trip to the US and start a trip on my own in the Czech Republic. Taking a trip like this totally goes against my nature, but I don't want to miss any opportunity to "reinvent" myself, to do something that surprises even me.

I expect this trip to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, if not the hardest. But I think no matter what the outcome, I will not regret it...

Thanks for being blunt in your replies... That's what I'm looking for!

I think you might be putting too much pressure on yourself. That's a lot of expectation for one trip.

If you're looking for ways to connect with yourself, you might try keeping a journal. It's very eye opening to read your thoughts and worries in writing. It makes them real. If you start now, you should have a better under

understanding of yourself. It can also help to get you in the habit to write about your trip.

Going to music concerts solo is a good start. Try spending the day window shopping or sightseeing alone. And be sure to practice dining alone (that's usually the hardest part about traveling solo). I also agree that a shorter trip closer to home is a good start. If you find you are not happy traveling solo, it's much easier when you aren't 6,000 miles away from home. Try a weekend away before your trip. At the least, go walking in the country or spend a day at the beach alone or go watch the sunset alone.

Don't try to force yourself to have an epiphany or anything. It will come when you're ready and no amount of "forcing" will make it happen sooner. And, it can actually defeat your having a good time.

To start connecting to people, try taking a sightseeing tour or a pub crawl, etc. They're a great way to be with a group when you're solo.

I think extending your school trip is a good idea. It allows you to get comfortable in a foreign country before going it alone. However, how long is the group trip? If it's 3 weeks and you take an extra week, you're going to be away from home for a whole month. That's a long time for a first trip and that extra week could be stressful enough to put a damper on the rest of the trip.

Corshi,

I’m thinking of a young man, age 20 in 1980. He had similar thoughts as you do. They didn’t involve traveling thousands of miles away out of his country, but the basis was the same. I’m speaking of CubFanAlways, of course.

At that age, I flew to San Francisco (I live near Chicago), drove down the coast, camped by myself. No Earth shaking revelations occurred, but as my wiser older brother advised, the trip was a good idea simply as something that I should do.

Then, years later, I learned that the thoughts I had were called “Growing Up”. In other words, you are, like I was, normal after all!

Toad is so right. You are putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself. Keep that journal. I think the reason to keep a journal is not so much to log events and thoughts for the present, but to review later in the future. For example, my favorite author speaks of visiting his grade school while in his 40s. <i>I returned not to see how it had changed, but how I had. </i>

Do you have to make a decision now as to your return date? Suppose the school tour is three weeks long and you’re thinking of staying the extra week. Can you decide that 2 ½ weeks into the tour? It’s much easier to know after a length of time under your belt.

In any case, I strongly suggest that you discount the idea that you need to be thousands of miles away from home when hundreds may very well accomplish the same. That being said, I honestly have to disclose that it’s my own insecurities that color that advice. Heck, I’d spend a month in the UK by myself because I speak and read the language and know the transportation, etc. My personal fear on your behalf aside, I still say hundreds of miles away will offer the same results.

Finally, and forgive my long reply, if you have a lot of friends at school and “a few very close”, do you realize that you’re better off than most?

Keep us posted.

Regards,
Tim

You guys are totally right. I am putting alot of pressure on myself for this trip. I feel like I must undergoe some huge change after a trip like this, but I'm forgetting my FIRST GOAL has to be to have fun! Thanks toedtoes.

I think maybe I am underestimating myself when I wrote this post. I am sure that I am capable of doing anything I want to accomplish. I don't have to go over with the main goal of meeting a bunch of people, but it is something I can definitely do.

Here are the details of my trip:

My group tour lasts 10 days, starting in Italy and moving to the Czech Republic. After the end of the group tour, I want to buy a bike and tour the Prague Vienna Greenways. I'm already a fairly active person, so I think I can handle the biking aspect of the trip. But I have to remember not to force anything unnecessary upon myself during a trip like this, or else I risk losing any amount of fun I can have.

To be honest, you guys telling me that it's not the best idea for me to take this trip makes me want to do it even more, just to prove I can do it!

And Tim,

I should be grateful for the things I have... I know there are alot of people who don't have alot of friends, let alone a few very close ones. I'm sorry if I seemed ungrateful.

I don't totally feel that I need to be thousands of miles from home to have a good trip, but I figured since I'm going to be in Europe anyway after a tour, I might as well take advantage of the situation and do some once-in-a-lifetime traveling. It's like, why not, really? The only thing that can stop me is myself at this point.

Corshi,

Tone, of course, is difficult to ascertain in an e-mail, but by no means did you sound ungrateful. On the flipside, I hope I didn’t sound chiding.

This will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for you. Good luck with your plans, and do keep us posted.

Oh, and take lots of pictures!

Oh not at all, Tim! You weren't chiding in the least, you were pointing something out to me. If you have any more tips at all that would help me in anyway, I ask that you please share them.

Corshi - I think with your attitude, you certainly will pull it off. I think more than trying to convince you not to take the trip, we just want to make sure you don't put too many demands on yourself in regards to the trip, so we tried to put that into perspective.

With 10 days for the trip with the group, I think you'll likely be OK with an extra week or so on your own. (Most folks don't start feeling homesick until 3-4 weeks into a trip.) Since your tour group will be ending up where you want to start, that will give you a day or so to adjust to the culture with people you know around.

One thing you might do is talk to the other students and find out if any others are taking advantage of the trip to spend more time there afterwards also. If so, you can set up meeting places during your solo trip. After a couple days, you can meet for dinner somewhere and not be totally alone and perhaps hear of places and sights you didn't know about.

If you read through some of the previous threads on this board, you'll find some great tips about solo traveling, including safety. If you are not a big &quot;spur of the moment&quot; type person, you can relieve some of that feeling by reading up on where you're going. How much you plan ahead will depend on how much you want to break out of your comfort zone.

I would also suggest that if you've NEVER spent a night alone, that you do so before your trip (that sounds odd, but it's amazing how many people have never done so). It can be a bit extreme for some folks right out the gate, and you'll find out what bothers you most about it. I.e., strange sounds, worry about break-ins, etc. You can then find ways to reduce that (i.e., earplugs, portable door locks, etc.).

I do understand what you are trying to do by moving out of your comfort zone a bit. It's a good thing and I wish I had done that at 20 instead of waiting until 38.

Yes,

I have spent alot of time on my own... I actually spent more than a month on my own in Montreal, living in a single person dorm room and taking a class in the middle of the city. I met a few people there, but no lasting friendships really. But I'm glad I did it, I've learned how to spend a month on my own, but Montreal really isn't too far from home either.

Also what I think I was missing was human contact. I was living in a single dorm, and the school was huge. All the other students were in their own group of friends (most of the students were seniors taking summer classes so they could graduate on time). So I found it hard to fit in. So at least I'm hoping that by staying in hostels, there will be foreign travelers just like me who are also traveling alone in a strange country I think I'm outgoing enough that I could meet people in those kinds of situations.

Believe me, I've been thinking of all the things that could go wrong on this trip, and I still want to take it. So maybe that's telling me I should just do it and stop worrying so much!

I think you'll handle it just fine. For someone who is shy, you communicate well (even the internet can be intimidating) and seem intelligent, polite and pleasant. Those things go a long way. If you managed to live in Montreal for a month with no real friendships around, then you should have no problem traveling solo.

And remember distance is a state of mind. It's only as far as you make it - a pre-paid phone card, internet, etc. can bring you home for a moment at least.

I too am very, very shy. Last year I went on my first solo European trip and had a great time. Being shy didn't hinder me in the least. Meeting people wasn't a priority, but I did meet at least one really great person in Paris.

I took lots of pictures and wrote in a journal and now have great memories.

Being shy wasn't a problem. There is really very little interaction that you must have to get around. &quot;One ticket please.&quot; Not difficult and it was great!

Hey guys,

Here is a quick update so far. I have gone to a couple of live concerts over the weekend on my own. The first was a classical vocal recital. It was the second concert I had ever been to on my own, so I felt awkward and out of place. But when I sat down, I noticed there were a whole bunch of other people on their own. So I didn't feel so bad!

Two nights later I went to another concert (this one a Chinese lutist), and I really enjoyed being on my own. It was great not having people around me that were going to talk, chat, and ruin the performance for me. It was quite great.

I'm already just fine at shopping on my own, eating in cafes/casual restaurants. Thanks to everyone for your advice, I have a much better sense of direction as to how I will plan the trip. And of course if you have more advice or guidance for me, please share it!

Still not 100% sure I'm going to take the trip, but I think the biggest regret I could have is never taking the trip at all...

I think you're ready to do it. I watched my Mom try to make up excuses on why she never travelled during her last year. The whole time she was talking about how she didn't like flying, and it was too hard to decide where to go, etc., I saw the regret in her eyes when she realized she wasn't going to ever have the opportunity. That's when I decided that I would never not go someplace because of fear.

Movies are a great thing to do alone - I can't stand going with people who poke you in the ribs everytime something happens or asks &quot;what's happening?&quot; throughout or who have to rate the movie as they walk out. I'm the &quot;I liked it or I didn't&quot; kind of person and I like to sit back and immerse myself in the movie.

Have you considered joining a tour geared towards younger people? I agree that starting off with a shorter trip is a good idea if youre apprehensive, but at the same time, If you want to go to eastern europe, you should go! You can also try joining several smaller groups of 'land only' tour once you get there eg www.explore.co.uk or exodus.co.uk for shorter periods of time so youre not with the same people for the whole time. Ive heard of groups like Contiki or trek America that people have done and enjoyed. And dont forget - youre being hard on yourself. I always thought I was shy (compared to my friends and family) but the more Ive travelled and lived abroad the more I see that people of whatever age can be far shyer and socially awkward than I ever was. Often when far away from home, you do start to relax as you feel no one is judging you. Dont be afraid, but dont overdo it either or be too hard on yourself! and do join tours. PS I loved travelling alone in Japan. The people are the nicest Ive ever met!

Corshi, I like your plan - I really do. I think you'll come home with a new sense of accomplishment and confidence that will definitely be a monumental growth experience. Don't think of it as putting pressure on yourself - I don't think you're doing that at all. Being far away from home means that you can be completely free from any inhibitions that might hamper you in your so-called &quot;comfort zone.&quot; I'm not that shy but I routinely start up conversations with people in foreign cities even though I rarely do it at home. What's the downside?

My opinion is that you need to set your own goals and be clear about them, to be satisfied with the outcome of a trip.

I have traveled many times solo (not to Eastern Europe but Western Europe and Mexico).

I have no goal of meeting other people, for me that is nothing I would even want to do (chat with strangers). I go to SEE and experience different places.

Nor do I care about inner self searching when I'm away, if that kind of thing needs &quot;done&quot; I take care of that kind of thinking at home, it is not associated with traveling for me. I used to think that I would in fact review my life on vacation, but once I got on the plane... well that thought went right out the window.

Everyone's different, that's just me.