downer

Upscale hotels in cities with a large expat/business-transient population usually handle this smoothly. Smile and say cheerfully "just me!" and you get seated somewhere with a good view. The staff may bring along reading materials with your water in an breezy and not at all patronizing manner.

clarasong

Well, if I were alone and on a cruise, for instance, I would go up to a party of diners who didn't seem to be distincly coupled up and say "mind if I join you.?" All they can say is no.

We have made it a point, on cruises, to look for people who seem to be travelling alone and ask if they would join our group. Some say, "no, I am enjoying being alone", but some do join us, and we have met some spectacular people that way.

In a restaurant, I don't see why it's a problem. Lots of places in Europe will ask "do you mind if we seat you with some other folks."

I truly believe people are just about as alone as they want to be. If you prefer to be alone, then be, and enjoy it, without reservations.

boldlygosolo

A variety of tips and stories about dining solo can be found at boldlysogolo.com in the "dining solo" category. Find specific restaurants, and suggestions from others around the world.

boldlygosolo

Okay, let me try that again. The link is spelled incorrectly in the previous post! Sorry about that. Tips and suggestions for dining solo are at boldlygosolo.com.

nyse

Topping for HEATHER on the Europe Forum, and also to add that I also love the "museum cafe" suggestion.
Convenient, yet cultured!

lollylo25

Oh for heaven's sake, when did eating solo become wierd?

suze

Lollylo25~ if you dine solo and never feel uncomfortable or have a different experience than when you are out as a couple or with friends... well good for you, I guess.

No it's not weird, but it's not all that common. Just look around any restaurant at dinner time, how many tables have just one person? Not many.

And it *does* happen to make some people uncomfortable. Therefore this thread, with all the good tips and helpful suggestions.

JBHapgood

Solo diners are more common than you think. It often depends on where you go to eat. If you usually dine out on "date night" with your significant other at a place you chose for its romantic ambiance, or at family-oriented restaurants with the kids, you probably will have rarely if ever seen anyone eating alone. Conversely, if you go to the restaurant of a hotel frequented by business travelers, you'll probably see a majority of solo diners (often dressed in full business attire oblivious to the world as they work feverishly on their laptops to finish tomorrow morning's presentation or catch up on what they're missing at the office). If you go to a wide variety of restaurants, you'll probably encounter a smattering of solo diners if you make a point of looking around the room.

I suspect that most "normal" people who dine out with significant others, family, or friends don't even notice the solo diners in their midst. They don't think solo dining is weird because they've never thought about it at all (although they might think it's weird if it ever does appear on their radar screen). That might offer some consolation to the many people who are afraid they'll be stared at or considered "weird" if they go to a restaurant alone. It might not offer consolation to those who are simply uncomfortable dining alone because they're sitting by themselves in a room full of couples, families, and friends. The only cure for that is to become confident and comfortable alone, which also happens to be the key to enjoying any other aspect of solo travel. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. Especially in a culture that equates leisure travel with couples and families, and with a travel industry that too often really does treat soloists as aberrations and gives them financial penalties and inferior service.

toedtoes

I have never been treated poorly by the wait staff of a restaurant because I was a solo diner. Once, I went into a nice fancy restaurant for lunch and the host was slightly surprised that I was alone. Other than that, the staff was wonderfully pleasant, the waitress even made sure to stop and discuss the meal afterwards (as you would normally do with friends after a good meal).

JBHapgood

Most of the time I get perfectly fine service when I walk into a restaurant alone. It's the exceptions that are memorable, and that increase the apprehension. A few times I've phoned a restaurant for a dinner reservation, and when I answered the "how many in your party" question with "one" the response was "We don't take reservations for one." I have a hard time resisting the urge to reply to that with a well-deserved obscenity, but I know that would only give them the smug satisfaction of validating their policy.

I've also arrived at restaurants without a reservation (or that didn't take reservations), put in my "party of one" with the hostess, and then sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And watched couples and families who walked in after I did get cheerfully greeted and quickly seated. Until I finally got the not-so-subtle message that they didn't want me squandering a perfectly good table, and slunk away in disgust and embarrassment. (Complaining obviously would do no good.) This happened several times on solo trips to Hawaii during Christmas week, which is one of the reasons I now stay home during that time.

More common are the smaller slights that mar an otherwise good experience. Such as the hostess greeting me with "Are you by yourself tonight?" or "Just you?" And the busboy asking me the same question before whisking away the other table settings. These questions are surely more ignorant than malevolent, but they seem to indicate a staff that doesn't see many solo customers and doesn't quite know what to do with someone of my strange species. It's something different from a waiter who is obviously trying to hurry me out of there to free up the table for a more lucrative party (on the other hand, such a waiter may think he's being helpful by minimizing my discomfort-- it's difficult to determine the actual motivation).

Again, most of the time I'm treated like any other customer. But I do my part to increase the odds. I know better than to walk into a nice restaurant alone at the peak dinner hour on a Friday or Saturday night. If I do eat dinner out, I go early. Otherwise I go to a nice restaurant for lunch, when it's more comfortable and cheaper.

thursdaysd

I do most of my solo dining in Europe and Asia, but I went up to Washington on my own this weekend to visit the Afghan exhibition, and decided to pay attention to how other diners reacted to the "solo" in their midst. I ate dinner at Jaleo Crystal City (noisy and full of groups) and a Thai restaurant (not very full of couples) also at Crystal City, and lunch at the Cascade Cafe in the National Gallery of Art, and a French bistro at the intersection of Connecticut and Florida Avenues. The only place anyone other than the wait staff paid the slightest attention to me was in the Cascade Cafe (so much for the museum suggestion!) - and there I was in the direct line of sight of a family party that wasn't doing too much interacting.

Since Jaleo is a tapas place it really works best for groups, but even though I arrived early for an Open Table reservation for one, I was seated promptly at a good table.

JBH wrote: "the smaller slights that mar an otherwise good experience. Such as the hostess greeting me with "Are you by yourself tonight?" or "Just you?" And the busboy asking me the same question before whisking away the other table settings." I take remarks like that as requests for information - I could have been planning to meet someone and arrived first.

toedtoes

I think of them that way also Thursday. Shouldn't they ask before taking away the other place setting?

Perhaps they could have asked "my I take this place setting?", but I almost feel that's worse because it's like they're afraid to point out I'm dining alone. I'm here by myself, I don't need to pretend I'm waiting for someone or that I've been stood up so I don't expect the staff to do the same.

JBHapgood

It <i>is</i> a request for information. But the way they ask it reminds me that I'm alone (as if I need reminding). Sometimes is seems to feel more more awkward for them than for me. I think &quot;may I take the other settings&quot; or &quot;do you need the other settings&quot; would be better, since it feels more like a simple request for information that doesn't explicitly emphasize my solo status. But I don't think I've ever heard anyone take that approach.

thursdaysd

JBH - maybe how you see the question depends on how self-conscious you feel about being on your own in the first place?

lollylo25

&quot;Becoming confident &amp; comfortable alone&quot;...GREAT ADVICE. Truth is, most people are so scared of being alone because they fear what they may find out about themselves. But that is a topic for another venue. Dining alone, if one is uncomfortable doing this while traveling, you may want to stick to places that don't cater to families or couples. One look inside at the menu &amp; folks dining will usually give you a clue. Traveling solo has so many benefits, that dining solo should not keep you from this experience. Besides, many cities have street markets. where you can eat while wandering around!

Cilla_Tey

Casual dining is easy but not fine dining. If the latter restaurants are located in a hotel then it's not an issue. I will only fine dine alone in a non-hotel setting if there is a fabulous view to look at. I was in NYC city once and had Sunday lunch alone in one of Tavern on the Green's romantic rooms. I was quite comfortable despite being the only lone diner. I'm also quite comfortable dining alone in honeymoon resorts but they are usually by the beach.

JBHapgood

I'm not sure what the real distinction is between &quot;casual dining&quot; and &quot;fine dining.&quot; The latter probably refers to those restaurants that still impose a &quot;no jacket no tie no service&quot; dress code. But due to what some call &quot;decay&quot; or &quot;dumbing-down,&quot; there are plenty of restaurants that offer fine food (if not necessarily an elegant &quot;ambiance&quot without the fancy dress requirement.

Since I don't particularly enjoy dressing up, I very rarely go to restaurants with dress codes; I've certainly never gone to one of them alone. But I would suspect a fancy-dress restaurant would add an extra level of discomfort for the solo diner. Those places cater to couples celebrating some special romantic occasion or high-powered business executives, so they probably seldom see a solo customer. On the other hand, if they're really as elegant as they purport to be, their staff should be professional enough to give a solo diner the same high level of service they'd give a couple for an anniversary dinner. If they don't (or if they tell a prospective solo diner that they don't take reservations for one), it proves they're not as fine a restaurant as they claim.

Maybe if you're able to truly enjoy a solo meal at such a restaurant, you've surely reached the Titanium-Plus level of solo travel expertise and can comfortably and confidently go anywhere!

SeaUrchin

There are so many business travelers who by circumstances will find themselves dining alone at times. I know a few businessmen who have to jet around alone to take care of their projects, etc. I have seen restaurants cater to these people.

JB, take on the airs of one of these men who are thinking about other things and expect top service as a given. Dress and act the part and see if things fall into place. I hope they do for you.

clarasong

Some years ago, DH and I decided that we would make one new acquaintence every month, since we were pretty new in town too. At a time just before Xmas,we were dining in a grand hotel and noticed an elder gentleman dining alone. We looked at each other and went over to introduce ourselves, ask him if he would consider dining with us.

Well, he came over, we had a grand visit, and he even took the bus over to our home later in the month to meet and enjoy our little kids....so tell me, would you like it or not, those of you who dine alone, if someone you didn't know invited you to share their table?

Just remembering what a good time that Xmas.

SeaUrchin

I have been invited to join other diners if I have been dining alone. It depends on the group dynamics if I enjoy the experience or not.

Two dinners come to mind off hand, one was I was invited by the male to join he and his wife, I could tell right off the bat that when I did join them it was not a good idea. In all innocence (on my part) the man and I hit it off and the wife sneered and sulked until I excused myself and left. Another time I joined a group of couples and we had a great time too, I met up with the ladies to visit some churches later in the week. Same as at home, ya just never know.