carole

My daughter, 18 years old, has graduated from high school and wants to drive with a female friend from our midwest home to upstate New York and ultimately Montreal. We have a very reliable car (Volvo), and my daughter is reliable and responsible. But I am still worried. So far, the kinds of things I've thought about are: <BR>1. We want a detailed itinerary with names/phones of friends with whom they are staying. If plans change, they must call and tell us. The point is that we want to be able to contact them at any time should the need arise. <BR>2. No sleeping in rest areas (this has come up because, believe it or not, a friend of theirs just did this all the way across the country). <BR>What other kinds of things should we talk about with our daughter? I know we can't give her a rule for every unforeseen situation, and I realize that having confidence in her basically good judgment is important, but nevertheless, I am worried that two young females are vulnerable. They will have both a car phone and a cell phone. If you have had experience with this, PLEASE help out this very worried mom.

Emily

3. Don't pick up hitch-hikers!

Paul Rabe

Some other thoughts -- <BR>4. Keep alert at all times. Be aware of the people around you. <BR>5. Trust your instincts; if a place seems to be getting dangerous, it probably is. <BR>6. Don't be afraid to just leave a place that's getting out of hand. Better to lose a meal you've paid for, than something that's REALLY important. <BR>7. Although 18-year-olds shouldn't be able to get booze anyway, avoid it even if you could get it. Alcohol makes you SEEM a better "target," and then makes you less able to recognize threats. <BR> <BR>MOST OF ALL -- relax, Mom! If your daughter is reliable and responsible, she'll be able to avoid almost any trouble.

Joyce

I'd make sure they drove only during daylight hours. I'd join AAA or a similar auto club "just in case" the reliable car gets a flat tire or whatever. I'd make sure they had really good directions - you don't want to get lost on a busy freeway. If they are smart and responsible girls, I think they will be fine.

Bernard

My daughter (now 20) and her friend drove from New York City to Montreal when they were 18. I agree with all the recommendations and emphasize joining AAA in case of emergencies. Additional suggestions: Use major interstate highways only (plenty of rest stops & service areas). Drive during daylight hours. Don't rush the trip, stop every 2-3 hours for a break. <BR>

AlsoMom

Condolences! It's a hair-raising time of life for a parent. But she's not too young IF she's prepared to do what she has to, to keep you from tearing your hair out. If she pooh-poohs your rules and resists keeping in touch, that's an indication that she might be too young. (Tell her that if she's getting exasperated with you.) <BR> <BR>Some further suggestions: <BR> <BR>1. Tell her to post here or some similar forum and ask others what kinds of things they've run into and how they handled it. (E.g., sleeping in rest areas is second only to hitchhiking in asking for trouble.) It'll have much more weight than anything you tell her. <BR> <BR>2. Make sure YOU have something to keep you distracted during her trip -- a project or socializing arrangement or some such. If you work, all the better. <BR> <BR>3. Set a standard time when you expect to hear from her each day (e.g., 6 pm when she'd likely be at a meal somewhere). Warn her you'll EMBARRASS her with the local police if she doesn't check in. And tell her you'd ask for the same thing (checking in in the evening) from a close adult relative (your husband, your mother, e.g.) under similar circumstances -- it's just courtesy.

Bob Brown

I think such experiences can be quite maturing, but there are inherent risks. <BR>I would like to ask a few other questions other than ones related to safety. <BR>Do either of the young ladies have any idea of how to check their vehicle for safety? For example, do they have any notion of checking tires for proper air pressure, checking oil levels, checking brake fluid levels, coolant levels, etc? <BR>Would they recognize a danger signal if they saw or heard one? E.g water pouring out of a ruptured hose, heeding warning lights on the instrument panel, and similar situations. Could they change a flat tire if they had one well out on the highway? <BR> <BR>I would hope they had their good judgment about the other issues that have been raised. Good luck on this; I would be an anxious dad until it was over. <BR>

Walter

I'm a truckdriver and these would be my suggestions. <BR>Cellphone: Get the State Police phone #'s for the states she's traveling thru. Some states will have #'s posted along the Interstate such as *77 or *SP (same # means State Police). IME they will respond quickly esp. for young women and elderly people. *Know* where you are, I-80 Eastbound at "mile marker 53" or a couple of miles past Exit 12. If they're out of cellphone range pop the hood and stand outside the car (also a flare behind the car will attract help), this might sound unsafe but someone might call down the road or a truckdriver might get someone on the CB radio to call the police. Also many times the police will drive past a car thinking the people are OK (checking a roadmap etc). Some Interstates also have emergency call boxes every mile. As other posters said: Do either of these girls know how to change a tire? If not, it's a good time to learn? Buy a 4-way lug wrench the one's in todays cars are too small and require *alot* of force. Also a *large* can of "Fix-A-Flat" will seal a small leak and inflate the tire until they can get to a gas station to *properly* inflate it. Ditto on AAA and checking out the car's tire pressure/fluid levels. If stuck in a traffic jam turn off the AC it will overheat the engine, if the engine starts to run hot turn on the heater it will act as a small radiator and cool the engine. Also when in a traffic jam watch where the majority of trucks in front of you are going (left, right, middle lanes) they will usually know which lanes are open via CB radio. <BR> Avoid *Rest Areas* (their friend was an fool) and truck stops esp. at night they tend to attract the lowlifes. Also the motels next to truck stops. <BR> Pepper Spray: Not those little wimpy ones you hang on a key chain but the *large* crowd control type that shoots ~20ft and dyes the attacker orange. Might be illegal in some states (?) and possibily Canada (?) but I doubt anyone would prosecute 2 18yr old girls, more likely just confiscate it. And yes, I'm advocating breaking the law for personal safety. I'm sure I'll get flamed for that. <BR>Good-Luck and Don't Worry! (easier said than done Regards, Walter <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>

Beverly

As a mom, I can absolutely empathize with you. Trust your daughter's instincts but insist on a daily check in by phone, even if it's just to leave a message on your answering machine. Common sense rules: lock the doors as soon as you are seated in the car, always always always wear your seatbelts - this piece of advice from a friend possibly saved or protected seven lives when we had an accident during a road trip we took with another family - caused by a sleepy driver. So get decent sleep at night and make sure you fill up the gas tank before every trip. Let your daughter know she should never feel pressured by her friend to do anything she feels uncomfortable doing or that will separate them at any time. Be always wary of strangers who try to walk and talk you to your car - head the other way. Assure her that you will fly her home from anywhere should the need arise. Your daughter should understand that since it is her first road trip you can't help but worry - a phone call is the most important thing she needs to remember. Keep the cell phone on all day if possible - you should have one, too. Lots of luck! <BR>

Harold

Crazy idea-can't think of a more dangerous thing to do! Have you thought about someone distracting one of the girls-while another person takes advantageous of the situation? People will notice they are traveling alone. What if they are told they have car trouble but don't. Will there be time to call home and check it out with you? <BR>All may go well-I hope it dones but there are people looking for a victim. <BR>Stopped at rest area last week. Young college age woman-had car trouble. Asked me for help. She did not know how to use a pay phone. I was anxious about leaving her until the state police arrived. I suggested she park under a light-she didn't seem to be able to realize she could be in danger. How did she know she trust me? <BR>What will you do if the phone call doesn't come when you are expecting it? <BR>Reliable cars do still have problems. Our daughter had a flat tire with a brand new car. <BR>I sound worried and I am. Take care. <BR>

Kathy

I'm a mom too, but have several years before I will be faced with a situation such as yours. My opinions may change by that time, but as for now, here goes....I took a similar road trip when I was 20 and just finished my freshman year in college. Three of us drove from Oklahoma to Cape Cod to spend the summer. We got a "Trip-Tik" from AAA to map out our trip and decided what sights we wanted to take in along the way. This was before the cell phone, but we did have a CB radio in the car. We just followed our plan, found decent motels along the way, and had a great time. We took a wrong turn, used the CB and got back on track in no time. It was my car and I was very familiar with its noises and the feel of it on the road, so I felt secure in listening for any unusual sounds etc. We had some brake trouble in Gettysburg, but were able to get it taken care of and avoid mishaps since I knew how the brakes were supposed to "feel". I didn't get any big lectures before I left but my mom was probably thinking the same things that you are. She had previous experience, tho, with my sister on a similar trip to the west coast. I don't know if all of these ramblings tell you anything useful or not, but at least it was a similar experience. <BR>If your daughter is responsible and has common sense (and "road" sense), then I would follow the numbered suggestions in your post and in the replies, and then trust her to behave responsibly on the road. I hope this reply does not sound too trivial.

Notamom

Carole - You've gotten lots of good advice so far. I particluarly like what the person said about advice from others (preferably other teens) having more of an influence than what you would tell her. You know your daughter best and if your gut tells you she and her friend are mature enough, then I think you should allow her to go. Any situation in life can happen to anyone, teen or adult, and this trip will be a small step in her independant, growing up process. One suggestion I have for you, is to drill her on situations that COULD arise and see what her off the cuff responses are. What should she do if a stranger walks up to her, what's the first thing she should do when she gets in the car and so on. Drill into her THE most important advice I've ever heard.....God forbid, if ever confronted with a possible abduction scenario, fight tooth and nail to NOT be taken away from the initial crime scene. Risk embarrassment and whatever else to get out of the situation. I hope all the advice given to you has helped to ease your mind and make the decision you are comfortable with.

Decent Tropical

First of all, what do you know about the person who your daughter wants to go with? Is she a responsible and moral young woman? Consider this very seriously. The influence and pressure of one's friends and acquiantances is extremely strong, even for the best and most strong people. <BR> <BR>If it was my daughter I would NOT allow her to take such a trip under any circumstances. Besides the very serious danger from crime, such a trip would most likely also pose a great moral danger because the circumstances are almost perfect for promiscuity and licentiousness. <BR> <BR>There are many other trips which she could enjoy which don't have as risks as high. <BR> <BR>If you insist on letting her go, I strongly urge you to be steadfast and uncompromising about the rules you proposed and many of the things which were suggested by other posters. You should do your utmost to convince your daughter of the dangers of driving at night and insist that she drive only during the day. <BR> <BR>But again, why borrow trouble? Try to convince her to go somewhere much closer or travel by train, plane or boat, all of which are much safer than auto travel in general. With train and boat travel you have the advantage of being able to relax and enjoy beautiful scenery on the way.

Tina

Like most of the responses given, I think that if your daughter and her friend are mature and responsible then they should have a safe trip. I am 31 years old and traveling alone this summer and I still am going to be reporting daily to my parents. Not only because I know they will be worried but mainly so that if anything were to happen to me they would know where to start looking. They will have my itinerary and know where I will be most of the time (hotels,etc.) . I know when I was 18, having independence and freedom was exciting but they need it stressed that regardless of age they just need to be smart. <BR>Another tip I would advise to tell your daughter and friend is not to go off with ANYONE without a large group of people. Here's a recent example. The news of the murder at Yosemite. I imagine that the 3 women that were killed last Feb were probably familiar with the "suspect" since he worked at the motel and were comfortable enough with him to go off with him and thats how they disappeared. Even the most charming and nice people can be dangerous. <BR>I hope your daughter has a safe and fun trip. It's definately a growing experience.

Anon

Start learning to let go. Sure, there is the danger of everything possible for them, just like there is for anyone who wakes up in the morning. All you can really do is hope that you have instilled good judgement and ethics in her. I think a cel phone is a must have for travellers anymore, especially females! Mace wouldn't hurt to have on hand either. Better to have something and hopefully not have to use it, than wish you did!

annie

Carole, <BR> <BR>Speaking as a not too distant teen, I want to add one thing. You say your daughter is heading to Montreal. As a word of warning, Montreal has a legal drinking age of 18. As well, la belle provence allows alcohol to be sold in every corner store. And, the bars are open until about 2:30 am. So there is abundant alcohol, and you should be aware of that (in case you weren't). And make sure her health insurance etc is in order, as she won't be covered by the provinces universal health plan, (not saying she'll need it, but better to be safe than sorry).

Carole

Thanks to everyone -- The responses so far have been very helpful to me and my husband in setting up some expectations that we can live with. I understand that this is a personal decision and that I can't get the "right answer" from anyone, but your comments have really helped us to figure out what we personally feel comfortable with. Our bottom line is that though we do trust our daughter, we don't trust the other 300,000,000 people out there. This is also complicated somewhat by the fact that our daughter is currently a camp counselor in North Carolina and phone communication has been difficult. Right now we're working out some ground rules and limits, and I'll come back in a few weeks and let you know how it all turned out!

Karyie

Has your daughter traveled to a major city before? Montreal is cosmopolitan. My husband and I were there and loved it.We walked from our hotel one early evening-took a turn down a side street and we quite surprised at the difference in the area. Neon signs with topless women-bars everywhere. Rough looking people. Amazed at the change in environment. Is your child ready for this? Remember Yosemite, Bermuda and now the missing young woman from a cruise with her parents.

Lisa

As an 18yr old graduate myself..I would never ever in my wildest dream go on a road trip...nor if I were a parent, let my child go. I dont care what parents think, they usually dont know their children that well. In this day and age, I wouldnt even think it safe to let two females travel those distances alone. <BR>Being an 18yr old also, I know I would have no shame in picking up guys (possibly) along the way..or meeting them. Its too dangerous, I wouldnt even allow myself to be that vulnerable. Parents give too much freedom sometimes...I dont think its wise. <BR> <BR>--that's my opinion, and i'm also responsible, etc.

Samantha

Hi Carole, <BR> <BR>Here's a tip that my dad drilled into me from day 1 of having a car.....never let the gas tank get below the halfway point. Along those lines, you could insist that the girls check in with you or some family member/friend every time they stop for gas. At least you would have a point of reference for them every couple of hours or so while they're on the road driving. You've gotten plenty of pro and con opinions about letting them go and only you and your husband truly know if they can handle it. By the way.....why Montreal? There are lots of closer places for them to go to, to spread their wings a bit. Good luck to you all!