chris

Hi all,<BR><BR>I got depressed/sad last week and booked a vacation. Rather, I booked a ticket to Europe and will now figure out all the trains, planes, automobile points in between -- which is the fun part to me.<BR><BR>Serious question (background first): my mother thinks this is addictive behavior, akin to drinking or gambling. That I'm solving other problems by the compulsive/addictive behavior of spending a lot of money on something to solve a completely separate issue.<BR><BR>I think that it is incumbent upon me, as captain of myself, to figure out how to make myself happy if I get depressed/bored/sad. Booking a vacation and spending gobs of time planning it perks me up immeasurably. Having something awesome to look forward to is so helpful. I do this about twice a year. Of course, I plan other vacations for all the normal reasons, too.<BR><BR>So to the question: is my mom right? Am I?<BR><BR>More background: I'm not putting myself in financial peril by doing this, and I'm not clinically depressed. I'm just sad right now about something.<BR><BR>What think?

kate

I think that we are right not to listen to our mom's<BR>I do the same thing as much as possible and I think it is healthy..you are planning your future~maybe not how you will make more money,advance in your career,but it is your future! <BR>It is rewarding,makes you feel good, and gets you through the day,what can be wrong with that??<BR>Where are you going? <BR>

Another Mom

Hi Chris. I honestly think that at certain times in their lives, most people have done something for the "wrong" reason. As long as it is not a harmful thing, either to you or someone else, I don't think it is so terrible. On the bright side...you will broaden your horizons and have new and interesting experiences. But this shouldn't keep you from trying to solve the issues that are making you feel sad. <BR><BR>Gambling and drinking are very harmful, negative passtimes. Travelling is a wonderful thing.<BR><BR>Plan, go and have a great time!

Diana

I think doing something for yourself or doing something which you enjoy is a good thing. And can be very therapeutic.<BR><BR>Background: My mother has lived with me for 22 years. I am in my late forties. For the first 20 years she lived with me, I never did much of anything by myself or for myself. I always worried about whether mom would enjoy it or if we went, I always adapted to her. So I missed a lot. A couple of years ago, I needed to take a break from work. (I also have a very high stress job at times.) I was not going to go anywhere because I didn't think I could take Mom and I felt guilty wanting to do something by myself. When I told Mom I was going to take some time off and take an "in town vacation" (sleep at home but other wise not be available), she suggested "to London or something". I didn't need any further coaxing. I pulled up Expedia, found out I could get a flight for a week later, called by boss and asked if I could change my days off and was on that flight a week later. I only spent four days in London that year. Last year I went to Paris for 8 days and this year, I'm going to Paris and London for a total of 2 weeks. I now have something to look forward to each year and when I get back, I'm refreshed and able to tackle my job with renewed energy. I actually start perking up a month or so prior to going. I do all the planning and booking myself and I spend a lot of time doing the research, etc.<BR><BR>Some people do needlework or woodcraft. Some garden. Some of us travel. Whatever you need to revive yourself or liven your spirits and make life more enjoyable for you...and by extension, then more enjoyable for everyone around you. (I'm certainly much easier to get along with in my pre-vacation planning mode and post-vacation glow than at other times.)

Sue

Chris, I think many of us need to have a sense of mastery at something, but most of life doesn't cooperate; things don't turn out as we hoped or planned. While I suppose our trips can also disappoint us, I think we have a higher probability of influencing the outcome than we do of other things.<BR><BR>I'm not sure that 'addictive' is the correct word to use, since if I weren't a compulsive travel planner I suppose I'd substitute with something else, and that isn't the case for true addictions (alcohol alone will satisfy an alcoholic craving.) <BR><BR>But I suppose in one sense your mother is right; it is possible to become enamoured of doing things that we can control, rather than take risks trying things that may have a lower probability of success, like try to meet someone new after a breakup, for example. On the other hand, one has to allow for a little slack in one's life; after one has just suffered a major surgical strike, as it were, one needs to get one's confidence back up. So long as recovery is what is at stake, rather than escape from risk, go for it.<BR

chris

Thanks, Kate and Antoher Mom. The tough thing is, my mom's usually right. Right now, I prefer to think (and tell her as much) that she is just overly cautious and afraid that I'm doing irresponsible things with my money. I do listen; again, her track record is pretty good.<BR><BR>But I think she doesn't travel enough!<BR><BR>Anyway, to answer your question, Kate, I'm going to Prague for a week -- based mainly on all the excitement the destination seems to generate here recently. It was very top of mind...<BR><BR>An aside: We're certainly not psychiatrists in our family, but we're not short on advice. She thinks that the fact that travel is my medicine is incidental to the fact that I am relying on SOMETHING. She's happy I don't turn to drinking or overeating or whatever, but still thinks you solve the problem first.<BR><BR>Arghh....sometimes the things that make you sad aren't exactly problems you can solve.<BR><BR>Anyway, I'm thrilled as all get-out to go to Prague!

chris

Sue and Diana,<BR><BR>Thanks for your very thoughtful input, too. I think we were all posting at the same time!<BR><BR>

Another Mom

Chris, enjoy Prague. Perhaps when you are far away from your problems, you will put them into a better perspective.<BR><BR>If your Mom is usually right, and she is concerned about your spending habits, perhaps you can re-evaluate and invest some, too. Show her how mature you can be!

Grasshopper

Chris, My Mom travels and I think planning is her therapy! I love your "I am the captain of myself" philosophy. Only one more suggestion I might add... be sure to stay in the moment as often as possible. I find when I get to wrapped up in where I am going I forget to cherish where I am.

x

Not to turn this into the therapy message board but...<BR>I can definitely empathize with you Chris. I do the same thing, plan a trip as an "escape" from my problems. But, I am learning something that John Lennon once said "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I found myself being unhappy and not "living life to the fullest" because I was putting all my energy and excitement into the trips. It finally struck me that I could put energy and excitement into every day as well. While I will always love to travel, I have decided to take some classes a few evenings a week, get out and do things, etc. This way, I am spreading my energy out over every day, rather than just devote it to a two-week trip. I hope some of this makes sense to you, best of luck : )

elvira

I always thought that the best therapy for being sad/depressed - which some times just means being bored (not to be confused with a severe medical condition, that's different, requires professional help) - is to find something to do, and taking a trip fits right into that category. Whether it's planning a trip, planting a garden, taking classes, volunteering, engaging in a sport, etc., anything that captures your interest and gets you involved is the right thing to do.<BR><BR>Addiction makes your life worse; a deep interest makes your life better. Some people collect things like stamps or coins or '60s memorabilia; some people ski or snowboard or sail; some people refinish furniture or build dollhouses or repair old toys; some people travel. No one refers to a lead soldier collector as an addict, so there's no foundation for the label to be attached to a travel enthusiast.<BR><BR>One caveat - if your deep interest is costing you more money than you have - like borrowing money to buy antique dolls and not being able to pay it back - then you're spending money to make yourself feel better; the item purchased isn't what's making you feel good, it's the spending of money, and that means something else is going on in your life that needs fixing.

jenna

Hi Chris,<BR>This is strange, I was just explaining this to my friends. Planning a vacation, looking forward to a vacation does WONDERS for my moods. <BR>Just go with it and try to remember every now and again that you have to return to the life pre-vacation when you return from the vacation. Plan ahead for a little post-vacation valley of depression.<BR>JK

Melissa

I think it's more productive than gambling or taking drugs! I, too, get a "high" out of planning and I get depressed during years where I find out I don't have enough vacation time for a trip to Europe.

Frank

Chris's Mom is right, as all Moms are. But you are on the wrong website to ask this question Chris. On Mom.com they will tell you the truth. Here you are going to hear from all the other travel junkies that your addiction to travel planning is healthy.<BR>The truth is, if you spend more time planning your trip than the trip itself takes, if entire months of normal life are robbed of meaning because of your fantasies about the travel, it's not healthy.<BR>Be here now.

Wayne

Travel planning is habit-forming, diversionary and possibly destructive for me. I enjoy the planning at least as much as the trip. Last spring, when I should have been watching my stock investments, I was so busy planning my summer trip to Europe that I failed to take advantage of some opportunities to sell my stock when it still had some value. Then everything plunged on 9/11 and I have been depressed ever since. Maybe if I plan another trip, it'll cheer me up again.

John G

Of course, darling, there are good addictions and bad addictions. A heroin addiction would be bad (?).<BR><BR>Can you afford your trips? Are you neglecting other duties to go on your trips? Are you running away from problems at home or in your personal life?<BR><BR>If you are taking trips and maxing out your credit cards or not paying your mortgage, then you have a "bad" addiction.<BR><BR>Any addiction, whether it be exercise or shopping, is bad if it causing problems to your personal life, bank account, health, or mental stability.<BR><BR>I think going on A vacation to get over A depression is certainly reasonable. But, I think there is a deeper problem if you are making multiple trips to get over cronic depression. You may be using your trips to get "high" the way a drug addict uses cocaine or an addictive shopper uses a credit card. This is NOT a good thing, Martha.