Here is my problem in a nutshell. I am German, was born and raised in Germany, moved to the US a few years ago and now I live here with my American husband. The problem is that my own family is still in Germany, and we both think it is important for me that I go see them as much as possible. However, my husband cannot always go with me because he can't get time off of work. He always encourages me to go and says he doesn't have a problem with us being apart for a few weeks. This summer, I am going to Germany again to see my family for 6 weeks, and my husband can't go with me. Am I being a bad, selfish wife for going without him? And I know that I will miss him so much. I hope I can find a way to still enjoy myself over there even though I miss him so much. I want to make sure that I will make the most out of this trip so that my family doesn't see a miserable "me". Are there any other people out there who go on trips without their spouses or are in a similar situation? Knowing that would help me tremendously. Just knowing that I am not the only one going through this. Any responses would be much appreciated. Thanks!
Sincerely,
Meike

No, you are not a bad, selfish wife.

You should go.

My SIL leaves her husband in the UK to visit her parents in the states every year for approximately 4-6 weeks. They have a healthy relationship and more importantly, realize that parents will not always be around.

My mother came here from Germany and not once did she return home for a visit. Although, her parents and sibling came to the states to visit her, I think she deeply regretted her decision not to go back to Germany to visit her family.

Go while you have the opportunity to do so.

I think it would be bad NOT to go...I travel often without my husband. I ask him to go, but he's much better traveled than me, and often doesn't even want to go since he's already seen some of the places I want to go...plus he often doesn't have the time off I can take. In the past year alone, I've been to New York City and Miami Beach without him...going with friends instead. This summer I took a 10-day road trip to the Oregon Coast (I live in Denver) to see my family when my husband couldn't go.

I think it's very healthy of you both to be able to go your separate ways for a few weeks. You might find it's actually good for you both to have a little time apart to grow individually, then come back together and share your experiences.

Don't feel guilty...count your lucky stars that you have a husband who's willing and able to support you in your adventures!

I have friends who say very foreign things like "I want to, but my husband won't let me do that..."

I thank God every day those words aren't in my vocabulary -- or his.

Jules

Your husband approves so why worry, go and have a great time with your family and come back loving your husband more after missing him all that time.
I did three weeks but if I had family in Europe it would have been longer.
Our opinions do not count. The Husband's does!

No there is nothing wrong with going by yourself. But if it makes you feel this sad/confused, why not just go for a shorter time. Say 3 or 4 weeks. It would still be a nice long visit w/ your family, but you wouldn't be separated from your husband for so long.

Also - instead of going every year - your family could sometimes come visit you.

I also vote for "Go." I only have to travel 3 hours to see my family but my husband rarely goes anymore. It's too hard to get everyone's schedules to mesh. I go a few times a year for a few days at a time. He does the same with his family.

I agree with the suggestions to go for a shorter time. Six weeks is long to be missing your hubby. But three or four weeks seems doable and you can look forward to the reunion!!

For 32 of my 35 year marriage, I have lived far (but on the same continent)from my parents, and have always travelled alone to see them. That way we don't bore my husband with our endless re-telling of old family stories.

I'd also prefer more frequent, shorter trips.

Hello again!
I just wanted to thank everyone who has responded so far. All of your comments are much appreciated and each and every one of you has helped me tremendously. One more comment: Originally, my husband was supposed to join me in Europe this summer, but then he got a new job and now he can't get any vacation time yet. Also...I have thought about coming back early from my trip but then I can't do that to my parents. They were so happy when they found out how long I was going to be there for. And my husband really doesn't seem to have a problem with this. It is just really hard for me to be without him for 6 weeks, but then again, I am aware of the fact that my husband and I have our whole lives ahead of us, and who knows how much longer my parents will be around.

You see, you answered your own question.
Have a great family reunion.

Hello minimeike, as cigalechanta said, you have answered your own question.

I know a lot of people that are in the same situation as you. A cousin's wife who until recently went every summer to Germany to visit her mother (from California) with her husbands blessing. She recently lost her mother so she will no longer be doing this. Another friend who visits her family every other year in Germany (and on the other year her family comes to California).

I have a friend here in California who visits her family in Seville, Spain every other year. Again, on the other year her family comes to California to visit her.

I have another friend in Italy who visits her family in Mexico City every year.

So your problem is not unusual at all. But because your husband is not making a problem about your visiting your family in German you do not really have a problem. Be thankful that you have a loving and understanding husband.

I think that most of people really do miss their spouse when they go to visit their family but think of it this way - how terrible it would be to be happy to get away from your spouse.

Best wishes with your decision.

minimeike,
Dont feel guilty about going to Europe without your DH...I have been doing that for years..as a matter of fact I just came back 9 days ago..
It feels so good to go back to my beloved Europe and my DH does not mind to stay home and baby sit our numerous pets..
Just go and enjoy yourself..
Buon Viaggio,

I agree with those above who've unanimously encouraged you to go. I've always enjoyed the times I've traveled without my husband, and he enjoys the change of pace as well. We always have a good time catching up when we're together again. And it's so important to realize that your parents will not always be there. I don't think you'll regret your decision at all.

Something you may not have thought about is that phoning the US from Germany is very very inexpensive, something like one cent/minute if your family uses the "dial around" numbers in Germany. You can phone your husband whenever you want and talk as long as you want for very little expense.

You say your husband does not mind your being away for a "few" weeks, though six weeks is much longer...

You are you...but I, personally, would have had quite enough of my family after two or three weeks at most and want to be back with my husband, with plans to return just as soon as he can come along.

It is your choice to be where and with whomever you like, and only you can decide where that is.

minimeike,

you have a wonderful husband, take good care of him!

If he's happy for you to visit your family for an extended period then surely this is him accepting that you miss your homeland and family. Accept his encouragement and visit your family. As to being a 'bad, selfish wife' you're not being bad and he's not being selfish.

Have a wonderful summer

Don't forget to leave him a 'honey do' list while you're gone

Minimeike,

Considering that English is probably a second language for you, your English is impeccible. Toll!

"He always encourages me to go and says he doesn't have a problem with us being apart for a few weeks."

What part of this do you not understand or believe in?????

If hubby supports the trip, why spend a second wondering if you should go?

You are visiting home, for goodness sakes. Nothing wrong with that in any way, shape or form. If fact, I'd go even if hubby had a problem with it.

This one's a no-brainer. Go. Enjoy. Enjoy your homecoming!

minimeike,
Your DH can use 1010987 to keep in touch with you while you are in Germany..It is very economical..
My DH always used it all the time while I was in visiting Various cities in Italy and France.

Hi M,

One more voice encouraging to go and not feel guilty.

Using 1010987 to keep in touch is a very good suggestion.

ooops omit <in>