Ugh, all this train talk is making me nervous. I leave tomorrow for France and will be taking the train, my first time on a train in France, first time alone in France.

It does remind me of one ear-crisping moment on a train in Italy. I oh-so-proudly validated my ticket and those of my friends. I oh-so-proudly handed them to the ticket taker when he came by. Yes indeed, after a loong confusing conversation featuring my impeccable spangliano it all came out: I had validated all our return tickets. But we were just starting our journey.

How cool this original thread started almost 2 years ago!
Everyone's stories have been so much fun to read...keep 'em coming!

Leely, bon voyage, I think you'll love the French trains.

A week before we left for our first trip to Europe we found out I was pregnant. We were a little disappointed because my diet would be restricted but didn't think it would impact our trip too much. Needless to say, our trip was definitely "impacted" once I started throwing up everywhere! My husband likes to tease me that I left my "mark" all over Europe . . . at the base of the Eiffel Tower, Montemarte, outside the Colliseum, outside the Vatican, on the runway in Palermo . . . you get the picture!

BKP, your child will feel at home when there, like a dog marking his territory...LOL

Topping this thread in hopes that more Fodorites will write some of their funny stories...

On my first trip to Europe in 1992 I packed 3 suitcases: a traditional big rectangular one, a long hang-up bag, and a medium size shoulder bag. And it was just me for 3 weeks. Holy crap, did I learn my lesson! Now I am gravely concerned if my one backpack is over 15 pounds.

What else? I wore jeans one August day in Rome. By 3 pm I went into a store, bought some shorts, and left my jeans in the dressing room.

Packed my return plane ticket and checked my luggage before I could extract it. Cha-ching!

Took the wrong train in Germany and accidentally ended up at Rothenberg but stayed on the train thinking, "Bah, probably nothing to see here...move along."

Here is something one would not expect while visiting Dublin. Five years ago we were in Dublin for the first time. It was a sunny August afternoon and we were returning to our hotel walking along Stephen's Green On the side walk are two older women with their dogs on leashes. Now I always knew not to make eye contact with a dog that gives a mean look--and i had on sunglasses anyway. Plus the dog was held on leash that had no more than a foot of slack. As we walked by the woman let the leash out to the max, and yes, her dog bit me at the knee! Fortunately I wore a lon jumper which kept the dogs teeth from breaking deep into my knee, but my jumper was ripped into what i can only describe as a 20" right angle! I was furious and said she should pay for the damage--she said "I am just a poor woman!" My husband threatened to throw both dogs against the brick wall of Stephen's Green. Both womaen pleaded for mercy but I don't think they were sorry. In the end I, being anxious to return to our hotel, walked along carrying to the front of me, the torn right angle section of my clothing. Later on I wondered about rabies control in Ireland--luckily the denim of my jumper saved me from a nasty bite. To this day I never make eye contact with strange dogs sunglasses or not and I never rely on a leash being fully controlled.

Last year returning from Ft. Lauderdale, my son leaned over and got sick right after we returned our rental car. He said he felt better, so we continued on to the airport for our flight home.

He did have to get sick again. This time he leaned over and threw up - right in front of the metal dectector at security! Talk about creating a diversion!

When we were in Brugges, my husband wanted aspirin, and I had only packed Advil. We went into a newstand/small grocery store, and looked around for a minute. The clerk asked what we were looking for, and DH asked what type of store sold aspirin. The clerk said in a really saracastic tone, "We call that a pharm-a-cy. PHARM-A-CY."

Many Years ago, one year out of college, I got off the train from Tokyo to Kyoto, after many sake's in the train bar.

I approached a taxi and said "Kyoto Tower Hotel". The cab driver didn't seem to understand, and so I said it louder in that sort of "movie" Japanese. He finally let me in the cab, drove out of the train station parking lot, and across the street, stopped at the curb, opened my door, motioned me out, and pointed up at the huge sign that read in English Kyoto Tower Hotel. After all of my rude insistance, he had provided me with a 150 foot taxi ride. It has been almost forty years,and I'm still embarrased.

I was in Northern Germany trying to order a glass of milk. I didn’t speak German and no one there spoke English. Really wanting a glass of milk I try sign language, holding a pretend glass and moooooed at the same time. I didn’t get my milk, only a confused look. I finally saw the word milkshake. I covered up shake and pointed. That did it, not only did I get my glass of milk but a large smile from the waitress.

Another time when I was in London I was curling my bangs with my curling iron. We were getting ready to meet friends from Wales in the lobby. I must have done something wrong with the adapter because immediately when I curled the iron around my bands I smelt burning hair. My entire bangs that were once on my head were now on the iron. What could I do? I brushed back the remainder of my hair (now only ½ inch long) and laughed.

Deciding not to take the tram with my family (I’m scared of heights) and too afraid to ride the donkeys as I was sure they would slip and fall going down the path along the cliffs in Santorini, I thought I would just walk. Big mistake the donkeys run down the path and don’t care if anybody or anything was in their way. Every time I heard the jingling bells that were hung around the animal’s neck, I would quickly take refuge behind one of the light posts that were evenly distributed along the path. I felt like pacman on a computer game.

We’re going to Ireland in May so I’m sure I will have more to embarrassing moments to add when we get home.

Okay - I don't know how anyone can be more of a "stupid American" than this...

I had to go to Paris for a week for work and my boyfriend (now husband) and my parents came over to hang out while I was there. Luckily, I ended up with several days off to go sightseeing with them...somehow I should have known that I'd be better off at work...

We were on the subway and had somehow missed our stop (probably talking instead of paying attention) and decided we would get off at the next station and then just backtrack. Well, the doors opened on both sides of the train and we got off on the "wrong" side. We had gotten off on the "exit" side instead of the "transfer" side.

Now, my mother doesn't do a lot of stairs very well and trying to come up with a solution that would keep her from walking from here to kingdom come just to catch a train heading in the other direction, I came up with the BRILLIANT idea to just wait for the next train and when the doors open, we would rush through the train to the "transfer" side of the platform. Smart idea, huh? In THEORY, it was a GREAT idea!

So, the next train rolls in and pulls to a stop. My mom and I are standing at one set of doors, anxiously waiting for the doors to open, while my father and husband are waiting at the next set of doors. Okay, we're waiting....and waiting...the train is stopped...people inside are waiting to get out...and we're waiting....FINALLY, the doors open and we BOLT for the opposite side.

Mom and I make it out - whew! Wasn't that fun? Then I hear it...my father...calling to my husband, "Pat! Over here, Pat!" My father is standing in the doorway of the train, holding the doors open, yelling for my husband to come use that door to exit the train. Okay, not ENTIRELY embarrassing (at least not for ME!), but then the conductor (?) starts setting off the alarm that says, I need to get these doors closed so I can get this train out of this station! And my father is still standing there holding the doors open yelling at my husband!!!

FINALLY, after my anxious encouragement for my father to get off the train and leave my husband, my father gets off the train and it leaves the station. My husband, in the meantime, had sat down and acted like he didn't know the crazy man holding the doors open!

He ended up going to the next station and then backtracking to us, while we waiting at that station.

I'm sure we made QUITE the impression!

Honeymoon in Barbados. Arrive at the airport. Bride & another couple in the back seat, I go around to the right side of the car, open the door, hop in, then notice a strange round steering wheel like object sitting in front of me. Casually get out of the car, walk around to the PASSENGER side and acted like I meant to do that.

Hmmm. Reread the thread and found I was missing 1 key element from the last post. ""Felt so foolish sitting in the drivers seat of a TAXI!! ""

Sorry for the mispost.

Honeymoon in Barbados. Arrive at the airport. Step outside & grab a TAXI. Bride & another couple in the back seat, I go around to the right side of the car, open the door, hop in, then notice a strange round steering wheel like object sitting in front of me. Casually get out of the car, walk around to the PASSENGER side and acted like I meant to do that.

Fancy little square in Luzern, Switzerland, fancy sidewalk cafe full of fancy people sitting at fancy little tables. I come trekking along, nose up, lot of packages in my hands, trying to look like I own the world as well. Except, I don't and miss a little step on the square and fall flat on my fanny right in front of the cafe for all the fancy people to see, my packages flying all over the place... See what you get for putting on airs??

cecisard, LOL. Not that it is funny and I truly hope you were not hurt but I did more or less the same thing in Milan one time. Very high heel shoes (before they were called stilletos), shopping bags in hand, walking from the piazza into the Galleria and "flop" down I went in front of all those elegant people sitting in front of the elegant cafes. I must say that three charming young and handsome (be still my beating heart) immediately jumped up from their table and assisted me so I guess it was worth it? But oh the humilition!

And J62, In Barbardos they obviously drive English style, right? Oh well, you could have just pretended you were checking out the car, you know, the controls etc.

As long as we stay cool, calm and collected all is well, do you think?

At a Japanese restaurant in Tokyo, my hubby asked what type of sashimi was served. It was giant squid tentacles. But I didn’t know why and how I said ‘test-i-cles’.

In 1983 my college roomate and I got jobs in Southhampton, England one summer. Trying to make the most of the summer, we sometimes would take the train into London in the evening to catch the theatre and then hoof it back to southhampton around midnight to be back in time for work in the morning. Well my 18 yr. old sister was visting so we went to London. Unfortunately the return train was delayed and we headed back about 2 a.m. As we approached the Southhampton train station (where our car was parked)the train did not appear to slow down and stop so in our panic we decided to jump off the moving train. I went first, opened the train door and jumped onto the platform, the force of the moving train flattened me to the ground and the fact that I was wearing a skirt made an even prettier picture as I laid there spread eagle. Seconds after I jumped, the train came to a stop and my sister and roomate simply stepped off the train and over me laughing hysterically. Moral of the story is to let another person jump off the train first.

Although this next story might be considered "potty humour", this past summer my family visited the U.N. and while there we told our 13 yr. old son to send a postcard to his grandmother. Our son put a stamp on the postcard, addressed it and then proceeded to begin writing. His pen ran out of ink in the middle of his writing, but he still mailed the postcard. Well grandma had a few things to say when she got the post card because he only had enough ink to write " Dear Grandma, I am at the U.N. My pen is..Love, [son's name]" My son's penmanship is pretty sloppy so the word "pen" and "is" looked like one word. No more postcards will be sent to grandmother in the future without us checking.

My wife and I took a train to Sorrento then boarded a bus to await departure for Positano. We weren't quite sure how to buy tickets. After some time someone pointed out we needed to buy tickets at the coffee shop 300 metres down the road. Not knowing when the bus would leave I dashed to the shop and bought the tickets. On my return I gave my wife the tickets. Later someone pointed out I had to validate the tickets. My wife handed me the tickets and I slipped them into the machine. "They didn't work" I said to my wife handing her back the tickets. "The silly shop assistant has sold me the wrong tickets." In a mad panic I dashed back to the shop but without the tickets. The shop assistant insisted she had sold me the correct tickets. I ran back to the bus and took my seat. "Try them again" my wife suggested. I did and this time much to my relief they worked. Later when we were relaxing in our Positano hotel room my wife said "Honey I've got a confession to make". "What's that" I asked. She replied "You know those bus tickets.. well for some reason I actually gave you our used train tickets to validate and that's why they didn't work". I think the whole of Positano must have heard me shriek!