The TRUTH about FRANCE!!
Jul 8th, 1998, 01:42 AM
#1
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The TRUTH about FRANCE!!
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence and with not very good shopping.
France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.
Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking French, though many will speak English if shouted at. As in any foreign country, watch your change at all times.
The People
France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in line. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof, and undisciplined; and those are their good points.
Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists, and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie, and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier mutual recognition.
Safety
In general, France is a safe destination, though travelers are advised that, from time to time, it is invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the Government to flee to London.
History
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau, and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.
Government
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously, and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths, and floor tiles.
Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (though, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom is to be trusted, frankly. Parliament's principal preoccupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific, and acting indignant when anyone complains.
According to the most current State Department intelligence, the President now is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.
Culture
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their songs sound the same, and they have hardly ever made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. And nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel.
Cuisine
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, though it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers at leading hotels such as Sheraton and Holiday Inn.
Economy
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because people hardly work at all.
If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
Public Holidays
France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 national holidays are 197 saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in Triumph as if he Won the War Single-Handed Days, 18 Napoleon Sent into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 112 France is Great and the Rest of the World is Rubbish Days. Other important holidays are National Nuclear Bomb Day (January 12), the Feast of St. Brigitte Bardot Day (March 1), and National Guillotine Day (November 12).
Conclusion
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it weren't inhabited by French people.
The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Germany.
France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.
Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking French, though many will speak English if shouted at. As in any foreign country, watch your change at all times.
The People
France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in line. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof, and undisciplined; and those are their good points.
Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists, and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie, and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier mutual recognition.
Safety
In general, France is a safe destination, though travelers are advised that, from time to time, it is invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the Government to flee to London.
History
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau, and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.
Government
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously, and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths, and floor tiles.
Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (though, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom is to be trusted, frankly. Parliament's principal preoccupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific, and acting indignant when anyone complains.
According to the most current State Department intelligence, the President now is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.
Culture
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their songs sound the same, and they have hardly ever made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. And nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel.
Cuisine
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, though it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers at leading hotels such as Sheraton and Holiday Inn.
Economy
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because people hardly work at all.
If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
Public Holidays
France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 national holidays are 197 saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in Triumph as if he Won the War Single-Handed Days, 18 Napoleon Sent into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 112 France is Great and the Rest of the World is Rubbish Days. Other important holidays are National Nuclear Bomb Day (January 12), the Feast of St. Brigitte Bardot Day (March 1), and National Guillotine Day (November 12).
Conclusion
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it weren't inhabited by French people.
The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Germany.
Jul 8th, 1998, 03:31 AM
#2
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Keith: You sound like such a whinner! Didn't find good Mexican food in France....my God, what an idiotic thing to complain about!
In an open forum as this is, your opinion is heard and so is mine...I went to France (with my husband on business travel) expecting rudeness and the worst. I found an amazingly beautiful country with great people and captivating history. Maybe if you get off your high horse, you'll get to truly enjoy places other that your town...in the meantime, why bother?
In an open forum as this is, your opinion is heard and so is mine...I went to France (with my husband on business travel) expecting rudeness and the worst. I found an amazingly beautiful country with great people and captivating history. Maybe if you get off your high horse, you'll get to truly enjoy places other that your town...in the meantime, why bother?
Jul 8th, 1998, 04:22 AM
#3
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Please everyone, let's not turn this into another 200-post, emotion-laden war a la Ray Seva! I think it's pretty clear that this TRUTH about FRANCE is somewhat tongue in cheek, and possibly an attempt to get people to go off on tirades against (or for) ethnocentrism! Read it between the lines, have a laugh, and then let's not waste our time treating this as an opportunity to degrade each other (isn't this whole forum starting to turn into one big slam-fest?). Safe, happy, and peaceful travelling to all of you. kimberley
Jul 8th, 1998, 04:35 AM
#5
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Don't take this message too seriously. I think it was meant to be funny. I guess you could call parts offensive, but being someone who has been to France on a couple of occasions and who has a Masters in French history, I have to admit I did chuckle a couple of times when reading it. I didn't laugh because I agree, since I actually found the French people fairly nice for the most part, and obviously I am very interested in the country and its culture. I think if you read this as a typical American (or maybe other nationality) view of France, you can see a little humor in it. I definitely disagree though that French novels are boring.
Jul 8th, 1998, 05:24 AM
#7
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It is wonderful to begin the day giggling. I have been to France many times and absolutely love the country and the people, but I think it is great to be able to see the humor in all of our lives--including the baseball-capped Americans who shout English! I am taking my family to France this summer and plan to eat lots of croissants and maybe even some slugs.
Jul 8th, 1998, 06:57 AM
#8
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Ah, monsieur, c'est bon -- tres drole. C'est vrai aussi. But why stop there? Let us have your views on their bathlessness, their peculiar plumbing, their superior transportation network, the way they can charm the socks off you while deftly removing your last franc from your wallet. Why can't we make bread as good as theirs? Is California wine as good as some of theirs? Let's hear from you!
Jul 8th, 1998, 08:25 AM
#9
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There's a "joke" group out here in the Silicon Valley that circulates jokes via email. I've read this one before. It's supposed to make you SMILE, guys!! Now, if anyone can remember the one that starts "You have two cows.......", maybe we could get someone to take that for real! Without humor, life is pretty sad.
Jul 8th, 1998, 01:09 PM
#10
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LOL! I thought this post very funny! My favorite part was the time he said
lt;American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier mutual recognition. > Considering posts on other threads here this one really hits the mark. Thanks for the laughs!
lt;American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier mutual recognition. > Considering posts on other threads here this one really hits the mark. Thanks for the laughs!
Jul 10th, 1998, 01:28 PM
#19
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France is fantastic: The culture, the food, the films, the beaches, the wine, the landscape and the climate. In Paris some people sometimes are arrogant. And so are some of the drivers. But most people are very friendly - escpecially if you behave politely and try to speak a few sentences in french. I once heard an american in a typical french restaurant in Paris was complaining loudly because they did not serve hamburgers.....
I think americans in general are friendly people, so this man dissapointed me. And so did the first mail under this theme. But maybe it is a joke? Nils
I think americans in general are friendly people, so this man dissapointed me. And so did the first mail under this theme. But maybe it is a joke? Nils
Jul 10th, 1998, 03:20 PM
#20
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To the person who said this sounded almost like British humor---when it came to our group out here in Silicon Valley it was said to be sent by an Irish (or possibly American working in Ireland) lawyer from Dublin who was currently living in Germany! That would explain a lot if this is the origin. I'm still trying to find the one about the 2 cows---maybe we should start a joke board!!
