The Tourist's Prayer

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Nov 5th, 1999 | 06:36 AM

Elaine

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The Tourist's Prayer

An old Reader's Digest (1983) item: The Tourist's Prayer by Art Buchwald in The Los Angeles Times circa 1980 Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble, obedient tourist servants who are doomed to travel this earth, taking photographs, sending postcards and buying souvenirs. We beseech you, O Lord, to see that our plane is not hijacked, our luggage is not lost and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed. Give us this day divine guidance in our selection of hotels. We pray that the telephones work, and that the operators speak our language. Lead us to good, inexpensive restaurants where the wine is included in the price of the meal. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand. Make the natives love us for what we are and not for what we can contribute to their worldly goods. Grant us the strength to visit the museums, cathedrals, palaces, and if we skip an historic monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak. Dear God, protect our wives from "bargains" they don't need or can't afford. Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they do. Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in night-clubs. Above all, please do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do. And when our voyage is over, grant us the favour of finding someone who will look at our holiday snaps and listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain. Amen.

Nov 5th, 1999 | 06:42 AM

BOB THE NAVIGATOR

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Thank you Elaine for that gem.I have printed it for my archives---super !

Nov 5th, 1999 | 09:34 AM

elaine

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That puppy is going on my wall, and in every Loon's itinerary....

Nov 5th, 1999 | 10:09 AM

Cheryl Z.

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Thanks for sharing this. I think the request in the last paragraph has been granted - we can always come to this Forum and find a captive (and appreciative) audience!

Nov 8th, 1999 | 04:39 AM

wombat

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The Psalm of Summer... Recreation is my shepherd, I shall not want. He leadeth me down the interstate each weekend, my gas tank runneth dry. ... My camper will follow me all the days of my life... Does anybody have a copy of this? I just can't find mine. I saw it in a church magazine in 1988.