Standing-Room-Only "seats" on Airlines
#101
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Saw this one today as well...funny!
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
Ahh what the who...I'll just copy the article here.
AIRLINES TO STOW PASSENGERS IN OVERHEAD BINS
Bold New Strategy to Boost Sagging Revenues
Struggling with rising fuel costs and sagging profits, several leading airlines announced today that they would attempt to boost their revenues by stowing passengers in their aircrafts’ overhead bins.
After Airbus announced earlier this week that it was toying with the idea of introducing standing room areas for passengers in the rear of their planes, the airlines decided that the time was right to pitch the idea of stowing passengers in a part of the plane that has customarily been reserved for carry-on luggage.
“Stowing passengers in the overhead bins should allow us to squeeze a few extra dollars out of every flight, and right now, every extra dollar counts,” said Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the airlines group. “Plus, since they’ll be stuffed up there for the duration of the flight, we won’t have to give them peanuts.”
While the proposal to stow passengers in the dark, cramped compartments was hailed by the airline industry as a bold innovation, consumer watchdog groups complained that the option of riding in the overhead bins would not be available to tall or obese passengers.
Ms. Foyler acknowledged that the overhead bins would mainly be used to stow “smaller, more compact passengers,” but said larger passengers could check themselves as luggage and be stored in the cargo hold.
“The only caveat is that if you check yourself as luggage you are dramatically increasing your chances of being lost forever,” she said.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
Ahh what the who...I'll just copy the article here.
AIRLINES TO STOW PASSENGERS IN OVERHEAD BINS
Bold New Strategy to Boost Sagging Revenues
Struggling with rising fuel costs and sagging profits, several leading airlines announced today that they would attempt to boost their revenues by stowing passengers in their aircrafts’ overhead bins.
After Airbus announced earlier this week that it was toying with the idea of introducing standing room areas for passengers in the rear of their planes, the airlines decided that the time was right to pitch the idea of stowing passengers in a part of the plane that has customarily been reserved for carry-on luggage.
“Stowing passengers in the overhead bins should allow us to squeeze a few extra dollars out of every flight, and right now, every extra dollar counts,” said Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the airlines group. “Plus, since they’ll be stuffed up there for the duration of the flight, we won’t have to give them peanuts.”
While the proposal to stow passengers in the dark, cramped compartments was hailed by the airline industry as a bold innovation, consumer watchdog groups complained that the option of riding in the overhead bins would not be available to tall or obese passengers.
Ms. Foyler acknowledged that the overhead bins would mainly be used to stow “smaller, more compact passengers,” but said larger passengers could check themselves as luggage and be stored in the cargo hold.
“The only caveat is that if you check yourself as luggage you are dramatically increasing your chances of being lost forever,” she said.
#103
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Where's Robespierre when you need him, maybe he can figure out a way to correct this super-wide frame that's now appearing.
Maire
I'm assuming Jon Stewart is a late-night comedian a la David Letterman? (Sorry, couldn't get your link to work, so thanks for posting the quote.)
I'm also hoping Jon Stewart has a great mind....
Maire
I'm assuming Jon Stewart is a late-night comedian a la David Letterman? (Sorry, couldn't get your link to work, so thanks for posting the quote.)
I'm also hoping Jon Stewart has a great mind....
#106
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And someone sent me this one this morning...even has a picture of Hannibal all strapped in!
http://www.knoxviews.com/node/824
Suggestions in the article:
1) Maybe they should open up the cargo bay, too. They could have people-sized crates like you ship dogs in, with little food and water dishes.
2) Suspended animation tubes!
http://www.knoxviews.com/node/824
Suggestions in the article:
1) Maybe they should open up the cargo bay, too. They could have people-sized crates like you ship dogs in, with little food and water dishes.
2) Suspended animation tubes!
#107
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Maire, I can't fix the frame on this thread (unless I can convince
Fodor's to adopt my modification to their server script), but fyi, I used
http://www.tinyurl.com
to convert your super-wide URL to this: http://tinyurl.com/phkpr
Fodor's to adopt my modification to their server script), but fyi, I used
http://www.tinyurl.com
to convert your super-wide URL to this: http://tinyurl.com/phkpr
#108
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Marie,
Thanks for writing out the material. I know other people that have trouble getting the link (I have a PC, so maybe the MACs have trouble?) and these days, the only way I can handle the news is a la Jon Stewart!
Thanks for writing out the material. I know other people that have trouble getting the link (I have a PC, so maybe the MACs have trouble?) and these days, the only way I can handle the news is a la Jon Stewart!
#110
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Hm...if I check myself as checked luggage, should I label myself fragile or can I fight back if they decide to throw me? Can I go down the luggage chute? What should I wear when I do this?
I wonder how many places I'd see as lost luggage?
I wonder how many places I'd see as lost luggage?
#113
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TO: Federal Aviation Administration
> >
> > Our airline industry is in real trouble, and it's time
> > to start fixing this before it's too late. To that end,
> > here are some modest suggestions:
> >
> > Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them
> > in the first place.
> >
> > Replace all the female flight attendants with good-
> > looking strippers! What the hell -- the attendants
> > have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even
> > serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
> >
> > The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales
> > and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And,
> > of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country
> > would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
> >
> > Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't
> > need a salary, thus saving even more money. Hell, I
> > suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the
> > women for working and have them kick back 20% of the
> > tips, including lap dances and "special services."
> >
> > Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear
> > of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a
> > screeching halt and the airline industry would see
> > record revenues.
> >
> > This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle
> > it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability
> > into an asset. Why the hell didn't Bush think of this?
> > Why do I still have to do everything myself?
> >
> > Sincerely,
> >
> > Bill Clinton
> >
> > Our airline industry is in real trouble, and it's time
> > to start fixing this before it's too late. To that end,
> > here are some modest suggestions:
> >
> > Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them
> > in the first place.
> >
> > Replace all the female flight attendants with good-
> > looking strippers! What the hell -- the attendants
> > have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even
> > serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
> >
> > The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales
> > and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And,
> > of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country
> > would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
> >
> > Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't
> > need a salary, thus saving even more money. Hell, I
> > suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the
> > women for working and have them kick back 20% of the
> > tips, including lap dances and "special services."
> >
> > Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear
> > of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a
> > screeching halt and the airline industry would see
> > record revenues.
> >
> > This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle
> > it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability
> > into an asset. Why the hell didn't Bush think of this?
> > Why do I still have to do everything myself?
> >
> > Sincerely,
> >
> > Bill Clinton
#114
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Personally, I really like Clinton and think he was one of our more attractive presidents...
And the fact that he went for a plump intern gives him a thumbs up!
But he gets a thumbs down for cheating.
And the fact that he went for a plump intern gives him a thumbs up!
But he gets a thumbs down for cheating.
#120
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This is totally off topic, but I love Clinton and JFK, well, he bagged way more than that. Capote wrote a bit on the subject, and I thought it was really interesting, though unflattering for the family.
Going back to the airline thing, was anyone really surprised to hear about this? Businesses really no longer feel the need to be personal or even humane unless there is some serious monetary reason, and those who fly coach cannot give it. More and more people are being objectified because that is the trend. Everyone is out to find the cheapest way while businesses want to make the biggest profit. So, they come up with ideas like this one, where if someone is willing to deal with the discomfort, they can. The real trouble will start when there is no longer an affordable and comfortable option.
I remember the time my orchestra took a ski trip to Colorado. We could either get sleeper buses or regular buses, and the group actually voted for regular buses, which ended up being about $40 cheaper per person. So, in the name of $40, we sat in insanely uncomfortable seats for about 2 days to get to the slopes and play in our little competition, then head back home. I think that was when I started to think that people might just be crazy in general. Which, as we all know, is dangerous, for she who thinks the world is mad must, herself, be just that.
Going back to the airline thing, was anyone really surprised to hear about this? Businesses really no longer feel the need to be personal or even humane unless there is some serious monetary reason, and those who fly coach cannot give it. More and more people are being objectified because that is the trend. Everyone is out to find the cheapest way while businesses want to make the biggest profit. So, they come up with ideas like this one, where if someone is willing to deal with the discomfort, they can. The real trouble will start when there is no longer an affordable and comfortable option.
I remember the time my orchestra took a ski trip to Colorado. We could either get sleeper buses or regular buses, and the group actually voted for regular buses, which ended up being about $40 cheaper per person. So, in the name of $40, we sat in insanely uncomfortable seats for about 2 days to get to the slopes and play in our little competition, then head back home. I think that was when I started to think that people might just be crazy in general. Which, as we all know, is dangerous, for she who thinks the world is mad must, herself, be just that.