Arrived CDG early am, hopped a cab with a polite and very cheerful driver. His mood seemed to be enhanced by the sight of our conservative, European-style clothing.

Warm and sunny with no rain in the forecast. Told the driver to ramble along the Seine for this was a special time - our 10th wedding anniversary and money was no object. How superb it was to be young and in love with a beautiful woman in Paris!

Fabulous reception at our quaint charming boutique hotel in the 2nd...lots of cheek kissing and many sincere "so good to see you again" comments. The demure owner and I shared some deep thoughts on our many previous forays to the City of Lights.

His prim and proper wife suddenly pushed a clerk out the door and told us we would soon have a grand litle surprise. A few minutes later she made a dramatic entrance from the kitchen holding a precious family heirloom. The large silver tray could have been on display in the Cluny but for it being filled with passion fruit and chocolate macaroons from Paris' hottest patisserie, Pierre Hermé. We knew we were in our spiritual home as we grazed on the delicious morsels fit for ancient gods.

This secret, little gem of a hotel was just as we left it last year on a misty winter morning when a thousand church bells seemed to mourn our tearful departure. It was all just the same, unchanged by the relentless march of time: six flights of steep stairs, tiny, dark rooms with no A/C and precious little heat, brain-numbing street noise and those famous rock hard rolls and rancid coffee in the closet-sized breakfast nook.

After unpacking our five real leather suitcases we sauntered with long, easy strides through the Passage Jouffroy, planning to have lunch at La Grange Lisboan. Alas, it was closed for "Le Pride Day", so we remembered a wonderful little place close by on Rue de le Bastarde.

The Le Grand Carafe had wonderful pig's feet and crispy chicken gizzards along with the best green salad and melt in the back of your throat whipped mango and turnip dressing.

On the way back, we paused briefly at Le Cookierie [Passage de Panoramas] and had a Coupe Oregano (basically a spicy ice cream sundae]. Needing to refresh ourselves before dinner, we took a nap and I almost got lucky but for my wife interrupting me in the bathroom.

Dinner was just down the street at Le Saunderville with two dear rich old farts we had been bored to tears with at a private party at the Jules Verne a while back. Arranged to see them for lunch on Thurs. at a trendy new place: Le Chow-Chow. Pierre and Garcon, our favorite waiters, were on duty and they treated us like the grand royalty we were. We expect to be kissed up to when spending big bucks and these guys didn't disappoint us.

I had a lovely piece of beef about the size of a silver dollar, three fancy cut carrot slivers, two stewed prunes, at least a dozen slightly thawed peas and a dollop of buttery mashed potatoes with a touch of creamy Franco-American gravy. My wife threw caution to the wind and ordered pan-fried lamb brains, slow roasted spinach with curried bird beaks, and a delightfully bowl of raw beets marinated in lighter fluid. All of us had an exquisite keg of Parisian Passion - a spunky red with just a gentle taste of grain alcohol. We were much too full for desert so we just shared a small vat of instant coffee and loudly smacked huge mouthfuls of sticky spearmint gum as we giddily plotted our next lazy, carefree day in Paris.

Dinner was in the high four figures and worth every last Euro.

Hey Degas, boy

Tell us more about that there Le Chow-Chow. Sounds like the stuff they got down at the Ritz Carlton Lodge here on Lake Oconee.

What kinda beer do they have?

RE; ira

Easy does it, all in due time about the Le Chow Chow. My trip notes need to be arranged first, but I will reveal that it is a most special place that many seasoned world travellers might enjoy!

You pulling any big bluegills or shellcrackers out of the lake?

Hey Degas,

Pull em out of the lake? Shucks no. We toss in a stick of dynamite and haul em out with nets when we want a fish fry.

Degas, what is the name of that little gem of a hotel? I want to make sure its not on my list! And exactly what were you doing in the bathroom again? I thought the jetlag would put a damper on things!

It's city of light, ( singular) and you forgot the Laduree macaroons?????

this reads Mickey Spillane meets Portney's Complaint

[Reminder to Self: Self, take a deep breath before you pose the question. Relax as you hear the response. Then check your pulse.] Breathe In - ah!!! OK, I'm ready. Degas, when you say Paris, tell me you don't mean what we mean when we say Paris. You did mean maybe in Paris, Ohio, at a live stock show. Ate at an Outback, right? Slept at Motel 6, right? Gosh, I hope I'm not wrong about that. Surely that other P.... hasn't been infested by yahooism. Just relax. Pulse?

Degas, does the sitter know you've been fooling around with the keyboard again?
You know, after this, I think I'd almost welcome more of those, "What's your favorite batroom in Lourdes?" type questions!!!

Cigalechanta,

Sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but Ladurée is so yesterday. Pierre Hermé is more expensive, more refined, Rive Gauche - plus classe.

Degas, you seem to have bridged the transatlantic gap insofar as you manage insult both Americans and Europeans quite successfully. Can't wait for the next installment.

Andre

Ahhh....Rue de la Bastarde!! Is that little patisserie still there, the one that makes those delicious pâtisseries remplies par merde??

I have been severely stunned by the cruel, vicious comments today about my heartfelt effort to share my most intimate feelings on what I thought was a special trip to the City of LIGHT! I sit before my keyboard dazed and shivering from your cold rejection, unable even to finish my last six beers before supper.

After putting my heart and soul in to this decidedly provocative article and now to have it rejected out of hand by ungrateful and most likely Yankee readers? Well, now I know how donnabee must have felt after she was so severely bludgeoned over her innocent little Italy posting.

It is all just too, too much for a sensitive guy like me to take. There is only one alternative.

Yes, I know it's extreme and drastic, but how can I go on like this with my whole literary world crumbling around me. This is even worse than when I was fired as a reporter from Sweetwater Gazette!

I will take a solemn oath on my dear old granddaddy Buford's grave - to work night and day on more cutting edge travel articles in an effort to open up exciting new worlds for common folks all over this great land!

"Dinner was in the high four figures and worth every last Euro."

Would that be in the 7000 to 9000 Euro range?

I think we were at the same hotel: I saw you through that hole in the bathroom wall!

QueenMab - please don't reveal what you saw in that little peep hole at the hotel. I have a reputation to uphold at the local feed and grain store.

janeg - It was closer to 9000E but I'll let you know the exact figure after my accountant Homer gives me a rundown of the final damage. I will say that it never pays to skimp on food in Paris. You got to shell out lots and lots of dough for good grub in any big city!

Oh, now De-Gas, don't get emotional about a bit of the ole critique. Your style, what there is, could use a bit of the ole jiffy lube (29 minutes or you don't pay).

If you want to be a hit, simply write it straight and minimize the "cute" and voila, you shall have it, and we will read it. Now, once more from the top, shall we.

Lets see some progress!

Cheer up my dear degas. I was slow to catch on a few years back in France.

Have faith in yourself, focus your creative energy and draw upon your vast array of worldly experiences.

It is often darkest right before the dawn!

RE: ChatNoir

The name and exact location of the hotel is being kept secret until the threat of a lawsuit has passed!

In regards to your second question, I'll have to take the 5th!

Degas, for a moment, lets say I suspend disbelief, and ask you for some details about what must have been a fabulous meal in Paris. Did you say four people, and almost 9000Euros - that would be close to $10,000 USD, right? Could you give us the restaurant name, what you guys ate and the wines. Serious question. You're apparently a big spender, and I'm simply curious how you spent it. Paris can be sensational, and that must have been some meal.

RE: SmilesTravel

Please re-read the report. It was a joke. A lark. A light-hearted spoof on some of the pompous reports that
we often see here.

I tried to make it believable in the beginning and then started dropping clues at the hotel and thought it got outrageous with the fake restaurant, street and dessert names. An Oregano Ice Cream Sunday? Roasted spinach with curried bird beaks? A nice piece of beef the size of a silver dollar?

I?m sorry I did such a bad job. I?ve never paid more than 50E for a meal in Paris.