Politician

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Catherine has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then," asks the teacher "What are you?," "I am a proud European," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little pertrubed now, her face slightly red. She asks Catherine why she is European. "Well my mom and dad are Europeans, so I'm a European too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a MORON and your dad was a MORON. What would you be then?" A pause and a smile. "Then, I would be an American!"

elvira

Hah hah hah!! That's a real thigh-slapper.

Kathy

Elvira? Was that really you?

Al Godon

3 languages known = tri lingual<BR>2 languages known = bi lingual<BR>1 language known (and that one not very well) = American<BR>

xxx

give me a break

elvira

Yeah, that's really me, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Boy, that was so clever I could hardly control myself.

Flamer

Laugh ? I thought I'd never start.<BR><BR>Let the flame wars commence.....

realist

its sad but its true

Rex

Teacher humor or American humor? Well how about medical humor?<BR><BR>God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.<BR><BR>And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. <BR><BR>And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" <BR><BR>And Man said, "Super-size them." And Man gained pounds.<BR><BR>And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. <BR><BR>And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.<BR><BR>And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." <BR><BR>And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded <BR>cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And woman gained pounds.<BR><BR>And God said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." <BR><BR>And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. <BR><BR>And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.<BR><BR>And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. <BR><BR>And Satan brought forth cable TV <BR>with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. <BR><BR>And Man gained pounds.<BR><BR>And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."<BR><BR>And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. <BR><BR>And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip. <BR><BR>And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.<BR><BR>And Satan saw and said, "It is good." <BR><BR>And Man went into cardiac arrest.<BR><BR>And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery..... !<BR><BR>And Satan created HMOs...<BR><BR>Best wishes,<BR><BR>Rex<BR>

Sue

I think one trait of Americans is our sense of humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves.

Groan!!!!!!

And Rex's joke builds up to a shattering anticlimax !

Rex

Sorry it din't provide the real "climax" you were anticipating.<BR><BR>There are many variations that continue on for this thing, especially about computers - - with various takes on who created the computer, DOS, Windows, Unix, the Mac, the mouse, plain ASCII, the floppy disk, the CD-rom, the DVD, ad infinitum...<BR>

vee

I am SO sick of this American bashing, especially when it comes to language knowledge. Many of us studied French or Spanish for 5 years in Jr and Sr High School. Despite studying our brains out, we can't speak a word. Then we move on to college where are courses are filled with required subjects. Then to a job, where ENGLISH is the ONLY language (I acknowledge there are exceptions to this). We live in a relatively isolated country where English is the only official language. Don't you think, if North Carolina spoke one language, and South Carolina another, than many Carolina residents would be bilingual. Out of economic necessity and/or cultural interaction. I speak a decent amount of a European language and am learning a third. It's a struggle. But I'm determined, because I love to travel and to meet people from different cultures. But I could likely live my entire life without NEEDING another language, unlike people in many other countries. So cut us a break, please!

Therese

You studied your brains out? Yep, sounds like it.

Nancy S.

No, I agree with Vee. We bash ourselves too much, and it has nothing to do with senses of humor. We are fine as a country and as a people living here. We don't really need to learn another language unless we want to. <BR>And I also hate to see all the white male bashing that goes on here at Fodors too. My family is made up of mostly white males that wouldn't hurt anyone, they don't deserve to be bashed.

vee

Dear Therese,<BR>I'm sure you're a lovely person in the real world, so I won't respond in kind to the snide retort from your message board persona. Yes, we studied hard, but the teaching methodology was not the best. It was basically drills of verb conjugation, taught in English. There is no way one can learn a language this way, even after 5 years of 42 minute classes in high school.<BR><BR>Another thing I might add is that many of our grandparents were immigrants and were bilingual. Mine came over from a terrible situation in their homeland, learned English and rejected their mother tongue. If times were different, I'd be speaking their language in addition to English. <BR>I guess we are a product of the times.

Uncle Sam

All you need is English or American for that matter because we rule the world with it!<BR><BR>So the next time some weak kneed european dressed in a purple tweed sport coat, with green pants and a red knit tie tries to give you any grief...remind them that if it wasn't for us americans and our grandfathers or fathers there would only be one language in europe...German!<BR><BR>And if they don't like it, remind then that america and our one true friend great britain are the only things standing between them and some radical terrorist car bombing them and their culture back to the stone ages!<BR><BR>

learning

The problem Vee and Nancy is that Americans travel a lot. Thus a language is needed. I've seen far too many incidents when an American goes up to a counter in Paris and starts asking in English and says Thanks at the end. This is rude. If only they would learn the basic "Bonjour", "Parlez-vous anglais", "Merci". Don't assume everyone knows English, and even if they do respect them with a thank you in their own language. Otherwise you will come off as another arrogant, uncultured American.

ThisIsFOrYou

I wish this unplesant poster calling itself Uncle Sam would think of a new name.It does a real disservice to the image of Americans and Uncle Sam...

Nancy S.

Yes I agree, Learning, but your example is more under the heading of "rude" than an American not speaking a foreign language. Most of us can squeek out please and thank you in foreign languages, I was thinking more about really being fluent in a language not being needed on a daily or even infrequent basis.