Mosquitos in Amsterdam

Old Apr 17th, 2014, 12:23 PM
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"We saw mozzies AND prozzies in Amsterdam"

Waiting for the trip report with that title.
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Old Apr 17th, 2014, 12:26 PM
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I've never seen or heard a skeeter in a coffeeshop!
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Old Apr 17th, 2014, 02:51 PM
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A skeeter walks into a coffeeshop.

The guy behind the counter asks, "What would you like?"

The skeeter replies, "I'll have the Lebanese blonde."


After that the skeeter goes to the bar next door.

The barkeep asks, "The usual?"

The skeeter replies: "That's what I was hoping, but where IS bloody Mary today anyways?"
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Old Apr 18th, 2014, 09:31 AM
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A skeeter walks into a bar and says "I need a bite to eat"

Bar tender says we don't serve skeeters here.

Skeeter says: Well I was looking to eat something more substantial.

Bar tender says: Buzz off you jerk!
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Old Apr 19th, 2014, 01:11 PM
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Not getting any food at the bar, the skeeter went to the Pannenkoeken Cafe next door, only to realize it had all been a sting:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/douglashoyt/13940730134/
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Old Apr 19th, 2014, 02:50 PM
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skeeter walks into the red-light district - sees a comely well-enwoed young lass and says:

Madame what can I get for 2 euros?

Lady of the night replies:

For that you can barely scratch the surface.

OK says the skeeter that will be just dandy!
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Old Apr 19th, 2014, 04:44 PM
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skeeter walks into the Flying Dutchman pub near Centraal Station

and asks for "a pils please"

Midlands English tough looking bartender says "we don't serve skeeters here, now buzz off"

Sweeter wings it out

few minutes later skeeter comes back into the Flying Dutchman begging for a beer - man it is so so hot outside "a pils pleeeze"

tough Manchester United type fan bartender says "I just told you we do NOT serve skeeters here - now buzz off!

So skeeters buzzes off...


but shortly later,

skeeter comes back into the Flying Dutchman and tells the bartender, a pils, pleeeeeze, I am so thirty I could kill...

barkeep, finally taking pity on the skeeter, says "OK, OK" and brings him a fresh-drawn pils

And says that will be 60 euros please!

skeeter yells "60 euros - you can't be serious - 60 euros for a pils?"

Barkeep says " that' right 60 euros and pay up or you'll be a bloody trace on the wall" - brandishing his special skeeter squatter all locals have on hand to combat the skeeter epidemic that infests all of Amsterdamned

"OK" skeeter says, pulling 60 euros out of his probiscus.

Barkeep says "Dunk u very wel, pal" - "we don't get many skeeters in here."

Skeeter retorts "No wonder at 60 euros a beer!"
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Old Apr 19th, 2014, 06:35 PM
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I'll talk, I'll talk, Anne Frank's in the attic, just stop the jokes!
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Old Apr 20th, 2014, 03:50 AM
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a skeeter noses his way up to the bar...
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Old Apr 20th, 2014, 07:24 AM
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A skeeter noses his way into the Flying Duchthman pub in Amsterdam - winging it over from a nearby canal and asks the burly English bar tender:

Can I have some blood please?

Ber tender gruffly retorts - sorry this is not a blood bank - we do not serve blood here.

A short while later same skeeter walks into the same bar and asks the same barkeep "Do you have any blood?"

Bar keep says 'no i just told you we don't serve blood here - now get out!

So not long later same skeeter noses her way into the bar and asks "Do you have any blood?"

Bar keep losing his cool says "No - and if you come in again and ask for blood I'll nail your probiscus to the bar"

Lo and behold same skeeter buzzes into same bar and asks same barkeep "do you have any nails?" Barkeep says "no" and skeeter then asks "in that case do you have any blood?"
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Old Apr 20th, 2014, 08:05 AM
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Dulux?
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Old Apr 21st, 2014, 04:18 AM
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A skeeter walks into the Bulldog Palace on Leidesplaein and asks for you serve Dulux - I want to paint the town tonight!
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Old Apr 21st, 2014, 05:43 AM
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a skeeter thinks he is shriking - he looks in the mirror-like water of the canal he and swarms of others inhabit and every day he thinks he is getting smaller.

He goes to the Vrij University of Amsterdam Hospital and sees a veterinarian doc and says, "doc I'm shrinking"

Doc says "It's probably all in your head" -

skeeters buzzes out

but he notices he keeps shrinking - in relation to other skeeters he is smaller and smaller.

He goes back to the same doc -"doc I'm shrinking" - what can you do about it.

And this goes on - until on the next visit the doctor now notices and says "yes you are shrinking" -

skeeter asks "what can you do about it"

Vet says "I guess you'll just have to learn to be a little patient"
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Old Apr 21st, 2014, 05:49 AM
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Palenq

Keep your day job and and work the night shift too.
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Old Apr 21st, 2014, 05:53 AM
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IM - buzz off!
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Old Apr 22nd, 2014, 07:12 AM
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When I look up "muggen probleem in amsterdam" (DUTCH) I actually see nothing from any Dutch website relating to the city.
My wife, begin Dutch, but not from AMS, also says she has never heard about this problem.
Some folks like to moan about nothing!
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Old Apr 22nd, 2014, 02:09 PM
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Some folks like to moan about nothing!>>

you wouldn't say that if you'd spent 4 nights in a room infested with them.
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Old Apr 22nd, 2014, 03:00 PM
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I would never question annhig's experiences! Totally unimpeachable! IME
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Old Apr 22nd, 2014, 03:02 PM
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>>>>>>Some folks like to moan about nothing!

Pot ... kettle ... black?
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Old Apr 23rd, 2014, 02:19 PM
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<<<>>>When I look up "muggen probleem in amsterdam" (DUTCH) I actually see nothing...

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=mosquitoes+in+amsterdam

http://www.asthebirdfliesblog.com/20...l#.U1g7j_ldWSo

https://www.lonelyplanet.com/thorntr...s-in-amsterdam

http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowTopic..._Province.html

http://www.zog.net/xanadu-or-bust/jo...iary-mosquito/
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