jujubean

My husband and I are leaving our small (preschool and grade school) kids at home while we travel to Italy - our first trip away since the birth of our last child. I think I'm prepared - have done a "book" for the sitter with lots of schedule and other information. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing/forgetting something. And my 7 year old, is already laying on the guilt - "mommy I'll miss you so much" - does anyone have any ideas on how to make it easier for them?

Thanks!

lucygirl

My parents used to leave little treats for us to be opened on a certain day.

Things like favourite chocolates or an activity book along with a note or card.

Perhaps you could leave them something small for each day you're gone or on a specific day to give them something to look forward to. Have fun!!

seetheworld

Give them each a "journal" (a simple notebook which you can decorate together with stickers, etc) and have them draw a picture of what they did each day you are on the trip. Likewise, you write and send a post card each day to them. Explain that this way, both of you won't miss what the other is doing. I also like the book "The Kissing Hand" which you can read before the trip and also have the sitter reread to the children.

Spending this time with your husband will only enhance you ability as a mother. Enjoy your trip!

J62

Some parents I know use instant messaging (AOL or Yahoo) to chat with kids when they're away. If you're not bringing a computer then it's obviously more difficult to do.

Do you have a scheduled time when you'll be calling them? Kids like to have something to look forward to, rather than an indefinite "mommy will be home in a week".

If you are using a computer/IM, a colleague of mine has a mini webcam he brings on trips to send a live daddy picture home to the kids while talking on the phone.

ira

Hi juju,

Back in the days before computers, I made tapes for my kids when I travelled.

I would tell them where I was each day and what I had done.

Their mother played them each evening before they went to bed.

They seemed to like it.

Cassandra

Promise to call them on a firm day or days -- "Wednesday," "Sunday and Tuesday" or whatever. But tell them if they really need you, the sitter will call you, no matter what.

Downplay the distance -- they have no idea how far away you are. If you talk about how far away it is, they'll be more likely to panic. Downplay how much you'll miss them -- that will trigger the "Mommy I'll miss you so much." You may already have communicated your worry and guilt to them, so that they've got the message there's something scary about to happen. Play up the fun they're going to have -- have the sitter take them to a special place or event that's a big treat (something for them to look forward to so they are a little eager to have you leave ;-) ).

Learn where the cybercafes are and tell them you'll be writing them every day -- the timing will be such that they can either check in at bedtime or first thing in the morning. (Cybercafes are an interesting aspect of whatever city you're traveling to, anyway.)

The journal idea is good, but why not leave behind special messages on each day that they can't see until that day comes.

And there's always bribery -- I'm going to bring you home a REALLY special present.

cfc

The tape idea is a good one. And want to add to "downplay the distance" point: downplay the time, too. Kids really can't wrap their brains around a time period longer than "day after tomorrow." Remember how long the school day felt when you were in first grade? If you're telling the kids you'll be away for 7 days, that's about 10 yrs. in their time.

The 7-yr. old can cope with a calendar but breaking up the long span of days-without-parents is important, whether with intermittent calls or treats or whatever.

Can you afford to consider a 2-min. phone call every night? Might be worth the peace of mind for everyone (9 pm Italy is early to mid-afternoon around the US, perfect for kids).

jujubean

thanks everyone! great ideas! I'm off to shop now to get the book and little presents - I think that will go over really well with my kids. My toddler will probably forget about how long we've been gone and just wonder what present she'll get the next day! I think I'll get small but cuddly stuff that they can hug. The journal is a great idea for my older one - she can express herself on paper. I've tried not to talk too much about leaving - kids are like sharks - they can sense fear! So, maybe a good gut check of my own is a good idea too! We got an international plan on our cell with a great rate, so we can afford to call each day, but I like the idea of leaving that up to our sitter - sometimes talking to mom and dad makes it worse - remember summer camp as a kid? You were fine until you heard mom's voice!

It will be great to get away alone together. I didn't mention in my original post that we will be there for our 10 year anniversary and we'll be renewing our vows while there.

thanks again for all the great ideas!

Cassandra

Congratulations, jujubean! What a wonderful trip plan! Your kids will do fine.

seetheworld

Best wishes on your anniversary, jujubean!

peggi

These are all great ideas and I will simply reinforce them: tape a couple of stories the sitter can play for them and they can follow in the book (as I recall, I sang songs too!) My kids still have a tape from that era (and they're teens now!). Also, the small gift/treat per day: I wrapped them and left them displayed on the mantle then they knew how many more days before we'd be back. I liked FAXing too...I could draw them pictures, etc. But do downplay the distance and certainly bribe with the promise of some really neat gifts! I will tell you that when we left our son for a quick trip (and he stayed with his grandparents, for heaven's sake)...he was 1 1/2...he would have nothing to do with me for several days after we returned. It broke my heart!!! But yours are older and will appreciate the loot/bribe bit!

lincasanova

and it takes awhile to get used to not being around THEM for us, too! how can you make it easier on yourself? you have gotten so many good ideas, that hopefully you will be able to roll back the clocks and relive that special date ten years ago, revelling in the wonders of life this union has brought you.

you can also leave them TWO clocks so they can see what time it is where you are all the time.

a video on italy from library so they can see ROME, or florence, etc. for a few minutes to follow your trip.
show them on globe where you are going so they can try to visualize it.

teach them a couple cute phrases in italian .. so you can greet each other making it a game.
instead of goodbye.. start saying "ciao!".
might not sound so sad.

enjoy!!!!!

jujubean

Thank you all so much for your suggestions - I am sure they will help others with similar circumstances. I thought about it a bit more over the weekend, realized that perhaps I am as concerned about me missing them as I am about them missing me! However, knowing that I've planned these fun little things (as suggested) for them while I am gone, helps quite a bit!!

dorkforcemom

Because I have a daughter with special needs, I tend to think through things a bit differently. You've probably already thought through this kind of thing - I always leave written permission for whoever is caring for her to make decisions in the event of an emergency in my absence. I also call the nurse at her doctor's office and alert her that so-and-so is caring for her while we're out of town. Hope this helps!

chepar

Last year I traveled to Europe for not quite 3 weeks and left my 8 year old at home with my parents.

They were sure to maintain her everyday schedule, just as if I were there myself. My sisters also took her out on the weekends - she loves spending time with them, so she also had things to look forward to, rather than focusing on that I wasn't there.

I called every couple of days, sent emails and postcards - she did quite well up until 2 days before I was scheduled to return - that's when she started to ask when I was coming back - but then again, I was gone for a while, so I expected that.

What I made sure to do was execute a Limited Power of Attorney for my parents in case my daughter needed any medical treatment while I was gone. I'm not sure if written permission is enough - at the minimum, get it notarized.

LoveItaly

Power of Attorney or notorized letter, whatever the Doctor's office needs, is an excellent idea. My daughter always left the grandchildren's ID medical card with me also.

Jujubean, I would imagine that your grade school child will be on summer vacation while you are in Italy but if not I would contact the school also so that they know who to contact if there is an emergency etc.

Have a wonderful 10th anniversary!

julie_Colorado

When I was 5 my father left for a 3 week African safari - the dream trip of his lifetime. I cried my eyes out at the bus station. By the time we got home, I was fine. My mother and I were watching Walt Disney... having junk for dinner my father wouldn't tolerate. We got a call that my father was on his way home. He sold his ticket - cancelled the safari and took all of us to Disneyworld that summer instead. By the time he called, I was no longer upset. To this day (I'm 47) I feel guilty that my father gave up his trip for me. There's a message in here somewhere...

Tiff

Hi Jujubean,

You are OBVIOUSLY a wonderful Mom, to be so concerned for your little ones is fantastic.

What I also think is fantastic is taking this trip with your husband.

You have received many good tips from the above, both fun ways to treat your children, and practical tips for their safety. (Kudos to you dorkforcemom for beginning the practical.)

Have a splendid, enchanting 10 year anniversary!

Best wishes for a wonderful time, T.

starrsville

Be sure to focus on hubby once y'all are off on the vacation. You will miss the kiddos, but you've done everything possible to ensure they are safe and happy - so concentrate on this time together with hubby.

The kids WILL be fine.

Julie - LOVED your story!

jujubean

What a supportive group you are!! Well, I think I've got it!
Seetheworld - bought the "kissing hand" last night. There I was, in the bookstore - reading it and seriously tearing up! Pathetic - I know!! But it had a bonus - little heart stickers in the back of the book - more than enough to give the kids one for each day we'll be gone - yay!

I have bought a little gift for each day and have decorated the gift bags with little sayings that I would say if I were there and pictures of hearts and rainbows. And for "countdown" we decided to make a paper chain. My 3 year old won't get the calendar idea, but a paper chain with a different color for the days that we call will be great - they can take turns cutting off one chain for each day. Tonight on to the tapes - favorite books and lullabies!

As for the practical stuff, thanks chepar and dorkforce - good reminder, I had already done a temporary guardianship for each child and obtained an extra copy of our insurance card, but it reminded me that I hadn't yet copied the insurance information for our house and car. I also just planned for the sitter - my cousin - to have relief. The weekend in between my mom and my aunt (the sitters' mom) will come over. I think that will give a nice change of pace for those long weekend days! Party time!!

We leave 14 days from today! So the kids will still be in school and preschool - maintaining their regular schedules. I have also cooked most of their favorite meals and put them in the freezer. Phew!

It's amazing what ideas can come from a little brainstorming! Thank you all so much - now I don't feel like I'm forgetting anything!!