sundriedtopepo

Excellent post Sassafrass. Learning to stretch beyond our own needs and finding how we can serve others in some way is usually a better way of finding some purpose in life.

Travelling for me is the icing on the cake; it's not the be all and end all, or some magic way to find fulfillment.

I have a friend whose daughter has spent the last 12 years travelling/going to school/travelling/going to school etc etc. She has been to Europe, Asia, South America, Central America, Africa several times, has taken 5 years of university courses then an after graduation course. She is basically still the same self absorbed unhappy girl, working in a restaurant as a server. Can't find a job in the one career she thinks will make her happy.

TDudette

Go for it! You sound like a great kid. Send us updates along the way when you can. Several Fodorites live in France--you might find on-site help.

My late husband and I enjoyed Montpellier, Nice, and Lyon very much. Nice can be a good base for visiting Canne.

StCirq knows Toulouse so might have special info.

And I recently visited Bordeaux on my own and loved it. At 70 years old though, I expect we wouldn't share the same interests (unless you like wine).

Do search this forum for the places you wish to visit, but here are my TRs which include some of them:

http://www.fodors.com/community/euro...e-sandwich.cfm [Marseille]

http://www.fodors.com/community/euro...and-london.cfm
[Also Nice from Menton]

StCirq

I actually do think traveling is a magic way to fulfillment, at least it always was for me. I learned more at an early age traveling than I ever learned in a classroom - languages, history, geography, politics, you name it.

Yes, I'll be happy to provide info about Toulouse, or any other place in France I'm familiar with.

happytourist

Instead of thinking of this as dropping out of school for a year, think of it as taking a gap year one year later. Focus: on skills you want to learn, areas of interest that you might want to major in later, and developing cross-cultural awareness. Lay out a focused plan to your parents and they might be more comfortable with it.

WoinParis

'She is basically still the same self absorbed unhappy girl, working in a restaurant as a server'

Some people ae not made for happiness. Don't think it is the case of OP...

BTW i know people who are servers in restaurants or even (!) barmen and are happy.

sundriedtopepo

'I actually do think traveling is a magic way to fulfillment, at least it always was for me. I learned more at an early age traveling than I ever learned in a classroom - languages, history, geography, politics, you name it.'

St Cirq there is no doubt that travel is magical and that one can learn a great deal from seeing different cultures, countries, meeting different people.

But if some-one is not happy, or lacks that inner feeling of satisfaction with one's life, then travel is not guaranteed to provide that.

With the prevalence of teen depression these days, I would hate for us to send this young one off to the middle of Europe without having a true knowledge of the situation.

I just feel that most parents these days are ready and willing to let go of the reins unless there's something holding them back. Who knows what this kid is going through? It's too easy to project our own youthful experience onto someone else's life.

Just a mother's intuition...just saying...

sundriedtopepo

Woin please don't think I am dissing people who are servers. My point is that, despite all her efforts, she still hasn't found her niche. She has always had lots and lots of encouragement to follow her heart, do what makes her happy, etc etc, but it still evades her.

WoinParis

I didn't. Some people are just too... ? to be happy.
Too bad.

Sassafrass

No, no, no, Kerouac, I definitely was not saying, " get in the standard rut and just put up with it." I absolutely did not and never would say or even suggest that. And, you put it in quotes. Did someone else say that and I missed it?

None of the things I suggested are a rut. A sailing ship crewman, working with animals at a zoo, writing biographies, volunteering as a Big Brother to a boy without a father. How on earth could those things be considered a rut, especially since I recommended the OP do them only until Spring or Summer? They are ways for the OP to learn more about him/herself (something they say they want), get involved with others, try new things and pick up interesting skills.

I will even add something - working on a habitat house or at a homeless shelter. Years ago, I worked at both a homeless shelter and on a habitat house at the same time. I learned more and met more interesting people than anything else I have ever done. Talking about gaining insight into myself and a lot more about life that I thought I already knew.

After a few productive weeks of helping others or trying a few exciting new things, the OP can take the trip with perhaps even more openness to what they see.

cheska15

The trouble with travelling to find yourself is you could be like me and I found myself in Italy but I live in Australia lol. Don't worry about finding yourself at nineteen because you will be a different person at 29 39 49. You are a long time old and responsible.

WoinParis

My wife says I am a 9 years old.

cheska15

WoinParis. I am waiting to be a real grown up and now that I'm 59 I think it may have passed me by.

WoinParis

Good ! gives me hope, you look quite normal...

ssander

Woin...

I'm 70 and still often act like I am 15...much to embarrassment of my wife...but it makes life fun!

ssander

Sue_xx_yy

<i> my mother ends up crying because the thought of me leaving alone brings her anxiety, which makes me feel guilty. </i>

Hello jeje.

When I say your mother's anxiety is her problem, I do not mean to sound dismissive of her pain. Her anxiety is a very real problem that deserves a solution.

However the APPROPRIATE solution may be anti-depressant medication and/or therapy. These are not things to be ashamed of, but she must seek them herself. Adjusting your life to try to fix this kind of anxiety won't work, so you can release your guilt. It may be good for you both if you get some time away from home.

However, Sassafrass has given some excellent perspective. Me, I have no firm advice one way or the other, but I do suggest you consider 'the day after.' Specifically, the day after you return from any trip. Travel can give you confidence but it won't provide specific answers as to what to do with your life - that more likely comes from volunteering, or acquiring some work experience of any kind at all.

I wish you good luck in your decision.

kerouac

I think a lot of Americans do not understand the utility of a "gap year."

sundriedtopepo

Well, I don't know about the US, but it's certainly a popular idea here in Canada.

PalenQ

Gap years if doing something like traveling are great- learn more skills and things than in a first year of college -like being independent - coping with foreign language in foreign country.

Yes gap years are a fairly new phenomenon but very popular- Ocbama's oldest daughter is finishing a gap year right now.

kerouac

The "work ethic" of a lot of people in certain cultures tells them that any gap time at all is evil or a waste of time. I suspect that this is part of the opposition of jeje977's parents.

kerouac

On a similar note, I have noticed that since I retired, quite a few people seem offended/perplexed that I did not immediately involve myself in associations or other activities since apparently it is shameful to just relax and do whatever you want.