No input. I just wanted to be #200

I usually give a big kiss.

Being from Canada which is internationally known as the worst tippers and taking into account the exchange rate between maple syrop dollars and euros, we usually only tip 86% of everyone else as unlike lbs or dollars we are screwed when travelling. However on the premise of the flight staff being cute we can be encouraged to be at par with our neighbors the americans

Thanks so much, HKP! And welcome back, Art! It was fun to read the originals - I remember posting some of those, and teared up laughing at some of the best ones from that thread!

Depends if he gets me to my final destination...

The captain would rather have some weed,and the flight attendants should each get an eight ball.Its only FARE!!

This is too funny!

Well, I'm not certain that Canadians are really the "worst tippers" but I do believe in that old saying that "Canadians are willingly unarmed (North)Americans with health insurance."

If I tip the pilot enpough will he land on top of some of the whiners here????

If we tip the pilot too much, won't the plane fall over to one side?

Topping 'cause I love this thread!

You gotta love the folks in Forville. Thank you for topiing this!!! It brought a smile in a week(past few weeks) of gloom!

When I leave the plane, there are always all the flight attendants and other co captains, navigators, etc.. standing at the door. If I don't have cash and don't want the others to feel left out can I pass out the peanuts and pretzl mix that I didn't eat? Kind of like Halloween. Who doesn't like snacks!

ttt

I love this thread. It is even funnier for those who have been/are flight attendants. No joke though, we used to fly through Bahrain and often we would have members of the royal family on board and they actually did tip. Big time, so for all those suggestions of peanuts etc get real and give a tip worth giving. Gold rolexs were given to the senior crew and I even got 100 pounds sterling and this was over 15 years ago. (and I didn't even give any special services)

Keep this funny thread going.

I tip only when the pilot is tipsy so he can afford th taxi back to his horel.

Welcome back, pilot!

Now if we could just locate that tipsy old female parent ;-)

That was my favourite.

>One clarification: the 15% to the pilot >should be before taxes (which can be >significant on an international flight)

Or better still, before he taxies.
I've often considered tipping American waiter/esses at the beginning of the meal.
That would prevent that dreadful "Is everything all right for you?" when I'm trying to carry on a conversation.

I'm glad to know that the tip should be based on the pre-tax fare. I feel sick when I think of all the money I've wasted over the years by tipping on the after tax fare.

I think it's time for an update to the rules, as most airlines are now adding a surcharge for fuel. Are we allowed to deduct that from the tip base as well? I think we should all give this some serious thought. I want to get this right. I would hate to appear cheap and offend the pilot by undertipping, but at the same time I do not want to throw away money unnecessarily if the fuel surcharge is an acceptable deduction. So tell me please, dear Fodorites, shall we deduct the surcharge or not?

And another important question: What if you paid nothing for the ticket, for example, it's a FF award ticket? Is it like using a restaurant coupon, where you base the tip amount on what you would have paid? Please help, I'm so confused.

I have seen this referred to many times but never read until now. Thanks for the much needed laughs fffs.

You've all been quite clever -- but you missed the real answer. "TIP" is an acronym for "To Insure Promptness" (T.I.P.). So the pilot's tip should always be caluculated based upon the arrival time of the flight. For instance:

30 or more minutes early: 20% of tkt $$$
15 - 29 minutes early: 15%
1 - 14 minutes early: 10%
On time: 5% of ticket price

For flights that arrive late, I wait until all the other passengers have de-planed and then I go directly to the pilot to collect my "late fee," usually in the form of free flight coupons. (The airlines don't advertise this because they don't want long lines.)

For those who question whether this is a joke . . . um, er, you may not be aware that with the new weight restrictions, you must get weighed at the airport and you pay extra if you're deemed overweight. And let's not even talk about traveling with emotional baggage!

Thanks for some great laughs.