When I was 12 years old, my parents left the FOUR of us with my grandparents and went on a week vacation. The youngest was 9 years old. They left with complete peace of mind because: a) they trusted we were old enough to handle the week separation, and 2) they trusted my grandparents. They had a blast and still talk about that trip. By the way, now, when they were hoping to travel to their's hearts conntent, my father is very ill and are unable to do it. Goes to tell you. <BR> <BR>I hate to get personal, but it appears you husband has an issue with intimacy and trust?

I actually think it can send a very healthy message to kids when parents go away on vacations and leave the kids at home (with a sitter). The message is: "Our marriage and time alone together is a priority for us, and we care enough about our relationship to spend time nurturing it and not just being parents." I for one wish my parents had done this when I was growing up. Instead, the message I got was that we (the kids rather than the parents) were the center of the world and family life revolved around us. I actually think it can be harmful when kids get the message that they are the most important priority in the family rather than the marriage between the parents. Kids need to know who is in control, and if parents are always sublimating their own needs and wants in favor of those of the children, the message kids get is that what the kids want, the kids shall receive. The kids are in control, not the parents. Kids who grow up with all the attention, all the time have a rude awakening when they get out into the real world and realize that the rest of the world doesn't care so much about what they want. <BR> <BR>Nineteen years is a long time to wait for a week alone with your husband. As long as you have someone you are comfortable leaving them with, I say go for it.

I am going to get blasted, but here it goes: American women are all "sex-up" in their single years and once they marry, they become way too much MOMMY. No wonder there is so much cheating going on. Marriage is work and couple's time should be as important as time with the kids.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Lisa said. I really don't see this as a huge issue if your kids are teenagers. As long as they are with someone that they trust, then they probably won't see a problem with it either. My mother and I are VERY close and she went off on vacations without me when I was a child and I thought nothing of it, and I'm an only child. We were better for it. She came back relaxed (and with presents for me!) and I was able to learn how to be independent. We all need to have time to ourselves, and I can't believe it's taken you 19 years to even consider taking a vacation without your children (no blame or anything, it's just surprising to me). Go and don't feel guilty. You and your husband will be happy you did!

I was one of those kids. I'm 24 and married now (no kids yet). <BR> <BR>I have two brothers and my parents took a one to two week trip alone once every year for my entire childhood....and we all turned out just fine! They took us on two trips a year. I know they looked forward to their trip alone. I think those trips they took alone has alot to do with them still being married. They were always soooo happy after they came back. You could just tell. It was something that brought them closer. <BR> <BR>Anyway, we always had a grandparent, cousin or close family friend stay with us until I was old enough to take care of both of my brothers. They would stay at our house so the 3 of us kids could stay on our normal routines with school, practice, etc. I don't think the 3 of us ever minded one bit when they took those trips.

we go on vacation without our 14 year old. we went to Europe in May 2000. she stayed with her older sister. we are going again in June 2001. We don't have to contend with the hassel of getting her out of school and she wants to go this time.

Our children are now 18 and 21, so we are the ones wishing they would come with us these days, but when they were younger we often took a week or 3 or 4 days here and there in addition to family trips. We have great family memories from the family trips, but also wonderful memories from the couple ones. Having a good caretaker in place is the key to peace of mind. We always had an after-school sitter who was a trusted and loved college student--my older daughter always said she was "my sister's babysitter and my companion" when queried by her friends. <BR> <BR>Nowadays we can leave them on their own, and I have to disagree with a previous poster who says you can't trust kids not to turn the house into party central. Just another example of the anti-teen and young people sentiment that seems so prevalent!

I agree whole-heartedly with Lisa, Badmom? (you're not a bad mom! I think it's great!), Anon and others who condone holidays sans children. I can't believe comments like "I'm horrified that anyone would leave a 4-month old behind and go off on a holiday. That child is still and infant and should be breast-fed." How and when you leave your children for a holiday is a personal choice made by caregivers, and no one should judge! Everyone has their own preferences and needs. (Oh, and here's one for Shocked--I stopped breastfeeding at 3 months!) I personally believe parents deserve an annual holiday sans children. And guess what I am a conservative, a stay-at-home mom with strong family values!

We have 2 kids, ages 5 and 2. we've already gone on two europe trips without them. It's critical to get away ALONE with your spouse!.. You re not a bad parent if you do so--the healthier your marrige is, the better you'll be to your kids. Also, you can take 7 to 10 days in europe without them and then spend 10 to 15 days of other vacations with them (and the trips with the kids don't have to be high end in terms of $; quality time is the key). I think this holds true no matter how old your kids are.

hey badmom, you asked if anyone thought you were a bad mother, I replied. If you don't like being judged, don't ask. But how silly of me to think you were still breast-feeding, you clearly stated that you were back at work when your child reached 3 weeks old.

Shocked, what's your problem? To the rest of the people who responded to my post, I really appreciate your opinions and suggestions!

I have a black lab and we leave her at the kennel about four weeks a year. The vet says they adjust and really don't mind. She is anxious to leave us (doesn't say goodbye) and is excited to see us. I think it works out great. I think "bad mom" is in the eyes of the beholder. I mean like, get a life. Kids are not the end of it. If you can't give enough to kids in 51 weeks, how will the additional 01.923% change their lives? Probably no where as much as a week for mom and dad to "recharge" and have a relationship. I would recommend Ayn Rand and her concept of the "virtue of selfishness" to anon's husband. Must not like being alone with her and what does that say? Just who is being abandoned? <BR> <BR>The youngest will be eighteen in seven years and since she probably feels suffocated by the *constant* presence of her parents, will probably want to escape and will likely be pregnant, thinking about whether she should go back to work three weeks after delivery. <BR> <BR>Anon's wife will have a real problem - empty nest and no caretaker around - he forgot how since it has been so long. <BR> <BR> Is Anon's wife happy giving up her life or is she thinking about going to France to meet "guy" so she can have a relationship with a "grown-up"? Probably deserves to get away without anybody....... Let him babysit if it is so damned important.

Anon, <BR>Because your children are the age they are, I think going away by yourselves would be fine. <BR>It may be strange for them, but if you feel strongly about it, I bet they would be O.K. <BR> <BR>BUT, my sister and I were (one of those <BR>who were)left at home while very young, and my parents traveled. <BR>This was in the late 1950's and early 1960's. <BR>My parents would go away at least once a year for a 10-14 day trip (sometimes even longer) <BR>We were left with our live-in housekeeper and another woman who was hired specifically to look after us, and make sure the house ran smoothly. <BR>I hated it!! <BR>One of my strongest memories of that time period, was of waiting at the airport for my parents to arrive back home. <BR>My sister and I knew all the stewardess uniforms by sight. <BR>This had such an effect on me that my husband and I have only been away for two overnights, since our children were born, and the oldest is now 13. <BR> <BR>Not all grandparents are an option for childcare , while parents go away. <BR>I could never leave my children with my parents, As much as I love them dearly, they are just not those kind of grandparents. <BR>Just like my grandparents were not at all the babysitting kind either. <BR> <BR>Anyway, to each their own, and each parent must make their own decisions in these matters. <BR> <BR>If you go, have a very good time and don't worry about the children.

Hey, I have a black lab also and they are a lot easier than kids!! I checked with the kennel and they said "NO, they would not take kids under any circumstances!"

We are leaving in about 2 months to Paris for 5 nights of fun and marriage enrichment........we have 3 children <BR>11, 6, & 3 (in 2 months). My mom will <BR>be coming up from Houston to spend some <BR>great time with her grandchildren (she <BR>sees them at most 2-3 times a year, some <BR>years less) <BR>We feel no guilt. Our kids understand that we are there for them 24-7! They <BR>also, except the younger, understand and <BR>appreciate the fact that we are in need <BR>of a adult break......to rekindle..... <BR>This will be the 1st ALONE break since <BR>our oldest was 1 year.... <BR>You should do what you feel is best in <BR>your heart.....

To m, <BR> <BR>Good for you! You deserve this getaway! Have a great time! Hope it goes well!

Here's a something that happened to my friend. Her husband would never take any trips without any of their kids. Later it was found out, that his girlfriend didn't approve of him being alone with his wife! He was always making excuses for why one of them should come with them. Not that this is happening to you, but just beaware. of the

This has been an interesting discussion. It reminds me of the day care vs. stay at home mom debate. I think it all boils down to this - some people need alone time with their spouse to strengthen their relationship - others find their relationships strong enjoying more family time -- I guess there is no right or wrong here. To each there own. Each family situation is different. <BR> <BR>For myself - I love our family vacations. My child is a wonderful addition to our trips. We leave our dog in the kennel and go. I also chose to work at home instead of placing her in day care - but that's me.

I'm 35 but I clearly remember what it was like being a kid. My parents are divorced and my mom left us with sitters, my dad or other relatives over the years to take business trips, holidays with friends, whatever. It was no big deal. Granted, we didn't like some of the sitters but we got over it. The best scenario was when we stayed with relatives that we liked. That way, we got a little vacation, too. I think the thing is to make sure you still take trips with the kids that they like and if they really want to go where you and hubby are going, plan another trip with them later. Have you asked your kids how they feel about it?

Shocked makes a very good point, people. Mothers should NEVER leave their infants. Nope. Not at all. That mom who went to a family wedding should have taken the infant along, even if it wasn't invited. It might cry during the service, but the only thing that matters is never disrupting the strong maternal bond between mother and child. <BR> <BR>Yes, the child might catch the flu or measles or chicken pox or something else it wasn't yet vaccinated against, but that would only make the mother-child bond impenetrable. Nothing a little Tylenol wouldn't fix. And if the baby got really sick, they probably have good hospitals wherever that mom was going. <BR> <BR>And Shocked, I am glad you dismissed out of hand the notion that a mom could prepare for time away from the baby by using a breast pump. Those machines are for other people. <BR> <BR>Shocked, thanks for letting us know that there is only one decent way to parent.