get

I guess I never expressly answered the question: How do you deal with relatives and friends who are jealous of your traveling? I don't tell them about it. Xman is right, "good friends" show interest in your interests, to a point. However, AS a "good friend" I won't make them feign interest once I realize they don't share that particular interest or are a little jealous.

kavey

getoverit <BR> <BR>thats precisely the point <BR> <BR>good friends do show an interest in your life even where it doesnt match up to their own interests, without having to fake it or without being jealous... <BR> <BR>i am not talking about having great long conversations about travel. but if a good friend new I had just got back from Africa or venice or wherever then I would be a little upset if they didnt even ask a simple question about whether i enjoyed it and briefly what i thought of it... <BR> <BR>thats all i would want <BR> <BR>i dont want or expect people to share my passions or talk at legth, just show a little interest in my life <BR> <BR>if they cant even do the bare minimum which is all i am looking for, they can take a hike... <BR> <BR>as i said, i am not into, cross-stitch etc, but many of my friends have a real passion for it, and because of that i am at least interested in what fairs they have been to, what projects they are working on, etc. <BR> <BR>support isnt just about supporting each other when in emotional distress - of course i dont need that kind of support! travel is my passion not something i do under duress... supporting friends in what they do is an ongiong thing, and doesnt have to be major major <BR> <BR>i obviously am not expressing what i mean since you seem to be completely misinterpreting it <BR> <BR>though maybe you're just baiting <BR> <BR>i know what i mean and i think a few others do, so with that, i give up

xxx

another twist on Denise's problem - how do you deal with colleagues who comment on your travels. I feel like this situation is even more uncomfortable in a work environment. I work at a job where I get 4 weeks of vacation. I am young, single and have no kids and am trying to you every vacation day to do all the traveling I can now. I don't tell people about my plans but inevitably it comes up in polite conversation when you need to inform people that you will be out of the office. I am not extravagent on my trips but the reactions of other people make me feel like I'm being extravagent. Has anyone had the same experience?

holly

To XXX: <BR> <BR>I fit the same profile as you: single, travel a lot etc - but otherwise, no, i have not had the same experience re: traveling. I do occasionally get reactions/comments re: marathons, triathlons, especially this time of year, e.g. "why do you do that - are you crazy?" I simply don't worry about it. I travel, participate in sports, etc because I WANT to - not to get a reaction out of other people. <BR> <BR>

Robin

I used to think it was "travel envy" but now I really don't think it is. As I grow older I realize that I am the only person I know who has a true passion for travel. Most of our friends are off with their kids doing "kid things" and we, who are childless by choice, spend our time traveling. It would be wonderful if we had some friends that enjoyed travel the way we do but unfortunately that's not the case. It sure won't stop us from traveling! Hey, it's all about the choices we make. No one has a right to tell you that having kids is the right thing to do and traveling is wrong. It's all about what's right for you. If someone thinks you're selfish for wanting to travel instead of having children, that's their problem! <BR> <BR>Frankly, I think our friends and family don't ask about our trips because they have no frame of reference. Most people we know have never been outside the U.S. If you've never been to or even heard of the Black Forest for instance, how would you come up with an intelligent question to ask? The conversation will end quickly because the person you're talking to has nothing to contribute! It's likely that their idea of travel is going to the same place year after year after year! So, I guess if our trip was to Disneyworld, that would be another thing entirely. The topic would be endless! I'm sure it's because most people have either been, seen it on TV or can somehow make a connection with it. Now, tell that same person you're going to the Amalfi Coast and they'll probably change the subject. Go figure! <BR> <BR>Denise, you can talk to us about your trips here. We'll be excited for you. <BR> <BR>

parents

O.K., let's take getoverit's message and change a few key words: <BR> <BR>Message: Why do you feel compelled to talk about your KIDS? Why do so many people feel that way, and are shocked, (SHOCKED, I say) to hear that others do NOT want to hear about their KIDS? As a rule, people are not interested in others' KIDS. It used to be a bad joke about the couple that invites others over to watch their KID'S slide show, yet that joke lives on!! Reproduce and enjoy. Discuss breeding with those who reciprocate, but otherwise keep it to yourself. This should be easy, unless you breed so you can show off to your "friends". (and get attention) If so, your money would be better spent on a new Lexus (and your "friends" will be much more impressed).

Linda McIlwain

Hi Denise <BR>First of all, the way you and your husband choose to spend your money is a very private matter. You need to politely tell your MIL that it is none of her business. Secondly, the decision to have children is also a very private matter. This is your second chance to tell your MIL to mind her own business. It sounds as though she feels that she needs a grandchild to fulfill the part of her life that has an obvious void. Thirdly, a gift is something "you" choose to buy someone. I would cease buying her any gifts and she will get the message loud and clear. Fourth, your husband is wrapped around his mother's pinky and only he can undo this but with some of your help. It sounds like you and your husband need to tell your MIL to get a life and to mind her own business. I finally had to tell my MIL not to complain to her son (my husband) every time she calls him. I reminded her that she is the only one left counting the number of years she has been divorced. If I were your husband, I would definitely not take her on any more trips since she is obviously very unappreciative. Finally, the best people to share your travel experiences with are the people on this site and others who share your passion. <BR>Live your dreams!!! <BR>Linda

kk

An example....no frame of reference: <BR>Last week a work colleague saw my office for the first time. She looked shocked. "What's this?" she asked. "Do you have a thing about old buildings?" <BR>She was looking at all the photo montages that fill my room, mementos of my precious European trips. I don't think she's ever been out of the southwest US. She's a lovely person, but felt out of her depth. I pointed out photos from Berlin, Prague, the Cotswolds, and so on. And then she got quiet. Hey, to each his own, I say. At least we have each other, here on Fodors. I don't expect everyone to share my passions, just a few do nicely.

Matt

If you perceive that friends or relatives are jealous of your travels and this bothers you (which is only human), than simply ask them why. Have a real conversation. Go deep. Conflicts/problems start with wrong assumptions which leads to misunderstanding which leads to conflict which leads to .....

holly

Someone please help me out here - does ANYONE detect the arrogance in these posts? <BR> <BR>I'm starting to see a pattern here. In this thread, and similar ones, i hear direct remarks as well as implications that overseas travel is a reflection of being more adventurous, sophisticated, educated, cultured, wealthly, etc. Yet, virtually all of the people complaining state that no one is interested in their trips claim that they do not know anyone else who as been overseas. What does that say about the circles they live/work in? Hmm.

Robin

Holly, <BR> <BR>What it says to me is that while my husband and I are spending our hard earned money on trips, our friends are saving money for their kids college fund! <BR> <BR>But since you mention it, quite frankly I do think that those of us who have a desire to travel have greater interest in culture, architecture, and history than someone who doesn't travel. Am I saying that makes me a better person, NO! Am I smarter....NO! Am I a better person for liking these things...NO!!!

Mrs. Narsty

Okay, I'm not going to help things cool down here. Maybe it's the heat.... <BR> <BR>When I moved to a small midwestern town, all anyone talked about was kids, school, real estate, and cooking. If I even brought up something as controversial as a movie, they looked as if I'd revealed my hysterectomy scar. The men could talk politics, but not the women. The worst thing anyone could say about something (a book, a dress, a work of art, a way of life) was that it was "different." <BR> <BR>If I so much as whispered anything about a trip to Europe I'd taken 20 years earlier, I got a lot of "gentle" put-downs and reminders that not everyone can travel and not everyone thinks Europe is a place to visit. I learned to "adapt" -- when in (irony) Rome.... but it drove me crazy, and when I got a chance to move back to a more open, sophisticated community, it was like learning to breathe deeply again. <BR> <BR>Robin: you should definitely be saving for your kids' education, lest they have narrow horizons, too. BUT, do I think you are a richer person for having traveled? Yes. Not more moral or with an automatically increased IQ, but certainly more informed and certainly with an "elastic" outlook that can expand to include other ways of looking at things. <BR> <BR>What this thread is about is a certain tyranny of the narrow that is threatened by the "different." Jealousy is part of it, but you know very well that if some of these people had money, they wouldn't use it to broaden their minds, just their behinds. <BR> <BR>Yep, this is a snobbery on my part, but don't overlook the "reverse snobbery" I'm criticising -- esp. if that reverse snobbery's aim is to keep people from learning, experiencing, exploring.

get

To "parents should": You post is interesting and could be applied to any subject, and my point would still ring true: If you are a true friend, you should not beat your uninterested friends over the head with subjects they don't care about. If you truly enjoy something (and not just doing it to impress others or make them jealous) that simple pleasure is enough. If your "friends" only want to talk about children, and you only want to talk about travel, I do not see what you have in common. Having said that, although it wasn't my beef, to compare the whimsy of travel to the miracle of children reveals a true lack of depth. Still each person should be sensitive to another's interests. Ironically, to apply the original poster's philosophy to other posts on this thread regarding children, one would have to conclude that those who complain about people who talk about their children are actually jealous of their parent-friends. Somehow, I doubt that is the case. Yet, since the subject is travel, these same people jump to defend the original poster's philosophy.

dan woodlief

I can't say I think I am superior for traveling and enjoying it. I do think it has given me something that my non-traveling friends don't have, but I am sure they have things I don't as well. Personally, I really don't like hunting, but most of my family loves it. I at least try to show some interest in their hobbies by asking questions, but I don't criticize their hobbies when talking to them (and as I have said, they don't criticize mine either). People just like different things, and they don't all have to have obvious benefits. For example, a lot of people like to collect things (I am one of them). Other than possibly serving as decor, these items can take up a lot of space and cost a lot of money. In fact, I changed my priorities a few years ago and shifted most of the money spent on collecting to travel and photography. I decided I preferred to do rather than have.

Jaba

Of course, if all you can talk about is travel and/or your children, then you don't make for a very exciting dinner guest. GEEZ, I live in the midwest, and I like to talk travel, AND children, AND any number of subjects. Part of being a good conversationalist is being able to find mutually interesting subjects and discussing them intelligently. Just because a topic doesn't interest me, doesn't make me any less of a person or "jealous". Different strokes for different folks. However, if someone MUST beat me over the head with his or her professional accomplishments, recent luxury purchases, perhaps even travel (I'm not interested in every location that someone may have traveled to) or similar topics, then that person is a boor (and a bore). Frankly, what has been described as being a "friend" here sounds a lot like being a boor. Perhaps some of you need new friends?!

mike

Holly - <BR> <BR>I agree - the arrogance is unbelieveable. It never occurred to me that traveling overseas should give me such a sense of self-importance.

holly

In answer to the original question - tell them exactly how uniquely cultured and adventurous, then hit them over the head with their cross-stitch.

holly

oops - "how uniquely cultured and adventurous you are"

greenwithenvy

jealous, schmealous

ellen

Living and working in the Washington, D.C., area, I've found that my friends and acquaintances just about all travel or if they don't, they wish they could. One way to meet people with similar interests is to study a language. I have been studying Italian for two years and have made several good friends. Not surprisingly, just about all of my classmates travel to Italy regularly. I bet if you studied French you'd meet lots of folks who travel to France a lot. I realize that DC offers classes and events not found in smaller U.S. cities, but maybe if you look, you'll find something near you, perhaps community college adult ed.