dan woodlief

I sympathize. I really don't get this much from family members on either side. They all know how I am. They know why I travel and would be shocked if I didn't because it is what I have wanted since I was a little kid. How many 6 year olds would rather go to a history museum than do just about anything else? Most friends see it the same way. Where I have problems is finding a way to discuss my travels with friends or acquaintances without seeming like I am boasting (because it is a simple fact that many see it as something they could never afford to do). Just this weekend, at a high school reunion a friend said "when did you do all that traveling" (she had recently seen my Web site), and I mentioned that we are going to Italy this fall. Her response was "we just want to go to Dallas." She is one of the sincerely nicest people I have ever known, and I know she wouldn't be jealous about it, but comments like that make me realize how some other people might take it. I didn't discuss it with anyone else at the reunion. One of the great things about this site is that it offers a place for real travel nuts to come together and share their passions with others who understand.

Al

The root of the problem is cultural. You have an appreciation for a certain aspect of culture which others do not share. I, for one, get very itchy when certain subjects dominate a conversation. Subjects such as opera or golf. How do I survive these episodes of tedium? I ask questions. I do not try to win others to my point of view; I'm too old (wise?) to think that my viewpoint is the only viewpoint. So learn to live in semi-loneliness, cherishing travel as your cultural "outlet" and let others do the same. Don't sweat the small stuff.

JJ

Did you read the posts under "irritating question"? (Or was it "annoying question"?). Pretty much the same issue. <BR> <BR>My guess is that Denise's problems continue because she and her husband are cowed by the whole situation, and they react apologetically and grovelling. One suspects that maybe at a very deep level perhaps there's even a smidgen of needing others to care that they travel. <BR> <BR>You don't have to rub their noses in the fact that you travel or the details, but you also don't have to apologize: "We were out of town." "Oh, really, where?" "Paris." "Paree, huh! I wish I had that kind of money and time to go galavanting off to Paree." "Yes, it was nice, we had a good time." "Well, Dogpatch USA is fine for me." "I'm glad. Pass the salt." <BR> <BR>Eventually, you might have to have a showdown with chronic offenders: "You know, Guy, you clearly don't approve of where we go or how we spend our money, but I do get tired of hearing you say so. Let's make a deal: you knock it off and let's find something else to talk about, or we else we'll probably have to skip talking about much of anything at all." <BR> <BR>Denise's husband needs to deal much more firmly with his mother, setting limits, boundaries, and ground rules. Denise needs to find other friends to talk about travel. <BR> <BR>And in case it isn't obvious, Denise: part of the "price" of being in a better position than others around you is that you need to make an effort to be interested in whatever happens in their life, even if it isn't Paris.

xman

Cut the cord. Mommy seems to be a little to control oriented. Her problems go far beyond what you mentioned. As far as yor friends. Eh, that's your call, but birds of a feather. My friends and I exchange stories and once in a while go together. A good friend is always happy that their friends lead a happy life. They support them in their endeavors. Similar to a good marriage. That's just my opinion.

get

Why do you feel compelled to talk about your vacations? Why do so many people on this board feel that way, and are shocked, (SHOCKED, I say) to hear that others do NOT want to hear about their vacations? As a rule, people are not interested in others' vacations. It used to be a bad joke about the couple that invites others over to watch their vacation slide show, yet that joke lives on here!! Travel and enjoy. Discuss travel with those who reciprocate, but otherwise keep it to yourself. This should be easy, unless you travel so you can show off to our "friends". If so, your money would be better spent on a new Lexis (and your "friends" will be much more impressed).

holly

Denise: <BR> <BR>1) The biggest problem here appears to be your husband - from what you've said, your MIL seems to have an extreme amount of control over a (presumably) grown man. <BR> <BR>2) Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. If you truly are not "competing" with your friend over vacations, how could it possibly bother you that he follows your lead in enjoying travel. If your motive in traveling is to see, experience and enjoy other parts of the world, how could another person's travel possibly bother you? Are you sure you aren't trying to stay one step ahead of the Joneses?

Dawn

All - I have to comment on this topic because I know how Denise (the original author) feels. I'm simply amazed when I return from any overseas holiday and all my relatives ask was "how was the weather?" Boy it gets me steamed and then my husband and I just laugh and laugh! My mother says the same things, "Why don't you just wear sneakers to Europe and be comfortable?" "Why do you always get so dressed up when you travel?" "Why would you want to leave America and spend your money elsewhere?"...Etc Etc Etc. It's funny to see that there are others out there to share my thoughts. I know I have ignorant parents. I know by travelling and educating myself about the world I won't turn out like them. That's my advice to Denise. Who cares about what people think? I don't have kids either and I'm the same way. When my sister comes back from Disneyworld with her obnoxious over-indulged kids and spent a fortune, I ask very candidly "How's the weather?"

Surlok

I completely agree with Holly. Your biggest problem seems to be your husband, and the way he lets his mom to take control over him. <BR> <BR>I also don't see why others have to share your interest for traveling. I don't travel to tell others what I saw or experienced, but for the sake of living the experience myself. Sure, it's pleasant when we find someone who shares our interest, but friendship is something that goes beyond sharing travel experience, don't you think? <BR> <BR>Surlok

holly

Some of the people here should review their own posts and discover how hostile, arrogant and hypocritical they sound. They don't want people judging/questioning/criticizing their own interests, but they are more than happy to do it to others. This kind of behavior gives others who travel abroad a bad name. The best example of this problem is that some of the people who posted to the similar "irritating question" thread ALSO posted to a thread re: places they would never travel. Enjoy your trips, enjoy your life, and stop worrying so much about what others think.

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get

Well said, Holly.

Ian G

Send these people postcards stating, <BR>"I am considering your observations <BR>about our traveling, as I sit here <BR>sipping espresso on the Rue...I'll <BR>let you know what I decide. Love <BR>and kisses..." <BR> <BR>Then sign it----boldly.

beenthere

Kudos to you Dawn. I feel the same. Besides travel I have come to realize in the past 19 yrs (I am 38) there are too many jealous people around, and I tend to downplay anything I do, women friends are the worst, I tend to develop friends and a lot of them are older who appreciate and respect the finer things without waving a flag how they paid to get something cheap and had a negative attitude toward you. Who needs friends like that. No one's business what I do anymore, I must live for me and avoid the rotten envy ridden comments people make. I am much happier but I feel very sorry for those who are jealous, my parents raised me not to be like that. <BR>

Kavey

In reply to get over it... <BR> <BR>There is a big difference in expecting to be able to talk all the time to your friends about your own interest and in having your friends show a little support for a few minutes every now and then in your interests. <BR> <BR>I have many friends who are not into travel and would never expect to tell them all about the details of my trips and what we saw and everything else. However if they know I have been away they will at least ask how it was, whether I enjoyed it and be willing to chat about it for a FEW minutes. <BR> <BR>Likewise if they are really into football or cross-stich or golf or something else and have recently had some big event on, I will also show an interest. I might not be into any of those things myself, but I am interested in my friends, and want to show them that I value their choices and am interested in them. <BR> <BR>its about showing a genuine interest in your friends not about talking about an actual topic. <BR> <BR>It's got nothing to do with showing of, I know friends who spend more on a washing machine or a hi fi than I do on travel. <BR> <BR>It's not about wanting to talk travel all night, though I have a few friends I do that with. <BR> <BR>Its about support and showing that support. <BR> <BR>

Karen

I was a military brat and used to traveling. I met a man from LOUISIANA! and have been here ever since. I am in my forties and finally have some cash to start traveling and I agree that most of the people I know just do not have the "itch" I have to see the world. My sister-in-law says she would rather have a diamond ring than go to Europe. To me there is no contest. I want to experience life. Anyone out there from the New Orleans, LA area? I would love to talk to a travel lover from this area. In New Orleans a big vacation is to go to the Florida Panhandle for three nights.

get

To Kavey: <BR> <BR>Who needs "support" about a wonderful European vacation? I suppose you would need some "support" upon hearing you just inheritted a cool million (dollars, hopefully, not lira). Maybe my moniker should be "give me a break". Different people have different interests. The original poster showed her colors when she identified those who were not interested in her vacations as "jealous". AND what if they are jealous. Don't try to justify who has what or who spends what on what. Talking about luxury items -- and travel is a luxury -- can be less than tactful. Simpering that no one seems to understand is downright spoiled and sad.

holly

Getoverit raises a good point about "different people having different interests," a concept that seems to be lost on some of those who claim to be more open-minded, sophisticated etc. It appears that many people who claim to be more evolved and enlightened by their travels simply aren't. And why the assumption that people with different interests are "jealous"?

kk

Dear Denise, I have a husband and mother-in-law situation similar to yours and it is SO easy for others to say, cut the aprons strings. Would that it were that simple, right? If it were that easy I would've whacked that apron string with a cleaver 26 years ago, but hey, who's counting! <BR> <BR>I cannot help you with that problem except give you tons of sympathy about a situation you can't do much about, but I can suggest that you give up totally on sharing your trips with those who really aren't interested. Why bother? DO find people who are as keen on travel as you and share your memories, photos, whatever with them. When you have people you can do that with in great, loving, slow details, then you don't need the others. I have one personal friend (and her husband) and one friend at work with whom I can squeal and drool and reminisce and it is heaven. We all get so excited when the other gets to go somewhere. And I live vicariously through their trips, too. It's really neat. All of us haunt this Europe forum on Fodors. <BR> <BR>But, back to the m-in-law Problem. DOn't listen to her complain. Change the subject. Leave the room. Ask her why she should care. Why she thinks it is her business. Now, the only thing wrong with those lines of attack would be if your husband has problems with your doing that. Then you really really do have an issue, that has to effect much more than just your traveling lives. For that, my dear, I would recommend therapy.

xman

Any "Good Friend" will show interest in whatever you do. That is a friend. As one poster put it some people like football (and how they drone on), some people like cooking, we like traveling. I'm sure my friends out up with some of my conversations and I with theirs. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone what's the harm? <BR> <BR>As far as Mommy and son (Hubby). Have you ever watched "Sex in the City"?

holly

Xman: <BR> <BR>I agree that friends will show an interest in others hobbies, etc. But don't you notice that in the tenor of many of these postings and in similar thread that a lot of people on this board think their interest in travel is "better" than other people's interests? I have encountered people like this who try to get me to agree that my experience with overseas travel (at least to Europe) somehow makes me superior to others. Strangely, some of these SAME people question why I have traveled to other parts of the world, e.g. Africa and Central America. Why the inconsistency?Can someone who please explain.