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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 04:21 PM
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Help with first trip to Europe

Someone told me I should post this on the Europe board instead of the US Board.

Hi, my sister Marge told me about this site. Alf and I are planning our first trip to a foreign country since we went to Arkansas, and hope you can help us.

We plan to spend 7 days in Europe in August visiting London, Paris, Rome, Munich, Venice, and Athens, spending one day in each city and traveling at night to the next. Do you think this is too ambitious?

What are the best things to see in each of these cities?

We’d like to stay in the best part of each city in first class hotels. Can you recommend a hotel in each that we can get for less than $100 per night?

I’ve read that you should pack light. Are two 26 inch rolling suitcases and two garment bags ok? Will they fit in the overhead compartment on the airplane?

Speaking of airplanes, how can we get upgraded to first class? Does it help to get to the airport early? Can you bribe the ticket agent?

At home I like to wear halter tops and short shorts. Alf likes t-shirts, jeans and cowboy boots. We both bought new white sneakers. Will this be ok to wear to St. Peters in Rome? Is there anything else we should bring besides our fanny packs?

What about terrorists? Do you think people will know we are Americans? Should we disguise ourselves? Will Canadian patches on our fanny packs work? Does it help if we say we voted for John Kerry?

Are French people really as rude as people say?

Do a lot of people in these countries smoke. Alf and I both hate smoking. At home we make people put out their cigarettes when they are around us.

We’ve heard there are pickpockets all over Europe. Should we carry our money in our underwear? How do you get it out politely if you do?

Will they accept American dollars. We don’t have an ATM card anymore, something about overdrafts. Can we just use our credit cards? Which one works best, Sears or Pennys? Do European stores refuse you if you are over your credit limit.

Alf really likes home cooking. Are there plenty of McDonalds, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken places in these cities? Is it safe to drink the water? Do they have any 7-11’s that sell those big gulp drinks?

Is there any chance that it will rain while we are there?

Does everyone speak English over there or just foreign languages?

Thanks so much for your help

Mildred

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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 04:25 PM
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Yes.
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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 04:35 PM
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No.
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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 04:43 PM
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Mildred

Don't worry about the language problem. If they don't understand you, just talk louder.

LOL
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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 04:51 PM
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Its kind of funny when you read all these dumb questions that you've read in so many other posts. Go Mildred.
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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 05:22 PM
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Well hello there Mildred!

What an interesting trip you will have, LOL. I can see you have put a lot of thought into these questions.

OK, here goes, sure you can get to all the places in 7 days. However since you only listed 6 cities and you have 7 days don't you want to try to squeeze in one more place. Dublin or Amsterdam or Prague perhaps.

Best things to see in each city? Oh I don't know, none of these cities have much to offer do they? They are old, set in their ways, people drive like madmen etc. Pickpockets everywhere. Maybe go to a church in each place, light a candle and say a prayer of thanks though that you have been able to take this fantastic European trip.

Regarding hotels, since you will be traveling at night I think you should look for the best hotel that rents rooms by the hour. That way you should be able to stay within your budget. I mean, you really will not be needing a hotel for more then a couple of hours per city will you?

About your luggage. I think you will find that 26 inch rolling suitcases and two garmet bags will not be enough for this extensive trip. Better plan on taking two suitcases each, plus your two garment bags and of course two carryon bags. Regarding fitting them into the overhad compartment on the airplane, well heck, if there isn't enough room just toss some of the bags that thoughtless travelers have already stuffed into the bins at them. I mean this is your trip of a lifetime so others will just have to understand that your priorities come first, don't ya think?

Regarding getting upgraded to first. I wouldn't do anything stupid like trying to bribe the ticket agent. Heck, just throw a temper tantrum. I am sure the airline personnel will hustle your tails into first class as quick as possible, anything to get you out of their way. Oh by the way, since you no doubt will be in first class just let the lazy attendants deal with your luggage, isn't that their job? Just make sure they bring you some French Champagne before they start their huffing and puffing while they try to figure out where to stuff your luggage. If they give you any lip just tell them to stuff it!

Regarding your wardrobes. Bet Alf looks adorable in his outfit. And won't you get the attention from all those European wolves with your darling short shorts and halter top! You will be the envy of every other American woman visiting Europe. Regarding your visit to St. Peter's however. You probably should buy a tablecloth at one of the European outside markets. Be sure to barter about the price, insult them if you have to in order to get the price down. You know how we Americans are always taken advantage of when we travel. But anyway, back to the tablecloth. You can then wrap that around you when you visit St. Peters. Be sure to bring some safetypins with you so you can pin the tablecloth securily around you. Those Swiss Guards are a bunch of real uptight so and so's if you know what I mean. Another great idea, after you return home you can give this tablecloth to your mother-in-law as a present. Might want to wash and iron first of course. Know how critical mother-in-laws can get with their son's wife.


Regarding the new white sneakers. Just a word of caution. Do NOT wear them while visiting Paris. I don't want to insult our dear French friends but have heard horror stories about all the dog poop on the sidewalks. Urine too, although I understand a lot of that is not from the French dogs. Just a thought because if you do wear them in Paris they will not be white for long, will they?

Regarding the terrorist. I am sure they will be so stunned by the sight of you and Alf they won't be able to get their little peabrains working properly to do you any harm.

And I wouldn't wear Canadian patches on your fanny packs, or on your fanny either for that matter. You are will be representing not only American but your grand state of Arkansas. You be proud of who you are girl! We all thank you here on Fodors in advance for the fine impression you will make with the French. And for heavens sakes "NO" why do you want to tell them you voted for John Kerry. He is such a loser. Of course you will not them to think you voted for Bush so in the interest of world diplomacy just tell them you and Alf never vote. But that you will both register and vote as soon as America comes up with a political candidate that is worthy of your vote. That will impress those French people I am sure.

About the cigarette smoke. Oh sigh, yes that will be a problem. Well except in Rome and Venice. Their progressive government does not allow smoking in any public building so you are safe there. But in Italy do not sit at the outdoor cafes, there will be cigarette smoke. But know what, if you put up a big enough stink (hehe, how is that a good play on words) I am sure the Italians will immediately put out their cigarettes. They are know for following every law in their country to the T. Oh wait, maybe that are the Germans. So hard to keep track of all those people, isn't it.

You ask if you should carry your money in your underwear? You WEAR underwear. I had no idea! I thought that people in Arkansa....oh never mind, obviously that is just a false rumor. Anway Mildred, just think how those European men will gasp with joy when you put your 3 inch red polished nails down the front of your halter top to pull out your money. They will probably be so flustered they will forget that you even owe them money. Don't YOU try this with the European women though. You let Alf do his thing. You know what I mean, hand down the front of his pant. With the way all the European men have affairs behind their wives backs, sometimes in front of them too, the dear darlings will no doubt be thrilled to see Alf retreive his money. But don't count on their forgetting he has to pay then. Those European women keep an eagle eye on finances, let me tell you.

About the actual money. You certainly don't have any problem there. You just shove your American dollars at them and let them know that this is what you are paying with and they can take it or leave it. Believe you me, they will take it. And don't you let them try to tell you that our wonderful American dollars is not worth as much as a dollar of their funny money. No sir, you stand up for your rights and your country. I would pay all cash BTW, your Sears or Penny's credit card (I have heard) will charge you an additional 10% just for using their card out of the US. Don't know about Walmart's card though. Since you are from Arkansas you might check with Walmart's corporate headquarters. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't waive all the extra fees they charge. I mean, we know how they pride themselves on taking care of us Americans. That is one true red, white and blue company.
Of course a lot of the employees are red for working all day without even a bathroom break, they are white because the only nonwhite people that work for them are "behind the scenes" so to speak, like the illigal immigrants that clean the stores after hours. And blue, well I have heard their employees sure are blue but Walmart denies it, time and time again.

I am glad that you are planning on finding McDonalds and the lie Mildred. So much better for you and tastier too. You just never know what those foreigners will sneak into their homecooked dishes. You just can't be to careful, can you? And no problem about finding our fine fastfood restaurants. Starbucks too. In fact these companies are opening new locations in Europe just as fast as they can.

I don't know about the big gulp drinks but for heaven sakes, do drink the bottled water. In fact take a lot of bottles on the airplane with you. I am sure you too have heard how vile the airplane water is. But let's not go into details here, we don't want to make the other Fodorites gag, the poor dears. Do not drink any water in Europe. Rumors have floated for years how deathly ill one can become with the water over there. And you sure don't want to end up in one of their emergency rooms. No telling what kind of medical treatment you would receive.

Rain, well like Europe, the weather there is soooo unpredictable. Can you take a couple of large plastic garbage bags with you. That way if it does rain you and Alf can just cut a hole on the seam and slip and dear little heads through and voila!! A rain poncho. But, be sure the garbage bags are black. So much more of a fashionable color.

Now, about the languages. Unfortunatly not everyone speaks or understands English. Personally, just between you and I, I think everyone does but they do like to play games with us and pretend they don't sometimes. Also they get lazy too, so they just shrug and pretend they don't understand. It is sooooo irritating.
About their speaking foreign languages. I guess, who knows what they are speaking. Another thead referred to their talk as gibberish. Best description I have ever heard. Oh, don't forget, if you run into a stubborn European who pretends to not understand English you just speak louder and louder. Finally, just to save their eardrums they will, for sure, remember that they DO understand and speak English.

You will just have to stay on your toes Mildred, Alf too, and not let those foreigners get away with anything. You are an American. Not only that your - oops, I just realized your are NOT from Arkansas. Stupid me. Of course, your said your only other foreign trip was TO Arkansas. Where, ya'll from? I bet (hint was Alf's cowboy boots) you are from Texas? Well if so, don't even mention it in Europe, you know, Bush and all. We do want you to come home safe and sound.

Now you both have a fantastic and beautiful trip. And don't forget to write a trip report when you get home so we can all revell in this vacation of a lifetime!

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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 05:35 PM
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LoveItaly
Thanks so much for your reply. My sister Marge told me this board was great for getting the real inside information.
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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 05:38 PM
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Hello Mildred, you have one smart sister, that is for sure!
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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 06:16 PM
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The fruit is terrific in Europe! You will love it so much you will want to bring some home with you. Just tell the nice man with the doggy in customs that you want to try growing some orange trees in your backyard. They should wave you right through since you seem like such a nice couple. Be sure to give the pup sitting right beside you a pat on the head and scratch on the tummy. It is a hard job that he has to do.

Oh, don't forget to bring home some tasty, fresh beef imported from England. I hear it makes for a much better burger than you can get here in the states.

I also hear that they are now encouraging you to put sterno in your carry on luggage in the event that your food isn't heated to your liking. You know, those poor flight attendants will be grateful that you didn't pester them because your meal was still icy.

I hope you have as much enjoyment on your trip as you have given me tonight!

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Old Apr 26th, 2005, 06:29 PM
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You and me.
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Old Apr 27th, 2005, 09:21 AM
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I was so amused by this, I can't help but bump it back to the top!

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Old Apr 27th, 2005, 09:40 AM
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hey, Mildred . I hear the latest in Italian fashion is to wear a vikini
with cowboy boots to the vatican. so, you'll be okayyyy! Also, don't forget the sun glasses and
a couple of beers is very hot in Rome.
At st.peters square.don't forget to
scream really loud so you can hear the
great eco. like very louddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd LOLOLLLLLLLLLL!
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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 07:29 PM
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I thought I would add my two cents since I AM Canadian and I find it very odd that an American would put a Canadian flag on anything they own whilst traveling that is just plain stupid. Not only are you trying to impersonate being Canada, we don't want people like you pretending to be from our peaceful nation just beacuse yours is up to its ears in war. I hope this isn't taken lightly. I find it very insulting to even hear of such a thing. I am not trying to be rude, but I find it rude that an American would do this, it's so typical. None of my American friends or family would do that, I don't know why you'd even think about that. *shakes her head*
So sad
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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 07:44 PM
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This is your first trip to Europe, right? You really need to fixate on the "overview" aspect, assuming you'll be back. That given, I think you should seriously consider adding Salzburg, Prague, Krakow, and Copenhagen to the itinerary. There's all kinds of cheap fares on trains and airlines these days to make this a dream come true! Don't let yourself down - make the most of this trip to YoorUp!
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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 07:48 PM
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Don`t worry damita98, they can`t fool us Europeans. We know thew difference between good end evil, when we see it ;-)
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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 08:35 PM
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Damita. Damita. Damita.

I heard a great joke the other night...they said how the U.S. charges into any war it can get its hands on, meanwhile Canada still acts like Britain's little brother...whenever the Brits get into a war, Canada asks "Can we come?"

Historically speaking, Canadians have actually entered most of the major wars (Korea, Vietnam, WWI and II, before the US...but then again that is tied to their/your connection to the Queen.

Don't you worry...I'll never plaster a Canadian flag to anything I own, even though I'm married to a Canadian. I much prefer the rather brilliantly designed Brazilian flag, but then I'm from there originally, so I'm biased. I'm especially amused by the "Ordem e Progresso" on the flag...which means "Order and Progress" of which we Brazilians have neither. Yet.

Viva Brasil!

Jules
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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 09:50 PM
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Don't know how I missed this one the first time around. LoveItaly, you have outdone yourself on this one! Truly LOL!
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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 10:23 PM
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OMG DeeDee, forgot about this post, LOL. How strange, our dear Mildred and Alf never did file a trip report. Do you think they are still over their in some foreign country? Maybe they never found the airport in the last country they were in so they could fly home. You think?
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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 10:39 PM
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Ya never know what may have happened, although they said they were going in August, although they didn't say that would be this August, do they??

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Old Jul 14th, 2005, 11:35 PM
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DeeDee, an August trip!! Of course, dumb me. Can't very well expect them to post a trip report in the middle of July when their trip isn't until August can we?

Well then, there is always hope that we will find out about this fab trip within 6 weeks. Thanks DeeDee, sometimes I too need help, especially with my reading comprehension if you know what I mean. You all take good care now, you hear.
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