loving mom

To all loving parents!<BR>My other son who is 16 yr. old is hesistant of joining us to Paris over the holidays that I already booked. Several months ago he was excited of going to visit museums/architecture but now that he has a new girlfriend he'd rather be with her instead. We told him that we are not going to force him of going to this upcoming trip and be miserable but he responded "OK I don't want to be selfish" - but he wants to shorten the trip which I already confirmed and fully paid for. My husband and I definitely can not leave him alone in the house and we don't have any relatives who lives nearby. We decided to go on this trip as a family( which is going to be his last one with us) before he takes off to college. Although my husband told me that he is willing to stay with my son at home and me and my other son proceed with our plan but I'd rather cancel the whole trip if we are not going to be traveling together as a family.<BR>If you were in my place what would you do?<BR>I do appreciate your thoughts.Thank you in advance.<BR><BR>

no

He's 16 - you're the parent. He goes.

kate

I don't know about in America, but here in the UK it's quite normal for teenagers from the age of 16 to stop going on holiday with their parents (it really depends on the teenager). Have you thought of taking the girlfriend as well? Would her parents pay for her share? It might be a good compromise.

comeon

Are you really serious? He goes. You are the Parent. Act like it.

Tom

With all due respect, you are the parent. He goes. Period. No whining, no wailing tolerated. He should be grateful to have the opportunity. Who is trying to control whom? He wants you to compromise but he doesn't want to. A previous poster suggested the girlfriend go along as well. Interesting idea if her parents pay, but please don't tell me you'd let them share the same room! Your husband and you have to put your feet down: he goes. End of story. What are you going to do when he goes to college? Cancel airplane tickets for him to come home on holiday and pay a stiff penalty or lose your money because your "little darling" doesn't want or thinks he needs to respect his parents by paying them a visit? Yet they can pay for the tuition?

xx

You know, <BR><BR>My grandparents wanted to take my sister and my to Spain and Portugal when I was 15 and I turned it down. To this day my sister has not forgiven me and I regret it. Wish they forced me to go. <BR><BR>

orgy7

obviously thier is no issur here.. his sorry ass is going too france.. <BR><BR>I've never heard of a teenager being miserable on a trip or durring much of anything. <BR><BR>please don't tell me that this may be the first time you put your foot down with your son...<BR><BR>Anyways have fun, He may be thinking of the girl durring the trip. But as he grows up. he'll just remember the sites and experiences of being in Peris..

Mom, Also

Yep, he committed to it several months ago; he needs to honor his commitments, esp. when they involve disappointing other folks and large amounts of $$. Perhaps this does indicate that he doesn't want "family" vacations any longer, but point is that he agreed to it initially.<BR><BR>I'm just curious; how long will you be gone?

Cameron

I have a younger sister who just turned 18. When she was 16 my parents had the same dilema- they booked a trip to Germany with her, she got a new boyfriend and didn't want to go. I was away at college, so I couldn't go, but that's another story. Anyway...<BR><BR>My parents made it clear that she was going no matter what. They also told her about the things they would see while they were there, and all the things she would miss, and may never get the chance to see again. It worked, and she was actually excited to go. The summer after that, she did an exchage program and spent 6 weeks in Germany. Present the situation in a way that will make it sound appealing to your teenager- they will change their perspective. Good luck!

Tom

I did not mean to sound harsh in my previous posting and the advice given by other posters is good. Your son should go. It's an opportunity and he'll have fun. I presume his girlfriend doesn't want him to go either but she should be supportive of the fact he has such an opportunity. One can only surmise she isn't which would show a lot of her own character.

Jen

I agree with the above posters who said he should honor his commitment and go on the trip. And that he'll probably have a great time. <BR><BR> I'll add this thought: the holidays are two months away, and by that time the romance will probably be over anyway.

crusty

I say, leave hime there!

another loving

let's get this right -<BR><BR>he is SIXTEEN<BR><BR>he has a NEW girlfriend (a teenage crush - not a bride to be)<BR><BR>the trip is PRE-PAID<BR><BR>And you don't know what to do????? Have a backbone, woman.<BR><BR>And IF you should fold and allow this silliness, he MUST pay you the entire amount of his part of the trip.

Alexis

I think since your son already agreed to go and the trip is paid for, you should insist that your son keep to his word. You say your son was excited about the trip before so the real issue here seems to be the new girlfriend. Let's not all forget what what 10 yr old puppy-love feels like. Even those little separations can feel like torture. LOL I don't think this is a justifiable reason to call off or cut short your trip. I think a better compromise would be to tell your son he can send his GF lots of postcards and maybe buy him one of those pre-paid phone cards and tell him he can call her once or twice. I think he'll come around. Sure, as the parent, you do have the responsibility to put your foot down but do you really want to turn a fun, family trip into WWIII? A little patience will go a long way in this situation.

b

Loving Mom - <BR><BR>He needs to go. If this wasn't a confirmed trip, it might be different. Talk to him about why he doesn't want to go (or have husband or another family member talk to him). Is he afraid he will miss his girlfriend horribly? Or is he worried that she will find someone else while he is gone? Assure him he will be able to call her while you are gone - buy him a calling card. Let him call her every day (for just a few minutes) if possible. Remind him she will appreciate a heartfelt gift from his trip. Once he gets there, he probably won't be nearly as worried, anyway.

Donna

I have a daughter who pulled this stunt on nearly every family vacation during her teens. She sulked, cried, pouted and did everything short of a hunger strike before leaving, but as soon as the airplane took off, her attitude always changed and we had a great time.<BR>Make him get on the plane!

mandy

Remind him that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Besides, he will be able to share his experiences with his girlfriend when he returns, and there's no such thing as being too interesting to a person of the opposite sex. <BR><BR>Having said that, I agree with the other posters. You cannot be held to a promise never to disappoint or cause inconvenience to anyone, let alone a child. You did the best you could, it'll have to be enough for him. Not what he wants, but enough. Besides, if he was old enough to be consulted on his opinion before, he's old enough to have to stick by his commitment now.

NoneOfMyBizBut...

This is such a no-brainer that I'm thinking it almost has to be a troll. You're actually even considering trashing hundreds of dollars and inconveniencing other family members because a 16-year-old kid wants to call the shots over a new girlfriend? It's just too nuts.

Carolyn

Yes he needs to go:<BR>Here's my reasoning:<BR>1) He agreed originally to go, He needs to learn that when you agree to do something - you follow thru with it. <BR>2) Yes, you are still the parent - he is still under your responsibility for 2 more years - You need to get some backbone!<BR>3) The phone card idea is good, also consider e-mails to the girlfriend.

orgy7

Jeez whats going on here.. whats all the talk about agreements and commmitments. I don't remember having legal counsel when I was a kid. (im 28 yrs) or may'be this is a white Brady bunch thing..