mirandap

I'm leaving my boyfriend of 2 years to go to France to be an Aupair. How does one get over the homesick feeling though? I'm going to miss him SO much but I want to enjoy this trip and do some self-discovery. Anyone have some remedies for homesickness?

jamikins

I lived in Quebec for a year, and I found that it helped to call home alot. Get yourself a calling card with a good rate for calling home. Maybe he could plan a trip to visit, that would give you something to look forward to.

Write down now why you are going and every time you have doubts pull it out and read it. The time there is limited so enjoy every minute.

Allow yourself moments to be sad, then get on with life!

Throw yourself into the new culture.

Hope this helps, it took me a year to really enjoy living that far from the people I love. It does get eaiser!

lwinokur

Keep yourself busy! I'm guessing the fact that you'll be in charge of some kids should help with that. In your free time, chances are you'll be so thrilled to be living/experiencing things in France and Europe you'll want to be out and about. Just remember...distance makes the heart grow fonder!
Also, if it helps, my cousin went to France for 6 months and met a man there. They communicate now by webcam. That way you can "talk" and still see each other. You can get a good one at best buy for about $100

Carmen

Wow, that's a tough one. When I was in college, I went to Paris for two months, leaving my boyfriend behind. It was really hard. We wrote LOTS of letters and talked on the phone once a week, but I felt kind of lonesome the whole time. And I kept feeling almost guilty that could be so blue when I was finally experiencing the dream of living in Paris (however briefly) and working toward career goals while there. Two months isn't that long, so I'm sure you'll have more time to adjust to your separation. Perhaps your boyfriend can visit you there?

Anyway, the happy ending to my story is that 18 years later, my now husband and I got to be in Paris together with our two children. It was so surreal to walk by the apartment where I lived that summer and point out the cafes where I used to go to drink coffee or wine and write letters to him.

Sorry I don't have any remedies for the pain, but I definitely have plenty of sympathy! I hope you enjoy France in spite of the longing.

Kavey

I went to France when I was 18 to work as an au pair. France isn't far from England but it's so very very different. I didn't have a boyfriend then but I did miss my friends and family very much.

I made sure to call home regularly.

I took a photograph album of special pictures including one of my house and home town in amongst all the ones of family and friends.

I made sure to write to people often and was delighted that they wrote back to me often too.

I threw myself into the au pair experience and did really enjoy it so that helped too.

I'd also suggest finding something constructive to do with your free time whilst there. Will you be joining a language school for one day a week or anything like that? A lot of au pair agencies help organise that kind of thing. It's great to have a focus and it's also a wonderful way to meet people that you can then socialise with and who can provide a support structure.

I went to France for only a 5 week trip after meeting the man I am now married too. I still cherish the love letters he wrote to me there - exchanging written expressions of love is a special form of communication and is a world apart from emails or telephone. Holding the paper in your hands that he has taken the time to write on...

Lastly, have a GREAT time. The best way to reduce homesickness is to make the very best out of the opportunities and experience. You have less time to mope for home when having fun!

Shanna

Hi miranda - this might sound strange, but when I feel overcome by something, like homesickness or just self-pity, I allow myself to really wallow in it. Then, after a very short time, I'm sick of myself and my problem and ready to get on with life. It's like having an addiction to mint chocolate chip ice cream. Eat it until you get sick of it - overdose. Then you won't want it anymore - ever. Whatever you do, DO NOT allow your feelings for the boyfriend to interfere with getting everything you can out of this experience. He'll (probably) be gone eventually but this time will never be given back to you.

Kavey

The 5 week trip was a few years after the longer trip when I was an au pair. This time I attended a language school in Nancy for three weeks and spent 2 weeks with my French family.

indytravel

Find a new French boyfriend?

OK, I'm bad.

suze

If he's the writing type, make sure you both have Hotmail (or some kind of email account). Email is an inexpensive way to keep in touch every day (or as often as you can find a computer or stop by an internet cafe). I'm sure phone calls will be nice too but cost alot more.

You don't say how long you plan to stay in France? But the homesick feeling will most likely lessen as time goes by and you get settled into your new life there. Focus on the reasons you decided to do this in the first place.

RufusTFirefly

Or an old French boyfriend.

mgmargate

After you find your new boyfriend your old one will become a memory.

suze

Sorry for the cynical posters... I think people forget what it's like to be 20-something (which i'm assuming you are). Bon chance!

mgmargate

If you felt missing him would be unbearable you wouldn't go.Deep down you are probably looking for new experiences, you will be fine. Enjoy yourself.

kismetchimera

Also keep in mind that boyfriend comes and go..If it meant to be, he will still be there waiting for you..

In the meantime enjoy your new experiences to the fullest and make the best of the time that you will be spending in France..

travelbunny

..by going with a positive attitude and involving yourself in your new enviroment you should have no trouble..i agree with the other poster.."if things are meant to be, they will happen and if not..." I am not so sure about the phoning home bit...It has always been hard for me..I prefer to write..in the old days snailmail now email..i just found for the most part phoning very unsetttling and disruptive but maybe that was just me!

susanteach

Please don't miss out on any great experiences because of your homesickness and missing your boyfriend! After college, I talked my fellow poor, southern best girlfriend (who'd never been out of the states) into a "last hurrah" dream trip before she was to be engaged. As a literature major, she had always been envious of my tales of hostels and backpacking... now she had saved a little money and wanted to go with me. I planned an itinterary of 3-weeks, England, France and Germany, cpmplete with pre-purchased rail tickets and other non-refundable items. It was the worst trip of my life needless to say, because my friend spent every waking moment writing in her journal about her melancholy state and crying at night in the hostels about how she missed her boyrfriend. I managed to survive England with her by really coddling her and letting her talk about him as much as possible. No clubs, cafes, socializing... just the tourist sites and tears. By the time we got to Paris, she was a wreck and wanted to go home. I was heartsick! She demanded to go and exhange her plane ticket for an earlier flight home out of Germany, in which we'd be 3 days from our Parisian arrival. She spent every night wasting large sums of money calling her boyfriend, who was mostly out on the town with his friends. We got to Germany, went to Frankfurt airport, had to pay hundreds more for tickets home. What a waste. We didn't speak the whole plane ride home, and the following two weeks. The moral of this story can be found in the end: Today my friend is married to that former boyfriend. He never wants to travel anywhere but places like Disneyland (they have no kids) and Florida. She has not been out of her state since our infamous trip in 1996. It is one of her biggest regrets that the places in the great literature she now teaches to high school seniors she won't see unless she goes by herself.

obxgirl

susanteach, Why did you travel home with your heartsick friend. Why didn't you just ditch her and continue on with your trip?

susanteach

Sigh...one of my regrets too is that I responded to her, "If you stay here and don't go home with me, that'll be the most selfish thing you've ever done." Anyway, I've been back many times, while she "enjoys" her yearly trip to Florida.

JulieVikmanis

What wonderful responses with so many different viewpoints (and I include those flippant, but possibly sincere ones about finding a new boyfriend--it happens, and if it does, it's not all bad) You're to be commended for deciding to do this in the first place and to recognize that it will provide you opportunties for self-discovery. Take a copy of this post out when you feel lonely and recognize that you have cyberfriends here who are pulling for you. Drop into a cybercafe or use any computer you find, go on the internet, log into fodors and drop us a line about how you're doing, what you're seeing, how you're coping. If you're having trouble with the adjustment, you'll always be able to get more advice from the good folks here--and maybe even a laugh and a pick-me-up or two. If we never hear from you, we'll know you're doing fine and will post a report when you return to the US--unless, of course, you decide to stay there and advise us all from the source.

mirandap

Wow, thank you all for the amazing advice. I leave in a month!! I am taking this time to "self discover" I'm young enough to really throw myself into... myself. I need this. I'm pretty scared and excited at the same time. As for my boyfriend,I'm living on the phrase "if its meant to be it'll happen". We're young, and imagine if it does work out! Does it?! any Happy-ever-after stories about long distance??
Thanks again, I'll keep everyone posted! PS: I'm gone for ten months but am coming home after 4 for Christmas and then going back for the remainding 6.