I agree 100% with Ira. Simple solution, both you and your husband should finally grow up and stay home!!!

I never accused MaddieAstrid of trolling by the way, but I do think the post above gives a very different picture from her many other posts in which she clearly goes to Europe four or five times a year, plays at trendy nightclubs, stays in wonderful hotels, and gorges on haute cuisine. All those other trips seem to be by herself or with girlfriends. Something tells me traveling with her husband may be the real problem with these "nightmarish" semi-annual trips -- and not just with the inlaws.

"When we insist on paying, they simply order nothing, either out of protest or imagined politeness"....wow, that really is immature behavior for adults...I wonder how many meals they could not order anything, but give it a go...I agree with those who say, do what you want and make it clear, preferably before you leave. good luck !

Trolls don't necessarily lie, and their telltale move is to is avoid responding. OP picked this family to marry into, and now whines and whines about it, not realizing they are peas in a pod.

Like, neopolitan, I too read some of MaddieAstrid's previous posts. Since she states she is a vegetarian, I picture the five of them sitting around her salad and divvying up the olives. If they aren't in multiples of five, does someone get extra fennel?
A real puzzle!

Soup, of course, is another matter. Do they get 5 soupbowls and spoons or are the quantities so small that dinner plates and teaspoons are adequate?

You've been had, folks.

I don’t know why I feel the need to defend myself, probably the same insecurities that cause my restaurant embarrassment.

I do not believe I have painted my in-laws in such a horrible light nor my husband as a “spineless wimp.” Furthermore, I am sure my in-laws have many legitimate complaints about me. However, they do have food issues. They believe everyone, especially Americans, eats too much. My mother-in-law constantly attempts to “pinch an inch” on my waistline and my husband who is practically free from body fat and his brother (the 5th person in our party...don’t ask how we split the 2 hotel rooms) get the same treatment. I do not take it personally (nor do I pay attention to my own mother’s cries that I will somehow succumb to starvation if I don’t consume everything she puts on the table). Aside from this one area, they are good people and treat us respectfully. They just want to spend some time with their sons, and apparently their daughter-in-law -- they moved the dates of the trip to accommodate my schedule despite my strong insistence that they go without me.

I have no training in psychoanalysis, but I suspect they equate food consumption with a lack of self-discipline. This “glitch” (as my husband and I describe it) combined with their natural cheapness creates a very uncomfortable restaurant atmosphere for me. I do NOT care about the food, it isn’t one of life’s great pleasures for me anyway. What I don’t like is feeling rude and unwelcome in restaurants. The fondue, set menu, farmers market, picnic, etc., suggestions were quite helpful and exactly the kind of advice I was looking for.

As for my travel persona, I like traveling with my girlfriends, my husband, my mother and even my brother. They all bring something different to the table. I have no children, a decent job, several great friends and easy access to 3 airports. I would be no more likely to drag my husband through the Paris nightclub scene than I would my best friend through the Amazon armed with a machete, my brother down Rodeo Drive or my mother through the Havana Marathon. All these people have shared with me different passions, and even my in-laws, who “forced” me to trek up the Matterhorn a couple years ago, have given me some treasured experiences that I would have never been inclined to have on my own.

MaddieAstrid, thank you for that excellent post above. glad you were able to pick up a couple ideas that might get you out of at least a few of the restaurant situations.

While reading this, i kept thinking of the street fairs I'd been to in Switzerland when we walked around, each eating a sausage (hot dog) or a plate of raclette (the melted cheese deal). each person would definitely have to have their own!

Maddie, I don't believe you have anything to explain. Anytime someone brings something to a group forum, be it on the internet or with a group of friends, they are risking criticism and condemnation. They also find approval and understanding. It seems you've found both.
Thanks for opening up this discussion. Take what you will from it and leave the rest.
Have a great time with your in-laws & as someone mentioned; what a great blessing to have in-laws who want to spend time with you.
Now that both my MIL & FIL have passed on, I'm glad for the time, no matter how uncomfortable it was at times. Now my husband's happy memories of them include me too. (I hate to be left out )

C'mon, she is complaining about a free trip to Europe at no cost to her...IF you don't want to go, don't go...if you do want to go & do what you want, pay your own way. This all seems fairly simple too me, & after reading all these posts she still, obviously, doesn't get it. I wasn't the first person on here who told her to 'grow up' BTW. You bring these types of items on a board, well, you should be prepared for the responses. Is she looking for sympathy ? Probably. She is the only one that can change the behaviours & dynamics of this situation, or it will obviously continue, ad nauseum. So either do something about it, or live with it.

Good grief! What on earth is the big deal here? You sit down at the table, you look at the menu, you say 'no thank you, I don't feel like sharing', you order what you want, you eat as much of it as you want, you pay for it or you let them pay for it.

It's just not that complicated. I'm with SAnParis.

Sorry, I too agree with SAnParis. Order what you want and eat it and pay for it. If you really don't like the whole situation, then just don't go. And your husband does need to take some responsibility and put his foot down.

So now the line is that the inlaw situation is not really that bad and this forum is laced with big meanies.

OP notes that inlaws no doubt have many complaints about her; it sounds like alternately complaining/puffing up is a way of life. It must be a barrel of fun huddled around the bowl of soup and saltine with five spoons (thanks for that image). By the way, the restaurants in my city would not serve one entree to five people "at a prime table", etc. -- will someone please explain to me if this is regularly done in French restaurants? If it were my business I would post a picture of this group by the cash register. And what about the tip?

Well, to lighten this up, at least your ILs are consistent - they are cheap and don't like to eat much. Mine are the opposite - they are very cheap, but like to eat A LOT! Free food or "all you can eat" is the best thing in their lives.

One time we were visiting them and we had all driven some place an hour or so away. On the way home, we stopped for gas and the gas station/convenience store was having some sort of promtion where they were serving free hot dogs. That was fabulous - we all had to go in for free hot dogs. (I almost never eat hot dogs, but I knew that that had become dinner.)

So, the next day, FIL bundles all the kids up in his truck for the 30 minute drive to the gas station for more FREE HOT DOGS!!!! They feel so CLEVER when they get free food.

SIL told us that the last restaurant they were at with MIL and FIL had a "bottomless" bowl of salad. Everyone had all they wanted from the first bowl. FIL finished that one and then ordered a refill and ate it all himself - free food!!!!!

Sounds like you'd be just as embarrassed if you traveled with my in-laws, but at least you wouldn't go hungry!

Maddie,
you said in one of your post you don't care about food as long as you can have a drink...so whats give? Suddently you care about food? Because you can't drink in front of natzis? Get a grip! It is a most useless topic in this forum.
There is NOTHING usefull to read and nothing to advice except GROW UP or SHUT UP!

Most of us would react the same way. I can say anything I want about my family but no one else should even try.

MaddieAstrid, you asked in your initial post for a new strategy. So far, I have read; 1) don't go if it bothers you so much, 2) go and pay for your own food, 3) go and pay for all the food. There doesn't seem to be much left to say except for the fourth choice; continue with the status quo.

And how is it that your in-laws "forced" you to trek up the Matterhorn?

Seriously---I'm curious.

I'm curious about the Matterhorn comment also.
I think it is a little more than a trek!! In fact, I think major climbing skills are involved.

I think some of us are being a little too literal here. I didn't see
MaddieAstrid insiting the made it to the peak.
Sometimes people say things like "I toured Italy, but that doesn't mean they covered every inch of it!

And I'm also a big user of those quotation marks like MaddieAstrid used on "forced". I don't think she meant they handcuffed her and tied her to a mule and pulled her. I've been "forced" to eat at a lot of restaurants I didn't really want to go to -- but there were no whips, chains, or restraints involved.

Regarding the Matterhorn trek, I assume Maddie is talking about the 2 hour hike to the Hornli Hutte, which is the staging area for the summit climb.

One cannot climb to the peak without being roped, with crampons and a guide. It is for experienced climbers only and cannot be done on a whim.

My point exactly. How can one be "forced" to "trek" up a peak that requires a guide, ropes, and technical climbing skills? And what's wrong with taking her statement literally? She says she was forced to trek up the Matterhorn, not near the Matterhorn, or partway up, or anything other than UP the Matterhorn. And she treasured the experience.

I'm just curious as to how that treasured experience, something that can only be accomplished with technical climbing skills, was forced upon her by her in-laws.