I searched this site to see if this topic has been discussed, found nothing. This has been more of a problem in Paris than any other city, but I am sure it occurs everywhere. Many times at dinner, our neighbors fix their intrusive stares onto us to a point that is unsettling. I feel like handing our bill to them since they joined us for dinner! We are middle aged, not loud, don't smoke, are not rude to staff. I don't see anything that would make us so interesting!!! It has been so persistant on some occaisons that I have turned to the noisy person, gaze at them for awhile then say hello. The tables are so close in many places in Paris that we are sitting side by side with people who obviously have nothing to discuss between themselves. I would love some creative suggestions on turning gazes back to their "space"!

How about a Ferris Bueller moment? Just start discussing your SCORCHING CASE OF HERPES. See if they really are evesdropping?!

Stare back (like in that "love Lucy" episode).

Ask if you look like a celbrity.

Ask if they want your authograph.

Pretend you're on your cell phone saying: "I'll call you back, some idiots stare at me" - Idiot is an international word!

Follow each of their spoonfull with your eyes.

Are you sure they are looking AT you, not at something behind you?

Maybe you're a beautiful couple

Flutter your eyelashes and lick your lips then give a little wink, that should do it.

Seriously sometimes there is no place else to look when you are so close to another table. Cut them some slack, they are probably as uncomfortable as you are, after all you are looking at them too.

Just be grateful they are not staring at you and thinking, &quot;How can someone that good looking <b> smell </b> so badly?&quot;

Hi a,

How do you know that they are looking at you, unless you are looking at them?



I was looking back to see/
if you were looking back to see/
if I was looking back to see/
if you were looking back at me...

OR they are thinking &quot;shall I tell that woman that she has spinach in her teeth?&quot;

I have eaten in Parisian restaurants where the tables were so close it was almost impossible NOT to overhear the conversation. However, I can't imagine why this would happen more to you than to anyone else.

I suggest if you want a dinner strictly a deux you make sure you dine somewhere where you can have a bit more privacy.

Hi

they are struggling to guess what language you are speaking.

Peter

I know how you feel, but it's irritating at any restaurant and not only in Paris. Sure you know they're looking at you because you're looking at them. I think you probably looked up and caught them staring at you. Try staring back as that usually makes them uncomfortable.

I read this thread because I thought it was going to be about you eavesdropping in restaurants! I quite enjoy overhearing other people talking at dinner when I am in Paris and eating alone!!
Perhaps it was me...!!

Arriba, I think the problem is you, not them. These moments are some of the most memorable in my European travels. I smile back and start chatting with the people at my elbo. How can you not? What a way to meet the locals! Exchange thoughts on world politics. Get tips on after dinner spots. Show pictures of your kids. Share travel stories.

My 'creative suggestion' is: Gheesh, lighten up a little.

You are not alone - evidently you should not take the staring personally.

<u>http://troi.cc.rochester.edu/~tdip/quirky_things.htm</u>

You will also find that people stare at you a great deal, no matter how unremarkable you may be. Sit on the metro, and suddenly you'll find that someone either directly across from you or all the way across the car is simply staring directly at you, often for whole minutes on end. Even if you make a point of catching them in the act, they won't turn away in embarassment, the way you might expect in the U.S. They'll just keep looking. Deal with it.

Carley has a different take on the &quot;French stare.&quot; She writes: &quot;There is no reason why anyone should have to put up with the irritating French stare. If you simply raise your eyebrows a bit and look back, they are more than likely to turn to someone else who is not looking. For the French the stare is a means of intimidation and control. When you make it obvious that you can not be unnerved by their wandering eyes,the stares will cease. Though I have never actually done this, I have heard people say, 'tu veux ma photo?' (do you want my picture?)

They are Fodorites engaging in people-watching.

I'll probably get flamed for this - but are you Americans? Just a guess and I certainly might be wrong. I'm from the States too and even when we TRY to be a little more quiet, it seems that many Americans do have voices that carry more than some other accents.

On the tube in London when several folks are having quiet conversations, the only people you actually can hear are the two American women at the other end of the car discussing very intimate things - and they apparently don't have a clue anyone can overhear what they are saying.

And the last time I was in Paris I noticed the same thing - walking past outdoor cafes you can hear American voices all the way across the terrace.

Now this may very well not be what's happening in your case, but if it seems to happen over and over again it just might be that you are talking louder than you realize.

In (one of) her memoirs, On Reflection, actress Helen Hayes recounted a time when she felt she could not go out into the streets of New York City without enduring the rude stares of curious New Yorkers. She complained to her husband, playwright Charlie MacArthur, and went out with him in order to prove how much she was stared at.

Of course, no one gave her a second glance. MacArthur, a well-known practical joker, comforted his wife with the words, &quot;Don't worry Helen. I'll make them look.&quot; (or something like that!) He then proceeded to do a crazy little dance on the sidewalk, chanting:

Old Mother Witch
Lived in a Ditch
Picked up a Penny
And Thought She was Rich.

Now they were staring!

Creative suggestions? You could take a few sets of blinders with you when you go out and kindly hand them out to the people who are upsetting you so by staring. Or how about carrying a portable force-field that directs others' gazes &quot;back to their space&quot;?

I hear what you're saying, hopscotch. But some people are not comfortable with being stared at and cannot lighten up. It makes them self-conscious.

If I catch somebody's eye in a restaurant, I just smile.
Sometimes, they will smile back and then turn away. Sometimes they will talk.
Either way, it doesn't bother me.

What works for me is to stare them in the eyes (Parisians do not smile back) and then slowly scan downward and fixate upon their neck. Continue to stare and then mutter something to your partner and then both laugh. This usually stops them dead in their tracks.

I know it's not nice, but neither is staring