diane

I know vacations are supposed to be fun, and we always have a good time, but for some reason we always argue too! Getting lost, bickering over what to do that day, etc. I am an anal retentive planner and he is "go with the flow" kind of guy. at home, our arguments are minimal, but on the road, boy, I don't know what happens.<BR><BR>Do others have this problem? Am I alone in this?<BR><BR>

wondering

Got a chuckle out of that one. I don't think we've even gone away for a weekend where we haven't had at least one fight. Always have a good time, though, after I'm able to block out the bad moments, lol.

xxx

Yes, traveling is very stressful, isn't it? We have had some of our worst fights in the most beautiful places in the world.<BR><BR>Funny thing is, HE doesn't seem to remember any of them!<BR><BR>LOL

Poor Tom's Wife

"I'm sure we missed the turn."<BR>"No, we have a ways to go, yet."<BR>"No, I'm pretty sure it was back there."<BR>"Look, who's driving, here?"<BR>"Well, I'm just saying..."<BR>"Try not saying...."<BR>"There's the turn."<BR>"Where?"<BR>"That one, you just went right by it!"<BR>"If you hadn't been giving me grief, we'd have made it."<BR>"Now, it's my fault. I thought you were the driver."<BR>"I'll just make a U-turn."<BR>"This exit won't let you get back on."<BR>"I'll get off and make a U-turn."<BR>"We could always ask someone."<BR>"We don't have to ask anyone. I know what I'm doing."<BR>"Well, if that's so, how come we just passed another exit?"<BR>"You said I couldn't reverse direction at that one."<BR>"You said you were going to make a U-turn after you got off."<BR>"You could check a map for me instead of just heckling me."<BR>"Where's the map?"<BR><BR>And so on.

Alice Kramden

Diane, thank you for posting this! I thought we were the only ones. We argue over getting lost and over wanting to do different things. <BR><BR>I think for our next trip we will try to rush around less, and plan some afternoons where one person does one thing and the other person does something else (like I'll visit a garden while he visits a science museum). After all, you don't spend 24-7 with your spouse when you are at home so why do you have to on vacation?<BR><BR>A.K.<BR><BR><BR><BR>

Ronda

When we took our first trip without children, the first thing we noticed is that we didn't argue! Our arguments were always centered around feeding, satisfying, and keeping the kids happy.<BR><BR>No, I won't lie, we do have disagreements, but they seem to be fewer. But think about it; you are hardly with this person during the year and all of a sudden you must spend one or two weeks together every minute. I try to "go with the flow" and not be controlling - so what if he didn't signal at the last light, we didn't get killed. Relax. Enjoy. So what if we didn't stick to the itinerery. It's not about how many places you can visit in one day but rather enjoying the experience of being in another country and coming back with good memories. <BR>

bettyk

It's definitely true that when you are under stress, you seem to strike at the one closest to you. I think now that we understand it's the stress of traveling that causes us to argue, we've been able to minimize it in recent years. You just have to try harder to be more understanding of each other. Being a diabetic, I can get REAL bitchy if I'm hungry, so my dear husband has learned to turn a deaf ear to my grumblings and get me fed quick!

Moonbeam

Fraid we argue too..usually because I don't get a lot of imput and have to do all the planning..or the other big thing he will tell me I'm tiring myself out when I think it's him that's tired and wants a rest..I hate it when someone tries to tell me how I feel

Only too true!

Wow! Diane sure hit the nail on the head! My wife and I agree on many things, but she is so sure that she is the source of all knowledge about trip itineraries. Granted, she is usually right, and she's stellar with a map, whereas I'm the historian of the duo, but it can definitely get in my craw when her need to be so damned precise about things (she's an engineer) starts making me into a nervous driver. <BR>Glad I'm not on vacation now!!!

fran

Our arguments start before the trip, when I tell my husband to pack, and he says he'll get up early and do it before we leave for the airport!

Sue

Omigod, Fran, I thought my spouse was the only one who did that! Actually, we fought a lot more when we took groups of students because I'm so controlling and he's a "go-with-the-flow" guy. (We used to tell parents that the trip was also an education in marital relations.) Later, when we stopped taking kids, we fought less. (I guess I became more easy-going.) But when you have two oldest siblings, they both are always right....

Jim

The ONLY thing we EVER fight about on vacation is where to eat. I am the more adventurous one in the family and love to try new things. Last year in London, we fought almost everyday about where to eat. I wanted to try steak and kidney pie and she wanted to try a ploughman's lunch. We never could find them on the same pub menu, so we never ate in a pub. One day I ate a baguette sandwich across from the Royal Mews while she just glared at me. We had been walking around for an hour and she couldn't decide. So I said I was going to eat without her.

Sue

We argue a lot less now that we plan, not for the perfect vacation, but for the real people vacation. I started padding our itineraries with more time for what I now refer to as 'creative driving/navigational experiences', and our budgets with more allowance for 'spontaneous monetary donations to the local economy' and so forth. <BR><BR>Great thread.

lala

Yes the "planners" vs. the "go with the flow-ers" seems to be a common dilemma.<BR><BR>My husband annoys the you know what out of me because I TRY to include him in the planning (which I admit I am relentless about) and he always says, oh, I'll look at the book later. (Which means he won't)_ so I go ahead and plan everything and then when we get there he gets mad b/c I'm not being "flexible" enough. Yikes.<BR><BR>For our next trip I'm still going to plan our basic itinery, but not down to the hour, just where we will be staying each nite etc. Then each morning I will give him some "choices" over breakfast.<BR><BR>I get a little bit resentful about this (him not helping to plan the trip), but I know it is just his personality, and so I think you have to find a compromise.<BR><BR>

k

I hate to admit this, since I seem to be the odd one-but traveling is the one time that my husband and I do not argue.We usually laugh more, it is exciting and we usually agree on things so there is no conflict on what we are doing/going/eating.Last time we were in London, we got lost, and ended up finding our way in this wonderful neighborhood, it turned out to be something we both remember with fondness.<BR>Of course, when we travel-he does not drive.<BR>Then it would be a different story!

Dina

Maybe at home, you've worked out all the control issues. While traveling, there might be unfamilar situations calling for negotiating and compromising. If you're stressed out, an argument might happen instead.<BR><BR>When we planned a first European trip, I wondered whether we'd have a hard getting along 24-7 for seven weeks without a break. We had only been married less than a year, and almost never argued--unlike all my previous relationships. <BR><BR>It turned out there was one disagreement in 7 weeks that caused some tension. I got tired of waiting for Cezanne's atelier to open and insisted we leave; he wanted to wait longer. He agreed to leave, but he was annoyed with me for about half an hour. <BR><BR>Otherwise, no arguments! But why? He's stubborn at times, and I'm opinionated. But we have equal input into the plans; mostly like the same activities; aren't too picky about food or hotels; no third parties to deal with; and don't sweat the small stuff. The big stuff: we know we're lucky to have each other! Hope we don't ever forget that.

syl

Don't know about you guys but cramming a full itinerary into limited time is cause for heightened stress.This obviously is emotionally and physically exhausting so when you hit the sheets sex is the last thing on my mind.

John G

John G and his boyfriend, Keith, had a terrible fight in Lisbon which sent him (K) into the bed of another and me back to the hotel where I threw all his clothes out of the window. I even threw his cologne/aftershave/toiletries out of the window also. The next day the manager threathened to have us evicted because all of the clothes landed on the terrace, covering the heads of some people who were having drinks below. One lady had a bottle of Dolce & Gabbana cologne explode at her feet. I had to feign regret and stated that I had put our suitcase on the windowsil and it just fell by accident. It is because of this incident that Keith and I usually don't travel together abroad anymore. The last three trips I have taken outside the US have been with other friends.

ha ha

John G., you crack me up!

xxx3

Dina, you sound mellow and wise. Don't sweat the small stuff! (Missing a flight is Big Stuff.)<BR><BR>Another way to avoid arguments is to alternate having control. One day, the spouse who likes to plan every minute and eat familiar food is in charge of decision-making; the next day, the one who likes to go-with-the-flow and eat adventurously is in charge. It's exhausting to think you have to reach consensus on every little decision.