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Do you ever feel reluctant to share travel info. with people???

Do you ever feel reluctant to share travel info. with people???

Jul 19th, 2001, 09:11 AM
  #1  
claudia
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Do you ever feel reluctant to share travel info. with people???

No,this is not a troll. Lately I've not wanted to share travel info. with a cousin of mine. Since we were kids it seems like she has to compete with me. She gets everything I do from a car (same model), house (same style and same block)profession (i'm a nurse) and same place of work. Everything I purchase from dvd player, digital cam corder, computer, cellphone she has got to get the same things,same model, not color though. Its crazy!!! Now, with help and guidance of fodorites I"ve been able to make 2 trips to Europe. Yes, you guessed right she is doing the same trip I did and now is asking for help. I know I will end up helping her. Travelling can be a learning and wonderful experience and would definately want for people around me to experience the same. Everytime I have planned my trips, then again with the help of this forum, I have invited friends and coworkers. It is pleasant to share such experiences with people you know and it bonds people. Yes, I will help her with whatever I can with her trip because people have helped me but I just can't help feeling reluctant to help her this time. I haven't mention our honeymoon destination (getting married in a yr). I am afraid she'll show up there and probabbly want to take same flight!!!I have never confronted her nor do I think I will I have a problem doing that. I guess I am venting here. What would you do help her or not??? Thanks for reading this post and this is not a troll. Thank s again.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 09:15 AM
  #2  
claudia
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forgot to mention that I once mentioned to her that my childhood dream is to go to Egypt and she told me few weeks ago she is planning on going to Egypt if not next year the following. Its crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 09:24 AM
  #3  
Oaktown Traveler
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CLAUDIA:

Huh???

Isn't imitation a form of flattery?

Do you dislike her?

I don't see the problem, question or issue which is HIGHLY unusual for me.

If she were competing with you she would do some things well "ahead" of you or at least try to.

BTW she sounds just fine to me...She is like most of my friends actually. They have no ideas, dreams, life except what they see me do, think or talk about!

(That was a joke for Claudia only.) WINK!

My Very Best
Oaktown
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 09:26 AM
  #4  
oh
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um....did you stumble onto Fodor's on your way to the Dear Abby site? If this is your one big problem in life, then quit yer b*tchin. Sheesh.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 09:29 AM
  #5  
Oaktown Traveler
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GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Claudia.
I just had a terrible thought.

What if you and she have the same Fiance'(sp)? You know that man your are about to marry???

You said she copies everything.
I just knew one of these opportunities would come up soon!!!!!

(This ought to get the typing fingers of my critics flying furiously...hee-hee)

Oaktown
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 09:35 AM
  #6  
Al Godon
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Is this a control/dominance issue?
Does not sound like a travel theme to me. Why not just tell her a little bit.
Famous chefs I understand will tell their recipes to people, but they leave out a few key ingredients. If someone tries it, the food will not be the same.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 09:35 AM
  #7  
Annette
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I don't think I've every had any "wanna ne me's" but I see your point, Claudia. One suggestion is this: why don't you tell her what you said here, only in very gentle, loving terms. Go over what you are going to say ahead of time, be direct but nice. Suggest that she would really be happiest having her own original travel dream, rather than following her cousin's lead, that her own dream would be more fulfilling than always shadowing you. Tell her to go to the travel agent and ask for tour brochures - just to get ideas from the pictures as to where she might want to go. Then she can tell you all about it for a change. I know it is so hard to confront, that it is easier said than done. But I think you need to confront. Just a thought!
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 10:20 AM
  #8  
Annette
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I am ashamed that I can't resist the dear abby groove here. Yes, I came back to add, Claudia, that if you don't feel like confronting your cousin with this whole unpleasant issue, in that case, you have a perfect right to travel anywhere without reporting your movements to other people. For instance, many people probably withold news of their travel plans rather than incite jealousy amongst their acquaintances who can't manage the cost or time.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 11:20 AM
  #9  
claudia
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Thanks Annette.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 11:27 AM
  #10  
xxx
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Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery, but it can drive you crazy. I understand completely, Claudia. I had (notice past tense) a friend like that once, and it was constant. We worked in the same office, and she got transferred into my department. I honeymooned in Paris... guess where she went. I cut my hair short... guess what she did. I'd buy a certain brand of shoes... you ge the picture. Luckily, we moved to a different town, and I did not bother to keep in touch. I agree with the above poster - just don't give her the details on your travels.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 11:33 AM
  #11  
anon
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Rent the movie "Single White Female"
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 12:06 PM
  #12  
jen
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I agree. Everyone is unique and their own individual. Only problem is, she's poaching your individuality and turning you into the second pea in her pod. If I were you, i'd become vague about your trip and ask her to come up with her own itinerary and offer your opinions on it. Suggest it as a chance for her to see something different so she can tell you about it when she gets back.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 12:35 PM
  #13  
John
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Are you people really that conceited?? Flattery to a point yes.., but thinking that these other people are playing out their lives becasue of you..., Claudia and Annette..., I think you both need to step out of the little world you live in.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 02:18 PM
  #14  
BeingStalked
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John, you have no idea what it is like to be the object of this type of attention. I, too, have had a couple of women copy everything I say and do.
If I say it is a good thing, they want it. If I buy a piece of furniture, they get it. If I say I wear black to Europe, they, who have never worn black, suddenly show up in a new wardrobe of black.

It may be a form of flattery, I find it tiresome. They can be a complete drain on my energy. If I were to say I was thinking of a trip to Paris, for example, one of these people would immediately get on the net, go to the library, etc. to gain information so they can talk to me about it.

Claudia,
I have found the only way I can maintain some of MY dreams is to not share them with these toxic people. I am deliberately vague. I withhold a lot of information so they cannot constantly try to integrate themselves with me. If they don't know it, they can't talk about it.

I think it is an issue of control for these people. I refuse to let them have that anymore. They are extremely insecure people. I feel for them, but, do not have to be their main prop any more.

Let us know how you decide to handle this. We learn something.

 
Jul 19th, 2001, 02:27 PM
  #15  
xxx
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Hey Claudia- You could really have some fun with this, and maybe break her of this habit at the same time. For instance, go through the *motions* of planning a trip or making a large purchase making sure to keep your cousin up to date with every detail. This should be enough to induce her to follow suit. Then, sit back and enjoy as she spends her way into bankruptcy imitating your imaginary expendatures.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 02:37 PM
  #16  
a regular
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To quote you- "I know I will end up helping her". Well, If that is the case, then you are begging for it, you are part of the problem; detach yourself from the situation or else, you secretly enjoy it.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 04:17 PM
  #17  
claudia
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Thanks to everyone who has responded (except John he would never understand. I definately don't think is flattering anymore and yes this type of people are toxic. What will she want next my fiance?? I will definately keep everything to myself and be vague about everything in her presence. Thanks once again.
 
Jul 19th, 2001, 04:32 PM
  #18  
Send
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Claudia:

As someone else mentioned, you could really have some fun with this and possibly teach her a lesson at the same time, though it might take some research on your part. Pick a part of the world where she'd be really uncomfortable (the former Republic of Macedonia, Kazakhstan, Siberia, Algeria, Albania, whatever) and drop hints you're planning an adventure there. Pile up a few websites from the area chosen and send them to her and tell her you're using those to plan your trip. Be creative. Give her hints on how to travel there - the inernet is full of easily accesible info about everything! Tell her to be sure to send you postcards.
 
Jul 20th, 2001, 02:18 AM
  #19  
Janice
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I have an idea where you are coming from. My husband has a person who "follows" him. When he met this guy 10+ years ago the guy was in the business world and my husband was his therapist. The guy left his job some time later and went back to college to become a therapist himself. Then a few years later he moved over 1000 miles to live in the same state and small town as my husband. Then he got a job at the same agency my husband worked at. Then he started seeing the same therapist personally as my husband saw. We moved to another town and this guy moved to that town. My husband quit his job and a few months later the guy quit from the same place. We moved out of state and a little while ago husband got email from the guy who said
he's thinking of moving to our state and even to the town we now are in. It's like he's being followed by this guy (like the film What about Bob). It is creepy how these people seem to have no life of their own.
 
Jul 23rd, 2001, 03:39 PM
  #20  
Jake
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