Hi everyone,

Maybe this is a longshot, but I really need help. I've been in Paris for 5 months now and I thought I'd be having the time of my life. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for the past 2 months, and I can't pull myself out of it. I don't really care about French anymore, even though that is my reason for being here and I was absolutely passionate about the language and culture. I am only making 80 euros per week as a nanny and I don't know how to get the help I need on such little money. I need someone to talk to--in my language. None of my friends here really understand what it's like and they don't have any advice for me. I feel that I'm not going to get anywhere with the language if I don't get over this. I'm completely dissinterested and I have no desire to even speak anymore. If anyone can think of some resources or offer advice, I would be so grateful. I just don't know where else to turn.

ballerina - Since you have recognised the problem your next step (which I hope I would do in this instance) is to get yourself to a HOSPITAL a.s.a.p.
I hope someone living in Paris could give you more detailed advice - Hang in there honey.

You have to go to the nearest health center and talk to them. They will guide you further.

Do you have a family doctor at home? I would recommend calling her or him immediately. He or she may have a list of contacts/doctors in Paris for you to see.

If not, yes, definitely get to a hospital or clinic immediately. You can be helped!

Hang in there!

Hey there. I may be way off base, but I'm guessing you are a young person. I suggest in addition to following the good advice from the other posters that you also let your family know.

I am a psychotherapist and know how important a good support system is. If your family is not capable of doling out good love and support to you, then contact friends back here and email email, email. We females have a lot of words that need to come out.

Remember, I said "in addition to following the good advice from the other posters." You need professional care as well as care from people who love you. AND, please know depression and anxiety are two of the most treatable things in the world!

Please keep us posted.
sal

S.O.S. Help is an English language help line, established by UK and US health professionals. They will listen and can help.

Call 01 46 21 46 46
open from 3pm to 11pm every day

http://www.soshelpline.org/index.html

The fact that you are a nanny taking care of and living with other people's kids making no money is probably the root of your problem. Not exactly glamorous as the movies (ex nanny diaries). Do you have money so that you can quit this job?
I agree with above that seeing a doctor that can speak english would be helpful. I would also call your parents and friends and let them know how down and out you really are. If your family has some funds, maybe your mom can fly over and help you get out of this current situation and work out something better. Maybe going to school in Paris would be better.
I wish you the best of luck. Keep posting, keep talking.

Hi Ballerina,
I've been an expatriate too, and it is sure hard for the first 6 months. Especially if you dont have any friend and the buying power of a Bangladii...
80€ a week seems really cheap: do you know that there is a minimum wage in France? it is not much, but definitely more than what you have (i think it's something like 1000€ a month for 35 hours weekly).
Do not hesitate to contact me for any piece of advice, or just speaking English (i'm desperate to practice mine!!)
And for the language, you have to stay for a minimum of 1 year, at least, so dont worry if you still cant cope

How nice you are, Stef.

I think Ballerina is an aupair, not a salaried nanny. Aupairs get "pocket money". This from Aupair pages for France:

"Age: An au pair must be aged between 18 and 30 years
Salary (Pocket money): An au pair can expect to earn between ?240 and ?300 per month for a 33 hour week.
Number of hrs to work and days off: An au pair works about 30-35 hrs/week (depending on the different contracts each au pair has with their host family). An au pair can also expect to do 2 or 3 evenings of baby-sitting and is allowed one day off per week"

Ring the American Embassy - they will have a list of US/ English speaking practicioners - I know they have this in Brussels - so the will have it in Paris. For something like depression, you need to speak to someone in your own language and preferably from your own country.

You could also contact the American Hospital of Paris - for names.
63, blvd. Victor Hugo, 92202 Neuilly
01 46 41 25 25

I presume that you are covered by health insurance (that hoary old chestnut!) back in the US so you can claim the expenses when you go home. Anyway healthcare in France is relatively cheap.

Stef, the minimum wage rule probably doesn't apply if Ballerina is working as an äu-pair" - then board lodging and pocket money (ie about €80 a week) is the rule.

Ballerina,
I am an expat. I live in Holland, I have done for the last 24 years.
I have been there, still am there at times. It feels as though you will never get to grips with the language or the people. To a certain extent you never will, but it does get better believe me. There comes a time when it suddenly just works. You will continue, at times, to feel an outsider, but will at the same time begin to feel at home there. Sounds weird, but that is how it is. It is difficult to make friendships when you can't communicate to any depth with the other person, but eventually you do. It all takes time, which is hard when you are feeling so bad.

Try contacting an organisation for ex pats in Paris (have a look at Expatica.com for more details) - they often organise social events. Maybe there is one you can try on your day off. They will also be able to help you with English speaking doctors and therapists.
Hang in there. Don't be too proud to contact family and friends back home and tell them how you feel.
Keep writing here. Lots of support available here for you.

Hi Ballerina
I am an aupair in Paris too. Im australian. Where in Paris are you? I am in the 16th. My cell is 06 13 42 53 88 if you want to text or call. we can meet up! I suffer from Depression too but i had it before i came here. I think you need a friend give me a call or text if you feel more comfortable. Im 19 by the way.
Hope i hear from you!

Here in Belgium there are very strict rules about Au
Pairs and I'd be surprised if France was not similar. Here the host family has to take out medical Insurance for the Au Pair. You should check with your family to see if you are covered.

Being a nanny/Au pair is tough and many of the girls can feel Isolated after a while. I had several friends when living in the U.S. who were au pairs from the UK. They developed a strong network but it was very hard for many at first and isolating. get into a group where you can meet other expats or au pairs over on the same programme. I assume you came with an agency/ If so talk to them and try to get some more contact with people from your country or english speaking just to have a friend who is in a similar situation. The girl above is very brave to post her Monile but get in touch and try to get out on your own time and meet up with others. I am sure there are expat grops and events for Americans. Contact the embassy.

Or if you prefer, just email me. or add me to msn. I am babysitting tonight so ill be online. [email protected]
cyu, Rhea

You have gotten wonderful advice here and even a friend to call and talk to in your own language.

Do you have access to a computer? It is really easy to upload skype and call home for free. That really helps us stay connected to family and friends at home so that we do not get homesick. ( We have been in Europe for 17 months). Of course, we have it easier because there are 3 of us, so we keep each other company.

Some of this is the expat experience and especially your first time living in a foreign land. I did this when I was young too and I remember being depressed much of my year in Italy and feeling very lonely.

The weather did not help either as I remember it as the darkest, dreariest, rainiest winter in the world. I love Italian, but it got so I hated hearing it some days.

I think part of it is the disappointment when one expects to be having the time of your life. Child care and living under the rules of a different family and little money probably does not help either.

Paris is a very lonely city to be in if you do not know anyone. I hated it the first time I went and rushed back to London where I at least could talk to people. It is very isolating when you can not talk to people.

So do not feel bad that you can not pull yourself out of it as you have taken on more than you realized. People care, get some help and keep us posted with your progress.

My email is above if you need someone to talk to.

Ballerina,

I am also an expat here in Paris and although I moved here with my boyfriend, I also suffer occasionally from depression. It is not easy to move to a foreign country even if you speak the language almost fluently (as I do).

I have found that the best way to make friends here is through meetup.com. They organize all sorts of activities--museum visits, wine tastings, american football nights, etc. I have made most of my friends here through meetup events. It can be hard to make friends in a foreign country, but if you are patient and keep putting yourself out there you will slowly but surely form a social network. Good luck!

Wow! Thank you to everyone for your wonderful responses. I really appreciate your concern and your advice. I made a lot of calls today. Luckily, there are a lot of ressources for Anglophones. I speak French very well, but when it comes to emotions, it feels better to speak my own language. So far, I made an appointment at the counseling center at the American Cathedral of Paris. I think it will help me sort out the problems I've been having. I've been so upset, I've stopped caring about learning French, but I'm hoping that once I feel a little better I'll be able to get back to my passion et profiter de Paris!!

I did call the SOS number. That's a great resource. I also went on the website meetup.com and it looks like a great way to meet people. I will definitely be spending some time on that website looking at all the groups. I have a lot of friends here, but I have a hard time building really close relationships. I feel like that takes longer in France. And most of my friends are guys, and they're not too good with these kinds of issues!

I'm covering all the basas. I'll keep you posted! Thanks again!

French is a 2nd language I struggle with, so bear with me...

Prends soin, ballerina, j'espere que tu trouves l'aide dont tu a besoin, et que to trouves des bonnes amies, et beaucoup de bonheur bientot.

Le francais est une tres belle language, un qui expresse bien les emotions, donc ne quitte pas tes efforts de l'apprendre! Un jour, tous ces malheurs vont passer et tu sera contente que tu l'a apprit; et aussi que tu as eu l'opportunite d'apprendre la langue et culture d'un autre pays.

Prend soin.

Bloom