Tallulah

Please try to remember that your son IS an adult.

With the greatest of respect, it does seem to me that kids become adults much later in the US than elsewhere, seen for example by the drinking laws and gender segregated halls at universities (I'm sure this isn't the case everywhere but it's pretty much unheard of here).

In Britain it's perfectly normal for groups of 15/16 year olds to go off on holiday to Spain or Greece or wherever on their own, with no 'parental' supervision or for 'kids' to take a gap year and travel the world on their OWN at 18. I'm not saying that this isn't without its mishaps but the kids/young adults involved certainly grow up a lot quicker.

I don't wish to appear rude but I think perhaps you should ask yourself whether your son will thank you for treating him like a child? It could ruin an entire trip for the sake of untying the apron strings for one night - you're going to have to do it at some point, so why not now?

degas

He's up to no damn good - slap some sense in to the little layabout before its too late. And besides, that's an awful expensive option to just score a little dope.

Tallulah

Oh Degas, you've clearly forgotten what it is to be young and impetuous! Ha ha!

degas

Tallulah, my grandaddy used to put an awful licking to my big behind for sneaking off all the time to New Orleans! I can still fondly remember all the bars, cathouses, crap games .... . There was this little gal names Jessie that could..... .

lyb

Maybe someone needs to remember that people of 18 years old are not truly adults...they are in between still being a child and on their way to adulthood with a lot more to learn. Even the brightest and smartest can be extremely naive, do the people in the USA have to be reminded that a smart intelligent 18 year old girl went off on her own in Aruba and has now been missing for 3 weeks. I don't know if this story is being covered outside the USA.

Before we all say, all let them grow up and learn on their own...let's remember that learning on their own can sometimes be deadly.

LoveItaly

It is true IMHO that at age 18, 19 they are considered adults but do not always make wise decisions. But than neither do a lot of adults that have decades on older teens.

I think that an older teen that is not allowed freedom will go wild when they are finally on their own. It is scary for parents to allow their older teens to go their own way but IMH if the teen is willing to have a conversation and has shown a sense of responsibility since at least age 16 that one just has to "let go". They are free to do what they want of course but if the parents are paying for it than the parents do have a say in the matter.

I would never finance an adventure if I did not think the older teen was not responsible enough to handle it. I would take the attitude that they have to earn the money and than they are free to do what they want. Being a parent is never easy.

Young adults mature so differently and only the parents know what their children are like.

From what I read the young lady who is "missing" in Aruba led a rather sheltered life and really didn't date or party much. So perhaps her lack of "street smarts" led her down a path that another young lady would not have taken. In any case I feel that the majority of parents (and other family members) do the very best they can for the young ones in their family. My heart breaks for this young lady's family. I cannot even imagine what they are going through.

walkinaround

amsterdam can be dodgy. i'm not saying it should be avoided but some of the comments concerning it being harmless and "safe" are a little naive.

mschock

Ok, reading all your responses has me thinking yes, no yes, he was almost on the train and then the last post. Thank You all very much, Colin will be reading these for himself, he has his own money to go, this trip is his high school graduation present (not the Amsterdam part)so, lots of good advice, I'm not just asking strangers I have also asked anyone who would even remotely have an opinion. Besides I have read lots of good advice on Fodors. So, I knew there would be people out there who had some ideas. Did I mention he is an only child/adult? Will post the decision in case anyone is curious. Thanks again and yes ira I know he wants to go there to get stoned. Thats not what I'm worried about.

LoveItaly

Well Ira got it right, your son wants to go to Amsterdam to get stoned. And you know that. So what is the question?

lyb

I'll repeat LoveItaly's question...you know he wants to go there to get stoned and probably layed...so what is your question? Is it safe for him to do that in Amsterdam?

mat003

I love that- "Yeah, he wants to get stoned; that's not what I'm worried about." You're worried about his safety, I'm guessing, and when one is stoned and/or sleeping with a prostitute, one is not leaving oneself in the safest of circumstances. Just some food for thought.

bellastar

mschook- Just curious-what's the exact relevance of your son's being an only child/adult to the decision?

lilminkey

Iam not saying this is your son, but I doubt if kids today have to go that far to get smashed,usually a trip to their room or their friends does the trick.He may want to see the lifestyle of the pro stoners,and maybe some day move there.Then again he may want to have sex and get smashed in the city....but he can do that in his hometown,this would be all just part of growing up for some,but the world changed in the early eighties with aids Seems he's a bit immature ;another words, tie him up in the cellar...lol

Marlie

The fact that you have to ask this question shows you have some doubts.

Your first instinct is usually your best. I would say no to Amsterdam. Just because someone is 18 does not mean they are an adult. I am assuming he is still being supported by you and that you are paying for this European trip.

If he wanted to go with a friend and was paying for the trip with money that he had earned on his own, then I think I would not be thrilled about him going to Amsterdam, but would not object.

Funny, he picked Amsterdam to travel to on his own. Wander why, hum? We have two sons, one 29, the other 22. We stopped for an over night in Amsterdam when our youngest son was 16, on our way to Norway. He was solicited for drugs while he was standing in the street right next to with us.

I think I would be more afraid of him being alone than of him buying and using pot.

My husband just walked in the room and I asked him your question. He said, “NO, he would not let our 18 year old son travel to Amsterdam on his own.

Sorry, I think we are the only ones that say no to this. For me it would just not be worth the worry to say yes.

Marlie

P.S.

Okay, so he is using his own money to go for the over night trip. Still going on his own would be too worrysome for me. If he would like to go off on his own, why not go to a city nearby where you are staying for a daytrip.

justretired

As I read this thread, I thought of my own daughters at 18. They're now in their late twenties and are seasoned travelers, including several trips to third world countries. One is a primatologist, traveling to Madagascar and the other is a teacher whose latest plans include a trip to Peru with a college friend. They developed their travel bug through family travel as well as organized summer or semester programs in HS and college. I doubt I would have allowed solo traveling at 18- maybe it's because they're female, but I think not. IMO, I'd encourage your son to go abroad with a group first so that he can learn the ins and outs of learning to be responsible and safe. Clearly, there are people who belive that 18 is an adult- I guess I don't. They are just beginning forming their adult personalities and autotomy. Let someone else worry about drugs and sex.

Good luck, Margret

sockboy

It sounds like this is a family trip to France, and he wants to leave in the middle of it to go to Amsterdam for one night?? That doesn't sound very respectful to me.

I think he should take his trip to Amsterdam on his own time, with his own money. He is old enough to go by himself, he doesn't have to do it while travelling with mom and dad.

If he truly WERE an adult I don't think he would make this request.

Mucky

Encourage him, support him, let him go he is an adult.He needs to build his character, he needs to make mistakes he needs to resolve them for himself.
Hell it's just one night.
He will benefit more from this trip than you could ever imagine and he will respect you more as parents if you let him use his own judgement.

Parents job is really hard but sometime you will have to accept they grow up and just let go.

Muck

susanteach

There was just a teenage comedy out recently in which the hormone crazed boys (17-18 yrs.) went to Amsterdam and lost "it" at a club with beautiful women, did drugs in a cafe and claimed to have "the times of their lives." I hope your son hasn't seen this and been inspired! Does he have his own money to spend or is he using yours? If it's yours, you will easily be able to check up on him afterwards if you are really worried that he's going to go wild.

mschock

I'm back on Fodor's researching another trip. Looking at all the good advice is more like it. Anyway couldn't resist updating this post. My son made it to Amsterdam and back safely, and as some of you suggested I think it did give him a lot of self confidence do go by himself. It was on the way home, on our last night in London when he met a girl on a London Ghost Walk. They instantly clicked and have been together ever since. She is from L.A we are in the Bay Area. AND now he moved down there two weeks ago to be closer to her. So I guess it wasn't Amsterdam that I had to be worried about!