LLindaC

LOL- after reading threads on traveling w/groups problems, I thought I'd put this bug in your ear. We took a cruise with my Dh's parents, who are 78 and 84, his siblings and spouses and my Dad and stepmom (late 60s and 75) My dad does very well, and except for lots of aches and pains can do a lot as long as there's an elevator. This was our 11th cruise, but the first for my husband's family, so naturally the sibs wanted time alone for activities and shopping. Soooo, we spent most of the time "sitting" and it was exhausting! First, his Dad has no visual perception. Any steps up or down, he doesn't see them. The only time we left him was in the room, and though we warned about the shower step OVER and OVER, he showed up with a bloody toe and an infection that required a visit to the ship infirmary. We had to take turns at breakfast- we tried the buffet once, but that was a nightmare with trays and steps. We all agreed to take turns with them at breakfast and use the dining room. First night at dinner our sweet Croatian server listed the specialties, etc. His dad not only can't see, he's nearly deaf as well. He said " I'm sure that's very good but I didn't understand a thing you just said!" We ordered for them the whole time. He seemed to enjoy the waiters' parades and most of the shows, but they usually fell asleep after a few minutes. Pops was the worst.Once he was walking down the hall and asked us what part of the building we were in! He fell asleep in Bingo as well, and the asst. CD draped a tablecloth over him, LOL. My DH took them on a tour of Key West on the tram and almost lost him when he fell asleep and started leaning over the side. He also tried to follow his luggage onto the conveyor belt. Getting them packed and getting the luggage together took 2 hours. It was a five day cruise, I doubt there were any clothes in their closets at home. At the end of the trip, we needed a vacation. Now, his Dad just said he's like to take another cruise, LOLOL! Did I mention that he is still driving?

P_M

I shouldn't laugh and it's not funny about your dad's toe....but the parts about how he kept falling asleep are a hoot!! It reminds me of my late grandfather who could fall asleep any time, any place. I remember how he would fall asleep reading the newspaper. He would still be sitting upright in his chair, still holding the paper, but snoring away. Thanks for sharing this story, it brought back some fond memories.

I debated on whether or not to add this part to my post, but here it is in case it can help. On a serious note, we had to take away my grandfather's keys. This was one of the hardest things my mom ever had to do, but he was becoming a threat to public safety. He started having a lot of fender benders that were entirely his fault, and we were beginning to fear that he would hurt someone while driving. I don't know your dad's situation, but please file away this thought in case you ever need to consider doing this. I hope you're not upset with me for bringing this up on your funny thread. ><

travelinwifey

Aw, poor Poppy! Cute story My inlaws are pretty independant but when you travel with the older parents, yes, the roles are reversed a bit, always trying to protect them I just love the "let's go attitiude", I hope I have that much energy when I reach their age, they wear me out!

LLindaC

Well, this trip was great for all of them, really. And I'm not complaining...watching his Mom try to get a Pina Colada on Southwest Airlines was one highlight, too. As far as the driving thing, the whole family is worried and I wish they would do something. (It's my husband's dad) This week, he drove into town for an appt and lost his car. His stockbroker and several others combed the streets till they found it. I'd like to do a getaway with them again, I just don't know what. We rented a mountain cabin once which was fun, but his vision/hearing thing can be really difficult once he gets out of his environment.

gail

You have far more patience than I - when we spend even an afternoon with my father-in-law we all feel like we need a vacation or a strong drink or both.

The only way we got my mother-in-law to stop driving was to call her doctor and get him to tell her to stop. Many of that generation view messages from MDs as second in validity only to God - so it might be worth a try.

The other thing that has worked for some families (I am an RN working with elderly and disabled) is for the car to "break down" - by disconnecting battery, etc. This requires full cooperation of other family members and assumes driver will not take the initiative to get it "fixed"

LLindaC

Gail....that is something we've never thought about! Every time he plans on driving more than a few miles, we try to find someone to drive them. But he's stubborn. I don't have to tell you that! Now, let's find out how to dismantle a starter....

P_M

How funny about dismantling the starter!! I wish we had thought of that while Granddaddy was living. But knowing my mechanical expertise, I would have screwed up and cut the brake lines instead.

peeky

It just all proves that when you get to the feeble part of your life you just have to stop and remember your memories instead of trying to make new ones.

I hope I know when to stop and start watching television.

chevre

My Grandmother finally gave up driving when her insurance was cancelled. She was a stubborn as they come and even 10 years after giving up driving insisted she could see just fine. But she wasn't fine and many more people besides her were in danger with her behind the wheel. It must be a terrible thing to let go of that independence. (remember the thrill of getting your license?) and I don't look forward to it. I'm gearing up for the time when my dad will have to give up driving, ( as we pry the keys from him).

Schnitzel

My friend's mother(85) was responsible for a fender bender, but no one could get "mom" to give up her license. My friend contacted the state police who sent a notice to the older woman that it was time to "renew" her driver's license by taking both the vision and on-road driving tests. Of course she failed, but at least "mom" couldn't blame anyone in her family. It was sad to see her give up the car, but I'm thankful that it happened before she killed herself or someone else.

LoveItaly

I think, here in CA at least, that a family member of an impaired elderly driver can contact the DMV..and the DMV will know how to handle it. Or talking to the person's doctor is something my uncle did regarding his elderly father. Not a fun situtation and always lots of guilt feelings I know but it sure beats having our elderly loved ones cause a serious accident and injury or kill someone or themselves. LLinda, you sound like you and your DH have the patience of saints. Hope you two can take a trip on your own next year..sounds like you both deserve it.

Leona

Very funny story.

We got my father to stop driving by getting rid of his car & telling him the new one belonged to my mother & he was not permitted to drive it!

Good luck to you if you have to cruise w/them before. Why don't you just wait a month & pretend that you had all just returned? He probably won't know the difference!

Retired_teacher

From the descriptions you gave, it sounds as though your father-in-law is exhibiting signs of dementia. Not remembering where he parked his car and trying to follow his luggage unto the conveyor belt are red flags as to his lack of processing skills. Add his hearing loss to the mix and he becomes a real danger on the highway. I know that I was in denial for some time about my own father's mental capacities as I didn't want to face them....... but there comes a time when a child must parent his parent and it sounds as though that time has arrived for your husband and his siblings. I wish you well with the tough decisions you will face in the future.

LLindaC

You all are wonderful! Yes, we are patient ;-) But we travel all the time- at least 5 weeks a year, so it was no big deal for us. Here's a great update. They have a new assisted living place near their hometown and his Mom loves it. We are close to convincing Pops, I think he will try it for 3 months at which point you won't get her out of there! She will have friends and activities, they won't have to drive at all. We're all thrilled!

FainaAgain

"His stockbroker and several others combed the streets till they found it. I'd like to do a getaway with them again" - just don't use him as a getaway car driver, LOL

My father didn't pass the eye exam, went to a russian doctor and got a note for a temporary driver's license! DARN!! At least he doesn't drive on highways now!

Retired_teacher

LLinda, what a wonderful idea... Your M-I-L will have a social life and mental stimulation at the assisted living facility and she will never want to leave! I'm sure that she must be as frustrated as you with regards to some of her husband's behaviors and this will give her a peer support group. I hope that this solution works out for all of you for the foreseeable future.

gdible

I know only part of your posting was intended to be funny, but I laughed so hard that I have mascara running down my cheeks. Thanks for the heads up!

LLindaC

Some of y'all have emailed me, thanks! The update is that MIL is out of hospital and back at "The Palace" as she call it, LOL! She has made friends and is very happy. She flat out told Pappy that she wasn't cooking anymore and they were staying! He's not arguing at this point. Tomorrow, the doctor is taking his license. We disabled the car last week and he thinks it takes 2 weeks to get the part. One good thing about dealerships- they're car salesmen, they are good liars! (Just kidding) All of us are sleeping better knowing that they are in such a great place and can afford it.

gail

Glad to hear things worked out.

P_M

Great update, thanks. I'm relieved that Pappy isn't driving anymore, and that the family will not have to endure the fallout of taking his license, as my mom did when she stopped my Granddaddy from driving. I wish we had thought of this when we were faced with this situation. However, if I know another family in the same boat, I will remember this thread.