Kristen1206

we may be taking a family trip this Fall...do we need anything from my husband's ex-wife stating that she gives permission for us to take their kids out of the country?

Thanks

ejcrowe

Yes. A notarized letter from her giving her permission for y'all to be traveling outside the US with the kids. Since their father is present you won't need any kind of in loco parentis statement.

Where have you decided to go? This will be your first trip to the Caribbean with the whole family, right?

Kristen1206

Hi Ej! I could find the older thread with that info but I was pretty sure we did.

Yes this will be the first trip. It is going to be their Christmas gift. we will go in early december most likely.

I am between a cruise..to Key west and Cozumel or just renting a villa in Cozumel.

Have you been to Coz? if so any advice would be appreciated!

Kristen1206

soeey..that should say "I COULDN'T find the the thraed...

ejcrowe

Sounds like fun! I've never been to Cozumel, but I bet it'll be fun for everybody. How old are Ellie's steps?

Kristen1206

They are 10 and 7.

Wher is your next trip to?

Also, does the letter from the witch (aka Mark's ex) be in any format as long as she gives permission?

MarionCK

For the record...I find your reference to the mother of your husband's children as a "witch" offensive.

There are two sides to every story, and with the divorce rate escalating, I think we should choose words more carefully.

Did you touch a nerve with me...you bet !

You have one child with him and you know how important that is. So, a little respect for the mother of two might be in order.

Marion

blamona

MarionCK-I think the term "witch" was used for a specific person, and not a general ex-wife/ mother term.
Sometimes it's hard to "read" a comment, you don't get tones and facial expressions, etc. It's also easier to generalize. I have read plenty of posts from Kristen1206, and I'm sure she refers to a "specific" person and did not mean to offend a general public.

JAGIRL

blamona,
I don't think it matters. She's still their mother, even though she's the ex-wife.

And as Marion said, words should be chosen carefully.

Life has a very funny way...

Statia

My DH and I have gone this route from the US to the Caribbean for many years with his daughter visiting us in the summer. At times I have had to meet her at MIA, and at times he's been able to. Now she travels all the way alone, but nevertheless I figured I would add my 2 cents.

We have always gotten a letter that states the child's name, the parents/step-parents names, the dates of travel, the countries entering in travel, the airlines and flight numbers, dates, etc.

We also always have her include permission to consent to emergency medical treatment and any other contigencies that we think of. It's best to cover all bases.

It's also best if the letter is notarized. That way there is very little problem that you could run into.

Have a great trip!

Statia

PS - My DH just told me to add that it can be a small hassle to go thru the notarization, letter details and such and sometimes you don't even need the letter. However, it's worth it to ensure that things go smoothly and are in writing for both parties.

MarionCK

I know that Kristen was referring to a specific person, and that was my problem with her post.

If she thinks that her husband's ex is a "witch", might that not be perceived by the children ?

I'm not sure why women/mothers continue to have issues, when we should be supporting each other. Working mothers vs. stay at home mothers is still a button-pressing topic.

I stand by my intended point that respect for the roles we each have is darn important.

Marion

JAGIRL

Marion,
I hope you have now repented from the *glue stick* incident.



I'm only teasing you!! Don't get angry with me

MarionCK

JAGIRL,

You're too much fun here for me to ever be angry with you ;-)

My daughters are 31 and 27 and are able to make their own decisions about the "gluestick"

When the children are younger, it is a more complicated scenario.

My remarks are only meant to have us all think

Marion

Kristen1206

Marion and JAGIRL...

You have no idea of my situation or anything about the my husband's ex-wife. If you did, you would realize that the term "witch" is even too good for her. I was referring to a specific person and I see no reason why I should be attacked for that.

And if you only knew how much we have both tried to be nice and respectful of her. I would love nothing more than that. We have even just done her a HUGE favor (on the magnitude of which you could not imagine) after she screwed us over...just because it was sin the best interest of the kids. And not even a thank you from her.

Being the stepmother, I can tell you I get ZERO respect from her and I do not need someone who has no clue about the situation to reprimand me.

When someone messes with or my family, I don't care who you are, I do not tolerate that.

I made that comment because I was just thinking about the last time we asked her to sign the papers so we could get passports for the kids. How nice do you think she was then? And why do you suppose the kids didn't get to come to T&C with us in April?

My question was about a letter..I was not asking for comments about my step-children's mother.

If it offended you, you should have moved on.

When I get respect I give it. if not, you will get none from me no matter who you are.

Kristen1206

Statia..thank you very much for all of the great information you provided. I appreciate it.

Statia

You're welcome, Kristen. I wasn't going to comment on this, but I can honestly say that I've been in your shoes. I can, however, also very easily see Marion and JAGIRL's points.

My personal advice in a sceario like yours, and one both my DH and I have lived by over the years.....never, ever say one iota of a negative thing about a parent around a child, even if the same is done by the other party (been there, done that). I'm not saying you've necessarily done that, but just offering my experience that has worked well.

We all have different scenarios in divorce and remarriage situations and it's not always easy...especially when children are involved. There are always hurt feelings, and there are also very different ways to look at situations. It really boils down the children's welfare, and I'm sure you know that.

My DH and I have gone thru very tough times over the years with regards to a relationship to his ex-wife, but believe it or not....there does eventually come a time when it all becomes "water under the bridge" and everything becomes more or less amicable with all involved. It just takes a bit of time to heal old wounds and for everyone involved to realize that the children's welfare is the most important thing.

I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but did want to say that I've been in your shoes in the same sort of difficult situation and that I wish you, your husband and your wonderful step-children a magical trip to the Caribbean.

Kristen1206

I have never and would never say a negative word about their mother in front of the kids. But I get to the point that I have to vent somehow. My husband believes that the kids will start to see her for who she is as they grow up.

wyatt92

Kristen1206, I understand your frustration. In my case it's my son's father who's the offender. In 14 years he has never once taken a day off to be with our son or taken him on even 1 night's vacation. Even at 14 my son still loves going to his house but even all through the summer my ex won't take him for an extra night. If my ex and his wife asked to take my son on a vacation to the Carribbean I wouldn't be able to sign that notarized letter fast enough!

All I want is for my child to be happy and to have lots of fun life experiences. I commend you for being such a positive influence on your stepchildren. I can't believe the ex would deny them the wondeful opportunity to travel with their father. It boggles the mind how parents put their own hurt, jealousy and selfishness ahead of their children's needs and well-being. I wish you luck with this situation, hopefully she'll sign the note and you can have a great vacation!

Kristen1206

Thanks Wyatt for your kind words. And I am sorry to hear of your situation. As much as we try to make it better, sometimes you just have to make the best of a situation. I am trying but it's very frustrating!