You all probably have seen this one but I got it today and thought it was funny!
.......................

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still live," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad. Eventually they asked Australian Intelligence (ASIO) for help.

Within a minute ASIO emailed the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

Thanks Liz, I needed a chuckle too.

You might like this one:

At the mall food court the other day, I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: red, green, orange, blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had finally had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in yur life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response: "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

This one was reported as a true story some years ago.

A punk with brightly coloured, spiky hair boarded a bus in Kings Cross and asked the driver "How much to the City, mate?" The driver replied "That'd be a dollar, son. And fifty cents for your parrot".

Hey LizzyF -

No fair making fun of the President. He may be an idiot - but he's OUR idiot.

"A nation always gets the government it deserves."

Ken

LB, not sure that a Nation always gets the Government it deserves. I always thought it depended on who paid who and by how much and that has nothing to do with the bulk of the nation. At least you are not "forced" to vote like we are. That must at least cut your "donkey" vote by half - no offence to donkeys ( the animals ) intended.

Ken, in both countries about 52% got the government they deserved - to which you'd have to add those who don't bother to vote, or in our case only turn up to vote because they'll get fined if they don't. Count me among the 48%.

The "donkey vote" Liz mentioned is probably a uniquely Australian term. In our system you get to number the boxes against each candidate's name in the order of your preference, and the "donkeys" are those who vote 1-to-whatever straight down the page. Drawing the highest position on the paper therefore confers an advantage, which is actually pretty small, an estimated 1%.

Neil - you should be ashamed of yourself.

You vote "donkey" - then you do get the government you deserve.

I find the compulsory voting provision in Australia odd. I also find it odd that right wing Lizzie - she loves JH - thinks he's the best since sliced bread - has seen fit to post this.

Actually I don't think it's funny.

It's deadly serious.

A vote for JH is a vote for .. well we won't go anywhere near domestic issues - but a vote for JH is a vote for unquestioning acceptance of whatever the US wants to do.

Which suits you, Lizzy, just fine. I just hope the coerced voters of Australia turn up and vote him OUT.

DITTO Dubya.

Sorry folks. Still stand by that quote. While specific individuals may not get the government they deserve, the nation as whole always does - whether that simply be an incompetent democratically elected one or an unelected totalitarian regime. In the former case the people as a whole were either taken in and made a foolish choice or couldn't be bothered to vote. In the latter case, they are too stricken with fear to fix the problem that most definitely needs fixing. Either way, their actions - or inactions - led them to their situation.

It may sound cold and callus but the fact is - if you don't like your government, then do something about it - otherwise nothing will be done. You can't expect others to fix it for you.

That's my take anyway,

Ken

Never mind all this political talk, post some more great jokes.

I loved the one with the parrot.

If you Chimani, Neil or whoever else is out there thinks that if there was a labour Government in Australia they would not have backed the USA in Iraq then you are sadly mistaken. I have a feeling, that the Labour/Socialist Government in England went with the USA on this one. Seeing that the USA in the past 2 World Wars came to the aid of England/Australia I do not think it would be politic to reject them. As silly as I think Rudd the Dud is I don't think he is that silly!
Now before you all attack me for being political may I note that I did not state this debate - I only posted the joke!

Another thing Chimani, I may be politically right but that does not mean that I do not have a sense of humour. Had it not been so sad the way Hawke and Keeting fleeced this country I would be laughing about their incompetence till the cows came home!

Thanks LizzyF,
Now that's a good joke!!

C'mon kids ... back on track please


Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy. This
can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.


While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Tom and Mary listened to the
instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men. "Can you each name and describe your wife's
favourite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched Mary's arm gently and whispered,
"Self-raising, isn't it?"

Thus began Tom's life of celibacy.......

I'll get flamed for this seeing as the consensus is you can post a joke that is political but it's out of order to reply in a serious political vein.

I don't get that logic. But well ..

Yes Blair's government is Labour - but you should know Lizzie, that Socialism is dead (discuss). It's all Democratic Socialism or Social Democracy in Europe now. There's a difference but that's not up for discussion here. Enough that both labels at least have the merit of believing that the market cannot be trusted to run everything.

Interesting to see Kevin Rudd manoueving in just the same way as Kinnock once did.

But the real reason for this reponse is your comment about the USA "coming to the aid of" the UK/Australia in WW2.

True. They entered the war. Took them a long time to decide which side was right. HHHmm???? Oh - and what was it that made it clear to them - an event called "Pearl Harbour" I believe.

Nothing about their entry into WW2 was about "coming to the aid of". That's just nonsense. It was purely and totally self interest.

And very nicely they did out of it too.

End of story.

Chimani -

Pardon me for letting the Historian in me peek through (I'd originally intended to the teach the subject, specializing in WW II). While there is indeed some truth to what you say (the American people were not enthusiastic about getting involved in what they perceived as "foreign troubles" - I might add that neither was Britain or France to begin with, which was why Hitler got away with so much in the mid-late 30's)) the fact is that the US did make solid steps towards entry into the war on the side of the allies long before Pearl Harbor and in fact it was those steps that led Japan to feel that they had no choice other than to attack the US. These steps by the US took several forms, the best known of which was Lend-Lease - whereby starting in early 1941 vast quantities of material were made available to Britain, China, and the Soviet Union. Prior to that, in 1940 we transfered 50 badly needed destroyers to Britain in exchange for bases in Newfoundland and the Caribbean. Though this was technically a "trade" the fact is both aspects of the deal benifited Britain enormously as it meant that the US would take over patroling the areas around the bases for u-boats, thereby freeing up overly-stretched Commonwealth forces. It was essentially a win-win deal for Britain (while admittedly extending US influence). Even without an actual declaration of war it was very clear which side we favored and indeed many concrete steps were taken along the path to war.

In any event, yes, the US was reluctant - but Roosevelt and others like him recognized the danger that Germany and Japan posed and took solid steps to help the allies whenever possible. In fact, here in the US there is a small (but vocal) minority that still claim that Roosevelt deliberately engineered the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor to get the US directly involved in the war. Though this is utter garbage, the stories continue to pop up. It is interesting to note (and serves as evidence of the US's lingering reluctance to get involved even after Pearl Harbor) that Roosevelt did NOT declare war on both Japan and Germany in his famous "Day of Imfamy" speech - only on Japan. Offical war with Germany came a couple of days later - only after Hitler declared war on the US first.

So, yeah, we were reluctant, but eventually the Axis powers decided that we were essentially at war with them already and simply made it official. We did indeed come out of the war pretty good - at the expense of not only Germany and Japan, but one could argue, Britain and the rest of Europe as well. WW I and WW II - as is often the case with wars - served as transition points in a shifting of the balance of power from Europe to the New World and America ended the war as the strongest nation on earth, but one must remember that our contribution, though hesitantly given at first, was vital to victory by the Allies.

Though the Soviet Union arguably played the domininant role in the defeat of Germany, there is no doubt that the US was the overwhelming reason for the defeat of Japan. This is not to minimize the heavy contributions of the Commonwealth forces there, but the fact is that victory over Japan was largely a result of naval warfare (due to the nature of the area) - and so it came down to who could product the most ships and planes. This was something the US, with it's vast resources and undamaged industrial might, could do like no one else. We started the war with generally the same number of aircraft carriers as Japan (7 or so - depnding on what one considers a "carrier&quot and ended the war with around 100 (plus having given/loaned Britain another 20 or so). Japan had no chance against such massive construction capability. Commonwealth forces (mostly Aussies and Kiwi's but also British, Indians and South Africans) played key roles on land and their contributions were vital, but in the final analysis it was the vast naval power of the US (notably the aircraft carriers and submarines) that crushed Japan.

Ken

Chimani, it was a joke, pure and simple, it was not a political joke as such either.
I think you are English Chimani and as such would not have appreciated the danger that Australia came all to close to in WW2 with the Japanese advancing at a rate of knots. In fact it was your Prime Minister at the time, Churchill, who decided that if push came to shove and the Japanese did get on Australian shores then the Brisbane line would come into effect and everything north of Brisbane would be surrended to the Japanese. My father, a US Marine in the Coral Sea arena fought with the Australians when the US came to our aid in that area and as I don't like fish, least of all raw fish, I am particularly happy that there was the American Armada there otherwise people like yourself would not have come to Australia and we would be saying Konitchi-wa ( phonetic spelling).
Liked your joke too Bokara!

Ken, thanks for a balanced summary. You did miss your calling.

Liz, Harold Wilson declined to accede to Lyndon Johnson's request for British troops in Vietnam. In so doing he showed a great deal more sense that the Menzies conservative government of Australia.

What a British Labour government did has no bearing on what a Labor government in Australia would have done. A former Australian Labor prime minister (who I won't name for fear of inducing an apoplectic fit) said of the US in Vietnam that when you see a friend doing something foolish and self-destructive, rather than egg him on you should help him extract himself from the problem. The very same comment has been made in relation to the Iraq fiasco.

Now, if I can think of a printable joke that's also funny I'll post one.

OK, here's my contribution - an authentically Australian story.

An old swagman, lost in the forbidding wastes of the Outback, exhausted, hungery and thirsty, reached a small billabong and made camp for the night. After starting a fire and using up his last few tealeaves for a cuppa, he turned to his faithful and footsore cattle dog, Blue, and said with a catch in his throat,

"Well, Blue, old mate, you've been a good pal, but it's time to call it a day. There's only one last thing you can do for me, mate, so I'm going to have to eat you."

Later, as the swaggie threw the last well-chewed bone onto the pathetic pile beside the fire, he said to himself sadly "Jeez, I wish old Blue was here. He'd of loved them bones."

For those with teenage boys:

>
> A young boy had just qualified for his driver's permit and asked his
> father
> if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a
> deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average,
> study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the
> car."
>
> The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer
> and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I'm
> real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have
> been studying your Bible, but I'm really disappointed you didn't get your
> hair cut."
>
> The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been
> thinking
> about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had
> long
> hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even
> a
> strong argument that Jesus had long hair.
>
> To this his father replied, "And did you also notice they all walked
> everywhere they went?"

I loved the jokes - I can't post any as the ones I know would get me a vacation from FodorsTHORN

Hey I rather enjoy political cartoons - even the ones that contradict my personal feelings - humor is humor

Chimani -I think you may have done better to simply start a political thread if that's what you wanted.

Great post Ken - Neil is right, you missed your calling.

I personally like JH - of course that has more to do with the fact that on our first holiday visit to Oz my wife and I were going to our room at the Hilton at the same time that JH and his wife were leaving. They both stopped to say hello to us before entering the elevator. I can assure you we could not have been within a block of a US President do to our security here.

3.5 months and counting until our next holiday down under

Cheers

Steve and Andrea