Driving in India - Hilarious

Apr 3rd, 2013, 11:34 PM
  #1  
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Driving in India - Hilarious

I received this mail from a friend of mine apparently written by a Dutch architect posted by a software company in Hyderabad.I reproduce it ,as is.Enjoy

This is an extract from one of the articles written about the driving conditions in India (which we are aware of) by Coen Jeukens, a functional Architect for Baan Apps Distribution.

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For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India, except Bihar, where life outside the vehicle is only marginally safer. Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of 'Karma', where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.



The hints are:

· Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied (by animals and others). In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap as in chess.

· Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.

· Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicle in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.

· Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when the traffic is moving slowly or has come to dead stop just because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

· Honking (blowing your horn) is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We sound horn here to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilise a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

· Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when overground traffic meets underground drainage.

· Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental make-up of Genghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record.

· On encouraging it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

· Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation.

· The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and the peg of illicit arrack he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill.

· Then you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. Sometimes, it could be the right one. But never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs in the night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are a great threat). Only you will often observe that the cleaner that sits next to the driver will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an expression of physical relief on a hot day.

· Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing religious songs. These pilgrims' buses go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
inquest is offline  
Apr 4th, 2013, 07:21 AM
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Accurate but a bit understated.
Elainee is offline  
Apr 4th, 2013, 07:36 AM
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Only an idiot drives themselves in India.

Only an idiot is driven in India at night.

Only a suicidal maniac drives themselves in India at night.
thursdaysd is offline  
Apr 5th, 2013, 03:17 AM
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We saw this shortly before our trip to India; if anything, this, too, barely captures the driving experience!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crT6kHiB2hc
progol is offline  
Apr 5th, 2013, 10:11 AM
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progol, that video is hilarious, as is the text by Coen Juekens. I will say, however, that Delhi is NOT unique, as everything that's been said applies to Cairo as well! My favorites were when a car backed up on a 60 MPH ring road in order to pick someone up at the side of the road, and the fact that invariably they make 8 lanes out of 4.
sf7307 is offline  
Apr 6th, 2013, 02:11 AM
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The Article is great.It makes me laugh at many sentences like "Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill" and "These pilgrims' buses go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success" .
All the things said in the article is completely true.
newmario is offline  
Apr 7th, 2013, 01:29 PM
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He nailed it pretty well! Good post, thanks for sharing.
Jaya is offline  
Apr 8th, 2013, 05:20 AM
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Hilarious. And delusional.
thursdaysd is offline  
Apr 8th, 2013, 06:59 AM
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Yep, this is about it. Our first trip to India was 1978 and I planned to rent a car until I saw how they entered a main road. Just get on the horn and get on the gas!
jacketwatch is offline  
Apr 8th, 2013, 09:36 AM
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Simple answer.....DO NOT DRIVE IN INDIA....if you high blood pressure it is a danger to your life..If you don’t have high blood pressure you will get it soon….lol

you can find enough drives for cheap over there.
Sam_Sen is offline  
Apr 16th, 2013, 02:17 AM
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Not everywhere.. Some parts are great for driving in Delhi.
Mike_Budhani is offline  
Apr 16th, 2013, 03:48 AM
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I driven pretty extensively in India,riding too in my younger days.Lately,it was Delhi-Leh,about a couple of years ago and every word he has said is true.
Trust me.Your senses have to be on high alert.Its all about expecting the unexpected.Anticipating.Its an absolute adrenalin rush.What I'm truly scared of is walking/crossing the streets.
inquest is offline  
Apr 16th, 2013, 07:00 AM
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We once were driven from Ajmer to Jaipur, about a 3 hr. ride and I was astounded to see so many wrecks along the way.

Once in Delhi a cabbie driving me rear ended a car stopped at a red light. He was probably shocked that someone actually was following the rules. . So they got out, yelled a bit and that was that. My driver blamed th guy he hit and said "me good driver. "
jacketwatch is offline  
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