wills

Okay. Has anyone else been in the position of feeling uncomfortable with Americans manners or lack thereof? I have had several trips/flights lately where I am seated next to/ near people who are either downright rude or manners are completely absent. Has a "good morning etc." prefacing some urgent need from a flight attendant or hotel staff never entered their vocabulary? Or how about a statement in response to May I help you etc. like "I want ----". A Please and thank you? Never happens. The kicker is that they must be oblivious to the sometimes visible repulsion of the person they are addressing. While I receive warm kind service since I go out of my way to be merely polite to flight attendants and hotel staff they must receive only what is necessary. Say what you will about the French, they may be snootily polite or cold but their manners are usually impeccable. Just in case you're wondering, I am American and most of the time proud of it. Perhaps it is because I speak two foreign languages. In any case am I alone in my shame? At the risk of flaming I submit ALWAYS GREET THE PERSON for heavens sake. PLEASE AND THANK YOU! Americans are known for our direct no nonsense approach in business but bad manners never get you anywhere.

anita

In my case it's more of a pet peeve than feeling uncomfortable. I noticed on the last flight that we took my kids had better manners (thank you, please) than any of the adults that were seated near us.

But then on the other hand I've also noticed that the flight attendants aren't exactly friendly either. I realize that they don't have time to socialize but a smile would be nice.
I guess it probably all goes hand in hand.

JamesA

I don't think you can specify it by nationality, some of the worst offenders are often brits, but the next time it could be American or anything. Often hotel staff or flight attendents are less than polite, often it is the passengers or guests who are downright rude.
I think it someone went into deeply it would come out something like attendents and hotel staff being 'spoken down to' by customers, the other side is that customers expect certain expectations and what they receive falls well below those expectations.
My own personal opinion is that the more restricted staff are in how they are allowed to behave the less chance they have to allow their own personality to shine through.
The passenger has been provided with high expectations through marketing and expect to receive the very best, without question.
I always make an effort to be calm, polite and decent. Though in the same breath I have met some downright rude flight attendents ( Not on Asian airlines though I might add ).
On a recent flight within Asia we were advised of a 20 minute delay, not a word or sound from anyone, once we boarded we had a further delay, no one said anything, staff were polite, passengers well behaved, on arrival one of the baggage containers was 'stuck' inside the aircraft and they had real problems getting it offloaded, quiet, not one person screamed or shouted or moaned, because it was no one's fault, no one was to blame.
Now try that scenario in perhaps another part of the world, what would happen?

There was a classic humerous 'article/letter' doing the rounds some years back,it was on the lines of the flight attendent welcoming passengers aboard, she continued:-
" I would like to advise passengers that I personally did not choose the menu, nor cook the food, I did not choose the wine nor fit the galley equipment. I did not program the compuer system nor fix your ticket price. I do not work for air traffic control, neither did I design the seats"....and so on, the attendents do certainly take the back-lash for pretty much 'everything' when they are responsible for very little.
I would always say, if you have a bad flight address the matter to the people who sit in their comfy offices who are the ones who decide what your flight would be like. Don't take it out on those who are not responsible.

An employee is not a servant, they can and should demand the same respect that a CEO would expect.

mrwunrfl

Let me practice:

1) Beer.
2) Beer, please.
3) Please sir, may I have some beer?
4) Good morning, sir, may I have some beer, please?
5) Good morning. Please sir, may I have some beer? Thank you very much, have a nice day.

mrwunrfl

6) Good morning I would very much appreciate your effort if you would be so kind as to supply me with a beer. Thank you very much Have a nice day

Statia

I've been seated next to people of many nationalities with no manners. I agree with James that the country you are from has nothing to do with it. Either you have manners or you don't.

sandi

Lack of manners and rudeness has no nationality. I've come in contact with all of them. Likewise, pleasant people are to be found worldwide.

It's certainly not an American thing!

wills

My post wasn't meant as anti american. I travel mostly in continental Europe and I have come to appreciate the formality and manners that seem to prevail. I agree that often the staff of an airplane or a hotel can be rude as well, I guess I have just been seeing a lot of the reverse. Flights are understaffed and I have noticed that while flight attendants may be brief during the service often if I walk back for something they are more relaxed and friendly. I traveled almost constantly this summer and saw a lot of tourists without manners. I guess I just noticed that the bulk of them were American.

wills

Finally I guess if you read Mrwrunfl's post it is obvious he regards manners as ridiculous and unnecessary. I guess I just saw a lot of people like him. And yes, they exist in every culture. I was just embarassed of the ones that come from mine.

saharabee

Au contraire wills. My take on mrwunrfl's post is:
a) life is way too short to take anything less than major crises THAT seriously.
b) beer (or, in my case, wine) IS important
c) the better your manners, the more improved your chances of more beer, or possibly, better beer

mrwunrfl?

theladyjess

As my Dad taught us growing up:

Always say please and thank you, after all waitresses (flight attendants, hotel staff, nurses, etc.) are people too!

JamesA

Actually I would not agree that people in Europe have good manners. My wife is Thai, and in Switzerland, Germany and France we found many people outright rude and she hates to go there, but on 2 visits to the USA she points out how simply 'charming' people are, especially in hotels and restaurants. I think it's great how restaurant staff in the USA introduce themselves, smile, really like take care of you, you go into some restraurants in Northern Europe and they are just stuck up, go down to Greece, Spain, Italy and they are all more open, friendly and laid back in general.
I sometimes can't get over it when in the States everyone beams a smile, wishes you a 'Have a nice day', ok, maybe a little false, but I still love it. Call room service and they are efficient, polite, actually I think when they realise you are from overseas they probably go out of their way to help, maybe us 'foreigners' get better service????!!

saharabee

Actually, as an old psychology student, the more I think about it, the more fascinating this topic becomes.

Humans, like other species, have a primary goal - self interest and self protection. Manners have developed and evolved to further those ends. We treat people well, not to show respect as a primary goal, but to help ensure that others treat us well. (In olden days - "Don't kill me, I'm inoffensive" : today - "more and better beer please&quot. Manners (not to be confused with etiquette, which served to delineate the line between the upper and lower classes - how can you know which fork to use when you only own 1 fork?) have developed as largely a middle class attribute, sociologically over the millenia. Lower classes (serfs) understood that they had little control over how they were treated and relied on defense mechanisms for self-preservation. Upper classes didn't need to worry about how well to treat others, as a rule, because they had the power, so it didn't matter.

Manners have evolved as a very useful human device for furthering the self interests of the individual, and making both the recipient and donor of politeness feel good.

Sooo - I agree with the first poster. Manners are eroding terribly. (And it's not an ethnic thing, unless it's indirectly related to other qualities.) Why are people less polite today? Are we losing our middle class in many areas? Is the global society eliminating the perception of individuality to the point that we all know that, no matter how well we behave towards the individual we are directly dealing with, the organization will steamroll us anyway?

Ideas?

(And I'm the one who said we were taking the topic way too seriously!! - LOL)

travelinwifey

Yes I agree, I think the manners of Americans are eroding terribly. However, I do think some cities are more friendly than others. People let their children run amok on planes or at hotels, kick the back of your seat and scream their heads off with no consideration of other travelers. Not all parents, but many do. Also people no longer say "excuse me" when they plow into you or "thank you" when you hold the door open for them. Not to mention the people that pass gas next to you on the plane.... I must admit that it urks me when I am polite toward a person and I don't get the same politeness back. The society is becoming "me first" unfortunately.

Heartburn3

I don't have the best manners in the world, but I've found that a smile and a please and thank you get you a lot more than a frown and a growl (I've learned this from first-hand experience...LOL!)

BTW, am I the only one who noticed mrwunrfl drinks in the morning???

dutyfree

I personally feel that the manners of the traveling public have changed a great deal in the past decade or two.Parents do not teach their children respect for anyone with authority nor do they teach them not to deface public property.People seem to have more "issues" than ever before on the airplane.Obvious things such as NOT cutting your toenails in business class during the ice cream service seem to go over their heads?"Please and thank you?"-people won't even look at you during an 8 hour flight over the pond when they speak.......shall I go on? Thanks for letting me vent!

mrwunrfl

Life is too short to take this post seriously.

Yo, 'nother beer here.
And a case of wine for my friend saharabee.

saharabee

Yo Mrwunrfl - you forgot something, I think. That would be:

Another beer - please?

And - a case of wine, pretty, pretty please (with a most ingratiating smile!) Remember - more and better beer!

LOL

mrwunrfl

<< emoticon goes here of a person smacking his forehead with his palm >>

I forgot! And I did all that practicing just yesterday!

rb_travelerxATyahoo

Is it no wonder people don't say please when --

several years ago my phone company (don't recall if it was my regional or ATT) decided that directory assistance calls would drop the "Please" from "What city, please?" in an attempt to save $$. Obviously, it costs too much to be polite