matnikstym

Nyamera~If I read your post right, things are looking up? Keep at it girl, your dream will come true!

Leely

I'm with Dennis on this one--sounds like things might be good!

You hate time-wasters? On Fodor's too?

Nyamera

I don’t really know if things are looking up. I’ve been given a quotation that might be a scam, but I’ve also been given an idea that I don’t know if I’ll share on Fodor’s …

Leely, I don’t hate time-wasters, I just hate hagglers. :-" I’m not sure about the definition of a time-waster on Fodor’s.

atravelynn

If a company mentions that wild dogs are easy to see in the Mara and that black rhino are seen in Amboseli, then I would forget them.

Filling out that questionnaire is a reasonable strategy to find operators and learn about pricing. If nothing else, it confirms that the quotes you have are in the ballpark.

Nyamera

Maybe I should return to Bushbuck. It looks like it’s the closest thing to my ideal camp that I’ll find. The guiding wasn’t stellar though, but the guide was a really nice guy and not in a hurry back to camp. I did communicate with the owner of Bushbuck a couple of months ago, but then my emails started bouncing back. I suppose they got a good virus protection after receiving a Trojan horse from me … Now I’ve started consulting Tripadvisor. There’re some really nice people there and you don’t even notice that they’re wearing skimpy swimwear.

When I commented on a blog some time ago I got good advice about the most important part of this trip – staying in Kenya. Another person commenting there said I should seduce and marry an MP. I just have to find out when parliament is in session. I already got the names of the bars I should visit. Regarding the seduction itself, I was just told to use “the usual charms” and I was too shy to ask what those are. Does any Fodorite know?

Leely

As a Fodorite, I'm pretty sure the usual charms are:



and lots of

a bit of

plus some of

but watch out for 8-X !

matnikstym

Don't offer cheese that you've been carrying for weeks as your dowry!

Nyamera

Thanks, Leely! You’re a geniuos!

Dennis, the good thing here is that what’s called dowry in Kenya really is bride price, usually livestock, but in this case I’m sure my family will get $$$ and a Mercedes or something.

LyndaS

Hurry and go please Nyamera, I just can't WAIT to read the trip report!!! (and yes, I expect one even if you ditch the return air ticket)

Nyamera

Lynda, I’ll hurry, but first I need some sort of planning. Or, maybe I should just spend all the time in Nairobi looking for MPs?

matnikstym

While your MP husband is off MP'ing, you can open a b & b or preferably a camp and invite all of your Fodor's friends!

And don't settle for a Mercedes, get a LandRover or LandCruiser to take us around on game drives. I don't think a Mercedes will hold up too well in the bush.

atravelynn

When you are based in Kenya, you can be our foreign correspondent.

I am sure the charms referred to are your charming personality and character.

I agree you should ditch the cheese.

One thing that generated several emails to me from African men who were interested suitors, was my mention on this forum of a lion hairball as my favorite souvenir. Feel free to steal the lion hairball tactic from me.

In the meantime, best of luck with your planning.

Nyamera

Dennis, the Mercedes was the payment to my family. I’ve heard it’s the kind of vehicle that MPs like. With my connections I’ll definitely open a camp with many Landcruisers and Land Rovers. You are on the VIP-list.

Nyamera

Thanks, Lynn. Now I must find a lion hairball. Maybe I should have my email address visible on Fodor’s. I’m afraid of Trojan horses (they aren’t good for game rides), but it sounds like you get some interesting mail.

Nyamera

An update:

I’m not getting anywhere. I’m just contacting expensive camps hoping to get an incredible offer because I want a longer stay and it does NOT work. I have to become more serious now when there’s less than a month left before my departure.

What’s really important is to find a way to stay in Kenya and the only serious advice I’ve got is to visit some bars where I can seduce an MP – and I did not even get this advice on Fodor’s.

I’d have to make a Kenyan version of my business card to appear as what in Kenyan English is called a “big person” At the moment is just says:
“My civilian name”
Nyamera
Kenya Imports
Telephone
Email

I’d have to write something that would imply that I could work as a consultant to safari camps, or something in that style, or just anything … Any ideas? Kenyans aren’t shy about these things. On the business card of my favourite hotel cleaner it says:
“Name”’s Tours and Safaris
Dealers in: Excursions, Luxury/Camping Safaris, Mountain Trekking, Car Hire, Hotel & Lodge Booking, Slums, Curious, Africa Batiks.
“Name”
Director
Telephone
Email
Insumption of: Needy Children, Widows, Widowers, Orphans, H.I.V, Victims, Women Projects.

Then there’s a problem with the phone number on the card. I use my Swedish mobile phone and I don’t want anyone to phone me as it costs me a lot of money. If I write “SMS only”, will I still look like a “big person”?
Tafadhali nisaidieni!

matnikstym

"Civilian name"
<font color="red">Nyamera</font>
<font color="green"><b>Cheese Importer</b></font>
&quot;Hand Delivered to Your Lodge&quot;
(In Return For Lodging)
<font color="blue"><i>&quot;So Exclusive You Have to SMS Me&quot;</i></font>

Good luck Nyamera! If anyone deserves a break and whose dreams come true, it's you!

Leely2

I have been wracking my brain about all this, but I am the wrong person to give advice. Dennis has better advice than me. What does that say about me???

Nanny/governess/pastry maker? Swedish masseuse? (That might also help with the MP.)

matnikstym

I've been wracking my brain wondering what Leely2 meant by that remark!

(and what happened to Leely1?)

Leely2

Eek, Dennis, I was being serious-jokey. You really have given better advice and that's not shocking. I do so wish I could help.

And I have really been racking my brain since posting, because I think it's not &quot;wracking.&quot; D*mn you, lazy head and no dictionary at hand.

Nyamera

Dennis and Leely2, thanks for wracking your brains!

The cheese idea isn’t all that bad. If it weren’t because I’ve tried some good Kenyan cheese and bought a bit of it, I would consider becoming a cheese importer, but I really wouldn’t want to import the produce of over-subsidised European farmers.

As a nanny/governess I’d have a lot of competition from people working for less than I need to buy sunscreen, and I mean this literally. Pastry making is actually the only thing I get favourable comments about from people in my surrounding, so I’ve fantasised about becoming a dessert consultant to safari camps, but the camps that spend a lot money on silly things already have excellent desserts – I’m thinking of Intrepids – and I prefer the camps that just serve some fruit or a dry sponge cake that grows in the mouth, and I’ve stopped all dessert activities to become thinner and more attractive to MPs. The masseuse idea sounds almost serious. I think I’ve actually heard something about an expat working as a masseuse, but that must have been in Tanzania. I’ve got the impression that it’s the profession with the best ratio of duration of studies/good money coming in, but an uncle of mine has tried it without success and he’s better at self-promotion than I am. To get a diploma before my departure I’d have to be very decisive and really believing that it would work. I’d like to have “masseuse” on my business card though.

I wonder what Leely2 has done to the old Leely …