julie-late at night when all the neighbors are asleep, go out in the driveway behind your car and practice. Practice makes perfect you know!
never leave trash on the side of the road, bring a plastic bag with you everytime you pee and put the filter and paper into the bag and dispose of it back in camp.
Still laughing, glad I'm male!

I can't believe this thread is still going on and getting funnier and funnier as it goes. Guess I'll get my two pesos (pula?) in.
Julienk asked some pretty specific technique questions. I've traveled in Baja California extensively and using a bush (or cactus) was the usual mode in those days. Just some hints:
1. Skirts work better than pants. In fact I'm taking two skirts for drives on my next safari.
2. I never go for the complete squat.(Bad knee & back)
Lean forward, half squat so you're not hitting right between your shoes. You should be able to balance with elbows/forearms on legs just above knees. Unders only need to come down to just above knees - grab and pull as far forward as possible.
3. If possible do you business on a slight incline so it rolls back away from you and your shoes. It doesn't have to be a hill, just a little something.
4. Pack out all paper products.
5. Regarding husband laughing. My dog got the better of me once. I took my dog with me for a 'cactus run' one time and she could hardly wait to mark on top of mine.

I think this all comes under too much information. I apologize if anyone is offended. I do have specifics on number two - but will not put on public board. If you really need to know I can do that in email.

Driveway practice ..hmmm...we had 6 inches of snow last night and 20 degrees. If I practice leaning against the bumper, I might adhere to it.

My husband is out of town so I was able to try out a few stances last night without sending him into convulsions....sort of a dry run.

So, I am going have to remember to pack coffee filters with pre-snipped points, wipes and plastic baggies.

Does the guide carry trash disposal bags or do we carry the baggies ourselves until we return to the lodge.
Do they make opaque zip locks so that no one has to view the wipes, after-the -fact.

Now, for a biggie concern that hit me in the middle of the night....do you need to take a pooper-scooper or do you leave that where it falls. (God...I hope that never becomes an issue for me on the trip)

I had an image of another guide trying to track big game by spoors...only to drive up and discover he had been following a vehicle of fiber-filled tourists.

I hadn't seen Veers response before my previous post. That was exactly the info I was looking for....and sort of what I figured out during my "positioning practice" last night.

Just a couple of other considerations:
1. Give your guide lots of warning that you need him to stop. Sometimes it'll take a while to find a place he feels is safe enough to let you out of the vehicle and by then you could be in desperation mode.
2. Consider wind direction when doing your thing...something my daughter and I learned the hard way when we were "indisposed" behind the vehicle. The only solution was to laugh at our ridiculous situation and carry on

I totally agree Calo - give you guide lots of warning. Last time in Chobe the guide was waxing poetic over the impalas. I mentioned that I really needed a sweet bush. My travel mates kept asking questions about impala - I finally asked if I could just go over to a bush on the other side of the vehicle than the impalas. The guide kindly informed me that behind the bush I was frantically pointing to stood a cape buffalo, which I hadn't seen in my desperation.
Also, yes wind direction can be important. I found baby wipes are handy in more ways than one.

This was such a hilarious lunch time post - the whole office thought I was off my rocker lauging so hard!

I just heard from someone who took the tour I am taking....and boy am I relieved ( no pun intended). She said finding an outhouse or porta type potty was never a problem on the trip. She thought I was nuts to be worried over the stop-n-squat issue. So apparently this particular tour operator is covering our a.... for us.

I looked on Magellan site and there is something called Restop 1 & 2. It is a personal portable potty and according to the reviews, people liked it. It sounds like it works on the Pampers theory...wetness turns into a gel. It comes with the trash bag to put it in and wipes. There was not description of how portion 2 worked, though. Just let your imaginations run wild.

Oh my, I have learned so much - and here I thought I was ready for Africa in 3 weeks! You guys are cracking me up. Thanks Lynda for telling me about this thread!

julienk, I think you'll be fine. Please don't adhere to your car's bumper. That could be very, ah, painful.

Priceless, Julienk, I have a vision of your DH frantically driving the vehicle to the ER with you attached to the back bumper, lol

Re; pooper scoopers
This will only become a requirement when the lions are finally ordered to use litter boxes

That's it. I'm in love with you all.

Juliet

...and I thought spoor were just footprints! I can always count on the forum to enlighten me. Glad I'm not the only one obsessing about the bathroom breaks. Since everyone seems to be approaching the topic with a sense of humour I guess we all have nothing to worry about when encountering each other
"in the street"...

It rarely gets cold enough for the bumper to be so cold that your bum might stick. If it does, any warm fluid sprayed on the connecting point will quickly separate bum from metal (are bumpers still made of metal, the real stuff or is it heavy duty plastic?)

Someone has said "laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God". After reading your witty posts, I feel very close to Her right now

watch out for the splash comfy shoes!

With the correct deportment, my dear matnikstym, you can avoid almost any splash as some of the above funny posts so eloquently describe.

Ok lesson on peeing standing up for ladies who don't want to/can't squat. (I've got arthritic knees so while I can it hurts like hell, plus also like to stand up sometimes so that stray vegetation/insects/other nasties can't get me on the bum).

Practise at home in your loo.

Lift skirt or pull down trousers etc. Just pull the crotch of your knickers to one side, don't pull them down. This also helps protect your modesty. If practising on the loo it's easier to turn around and face 'into' the loo, like men do, so you'll have to take one foot completely out of trousers, but out in the wilds don't worry, just pull them down to ankles. They shouldn't get wet.

Stand straddling the loo/target piece of ground. Bend knees slightly, if possible, to push pelvis forward. Otherwise just push pelvis forward a bit. Lean body forward a bit from the waist. You'll end up in a slightly 'curved' shape, as though you were slumping on a chair. Pee. Your pee will come out in front of you in a straight line just like a chaps!

hey to all..... this is Nancy & I am new to this. We live near Tallahassee, Florida & are planning to do the Ultimate Africa Safari with OAT in 2008, celebrating our 45th anniversary. I love all the info. I am getting from all of ya'll.... we are new at this so I am trying to "soak up" everything.... thanks!

nona, surely you jest.

Next thing you know someone will be giving catheter insertion lessons

No joke, it works!