I know it's the thought that counts and that knick knacks can be given away (mine go to Goodwill), but I hate to think that someone spends time and money on something that's just going to end up in the giveaway box. A sincere "thank you" is all that I want from my guests.

While I can't imagine being insulted if a friend I invited to my home brought a food item when not directed to. I would not automatically serve it and of course common sense would tell you that you are not required to serve it and yes JJ5 nobody on the South Side of Chicago would be insulted by a guests helpful gesture however misguided. I always think a nice holiday CD would be appreciated or I have received theme Salt and Pepper shakers and candleholders which I appreciate every time I use them and think of the person that gave them to me.

Oh, this reminds me so much of when my son was 4 and we invited my in-laws to celebrate his birthday - they arrived with an elaborate iced cake. I had made a birthday cake to my son's specifications, and I didn't want this other cake, but neither did I want to offend my dear inlaws. I tried to suggest that we might freeze it for another occasion, only to be told it had already been frozen so would have to be eaten now. I gritted my teeth, and we ate their cake (not as good as my cake!!!), but I would never bring a centrepiece item unless I had been asked to. What were they thinking of?!

Oh yes, and I have discovered the perfect hostess gift! Since we started to keep hens this summer, a box of 6 fresh eggs from our garden has never failed to be accepted with delight.

Of all the gift ideas listed, I like Ruth's the best!

Well, I feel better now. I think what makes the most sense is to offer to bring food or drink and, if my offer is accepted, then bring whatever my host or hostess requests. If my offer is not accepted, then I can either bring some little thing (that doesn't wind up taking up space or ruining somebody's diet or new year's resolution--maybe flowers or something from my garden or henhouse!), or not. I have a friend who includes little origami birds in her cards -- something pretty that I can keep (which I do) or just admire and eventually dispose of. I think it was just the idea of being expected to choose and purchase something, wrap it, and remember to bring it that made me feel all overwhelmed, but as several here have said, when we invite people to our homes, it's because we enjoy their company, and while gifts from guests can be a thoughtful touch, they are neither required nor expected.

Ruth come to my house!!

This is an interesting thread! I think it all depends on "who, what, where, when, how, and why!"

For a Christmas party, I would bring a bottle of wine (or other libation if I specifically know what they drink). Otherwise, a pointsettia or small holiday flower arrangement. (I'm sorry, who doesn't like fresh flowers...even if they have to put them in a vase?) Not because I thought I had to, just because that's how I am.

It's the thought that counts. Period.

I do not usually go out of my way to buy a chotchkey (however you spell it). I agree with some...who needs more crap?

I have been invited to high end parties and to some of my best friends' (from kindergarten to now) house parties. You have to be able to differentiate! Sometimes a nice thank you card is the best way to go.

I say keep it simple (wine, flowers), unless you want to do something wonderful because you know the person so well or bring nothing at all because you know that might not fit in to the plan.

Bringing food depends on who's having the party. I have friends that would accept any type of food donation (without asking) and others who would beg me not to bring food. Again, depends on who, what, where, etc.

This is the kind of stuff that makes everyone (including me) nuts during Christmas!!!!

My friends knowing, we don't have alot of money always bring wine, because we will have alot BUT know our group drinks alot of it, They know I like Goat cheese and that is always welcome.
Things I dislike A gift of PotPourri, because there is only one as far as I'm concerned. Agraria from San Franscisco, the Bitter Orange, For someone I do not know well, it would be wine, an apertif or digestif, aftr once hearing a hostess say she hated flowers or plants. Very close friends? I simply ask and they may suggest our local super ice cream.

Just a personal thought. For good friends one usually knows if a bottle of wine or champagne or flowers, chocolates etc. will be appreciated.

If one is not "close" to the hostess and has no idea what to bring there is nothing more special than a lovely thank you note after the event. Not many people write a thank you note for a lovely evening. When I have received one it has always been very special to me. Just a thought cd.

LoveItaly, your suggestion is great. A thank you note, or almost better, a phone call to say what a great time we all had is really appreciated. Gives you a chance for sharing a little "afterglow".

Hi Maggi, the reason I have always enjoyed a lovely thank you note is that usually after entertaining there is a lot of "clean up" to do and sometime a phone call (unless it is a couple of days later) slows one down. Another nice thing about a thank you note is if you have a spouse or SO you can let them read the thank you note also, as usually both people put work and effort into entertaining. It always seemed special to have my DH read the thank you note rather than just pass on the telephone message. But that is just my thought.

I have kept, in a special box, thank you notes I received over the years. They are still special to me and remind me of the special fun I had entertaining our friends.

loveitaly, I must hav copied your email incorrectly, all were returned.

Nikki: Dead on!

Mike T: You're invited!

I agree with LoveItaly. A Thanksgiving guest sent a thank-you note and it was indeed very much appreciated. I will make a practice of doing the same.

Said guest also brought flowers - and it is true that it breaks the flow to have to vase flowers up during the preparations. I grabbed an ironstone pitcher from the top of the cabinet for the flowers and guest was a bit surprised I was not using a vase It IS a farmhouse kitchen...ready for Ruth's eggs!

Heh, what about the reverse.

Thank you note or not, after 25 or 30 years, I am still "required" to bring my stuffed mushrooms nearly every open house or I see fallen faces.

Lesson: Don't be too good at any of this or you may be doing into your infinity.

We have a joke between two of us- she calls me stuffed mushroom, and I call her Swedish meatball. I think I could make them in my sleep. I know I have.

And actually we never exchange yingadings, 90% of the time it is a good white wine or something else, like my dried spices, that I know someone really likes.

And just a Thank You card would never be averse. It's just that I would have to look at Ed, Russ, Ski, Chuck etc. faces' if I didn't bring the mushrooms.

MikeT and Ruth, I'd love to invite you over for dinner sometime; such fabulous, fresh gift ideas!