Okay to take kids to nice restaurants?
 

What do you think? My kids are 2 & 3 and used to eating out and usually behave pretty well (however they are young and somewhat unpredictable :-) ). We get babysitters at home if we want to go any place that wouldn't be considered "family friendly" but will be going on vacation soon and won't have the babysitter option. We'll be in Hilton Head which is a pretty family focussed destination, but I'm wondering about where it is and isn't appropriate to take young children. How can you tell before you get to a restaurant? I've found if you call they almost always say it's okay but then sometimes you get there and find out it really isn't (no high chairs, quiet atmosphere). I know some restaurants are obviously family friendly, but we like to try different types of food (and expose our kids to them as well) and don't always want to go to places that seem to cater to children.

Any thoughts on this one?

Well, instead of asking if it's OK to bring kids, you could ask whether they have high chairs, a kids menu, etc., and about the general noise level. I don't object to kids in restaurants except the fanciest ones, where just the very presence of children, even if well-behaved, can seem an intrusion. Mostly, though, there is enough "background noise" in restaurants that people ought to be able to tolerate the presence of children. But from my days of chasing my own when I was misled about the availability of high chairs, I just wouldn't try to eat somewhere that doesn't have high chairs--not just booster chairs, but a real high chair!

That makes sense, but unfortunately sometimes it doesn't work. Last time we took the kids to Hilton Head we called a restaurant and asked if they had high chairs and if it was okay for kids. They said yes, come on in. We did, only to find their one high chair was already in use (by a child way too big for a high chair in my opinion :-) ) and it was a very quiet restaurant (possibly because it was more than half empty). It seems some spots will fib in order to get customers (especially if it's not the high season). I think asking if they have a children't menu is probably good advice - thanks!!

I dont think that a restruant can say "no children", unless it because of alcohol laws. But I am glad you call ahead, too many times i go to a nice palce and get stuck next to the screaming kid.

I know, that would drive me crazy too (especially when I'm paying a sitter for a kid-free evening). I leave if one of my kids starts screaming, it's just nice to know ahead if a place if "fancy shmancy" and quiet or more bustling and likely to drown out a non-hushed voice.

How about having a back-up plan. You're talking about Hilton Head, not NYC, so if you arrive and realize it's not a good fit, how far can it be to find another more kid-oriented restaurant?

That would be okay for a normal person, but I tend to obsess about where to eat while on vacation. I research all the travel websites and make a spreadsheet of who recommends what, so I put a lot of consideration into each meal (what can I say, I love to eat!!). A bad meal on vacation is a wasted opportunity for a nice evening(especially since I am land locked in Ohio and vacation is often my only shot at really fresh seafood).

This topic was a big issue in the local paper last year. To me it is a function of how well behaved the kids are and how the parents respond when the kids act up. It sounds like the kids do well and you are a responsible parent. Speaks well of you and your children.

One too many times I have been at a nice restaurant where the parents let the kids run around and disrupt everyone else's meals. You are right to take them out if they start to cry. It may let them be in control, but it shows respect for others. What I hear from many parents are questions like "Are we grumpy?" or "Someone is not having a good time?" My dad would tell me, "Either you stop crying or we leave and I will give you a good reason to cry." I usually stopped crying.

If you are staying at a hotel, check with the concierge. If you know any locals, ask them.

You'll certainly find someone here who will come on and say that the kids don't belong anywhere! :)

But, giving the general population here the benefit of the doubt ;) Why not do some more research (if it's not already done) and then post a new question here with the specific restaurants you have in mind. Certainly, many fodorites have Hilton Head experience and would be able to help with at least some of the choices! :D

I've had good luck at nice restaurants with my three kids (6,4, and almost 2) by eating early. We'll make a reservation around 5. That way, there's less people to disturb, you can request a corner table or one away from other guests, and you'll get served more quickly because it's not as busy. I realize that the busier it is, the noise level will help drown out the kids if they forget to use their "indoor voices," but my kids tend to get more excited the louder and busier it is. On some level I guess they realize that if it's quiet around them, they should try to keep it down too (sometimes!)
We've also had good luck taking them to hotel restaurants. We peeked into a place one night that did not look like the type that would welcome children, but my husband asked and they were very accomodating. They didn't have a children's menu but made the kids burgers (probably off the room service menu), and all of the waiters made a point of coming over and talking to the kids throughout the evening. They even made them huge complimentary sundaes.
I think hotels have to be more accommodating to families. Once, my husband and I were at Aujourd'hui, one of Boston's top restaurants, located in the Four Seasons. It was our anniversary, and I was not happy when a family with two very young children was being seated right after us. But wherever they put them, I didn't hear a peep out of them all night (maybe they fell asleep!). Good luck!

My suggestion is to also eat out early. We took our daughter to NYC back when she was 2 years old and manage to eat out every night with no problems. We simply we out to dinner around 5 pm and chose restuarants that were more family oriented. I'm sure you'll be able to find listings of family friendly restaurants located in Hilton Head.

Snow, maybe the fact you have children means you can't be quite so high-maintenance about restaurants. The price of having children is somtimes you have to sacrifice that Latin-Asian fusion place and eat at Happy Burger because your kids are not in a good mood.

Our girls have always been well behaved in restaurants, but if they weren't, we left.
I was in Hilton Head last year and I think almost everywhere on the island is kid friendly. I would call ahead and find out if they have a kids menu and high chair and I would also eat at 5pm. That would be the best bet.
If your kids are good, then you shouldn't be penalized and not be able to eat out. But if they are bad, then you should exit and box the meal.

I think you've answered your own question: if a restaurant doesn't have high chairs it's not a child-friendly establishment.

By me it's fine to take children to restaurants, but they get bored very fast, so if one parent can place an order while another watches the kids outside till the food is served this would be perfect for eveybody.

And I'd rather sit next to a child then at the same table with some of my relatives, sigh...

There's no reason to restrict yourselves to children-oriented restaurants. I'd say differently if you had kids who rarely went out to eat and couldn't sit still for 5 minutes, but it sounds like yours are used to going to nicer restaurants and behaving quite well. As was said earlier, as long as you're considerate of others and take your kids outside for a few minutes if they start to act up, you won't disturb others.
I'm very much like you when it comes to eating out on vacation. We both love food (my husband's a chef) and we would feel like it was a huge waste to eat in mediocre places when we could be eating at new and exciting places. We just use common sense--we wouldn't take the kids to an obvious special-occassion place where people are paying a high price to enjoy a meal without their own children.
You might try telling the restaurant that you need two highchairs when you make the reservation, even if you only need one. That way if they tell you that they only have one, you'll know that it's not a place that truly welcomes children. And again let me emphasize how much luck we've had going to dinner early. As I said, the service is almost always faster, and your kids won't be over-tired.

I was going to post what CatsDoDance and GirlontheGo said. Just go early, and be committed to taking one out if she/he gets fussy!

Wow, good and common sense from klw25!

Call me a fuddy duddy, but I don't get what difference it makes if the restaurant is "quiet" or not. If the kids scream and yell, they don't belong in any restaurant until you teach them to keep quiet. I've been to dinner with friends who bring children with them (as young as 2) and they are no problem. They have been taught that when eating they are quiet, and I've been to their homes where is is the same thing. Children CAN be taught at a very early age that eating and screaming don't go together. If you allow them to scream and carry on or run around the table at home, then of course it will be impossible for them to understand why they can't do that in a restaurant.

Kudos Patrick. And I'm glad it was someone else who said it besides me. Best advice given to me was by my Pediatrician...a crying child is 99% not a dying child. They'll get it over it and realize you're the boss and these are the rules.
I'm raising three young boys, and prechildren, we loved to go out to dinner. I like to cook, but enjoy going out to dinner that much more. So, I insisted my children behave at restaurants. It took about three meals out in a row to get them to understand that I meant business, but they caught on and now it's a pleasure to go out as a family.
Did the same thing with each of the kids. Before we got to the restaurant, a quick lecture of what the proper behaviour was that was expected and consequences if they didn't.
Sure enough, had to take them out of the high chair, and to a quiet area of the restaurant at eye level repeating the proper behavior, sat them back down in the high chair. Repeat if necessary.
Always worried about disturbing other diners, if they became too vocal over the expectations, we would retreat to the car seat in a air conditioned car while they wailed their frustration to the top of the lungs while Mom sat outside the door waiting until they were finished. "Do you think you can behave now?" Then, right back down in the high chair with the same expectations. Repeat if necessary.
Like I said, it took about three dinners out for them to get it. Got easier as we had more kids, b/c the siblings would look at their brothers as if to say, "you'd better cut it out...it won't help!"
In our book, the kiss of death is to take them out of the high chair when they have the fits, and reward them with a stroll around the property!
They're a bit older, 5 to 10 y.o., and if they misbehave at dinners out now, we threaten them with a babysitter instead. Works every time!

IMHO kids as young as 2 or 3 never belong in a real restaurant. Family restaurants are fine - or casual cafes/bistros. But no child that age is capable of sitting quietly for the 2+ hours of a real dinner - and even if people try to be tolerant, why should they have to suffer through a child being upset/crying/whining etc - when at least some of them left their own kids with sitters so they could have a pleasanat adult experience.

I would either get a sitter or stick to casuale places until the kids are able to understand and behave properly in a restaurant - and I have never seen this in kids younger than 6 or 7.

Our favorite breakfast spot when my son was a toddler was a Spanish restauarant that we nicknamed the Noisy Place because of its Latin music and it's boisterousness. It can be stressful for parents if the children don't behave -- and they are after all children. At the Noisy Place, not only were the noisy children inconspicuous but the noise levels seemed to soothe them and they quieted down.

I hated to go anywhere nice with mine. The idea that I was ruining anyone else's meal was more of a dilemma than the fact that I was ruining my own. After all, not everyone is used to kids.

There is nothing dearer than the sight of well-behaved children in a nice restaurant and nothing more annoying that little ones crying, screaming, or running around in a place intended for adults.

I have to disagree that kids under 7 can't behave in a restaurant. Mine (ages 6,4,and 2) have sat perfectly well-behaved through a 2+ hour meal more than once--and I've received many compliments on their behavior from nearby diners as they were leaving. And I'm not saying that they're always perfect angels--far from it. But they know that mom will not be happy if they don't behave in certain situations. As hibiscus said, if you teach them to act properly and get them accustomed to eating frequently in restaurants, they will learn at a young age to be on the best behavior and to show respect for others.
I agree with nytraveler that no one should be subjected to crying, whining children in a nice restaurant. In fact, they shouldn't be in any restaurant. But many parents, myself included, would not allow that to happen. I know some do, but I remove my children in these circumstances. The nicer the restaurant, the quicker I act. If we're surrounded by equally unruly children, I may be a little more forgiving, because I find that these type of neighbors can get my kids a little riled up. But if we're in a high-end restaurant, they're removed at the first of a potential disruption. I don't want to sound like a parent who thinks they can take their kids anywhere and everywhere and tough luck if others don't like it. My husband and I have been to plenty of restaurants where we would never take our kids. But I think $45 entrees would be slightly unappreciated by most kids. I'm just saying that you can enjoy a nice meal in a nice restaurant if you use good sense and consideration.

Yes, klw, I've passed by numerous families in restaurants and complimented them on the behavior of their kids -- often during two hour meals.
Once again, I think the issue that many parents miss is that at home the kids are allowed to run around the table or scream at dinner, and then they can't understand why when they go out they simply can't control them.

I have to add a recent story. While on vacation with my children who are 10 and 12, we sat in a restaurant (not really fancy)where the tables were very close together. The table next to us had a couple (40's)where the man stroked the woman's entire leg during the meal. The leg was about 2 feet from my 12 year old who was "totally grossed out". So it's not just children who make a scene!

Have to agree with Patrick. I have 3 nephews and a niece all under 4 years old and we can't stand going out to eat with them. The root of the problem is that they haven't taken naps and/or they haven't been taught that dinner is a time to eat when everyone else is eating and not playtime.

It doesn't matter how nice/mediocre the restaurant is although I tend to agree that expensive restaurants are not for young kids. Just tonight we ate at Sweet Tomatos (salad buffet and completly family oriented) and we saw several people including ourselves glaring at a family with screaming kids. My husband keeps telling me "When we have kids we are never going out to eat". I think that's a little overkill but I have to agree that if your kids can't behave then you should take them outside or not take them out at all. However, just next to the screaming kid was another family with a little girl that was quiet as a mouse and she even looked surprised at the screaming.

Snowrooster, I think it's great that you want your kids to experience finer food but are they really going to experience it in the same way an adult would at 2 & 3years old? I think they'll appreciate it more when they are a little older. My parents included me on some finer restaurants/experiences when I was in middle school/high school that I loved and remember.

Our kids are at easier ages now (5 1/2 and 9yo), and we've always taken them to a variety of restaurants, including more formal places. Here are some things that have worked for us.

The early dinner hour works against us because sometimes it's too quiet (I prefer more ambient noise). On the other hand, we've had some nice chats with the waiters at that time of evening.

We state and repeat the restaurant rules, and for the younger child, allow walks around the restaurant (or outside) as a break from sitting nicely.

Restaurants with outdoor seating are always a benefit. Even at a formal place, the outdoor spots tend to feel less formal, and any raised voices aren't as noticeable.

Ethnic restaurants can have great food, and may be less formal. Some are more accepting of kids, as well.

I always take a small selection of small toys as a backup entertainment system, though I encourage conversation (especially with our older kid). Sometimes books, never electronic games.

Whenever possible, we review the menu in advance and select several items the kids would be interested in ordering (whether on the kids menus or not). Often our kids will order appetizer items as their main course; soups can also be reliable. And even if there's no kids' menu, if a restaurant serves any pasta dish, they've always been willing to serve pasta with butter to a child.

For a while, I had a point system "contest" in place to encourage them to try new foods. 2 points for an entirely new dish they ordered; 1 point for trying a bite of something (that someone else ordered). They didn't seem to notice that the contest never had an end, but they still try new foods.

I think the answer is in the first sentence of your question - "somewhat unpredictable".

I think the decision is less one of restaurants (with exception of very high end, no-high-chairs type places) but of "how are the kids doing right now". Our kids have eaten out since birth, and like everyone had good days and bad days. I remember one trip on Cape Cod to restaurant where we ordered drinks, our son got cranked up and was not going to stop - so we paid for the drinks we had ordered plus a huge tip to "rent" the table and left. Mostly, they behaved for a minimal course meal (no relaxing dessert and coffee) - and we both were ready to take them for walks outside, etc. We did that anyway after we ordered before the food came.

Our guidelines were if you could hear them more than 2 tables away (even if they were singing the Barney song - I personally do not consider that good dinner entertainment) or would not sit in their chair, off they went with one parent.

So since your kids are unpredictable because they are kids, you need to be predictable to them - clear ideas of how they should behave. And you need to be extremely flexible - imagine some rushed dinners, times when one parent is outside while other is eating. With that, you can really eat anywhere.

One further note on my already too wordy response - we found there was a finite number of times per day or week we could expect kids to sit and eat in a restaurant. Don't expect them to sit still 3 meals/day for the lengthof your vacation.

I'm somewhat skeptical that 2 and 3 year olds can sit quietly through a 2 plus hour dinner. As a parent of young children, you have a naturally higher threshold for what constitutes a disruption. What you may find "quiet" might seem pretty disruptive to the next table over childless couple trying to have a romantic dinner. And I don't think that people eating early should be expected to give up having a quiet meal. Disruptions are disruptions whether they occur at 5:30 pm or 9 pm.
I'm also wary about parents who want to tempt their children to try new foods at gourmet restaurants--from a very unpleasant personal experience. We were having dinner in a fancy restaurant outside Philadelphia. The couple at the next table had a very nice, well behaved 5 yo daughter. She was quietly eating her plain meal when her father asked her if she'd like to try his cream of lobster soup, perhaps in an attempt to "educate" his daughter's palate. She agreed, tried it and liked it. She ate maybe 1/3 of his soup. Everyone happy about this "sophisticated" little girl until 20 minutes later when she suddenly vomited the soup all over the table!! Not the child's fault, she had been very well behaved, but still incredibly unsettling and not exactly the thing one wants to see at any restaurant, much less and upscale special occasion spot.

Just a note to the folks saying that young children have no place in non-family oriented restaurants because of behavior issues. I do not allow my children to act up or scream in restaurants as I stated previously. If they do so even for a moment, they are taken outside to be reprimanded or we get the food to go and leave. I believe children should be taken to restaurants other than burger joints and olive gardens - my parents always took me to nice restaurants from a young age and as long as they aren't disrupting other diners (which is really the key) I don't see why anyone would have a problem with this.

My thread is really not about whether it is okay to take kids somewhere other than McDonalds, but how to get an idea of the atmosphere of a given restaurant when you are on vacation and not familiar with the places you want to eat. Hilton Head is pretty much a family destination. Some of the restaurants are expensive, but still listed as casual, so it's hard to tell. I think the advice to ask about high chairs/children's menus when calling ahead is probably best. If a restaurant doesn't have a kid's menu at a family destination like HH, it probably isn't a good option.

To share a story . . . I have 2 cousins that were raised on the east coast in a well to do family. However their parents never encouraged them to try different foods and even when they went to nice restaurants they ordered burgers. Now they are the pickiest adults and have to special order almost everything because they consider pretty much anything "gross." If someone vomits because they ate lobster bisque, it's because the lobster bisque didn't agree with them (perhaps a seafood allergy), not because of their age (though I imagine an adult might have better luck getting to the toilet on time). :-)

Deciding which restaurants are kid-friendly might simply be a matter of cost.

In my experience, restaurants with entrees in the plus-$20 category generally aren't for kids. Under $20 is a judgment call, but you're on safer ground.

One amusing part of this thread is that everyone seems to KNOW OF poorly behaved children, but of course no one admits to HAVING poorly behaved children.

Probably in nicer, expensive restaurants, the other patrons' feelings ought to be paramount, and you kids ages 1-10 should be left with the sitter. It's unfair to expect kids to be still or quiet, and equally so to impose them on strangers. Sitters are the answer.

Agree with the others, eat early and you sound like you know your kids well enough to know how they will act.

When I was growing up, my sisters and I know if we misbehaved, we'd get our butt worn out. Just the unspoken threat of punishment kept us in line.

We never ate at really nice restaurants until we were old enough to understand that they were nice. Maybe 10 or so?

In one of my husbands restaurants, it appalls me they way some parents let their kids run through the restaurant simply for the fact that a waiter carrying a large tray overhead cannot see them.

Also he has big giant heavy doors in front and parents will let toddlers stand in front of them.

The worst was a parent letting their very young child jump up and down in a booth. I told the mother her child could get hurt and she told me to mind my own business.

Oooh, I love that one, GoTravel! So, did you tell her it was your "own business," since you own the business?

I agree with the concensus but just by way of example, we were at Lupa in NYC last week with a 7 mo. old. When I called to make the reservation I told them she would be with us and asked whether they would have a high chair available. They did and asked tha we make our reservation for 7 p.m. or earlier, which was fine with us. The wait staff was great and even gave her a fancy bowl to eat her baby food out of and rinsed off the spoon and gave us a warm towel to wipe off her face.

I agree with Patrick. We have been taking our dd to nice restaurants since she was a baby. She is expected to behave and I reiterate that point with her before we go and tell her what is not acceptable behavior. And as others have said, the key is to go early before the rush. We took her out on New Year's Eve to a very nice restaurant (early) and received so many compliments as to her behavior. The staff was so enamored with her they gave her a free dessert. :-)

It really does make you feel good when others compliment your children's behavior (and I suppose it is also a positive reinforcement for the kids as well). We had Easter Brunch at a very high end downtown hotel, and before we left an older couple at the table next to us remarked that they hadn't even noticed our children were there. Makes you feel good.

Just a note that I realize babysitters are the best option, but my post is regarding an upcoming vacation where a sitter will not be available. I have some great family friendly spots picked out, but there are one or two others I'm not so sure about. I'm going to call and check about high chairs/kids menus and plan to go early if we try either of them. Thanks for all the great suggestions!!

We were in hilton head when our son was 11 months old. The nicest restaurant we ate at was Cafe Europa - we went early (around 5) and our son was doted on by the waitstaff. He was very well behaved and we had a very nice dinner. Our rule with our now 3 yr old and 11 month old is do not stay at the restaurant longer than one hour. We also order quickly

This is unsolicited advice, but I've taken my 3 kids to lots of restaurants, so I speak from experience. Most kids - even the best behaved - have a time limit. When my kids were the age of yours we could take them out and they'd get lots of complements...as long as we kept it to about an hour. When we would go out and want to eat multiple courses, making it more of a 2 hour event, it didn't go as well. There are ways you can speed up the dinner, such as asking for your check as soon as you get your entrees, etc.

I know what you mean - no three course meals with the little ones in tow. If it appears they are getting restless, we usually ask for the check with the food so we can pay then and leave immediately if necessary!! Last time we were in HH I was 7mos pg w/my daughter and my son was about 17mos. We were okay everywhere but Hudson's where we had to wait a while for a table so by the time we sat down, he was already ready to go (needless to say we had dinner boxed up and ate it back at our rental)!