If Something Made You Laugh Today, Please Share!
 

Amid all this mind-numbing drama and horror of the past week, I actually laughed out loud today when reading an article in the "Life" section of the Raleigh N&O. It was all about low-riding jeans (think Britney & Christina) and talking about how they're a new fad for EVERYBODY; said that The Gap and similar stores have come out with their own line - INCLUDING Lane Bryant for plus-size women!!! Just imagining myself (I'm a size 20) and a lot of my friends in this new fad cracked me up for the first time in days!!! What has made you laugh?

The irony that Gary Condit is now the happiest guy in America.

I've had a couple of laughs today via email, some from watching my dog play (big black Lab). But the 'low riding'jeans thing is not new. I remember in HS (back in the 50's) no less, where we bought men's Levi's, which were lower cut than our slacks/jeans, and then wore our Dad's shirts with the tails tied around our waist...didn't quite show our belly button, but we did have bare skin in the middle, much to the shock of our parents. Then in the 70's we had bell bottoms that 'rode' low. So some of *today's* fashions aren't all that new!

I'll share a personal laugh that I got today. My daughter recently bought a house, and she and her husband were a little worried about being accepted by the neighbors, as they are "arty" with tattoos, piercings, etc. But they have plunged in and started work on this slightly decrepit house they bought. <BR> <BR>Today, the next-door neighbor, an elderly woman originally from Ukraine, came over and informed my daughter that she had been "praying for you to come"! Apparently, she had been feuding with the former owner over his neglect of the property, and was delighted to have new young industrious neighbors, no matter what they looked like! One less bias to worry about, I guess!

for a chuckle check out the weiner dog races at weinerdograces.com

There is so much hatred and nationlity bashing and religious bashing. I want to share this joke. <BR> <BR> a nun asked her students what they wanted to be when they grew up. <BR>A young girl said "I want to be a prostitute." "What!" the nun exclaimed."I want to be a prostitute" she repeated. "Oh my god, I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant!"

Sat 16 Sep 2001 Singapore Straits TImes report: <BR> <BR>In a dep lounge at Singapore Changi airport y'day, 2 indian guys were talking to an american fellow passenger. When asked what they did, the indians replied "bass guitarist". The american heard "bosnian terrorist" and reported them to security. They were help up for 2 hours,questioned by police and missed their flight to HK.They were later released and allowed to take the next flight out.

Got this last Wednesday; really needed some humor at the time. <BR> <BR>WWJD <BR> <BR>Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" <BR> <BR>One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." <BR> <BR>But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." <BR> <BR>Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." <BR> <BR>Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." <BR> <BR>Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>

American Woman, in Acts 2:1 it says that "they were all with one Accord". So I guess the Accord is the New Testament choice for transportation.

And Mary was a nag cuz she "rode Joseph's ass" all the way to Bethlehem.? <BR> <BR>Does Viagra come from "stem" cells? <BR> <BR>

qiu: You actually find that story amusing? I'm sure the "indian guys" didn't.

Diane - thank you for the "weiner dog races" site -it's wonderful! I've actually been chuckling at it for a while and have e-mailed it to a couple of people.

Yes, just now...we are renting a duplex that's on the 9th hole of a golf course, so get to watch the golfer's. Just now a man, alone, approached his ball and chipped it on to the green, barely. Then he looked all around, and down the fareway, looked some more and then pulled out another ball from his pocket, dropped it and chipped again, getting this ball a little further from the hole. He went to the first ball, putted towards the hole, it fell short, and he tipped it in. Then he went to the other ball and putted that one, but it came no where near the hole, so he picked it up, went to the cart, and took off for the club house, as though nothing was out of the ordinary. If he hadn't done all the searching to check if someone was looking, we probably wouldn't have laughed so hard.

my favorite - and make sure your computer has sound!http://www.dancinghamsters.com/ <BR>

Okay, d, I am on the floor looking at the hampsters. I love that song ... but now I cannot get it out of my head. What do I do now? Ciao

My 3 yr. old daughter was singing the Lee Greenwood song, God Bless the U.S.A., only she was singing the New S.A. (something prophetic there?) She was also singing America the Beautiful. This was her version: Omerica, Omerica, up on the milkyway... The tunes were right on, but with her own version of the lyrics-too cute. Gave us a much needed laugh. <BR> <BR>

OK... I won't let this thread slip down any further, so here it goes. (Disclaimer: Humor writing is not my forte, unlike others. Melissa, where are you?) <BR> <BR>At our household, our golden retriever 8 month old puppy Rambo-Nui is always good for a laugh. I could go on and on about Rambo-Nui, but I'll spare you. Dog humor is always good, and our kids are most appreciative of this kind of humor. <BR>And then there's teenage boy humor, which is unique, and maybe some of you know of what I write. I won't go there here though, sparing you again. <BR> <BR>But my laugh of the day for today was when a brilliant and fairly ample co-worker mentioned that there were "no lines at Todai today". We had been talking about how all of a sudden the Hawaii visitor count is down by maybe 80%. Somehow that was silly funny and poignant at the same time. But we held on to the funny. <BR> <BR>So altough we didn't quite make it to Todai today, we will be going there real soon, if maybe not quite tomorrow. <BR> <BR>Take care all, k

BTW, Todai is an all-you can eat buffet that usually has a two hour wait for s table. I have yet to eat there.

I posted a list of great one-liners by Groucho Marx. Fodor's pulled the post! I guess 'cause i cut and pasted? (Copyrighted material?) <BR> <BR>Sorry Groucho! <BR>P.S. Couldn't resist sharing my favorite (Fodor editor take note:): <BR>"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>

Joan: DAMN!!!! Yours was the only one that made me laugh - I LOVE Groucho - should have printed it when I had the chance. What is going ON with Fodors? Now we can't read Groucho Marx???!!!???

talk to groucho's heirs. their the ones that hold the copyright

A cartoon attached to the computer at the driver's license bureau in my hometown (this a.m.). <BR> <BR> "We're sorry, Mrs. Jones, but your picture came out beautiful. We'll have to take it again." <BR> <BR>GK

Excuuuuse me: Sorry Groucho &lt;heirs&gt;! (Shoulda figured Groucho wouldn't be so possessive of his own words!) <BR> <BR>If anyone wants to read the list, you can do so here: <BR> <BR>http://maggiem2.home.mindspring.com/humora.htm <BR> <BR>Be warned, the first time I opened this website, about twelve separate ad windows also opened up. The second time, none did... <BR> <BR>P.S. To Rachel, the original poster: Have you seen the ad on TV for those belly-bustin' jeans by Levi's? It's a bunch of tight shots of winking (yes winking) belly-buttons, with a hokey song playing in the background. Now that really cracked me up -- though it was a joke -- but NOT! <BR>

My friend e-mailed me about this site: <BR>www.dumb.com <BR>Alot of stupid humor. But funny. <BR>My favorite was "How to drive like a moron" Maybe I have a twisted sense of humor but I thought is was great.

I heard on TV that Britney Spears got stranded in Australia and was unable to fly back to USA as out-of-the-country flights were not allowed. I send an e-mail to my Australian pen-pel as a respond to his question if he can help with anything. I've asked him to keep her as long as they can stand her!! You know what he said? What had we, Aussies, ever done to you, Yankees??

Speaking of which, one of the morning shows today featured a clip of some new Britney number intended, said the host, "to lift up the spirits of American kids" in these dark days. Kids?? Needless to say Bob Dole's dog would be barking up a storm.

Woof woof.

The posting that the terrorists might have learned some intelligence data from this website. They might have, but I kinda freakin' doubt it!

This made me smile the other day... <BR> <BR>My son is almost 12 and is at the stage where he knows all and no one can tell him anything. My husband, who is a great husband and father, can also be very stubborn. As you would expect, these two males butt heads quite often. My daughter remarked that they have butthead personalities. As soon as she said it, she realized it didn't come out quite like she meant it, but it made us all laugh.

I work for a large corporation so we get alot of funny e-mails circulated. This was one of my favorites. <BR> <BR>HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? <BR> <BR>You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like <BR>sports,she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips <BR>and dip coming. <BR>Alan, age 10 <BR> <BR>No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God <BR>decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck <BR>with. <BR>Kirsten, age 10 <BR> <BR>WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? <BR> <BR>Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. <BR>Camille, age 10 <BR> <BR>No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. <BR>Freddie, age 9 <BR> <BR>HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? <BR>You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at <BR>the same kids. <BR>Derrick, age 8 <BR> <BR>WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? <BR>Both don't want any more kids. <BR>Lori, age 8 <BR> <BR>WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? <BR>Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know <BR>each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. <BR>Lynnette, age 8 <BR> <BR>On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually <BR>gets them interested enough to go on a second date. <BR>Martin, age 10 <BR> <BR>WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? <BR>I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the <BR>newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. <BR>Craig, age 9 <BR> <BR>WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? <BR>When they're rich. <BR>Pam, age 7 <BR> <BR>The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with <BR>that. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should <BR>marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. <BR>Howard, age 8 <BR> <BR>IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? <BR>I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never <BR>going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. <BR>Theodore, age 8 <BR> <BR>It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone <BR>to clean up after them. <BR>Anita, age 9 <BR> <BR>HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? <BR>There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? <BR>Kelvin, age 8 <BR> <BR>And the #1 Favorite is........ <BR> <BR>HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? <BR>Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. <BR>Ricky, age 10 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>

Go over to the Europe board and read the post with the title of "Shaving Cream not allowed on flights?" It's a hoot!

<BR>My animals always make me smile. And animal-related jokes and stories - here's a bit of cat Haiku from a longer version that appeared in a recent Best Friends Mgazine (a wonderful rescue organization in Utah) - no author listed: <BR> <BR>- The rule for today <BR>- Touch my tail, I shred your hand <BR>- New rule tomorrow. <BR> <BR>- In deep sleep hear sound. <BR>- Cat vomit hairball somewhere <BR>- Will find in morning.

HERE IS ANOTHER FAVORITE <BR>COURT TRANSCRIPTS <BR>Q: What is your date of birth? <BR>A: July fifteenth. <BR>Q: What year? <BR>A: Every year. <BR>**************************************** <BR>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? <BR>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. <BR>*************************************** <BR>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? <BR>A: Yes. <BR>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? <BR>A: I forget. <BR>Q: You forget.** Can you give us an example of something that you've <BR>forgotten? <BR>************************************ <BR>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? <BR>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. <BR>Q: How long has he lived with you? <BR>A: Forty-five years. <BR>**************************************** <BR>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up <BR>that morning? <BR>A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' <BR>Q: And why did that upset you? <BR>A: My name is Susan. <BR>*************************************** <BR>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he <BR> doesn't know about it until the next morning? <BR>**************************************** <BR>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? <BR>**************************************** <BR>Q:* Mrs. Jamison, were you present when your picture was taken? <BR>**************************************** <BR>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? <BR> A: Yes. <BR> Q: And what were you doing at that time? <BR>**************************************** <BR>Q: She had three children, right? <BR>A: Yes. <BR>Q: How many were boys? <BR>A: None. <BR>Q: Were there any girls? <BR>**************************************** Q: How was your first marriage terminated? <BR>A: By death. <BR>Q: And by whose death was it terminated? <BR>**************************************** Q: Can you describe the individual? <BR>A: He was about medium height and had a beard. <BR>Q: Was this individual a male, or a female? <BR>**************************************** <BR>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice <BR>which I sent to your attorney? <BR>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. <BR>**************************************** <BR> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? <BR>A: All of them, all my autopsies are usually performed on dead people. <BR>**************************************** <BR> Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? <BR> A: Oral. <BR>**************************************** <BR> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? <BR>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. <BR>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? <BR>A:* No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an <BR>autopsy. <BR>**************************************** <BR> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample. <BR>**************************************** <BR> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? <BR>A: No. <BR>Q: Did you check for blood pressure? <BR>A: No. <BR>Q: Did you check for breathing? <BR>A: No. <BR>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the <BR>autopsy? <BR>A: No. <BR>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? <BR>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. <BR>Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less? <BR>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law <BR>somewhere. <BR>*************************************** <BR>

My eight year old son told me this one yesterday. <BR> <BR>Q. "What's the difference between a New York Yankees frank and a Fenway frank?" <BR> <BR>A. "You can still get the New York Yankees frank in October" <BR> <BR>(It helps to be a Yankees fan).

The man walks into a bar with his octopus. He sits the octopus down on a <BR>stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus and <BR>"He can play any musical instrument in the world." Everyone in the bar <BR>laughs at the man and generally reckon he's an idiot. At that the guy <BR>announces that he will wager $50 to anyone that the octopus can play any <BR>instrument that they care to provide. <BR>Immediately a challenger walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the <BR>octopus who picks it up and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. In <BR>amazement the guitar man pays up his $50. Another man walks up with a <BR>trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. <BR>This guy also pays up his $50. <BR> <BR>At this point a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and <BR>the octopus fumbles with the instrument for a minute and then sits down with <BR>a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?" The octopus <BR>looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure <BR>out how to get its pyjamas off!" <BR>

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. The rocks were about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. <BR> <BR>The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was and then laughed. <BR> <BR>The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things like your family, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and <BR>only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things <BR>that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your wife or husband dancing. <BR> <BR>There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." <BR> <BR>In the back of the class a student stood up and walked to the front of the class. He took the jar which the other students and professor agreed was full and proceeded to pour in a can of beer. Of course, the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. <BR> <BR>The moral of this story is - NO MATTER HOW FULL YOUR LIFE IS, THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR BEER!!!

I was driving home to Indiana from DC on Friday and saw an "El Paso" 18 wheeler. In the dust on the back someone had written - "El Paso" and an arrow around pointing to the left side of the truck and "El Cruncho" and an arrow pointing to the right side of the truck. Was a great laugh on a long drive.

<BR>ttt

License plate in front on me (my husband says it is old news) "Wrangler butts--make me nuts". I really needed a laugh that day.

I wanted to find soemthing to put this back up again, it started to become the highlight of my afternoon.......ver said I know. Its been a long week (its mon) <BR>Here goes...... <BR>A person needs only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and <BR>it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. <BR> <BR>Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you" though <BR>it helps if you say it with a Southern accent. <BR> <BR>Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some <BR>are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to <BR>applaud. Know who and where you are. <BR> <BR>Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. <BR>When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. <BR> <BR>Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter. <BR>Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny. <BR> <BR>If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person. <BR>The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I <BR>apologize" and "You are right". <BR> <BR>Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. <BR> <BR>If he says that you are too good for him -- believe it. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day? <BR> <BR>Never pass up an opportunity to pee. <BR> <BR>If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! <BR> <BR>Living well really is the best revenge. <BR> <BR>Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the <BR>other person was right about you. <BR> <BR>Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are going to <BR>need them to empty your bed pan and hold your hand. <BR> <BR>Work is good but it's not important. <BR> <BR>Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man. <BR> <BR>You are the only person who can truly make you happy. <BR> <BR>And finally ..... <BR>Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided <BR>to see beyond the imperfections.