Breezin

I know this isn't a relo forum, but so many of you have done this, so I'd thought I'd ask ...

After much thought and consideration, I'm relocating for a better job opportunity from my hometown of 40 some years in the Northeast to the Southeast. (My company is covering the relocation.) However, as the actual relocation is now approaching, I'm having trouble with the anxiety and second thoughts. (My head tells me this is a great opportunity, but my heart is having trouble with leaving.)

Can any of you who have gone through relocations share your experiences with dealing with this? I suppose this anxiety is normal, but I'd like to hear if others also have gone through this. Any helpful advice? I'm getting downright scared to go through with this ...

LoveItaly

Although I was born in northern California and lived here all my life just moving from one city to another has caused the same anxiety for me.

Believe it is natural.

It is a normal feeling IMHO. Don't deny it but don't give in to it. It sounds as though there is a good reason why you are relocating. And know that nothing is for ever. Try, if you can, to look at it as an adventure.

You are leaving somewhere famaliar it seems. And possibly family? And no doubt long time friends I would think.

But the world is so small nowadays it is not like it was years ago when a person left their area of birth they really never went back to visit or saw the people from their past.

Realtors have an expression "buyers remorse" which I am sure you have heard of. You are having "moving remorse".
All will be fine I am sure.

ronkala

Forty years ago we tranfered rom Long Island to Virginia, and never once regretted it. Be thankful for the opportunity and don't look back. I wish you well.

dln

The first year is the most difficult, getting used to all the newness. When I married my husband 20 years ago, we moved from Boston to Atlanta and I'd never been south of the Mason-Dixon line. What a change! But I came to appreciate the differences and loved the South. Ten years after that move, my husband was transferred to Indiana, a state I'd only flown over on the way to other more exotic places! It was hard getting used to the flat Midwest. I was lonely and felt like a fish out of water. Fast forward almost a decade; we're still here and I am so happy here that I could stay forever.

So what's the prognosis? Your head is right and your heart will take a little bit longer to catch up, but catch up it will. Enjoy your new adventure and life..and visit your hometown as often as you can. You CAN love two places at once.

Calamari

I have moved around a lot, mostly to big moves to places like Italy and England, but one thing I have found is that it really does not matter where you are once you have sorted out some favorite hang outs and made some new friends. It can be a slow go, but make it exciting. Wow a fresh start. It is all so Mary Tyler Moore! Throw your hat up in the air and dive in! Good Luck and keep us "posted".

repete

As someone who's lived in five U.S. times zones, I've found the anxiety in one form or another is part of the deal, but i've never regretted any of the moves.

I have, however, regretted a few I haven't made. Maybe I'm lucky or an exception. Is it possible to make a bad move? Sure, but if the other pieces are right, isn't it worth giving it a shot?

Tandoori_Girl

Well, where in the Northeast? And where in the Southeast? It's not like it's all the same. And some places are worse than others. And some better.

I'm sure it will work out.

Orcas

Hi Breezin,

I've moved a lot. How quickly you will settle in will partly depend on where you choose to live in your new community, so take your time and select carefully.

Moving is a good chance to remake yourself. You can try getting into some activities you have wished you had the time to do, but found yourself too busy with other commitments. Perhaps there are classes you would like to take; volunteer activities you've wanted to do; sports you haven't pursued. When you move it is easier to regear your lifestyle to your current interests. Plunge in! The sooner you pursue your interests, the faster you will meet people to share things with.

I'm sure you will do very well. It's hard to contemplate the unknown. Moving itself is draining. But once you get there, it will get easier and easier. Best wishes!

LoveItaly

Oh I think Calamari's description of like Mary Tyler Moore," throw your hat in the air and dive in" is terrific.

And DLN's experiences, for sure a big change for her in living conditions. But obviously she enjoys life to the hilt (I know this from reading her travel reports).

Actually reading all the post here are an accumulation IMHO of people that have made big changes in their lives and have grown to enjoy life more because of the changes.

A good reminder for the rest of us I think. Good fortune to you with your next adventure in life Breezin.

Intrepid1

Are you a man or a woman? And yes, apparently it DOES make a difference, unfortunately.

gail

The big stuff that we worry about - will I adjust to new job, make friends, adapt to cultural change - get replaced at first by day-to-day adjustments you need to make after 40 years in same place - that is, where is the best place to eat out, buy groceries, where is the post office, etc. But once you conquer the second group, the first can just flow after that.

Statia

Breezin, my husband and I relocated from a city of 6 million to a tiny island of 2,000 nearly twelve years ago. The move alone was stressful enough, but I can also relate to the axiety of the unknown that lies ahead.

Rest assured, however, that you will enjoy learning about your new environment, as well as have fun making new friends. It all takes time, but things will come together and before you know it, your new place will feel like home.

Also bear in mind that it's not as if you are leaving your present area for good. You can always go back and visit and you will enjoy telling your present friends and family all about your new home.

Best wishes to you.

indie

Breezin,

Growing up my Dad's job require dus to move evry two to three years, then I got married and moved all the way to a whole new country -the US (talk about leaving behind everything familiar ... three years later off to the UK - and then a year later back to the US!!.
Anxiety is normal - so is downright fear and even a little depression or sadness.
What helps is to have as much set up at the destination - place to stay, electricity, phone connections just all the mundane everyday stuff - this will reduce a lot of the initial stress of moving.

A few of your favorite collectibles, books, photos and things you love should go with you and you can set this up as soon as you move, so you feel more at home in the new place. Take some some kitchen basics saves you the pain of waiting for things that have been shipped in case of delays. When we moved from Houston to Dallas - it took 7 days for our stuff to get over!!!

Since you are moving through your job you will have co-workers who can help you questions, also recommend asking friends for names of their contacts in the area. The first month usually you are too busy settling down, the next few months will be a little hard as you adjust to new people, new friends, etc. Try and get involved in some community activity- volunteer work , or even a club (for me runners clubs)or something that interests you - you will meet more people with similar interests.
Good luck - relocating is stressful but is also a window into a whole new world!!

Breezin

Thank you so much for all your replies. I've been reading this forum for while, but this is the first time I've posted so I'm thrilled to get so much input.

You've all reinforced that what I'm feeling is normal ... It helps because, like I said, I thought I was ready for this but lately I've just been having such a hard time. It's probably related to the holidays, and spending time with my family and friends (who I will miss very much). I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity to start a new chapter in my life!

Nina66

A few years ago, UPS (Big Brown), purchased the company that my husband had worked for for over ten years. The first thing that they said was "nothing will change" RIGHT ... They moved the office, took away casual Friday, instituted a no facial hair policy (men), no Christmas party, and cut some managerial salaries to match those in their Georgia headquarters, and many many other silly little things, albeit minor, but still things that the employees had had for years.

Last year, they notified all of the employees here in the San Francisco office that they would be closing the office in a year or so, and would be moving to their headquarters in Alfareta, Georgia.

A lot of the younger employees with families, jumped at the chance to buy 'mansions' at a fraction of what they would cost here in the Bay Area. Relocation was paid for, as well as closing costs on their new homes - too good to resist.

Just before Christmas last year, they moved up the date to March 30, 2004, and gave everyone TWO WEEKS to decide.

Some of them love it there, but most of the them are sorry that they made the move. They had no idea what the weather was like, nor the feel and life style down there. Mansions and all they would love to come 'home', but after selling their homes here, they can't afford to buy them back.

A few, my husband included, chose unemployment over relocation.

Now if they had offered NY or Paris, we native San Franciscians would have faced a real dilema.

Can you go home if it doesn't work out?

Think long and hard before making the move. Check out the new city thoroughly.

My husband's new slogan - SHIP FED EX

jor

Breezin, Oh yes I can relate to your anxiety! I moved cross country a few years ago totally on my own. Putting my home up for sale and meeting all the FHA standards to fix or paint things, getting an entire home full of stuff into a large moving truck, would I be happy after I moved, etc.

My anxiety level was sky high when I made my final unescapable decission to sell and move. I was a wreck and the only thing that kept me going was all the hard work I had to do in preparation for the sale and move.

Here's the really good news. From the minute I drove away from my home in that huge U-Haul truck, car on a hitch and my dog I never once looked back or regretted anything. The move was one of the smartest things I have done and I am very very happy that I moved.

The anxiety will pass. Trust me.

suze

I made several big moves in my live, the first as an unwilling teen from LA to back East (now that was tough!), the last 20 years ago now Vermont to Seattle.

I think you are in an excellent position since this is a job transfer. That will ease money worries and give you a social spring-board to start from having an office to go to.

Mine was a black cat, what I could fit in my Mustang, $1000 in my pocket, no job kind of move (what can I say? it was the early '80s).

My most helpful piece of self-mind-talk for courage during the transition, I'd think "I'll give it 2 years and if it doesn't work out I can move back". Breezin, being a job transfer this might not work exactly, but you get my drift.

The 2 years went by, as did 18 more! I write you happily at home...

Susan in Seattle

Cali

We have moved several times to different parts of the country ( not recently however) and it is always stressful and filled with anxiety, but in the end a good move. We have met wonderful people all over the country and experienced many different things. The best thing I do when we move is to join groups in my new city/town and we have met people quite quickly. You will do fine. It is all about attitude tho - if someone says they won't like it - they usually don't.

Scarlett

We relocated from the Northeast to the Southeast last January and we are still adjusting.
Every day is different. You will be enjoying the exploration of a new place, then you will miss the old place and everything familiar.
dln is right, at least a year has to go by before you really start feeling at home.
I have moved several times in my life, each move brought its own ups and downs, but I think I only benefitted from them.
Best of luck to you~Scarlett

happytourist

The first move is the hardest--you are ambivalent about leaving and often feel guilty about leaving family behind. But after the first move, it gets easier. You have less invested in where you are living and so it's easier to move on.

Approach the move as a learning experience which ultimately enriches you, even if the move turns out to be bad. You don't appreciate the good times until you've had some bad times.