NeoPatrick, I totally agree with you that it is a lack of respect and bad manners to not dress up for a formal wedding. I also think many people act differently (more confident, etc) when they dress up. One of my friends is a teacher and her school is now making the teachers dress better (no jeans and T-shirts, etc.) and she says the kids are behaving better and seem to have more respect for the teachers since the change.

Has anyone actually ever seen someone show up for a formal wedding in t--shirts, tattered shorts, and flip flops ? ? ?

. . has anyone actually seen someone dressed like that in a nice restruant?

Yes, Rich I have.

TTT

I actually LIKE seeing people dressed differently at restaurants, theaters, etc. It seems much more cosmopolitan (as in diverse and not limited to some parochial view of the world) and interesting. If I wanted to see everybody dressed alike I would have been a fan of Chairman Mao and his jackets.

If I go out to dinner at a city restaurant, some of the people may have come straight from work, so they will be in whatever is "business attire" for them - which might mean suits or might mean blue jeans (in many high tech companies the engineers, etc. wear jeans to work). Other people might be on their way to a more formal evening and so be really "dressed up". Etc. Vive la difference. To me the whole point of going out in the world is to appreciate the diversity of it.

I like to dress up, but don't like to dress up for travel, mostly for comfort and to pack less. That doesn't mean I dress like a slob - but I don't generally pack heels for family vacations with my kids.

If I would go to a play in Phila. (near where I live), I would dress up and wear heels. If I go to a play in NYC, I sometimes have worn jeans (nice ones) and flat walking shoes (not sneakers). I commute to NYC on the train and walk to the theatre. Beforehand, we usually walk around the city a bit, too. I just can't do that in heels - plus I'm warmer in the winter in jeans than in a dress.

My husband and I often look like we're going to different events. I often notice I'm dressed up a bit more than most for stuff like school meetings and back to school nights. Nothing fancy - but I don't wear jeans and sneakers to these events, either.

I consider my Sevens a fancier form of dress, but I wouldn't wear them to an expensive restaurant or wedding.

". . has anyone actually seen someone dressed like that in a nice restruant?"

Yes. More than once. Of course, not only do I live in Florida, but near the tourist mecca of Orlando, where "I'm on vacation and I'll do as I please" rules.

I enjoy dressing up for a fine dinner or concert (or both!). It makes it more of an event to me.

Age.....45...or so. ;-)

Ho, ho, what a topic. The dressing down of America has long been a pet peeve of mine. I'm in my early 50's, and I was raised to dress "nicely" for theatre and dinner events. If not a dress, certainly "nice pants". (This was true of my peer group, as well as my parents.)

Here in Portland, they've made dressing down an art. I went to the opera with two female friends a few years ago, and they wore jeans. Ugh. I don't think jeans always look sloppy, but I think they're too casual for events such as that.

I've seen the dressing down phenom in the U.K. as well. I dress more casually for shows there, simply because I'm traveling and cotton pants will have to do, but I'm appalled at the number of people who wear jeans, and even shorts. I saw one woman stroll into the theatre one evening wearing sandals and white shorts, as if she had been dining on the patio.

I've done some social dancing, and the ballroom dancers like to dress up more. The swing dancers and folk dancers will often wear jeans and shorts. I've worked hard to find nice, full skirts. Even if they're denim, they look more festive than pants.

Count me as one of those souls who wished people would dress up more. (Remembering my college years, when I never wore dresses, I'm sure some of my old classmates would be surprised at that comment.)

By all means, those who wish to dress up, please dress up. I am the original live, and leave me alone guy. I am 58.

As one who doesn't much care what others wear I simply don't get the aversion to dress jeans. Would $12. stretch fuscia colored pants from Walmart be better?
As said upthread, the only time I notice what others are wearing is if someone gives me gossip material by wearing something hideous or envy worthy.

I know of a salon where the owner insists that the employees don't wear jeans.
Now I understand her not wanting hee haw Daisy Mays but nice jeans look far hipper than ill fitting elcheapo pants.

p.s. I'm 52 - not sure which stereotype that puts me into.

From the time I was young I wanted a job where I could wear jeans to work as I didn't want to have to wear skirts and dresses. I've never been a girly girl and hate dressing up. I don't own a skirt, dress, heels or make-up. Every now and then another woman suggests why don't I try some lipstick. They think they're doing me a favour and making me feel better. However, the few times I've worn make-up I find that I am more self-concious and less comfortable than without it.

Having said all that, if I go to a wedding, funeral or nice restaurant I will wear slacks and a shirt (same as I wear to work - the jeans dream never happened), but always flats and no make-up.

On holiday is a different matter. I'm not sacrificing space in my suitcase for a set of good clothes which may be worn once or twice in 4-6 weeks. Although I don't generally plan to eat at expensive restaurants or go to theatre etc while away.

While I have a lesser standard of dress than a lot of you above, I also have my limits. I hate tank tops and flip-flops (things as they're known here) even while out shopping. I think shorts aren't suitable to high end establishments and theatre, however I'm not so critical of jeans - it usually depends what is worn with them.

I'm 34.

Today's NY Times, in the Style section, under VOWS (the feature wedding,) is a picture of the groom's sneakers....

At the Waldorf=Astoria, no less (which does feature prominently in their past.) http://tinyurl.com/45qhgc

I once went to a very formal wedding. Everyone who attended dressed formally. The reception was held at a lovely place.

There were mostly older people - 50 and higher - attending. The bride and groom were in their early twenties. The groom was a friend of my brother, so I was near to the grooms age. The entire event was very formal and the bride and groom both wanted it that way.

The servers were dressed in black tie and wore white gloves, had silver trays, the whole nine.

Anyway, the dj (one person with his own decks etc.) arrived in a short sleeve t shirt and jeans. Oops. I know that was the one detail that was overlooked in this extremely formal event. Clearly, no one had asked the dj what he was planning to wear or asked him to dress formally. He looked really tacky - not cool or rock chic.

I know that's what happened since this was not a rocking reception by any definition. The songs being played were old, waltz type things and a few low key James Taylor type things. I was way too polite to ever ask what the bride and groom felt, after the fact. I bet the parents were thrilled by it - not.

So, not flip-flops. However, it was darn close.

Another time at a formal wedding, the grandmother of the groom wore cheap stretch slacks and a top. Think how thrilled the bride and groom were with the very expensive, once in a lifetime wedding photos of the family where she was the only one dressed for the back yard. And before anyone says anything, she knew the event was formal, had plenty of time to get something nice to wear, had no problems affording something nice, went everywhere all the time and had no mental reasons (dementia, etc.) not to know what was appropriate to wear. She dressed that way since she didn't like to dress formally.

I know all of this since otherwise she was a great person, nice, kind, etc. In fact, she was my SO's grandmother. I loved her. I still think she missed the boat on that one.

So, yeah, I think it does matter what people wear to some events. And it is impolite to not dress accordingly. Eateries, no, weddings, yes.

I think its a kindness for the all dress down all the time crowd to make an exception for the people they love and dress nice at formal events.

I like to dress nice and see others dressed nice at nice places and events. However, I don't dislike people who don't do it. It's only my taste.

My mother in law used to get all gussied up to go out, but in Southern California, you are hard pressed to find a place to eat that "casual" dressing is not the norm (she still wears a girdle when dining out - go figure!) The real eye opener for me was when some years ago, my husband bought tix to the Bolshoi ballet in LA. All gussied up we were, only to sit behind a slightly younger couple, dressed in jeans, etc., and they had brought submarine sandwiches in with them & were slopping them down during the performance...sheesh!

There was a discussion on another forum about the appropriateness of wearing jeans to a certain nice restaurant in my town. The next time I went to that restaurant I paid extra attention to what people were wearing to see how many were wearing jeans.

A group of twenty year-olds looked very nice in their jeans. One of the men was wearing jeans, a dress shirt, and a blazer. A young woman was wearing nice jeans with nice shoes and an adorable jacket. They looked much nicer than the patrons wearing khakis that looked too much like the waiters' outfits.

BTW I was wearing a dress and heels. I'm 49.

I am 30 and from New York City. I have never been to a wedding that I would even think about wearing jeans too -- and I love getting dressed up in dresses for these events. But the truth is, jeans today are dressier than they used to be, and they are appropriate for many restaurants for dinner especially with the right top, shoes and accessories. If jackets and ties are required, I would not wear jeans, but if not I think dressy jeans are ok.
My real problem is shorts. I am traveling cross country right now and everywhere I go, I see people of all ages out to dinner in shorts. In my opinion, shorts in a nice restaurant are not appropriate for people over the age of 10.
It has nothing to do with being old fashioned, most of the people I see "baring too much," are much older than I am.

I went to a symphony concert today at the Boston Symphony Hall. I'd consider Boston to be relatively conservative in terms of attire (compared to California etc).

There were a handful of young people (20s) in jeans, but they are all nice, dark blue jeans. There were also plenty of young people who were dressed up.

OTOH, there were quite a few older folks (50+ w/grey hair) who were in jeans. BUT, their jeans were much worse: ill-fitting ones and non-stylish.

FWIW, I wore a turtleneck sweater, wool pants and a pair of heeled loafers.

I love to dress up = Look nice. I have always been this way. Since a young teen. I'm now 44 and I stiill love to dress up = Look nice. I always feel overdressed! I don't care though anymore than I care if others choose not to dress up = Look nice. I think manners are far more important than the way a person is dressed.

I love a sharp dressed man too!

Well I'm not quite 40, but I find myself dressing better as I get older.

I think there's a misconception amongst younger people that "dressier" clothes are less comfortable than casual clothes. From my personal experience, I know that's just not true.

I am in my 50s, but I like to dress casually when on holiday (capris, T-shirts, trainers/sandals) for comfort. However, there is a time and a place for dressing up, I think. We went to Prague a couple of years ago and bought tickets for the ballet! We bought nice new smart clothes to wear - only to find that most of the audience were wearing jeans and we felt out of place!