A Holiday Trip To Funnyville ....
Dec 15th, 2005, 12:46 PM
#1
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A Holiday Trip To Funnyville ....
To lighten your holiday stress-load! 
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sear's hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer's Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Good grief! Was there a lot of this happening?)
On Johnson and Johnson's rectal thermometer:
"Each thermometer has been personally tested."
(And you thought your job was bad???)
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sear's hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer's Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Good grief! Was there a lot of this happening?)
On Johnson and Johnson's rectal thermometer:
"Each thermometer has been personally tested."
(And you thought your job was bad???)
Dec 15th, 2005, 02:50 PM
#3
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OMIGOD, Bonnie, these are so funny!
As to the part about genitals, makes one wonder if there are a lot of neutered men walking around Sweden LOL
And if the thermometer has been tested, does that mean you are getting one that has been......there?
Has anyone actually tried to iron their clothes, while wearing them???
Come on, tell us, we won't tell anyone!!
And the Japanese food processor...I have to ask..I must know- what is "the other use" ?
As to the part about genitals, makes one wonder if there are a lot of neutered men walking around Sweden LOL
And if the thermometer has been tested, does that mean you are getting one that has been......there?
Has anyone actually tried to iron their clothes, while wearing them???
Come on, tell us, we won't tell anyone!!
And the Japanese food processor...I have to ask..I must know- what is "the other use" ?
Dec 15th, 2005, 03:25 PM
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"On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." "
So I found out... ;-)
"Has anyone actually tried to iron their clothes, while wearing them???
Come on, tell us, we won't tell anyone!!"
Short answer = yes
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." "
So I found out... ;-)
"Has anyone actually tried to iron their clothes, while wearing them???
Come on, tell us, we won't tell anyone!!"
Short answer = yes
Dec 15th, 2005, 03:41 PM
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And the cause of all this madness?
One example is a lawsuit filed many years ago in which a purchaser of a recreational vehicle sued the manufacurer for failing to warn that one could not put the RV on cruise control then leave the driving area to make a ham sandwich in the galley. True story!
One example is a lawsuit filed many years ago in which a purchaser of a recreational vehicle sued the manufacurer for failing to warn that one could not put the RV on cruise control then leave the driving area to make a ham sandwich in the galley. True story!
Dec 15th, 2005, 03:49 PM
#6
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dwooddon,
are you sure that isn't one of these Urban Legends?
http://www.snopes.com/autos/techno/cruise.asp
are you sure that isn't one of these Urban Legends?
http://www.snopes.com/autos/techno/cruise.asp
Dec 16th, 2005, 11:56 AM
#9
One of my favorite is on those folding pices of cardboard that you use as a sun shade in the windshielf of your car. The thing cover your entire windshield and on it is the warning,"Remove before driving".
Dec 16th, 2005, 12:04 PM
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I always love the plastic cleaners bag that advise these plastic bags are not toys and keep out of reach of babies.
I purchased a toaster oven that in the instructions said to not sit on it! LOL.
Fun thread bonniebroad!
I purchased a toaster oven that in the instructions said to not sit on it! LOL.
Fun thread bonniebroad!
Dec 16th, 2005, 12:29 PM
#12
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LoveItaly's post reminded me this joke:
The newlywed wife couldn't cook. So, when her husband asked her what's for dinner, she answered: let's make love instead of having dinner.
Same happened on the 2nd day.
On the 3rd day the wife walked into the kitchen to see her husband sitting on the toaster.
"What are you doing, dear?"
"My love, I'm warming up our dinner!"
The newlywed wife couldn't cook. So, when her husband asked her what's for dinner, she answered: let's make love instead of having dinner.
Same happened on the 2nd day.
On the 3rd day the wife walked into the kitchen to see her husband sitting on the toaster.
"What are you doing, dear?"
"My love, I'm warming up our dinner!"
