Travel with spouse-getting along
Aug 26th, 2003, 05:12 AM
#1
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Travel with spouse-getting along
Any problems while on extended trips to Europe with spouse....familiarity breeds contempt...the two of us generally enjoy the same things--museums, sightseeing, people-watching at cafes, plays, and just simple things to get into the true culture of place. But being together does seem to be the catalyst for kind of "getting on each other's nerves." And may lead to nastiness. Anybody else prone to this? If so, any suggestions? Thank's.
Aug 26th, 2003, 05:17 AM
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Hi Lucky,
Well, when I had travel problems with an ex-boyfriend, that's when I realized he wasn't the one for me!
But, seriously, the best way not to get on each other's nerves is to give yourselves time alone. You won't have ALL of the same interests, so pick things that you can do at the same time, but APART from each other. Then plan to meet up later in the day.
I love having solitude on my vacations, even when I am with someone I love spending time with. Just because you are traveling together, does not mean you have to be joined at the hip!
Have fun.
Karen
Well, when I had travel problems with an ex-boyfriend, that's when I realized he wasn't the one for me!
But, seriously, the best way not to get on each other's nerves is to give yourselves time alone. You won't have ALL of the same interests, so pick things that you can do at the same time, but APART from each other. Then plan to meet up later in the day.
I love having solitude on my vacations, even when I am with someone I love spending time with. Just because you are traveling together, does not mean you have to be joined at the hip!
Have fun.
Karen
Aug 26th, 2003, 05:19 AM
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My spouse and I are together all the time anyway-we are always Familiar!
We never have these problems with travel but I think iras idea would work for anyone .. Just be flexible and be sure to share.
We never have these problems with travel but I think iras idea would work for anyone .. Just be flexible and be sure to share.
Aug 26th, 2003, 05:24 AM
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I think it's inevitable that there could be some disagreements when traveling together for an extended time. Traveling is sometimes stressful and tiring.
I know I get snippy when I'm tired and/or hungry so I try to get enough rest and eat regularly. And, when I do feel the temptation to say something I shouldn't, I remind myself that this is the person I love most in the whole world and it's not his fault I feel crappy!
I know I get snippy when I'm tired and/or hungry so I try to get enough rest and eat regularly. And, when I do feel the temptation to say something I shouldn't, I remind myself that this is the person I love most in the whole world and it's not his fault I feel crappy!
Aug 26th, 2003, 05:26 AM
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Interesting that you should ask...
For us it's a question of pace and this distinction appears in towns and cities, where things are more intense than in rural settings. I'm more of a do-er; she's happy just to be there.
For this reason we separate, arranging to re-connect in a couple of hours. We both sketch, she shops (especially at the open-air markets), I shoot photos, etc. Once, in Chartres, I went bananas when she didn't appear at the assigned time in front of the cathedral. As it turns out she was just wandering about the lower town and lost track of the time.
For us it's a question of pace and this distinction appears in towns and cities, where things are more intense than in rural settings. I'm more of a do-er; she's happy just to be there.
For this reason we separate, arranging to re-connect in a couple of hours. We both sketch, she shops (especially at the open-air markets), I shoot photos, etc. Once, in Chartres, I went bananas when she didn't appear at the assigned time in front of the cathedral. As it turns out she was just wandering about the lower town and lost track of the time.
Aug 26th, 2003, 06:00 AM
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In order to get a good idea about what happens when a male/female couple travel, watch the CBS show "The Amazing Race".
My own worst experience with traveling as a couple was several years ago. It ended up with me having to send my lady friend back home half-way into the trip. One piece if advice for anyone attempting an extended stay in Europe with a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend: Make absolutely sure you know in advance what the other *must* see and eat to be content.
My own worst experience with traveling as a couple was several years ago. It ended up with me having to send my lady friend back home half-way into the trip. One piece if advice for anyone attempting an extended stay in Europe with a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend: Make absolutely sure you know in advance what the other *must* see and eat to be content.
Aug 26th, 2003, 06:06 AM
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DH and I spend just about 24/7 together when we travel and love it! However, with our varying work schedules, there are times when we hardly see one another for a week at a time, so that might be part of our desire to spend so much time together.
I agree that you have to take time to see/do things that each of you enjoy and if that doesn't work, maybe a half or full day of doing things apart will help.
I agree that you have to take time to see/do things that each of you enjoy and if that doesn't work, maybe a half or full day of doing things apart will help.
Aug 26th, 2003, 06:10 AM
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We made it easy on ourselves. I do all the planning. In a navigational crisis, he takes over. Otherwise, he pays, I plan, we eat when we're hungry (and often before we are), make sure to use bathrooims whenever one presents itself, whether we need it or not, and make sure to EAT A GOOD BREAKFAST! Theses tactics keep "the bickers" down to a minimum.
Aug 26th, 2003, 06:13 AM
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My husband and I generally travel very well together but I'm much more of a "goer" than he is so often we'll split up for an hour or so and I'll go what I want and he'll just chill. Or if I want to shop, he'll get a cigar or a beer and just people watch while I shop.
Aug 26th, 2003, 06:46 AM
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I love travelling with my husband as we have the same interests and he's good company. We do have one iron-clad rule, though.
When on vacation, he gets a nap. No ifs ands or buts. And no complaining or whining from me (as can happen when we're at home & I want him to do this, that, and the other, instead of napping!). So, when DH is napping, I get to do whatever I please and it gives me down time and breathing space. His nap has evolved into something I really appreciate!
When on vacation, he gets a nap. No ifs ands or buts. And no complaining or whining from me (as can happen when we're at home & I want him to do this, that, and the other, instead of napping!). So, when DH is napping, I get to do whatever I please and it gives me down time and breathing space. His nap has evolved into something I really appreciate!
Aug 26th, 2003, 06:47 AM
#12
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... we travel the way we live, together. This helps us stay close and friendly, lol.
... eat at interesting places, and not too early. In Paris, we have a favorite place in the 6eme. on Rue Jacob, where we have a glass or two of champagne about 5 p.m., and a small snack. Thus we're ready for dinner at 10 p.m. ... always at a very good restaurant (with or without stars, deepnding on how much we want to spend that evening).
... We try to be back by 1-2 a.m. We don't start our day until 10 a.m., always after room service.
... We always have a special lunch, late, after being at one place that morning ... gallery, museum.
... Afternoons, we walk, see the city, wander, and just wander some more. By then it's champagne time.
... We leave the last day for shopping ... always. We like to take gifts home, and to indulge oursleves as well.
... Travel day, always a limo, to make it easy and worry free. Arriving at the airport in plenty of time to have a drink (of course in the mornings!) and be ready to board. We try to enjoy the flight home as well, making that a part of the trip.
... eat at interesting places, and not too early. In Paris, we have a favorite place in the 6eme. on Rue Jacob, where we have a glass or two of champagne about 5 p.m., and a small snack. Thus we're ready for dinner at 10 p.m. ... always at a very good restaurant (with or without stars, deepnding on how much we want to spend that evening).
... We try to be back by 1-2 a.m. We don't start our day until 10 a.m., always after room service.
... We always have a special lunch, late, after being at one place that morning ... gallery, museum.
... Afternoons, we walk, see the city, wander, and just wander some more. By then it's champagne time.
... We leave the last day for shopping ... always. We like to take gifts home, and to indulge oursleves as well.
... Travel day, always a limo, to make it easy and worry free. Arriving at the airport in plenty of time to have a drink (of course in the mornings!) and be ready to board. We try to enjoy the flight home as well, making that a part of the trip.
Aug 26th, 2003, 07:43 AM
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Make sure you plan together (and/or plan to be apart), so there are few misunderstandings while traveling. Be honest and respectful about limitations. Such as driving and navigating. Recognize this and when you get past stressful events take a deep breath, look around and realize you made it to your destination. It is hard to be grumpy or cranky for extended periods while in a fabulous place. Also, even if tempted to go go go, stop for coffee, a beer, wine or other refreshment from time to time, even if it slows you down.
Aug 26th, 2003, 07:56 AM
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This is an intereting topic. I have never really thought about it before. I am amazed how so many of you travel so well with spouses. I just realized that I am my DH's personal tour director and social secretary! He has NEVER planned a trip, made a hotel reservation (or dinner reser for that matter)read a guide book or taken any major stand on what to see and do once we get to our destination.
No wonder I travel so well with children. I wish my hubby would turn into a travel husband like Ira, Maitaitom or Degas. Well, I was having a good morning....
No wonder I travel so well with children. I wish my hubby would turn into a travel husband like Ira, Maitaitom or Degas. Well, I was having a good morning....
Aug 26th, 2003, 08:01 AM
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Calamari, I've always handled all the details, as well, because that's just how I am.
However, DH is now planning half our next trip (he's doing Scotland and I'm doing Ireland). So far, he seems to be enjoying the planning process and I'm letting him run with it. I realize, however, that he doesn't enjoy the daily research as much as I do.
However, DH is now planning half our next trip (he's doing Scotland and I'm doing Ireland). So far, he seems to be enjoying the planning process and I'm letting him run with it. I realize, however, that he doesn't enjoy the daily research as much as I do.
Aug 26th, 2003, 08:04 AM
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Statia
Thanks for trying to make me feel better. Sadly, if I left it up to DH we would never leave town. I always have to plan everything. I wonder if it is due to the fact that he was raised by a bevy of over bearing women or if he is just married to one.
Thanks for trying to make me feel better. Sadly, if I left it up to DH we would never leave town. I always have to plan everything. I wonder if it is due to the fact that he was raised by a bevy of over bearing women or if he is just married to one.
Aug 26th, 2003, 08:07 AM
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Part of our ability to get along during the trip depends in great part on the pre-trip planning.
We first pick out and agree on which area of the world we will be going to on our next trip.
Then we look at what sights we want to see in that country/countries. We come to agreement on that.
Then we look at types of lodgings and their locations, with the idea that the lodgings should be convenient to the sights we have picked out. We come to agreement on a preliminary list of at least two hotels/pensions/other per city.
My DW then goes off and starts making reservations on HER computer. She has her computer, so we don't fight over computer time
Whatever lodgings we end up with, we have already pre-agreed on. No arguments on why we have to haul our luggage up three flights of narrow stairs or why we happen to be staying at a location cross-town, etc.
In other words, we are pretty much in agreement before the trip has even begun! It helps minimize arguments later - arriving in a city and THEN deciding on what to see is a bit late for us. Besides, half the fun of a trip is in its planning!
We pack light - 21" wheelies each and a large backpack each. I carry an extra duffel bag. We each pack away a smaller daypack. Our suitcases and backpacks are not full on departure, but they are full on return! We each handle our own bags, except when she needs help.
On arrival, we are not "joined at the hip" as one poster has put it. Sometimes we do separate and go, say, to separate museums. We do, however, always get together for dinner, which is also part of the highlights of every trip for us.
Sometimes we have a special restaurant picked out ahead of time, but mostly, we just ask for recommendations once we get there. We find that the locals know the best places. We usually dine around 8-9pm and are back at our lodgings by midnight. Wish we had time for those wonderful 5pm champagne cocktails
At home, we have separate bathrooms. On a trip, I usually am up first and shower, etc. first because I am faster. She does things more leisurely. I go down to breakfast and read the paper, the guidebook - she joins me, etc. etc.
We've travelled all over the world together and are so familiar with each other's habits, we fit hand in glove with each other. I can't imagine travelling with anyone else than my DW!
We first pick out and agree on which area of the world we will be going to on our next trip.
Then we look at what sights we want to see in that country/countries. We come to agreement on that.
Then we look at types of lodgings and their locations, with the idea that the lodgings should be convenient to the sights we have picked out. We come to agreement on a preliminary list of at least two hotels/pensions/other per city.
My DW then goes off and starts making reservations on HER computer. She has her computer, so we don't fight over computer time
Whatever lodgings we end up with, we have already pre-agreed on. No arguments on why we have to haul our luggage up three flights of narrow stairs or why we happen to be staying at a location cross-town, etc.
In other words, we are pretty much in agreement before the trip has even begun! It helps minimize arguments later - arriving in a city and THEN deciding on what to see is a bit late for us. Besides, half the fun of a trip is in its planning!
We pack light - 21" wheelies each and a large backpack each. I carry an extra duffel bag. We each pack away a smaller daypack. Our suitcases and backpacks are not full on departure, but they are full on return! We each handle our own bags, except when she needs help.
On arrival, we are not "joined at the hip" as one poster has put it. Sometimes we do separate and go, say, to separate museums. We do, however, always get together for dinner, which is also part of the highlights of every trip for us.
Sometimes we have a special restaurant picked out ahead of time, but mostly, we just ask for recommendations once we get there. We find that the locals know the best places. We usually dine around 8-9pm and are back at our lodgings by midnight. Wish we had time for those wonderful 5pm champagne cocktails
At home, we have separate bathrooms. On a trip, I usually am up first and shower, etc. first because I am faster. She does things more leisurely. I go down to breakfast and read the paper, the guidebook - she joins me, etc. etc.
We've travelled all over the world together and are so familiar with each other's habits, we fit hand in glove with each other. I can't imagine travelling with anyone else than my DW!
Aug 26th, 2003, 08:11 AM
#19
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allovereurope - thanks for the message. Our champagne ritual started the first time I took her to Paris to see where I'd lived and studied. The Hotel Leonard (actually on Rue d'Universite, not Jacob) looked inviting - brown suede and leather furnishings, just an adjunct to their small lobby. Champagne by the glass was available. We still keep to the 5 p.m. stop - and also now start lunches and dinners with a glass of champagne, whenever we're travelling, and of course wine at both meals. I cannot imagine what our BAC must be, lol. For this reason, we do our "thinking" things in the mornings, talk about them at lunch, and simply kick back in the afternoons and drift around, enjoying the buzz. This is especially our routine in Paris and a few other cities we've been in lots - we're never afraid we'll miss something, and we prefer to simply experience the feeling of being there over and over. I do not, by the way, recommend our pattern as suitable for anyone else. Fortunately my SO has fallen into this velvet trap I've set, and seems to enjoy it.
