We took a month long driving trip with good friends. My husband drove, the other woman read the map and took care of the "kitty". We had couple of chilly times when my husband yelled at her for not getting directions to him in plenty of time,she yelled back(as he deserved)....we were a bit tense, even when we got back, but all in all got along fine. Every night we played some kind of game. I would really have liked to stay at resorts rather than highway motels, but it was okay. We do take tours and have met three other couples on three tours and done well, but we do try not to be clannish and circulate among other people on the tour. I definitely think settling on decisions before the trip, such as having a kitty and not worrying how much things cost and how far we travel before we stop, etc. I think it could be alot of fun.

Hi Onthegogo
My DH and I traveled with my sister and her DH last year - and as close as I am to my sister, I wanted to hurt her a little bit by the end of the trip. I see now that it was mostly my fault because I did not speak up in the beginning - and allowed her to dictate much of what we were doing. I'm pretty laid back so I thought we would just go with the flow and have a good time. But it didn't occur to me that her habit of sleeping in and taking 2 hours to get ready would really annoy me by day 4. I also allowed her budget to dictate where we would eat and stay and in the end, my husband and I had a few regrets.

So now I know better and hope your experience is a bit easier. Have fun. And remember to breathe and count to 10!! :)

I am planning a trip for 4 couples, all friends and 3 couples have travelled before for a week at a time. This is a two week trip.

I have chosen hotels over villas, and trains over rental cars. We will be visiting Rome, Florence and Venice with some day trips.

Our focus is food and wine and I have hired a private driver in Tuscany to indulge our love of wine.

In each city, I chose one or two highlights and booked advance reservations. I made them all for late morning as I am up and out early and others like to sleep in. I have only arranged a couple of things in each city for late mornings and before and after everyone is on their own to do as they wish.

I suspect that we will have dinner together sometimes but not always and that those who are more sedentary will choose what works for them. I love to walk and will walk everywhere but have already advised everyone of meeting places for the 2-3 private tours we have reserved and it is up to them to choose how to get there and back.

It is difficult to plan for so many people but I have tried to build in lots of personal time for everyone so that the fun does not get stale. While we are staying in places I would normally not choose in order to accomodate the consensus on budget and amenities, it is all in the acceptable range and hopefully everyone will be pleased.

I have prepaid hotels and several tours and advised everyone that it will be a cash trip so that splitting checks will not be a big deal (luckily, this group thinks alike when it comes to food and wine and are easy going about splitting tabs). We may even choose to pay for a dinner for all each and make it easy that way.

I am optimistic and looking forward to a great trip!

Kfusto, I should have consulted you before I booked my trip last year. Noted for next time!

kfusto,

Do give us a trip report when you return! It's fun to travel with a compatible - easy going - group!

Hello on thegogo,
It sounds like you've received spot-on advice from others and, subsequently, you've revisited the original idea. My husband & I have traveled with our oldest friends to Italy 2006 for a week and France 2007 for a week. We have a ball being together. They are easy-going and we are all relaxed about the financial aspect - unlike most posters. We kind of take turns paying for meals with the thought that it probably evens out in the longrun. We always say we'll settle up for taxis and train tickets then never really get around to it. I know that sounds strange but, to be honest, we have been such dear friends in so many more ways for years that it' a pleasure to be with them creating memories.

That said, we did have a funny incident this past month that I'll share. While in Provence, my husband as driver & mysself as navigator, I was suspicious that we were lost - stuck in a tremendous traffic jam. Traffic was at a standstill on the loop around Avignon. I studied the map over & over trying to ascertain if we were, indeed, on the correct road. I didn't want to sit forever in a traffic jam if we weren't even on the right one. My best girlfriend in the backseat was the only French-speaking member of our foursome. I begged & pleaded & nagged her to ask someone for verification of our location. She wasn't comfortable doing so; however, I couldn't let it go. The longer we sat, the more I wanted her to ask a stranger. Finally, she took the map, approached the car in front of us. The gentleman had his window down. She quickly verified our whereabouts. Returning to her backseat, she threw the map in my lap and asked, "Are you f****** happy now?" - to which I replied, "actually, yes, thank you!"

Being such old friends, I apologized, she apologized, we now laugh repeatedly about the incident and it's one of our treasured memories.

Don't know if my story helps or hurts your situation!

All these comments are helping in my thoughts on our trip with another couple. On the good side, we've gone out to eat with them quite a bit, and they like the same kinds of foods and wine as we do (and the same amounts), which is always a big part of our trips. I'm not sure about timing (not that I'm totally timely), in terms of sleeping in, etc., and I'm thinking CW might be a shopper. They've said they're relying on me (the compulsive trip-planner) to book restaurants, which is just fine with me. And for the few days in between meetings, they seem interested in doing what we have in mind (the truffle festival in Piedmont). So I think things are going well so far, though I do have worries that their passivity will change at some point!

Yes, ellenem, I'm hoping to forestall hours of shopping - I'm a 10-minute shopper, myself, and am steeling myself to cut myself loose if I end up in that situation.

On the language topic, I like that story! In our family, despite DH knowing a few words of French & Italian, and having had 4 years of high-school Spanish (to my NONE), the default gesture is always a pathetic look in my direction, to beg me to do the talking. Not that I speak French, Italian or especially Spanish that much myself - I'm just more willing to embarrass myself! Generally, I don't mind, and remind myself it's a small price to pay to travel, but sometimes I get tired of always being language person, even for the simplest things. So I can kind of understand your friend - I've had those "I don't want to talk" moments myself.

Haven't read all the posts, but I suggest you plan (in advance) to spend a day away from the other couple every 3 or 4 days. I'd also suggest planning a few days where the wives do one thing together and the husbands do something else. Finally, I'd plan on at least an afternoon or two alone. It will keep everybody sane and off each others' nerves. By planning it in advance, no one's feelings will get hurt.

There isn't enough money in the world for me to travel with another couple. However if you must, I will leave you with advice my dearly departed Mother-in-Law always said, " Treat friends like family, and family like friends, and pets like people." Hope this helps!

I'm more of a lurker here, but this is a subject that hits home for me, so I'll put in my 2 cents. We have friends we travel with all the time. We have lots of fun and really never run into any serious issues. It helps a lot that we feel the same way about sites and eating in restaurants (we like it all- hey, we are on vacation!). Traveling with friends has caused us to come up with some of the best stories that we still tell years later.

Another thing is that I do a lot of the research, so we always have list of what there is to do in the area. I always ask the people going with us what their "must do's" are and include the opportunity to do those. If anyone has something that's important to them, we might all do it, but no one is offended if we don't. We would rather make sure everyone gets the opportunity to do what they want. It's a lot of work before we go (which I love by the way), but makes it much more relaxing once we are there (no hanging out trying to decide "what is there to do today?". We just look at what's around and decide what sounds good that day. An exception to this is if we need reservations or tickets for something we all want to do, I'll book that ahead.

The first thing I learned when planning trips is never make your vacation dependant on someone else. This only happened to me once. We re-arranged dates and such to fit their schedule and then they had to cancel (through no fault of their own). Now when we travel with friends, we plan what we know we want to do. They are welcome to join us for as much or as little of our trip as they want. They can take their own flights, even choose a different accomodation if they want (but always choose one nearby). If we want to share a place for part of the trip and someone cancels, it does not ruin the entire trip, we might just have to book in somewhere else for that part of it.

We do the same as suggested above. The night before we pick a meeting time. If someone wants to sleep in, no problem. We always stay part of our time in cities or villages where walking is an easy option, so it is easy to get some alone time. It's good for the gals to go off from guys as well as the couples from each other. That being said, I don't have any friends I would want to spend 3 weeks in one place in the country with!

I've been following this report with great interest since I'm in the process of planning a trip for myself, my husband and two friends to Rome next year.

Fortunately, I've traveled with one of these friends before and learned quite a bit in the process (good and bad) so I think we'll be fine when the time comes. The biggest thing; she takes waaay longer than I do in museums. So, this time we will both go with cell phones and meet up later! Plus, I'm going to book some tours for us (Forum, Vatican, etc) so we can all stay on the same schedule sometime.

Still, it pays to discuss everything as much as possible before you leave. I'm doing most of the research and planning, but I'm really trying to keep everyone involved and interested.

I've been sending my friends emails called "Rome Daily Tidbits"- links to apartment options, sightseeing ideas, webcams, etc. I get to share my research, get their opinions, and we all have fun with it.

Hi,
We've just returned from a 2 week trip to Italy with another couple. We have traveled with these friends before. We had several planning sessions.This helped decided what each person 'had'
to see, and other logistics.You will need to decide what you want to see and if you will need to make reservations. I usually took the reins and said that we wanted to do XYZ, were they interested? This gave our friends the opportunity to go along or opt out. We divided the trip into a week in Venice and Rome and then a week in a villa in Umbria.One couple chose the hotel in Venice, the other the hotel in Rome.That way no one got total blame if someone was unhappy with hotel choices. We rented one car for the last week and the guys divided the driving. It would have been much more expensive to rent two cars. Also, don't forget to get the driving permit- if stopped you will be asked for it(and we were!)

Also be aware of physical differences- our friends are not as active as we are and had problems with steps, hills, etc. And your friends may not be as willing to try things- the birdcage at Gubbio or climbing the Duomo in Florence, for example.
It can be really enjoyable to travel with another couple- just realize that there will have to be some compromising. And you don't have to be together 24/7. Try the line' ---and I are going to dash to the ___, we will meet you later at the hotel for dinner.
This is also your trip, and while there has to be give and take, your friends shouldn't have to power to make it an unpleasant experience.
I think that 3 weeks with another couple may be a bit long, even if you do split up from time to time,you will be together much of the time.
Good luck and have a great trip!

My wife and I have travelled with other couples on several ocassions. It has usally made the trip better, not worse, but the critical key seems always to have a way to split up during the trip, if even for a few hours. Everyone has different tastes, likes and dislikes, and you have to break away from the other couple every so often for your sanity.

The most important thing on gogo's trip (or one like it) I believe would be to put one of the other couple on the paperwork as an additional driver on the car. That way they could go out when you stay home, drop you somewhere and come back later, let just the men or the women do something together, etc. It gives each couple the opportunity for a needed break.

One subject that has not been mentioned..how well does the other couple really get along with each other?

I ask as we once took a cruise (for 10 days if memory serves me right). This was with a couple we had known for twenty years. We had often gone to dinner with them, entertained each other in our homes, a day here and there in San Francisco, attended many parties with them etc. So in that everything had always been so enjoyable we really looked forward to taking the cruise with them.

What we didn't know was that they fought with each constantly. Evidently they could control their bickering for an evening or even a long day..in other words they had their wellmannered personalities. But they obviously could not go day after day without heated arguments, rude putdowns etc. Just toward each other not us mind you. But it was soooo embarrasing and uncomfortable.

After we got home my husband made the statement "well the old saying that you don't know what goes on in anyone elses marriage is certainly true!"

Personally before investing in the trip to Italy I would want to take say a three day, two night trip with these friends. I would think that would give you a better idea as to whether or not you want to travel to and in Italy with them. Best wishes onthegogo (love your screen name!)

You have received lots of wonderful advice and things to think abut. It "sounds" like a good idea to your friends, but it also sounds like they want a "private driver'...and also want to plan the trip as far as accommodations etc.
We have had a similar situation come up, and the timing didn't work out. WE probably wouldn't have considered it anyway (my husband being the driver). We did travel twice with these friends (an elderhostel situation, Italy (our only two...usually we are independent travelers). This worked out fine and it was lovely and loads of fun....along with two days with this couple in each London and Paris, going and/or coming.
There are just too many variables and questionable things that "could" come up with a situation like you have described, and I know you want to preserve your friendship.
I guess if it were REALLY worked out and things discussed first, it might be allright.

On the other hand, when it works it is the best. What could be better than sharing your discoveries with friends you love? I have shared villas with friends from around the world and 9 times out of 10 it all works out fantasically. It takes a little giving and taking on all sides but isn't life in general that way?

I say again, I do think you made the right decision in this case. Have fun on your own.

I too have been reading this thread with interest. We have another couple with whom we've done long weekends and are planning a week in September. We kind of take turns planning, I picked the last hotel, found flights and my husband researched restaurants, they are doing most of the organizing for the next one.

However, we have another couple that the wife says each time that we see them that we should go on a trip together. I feel a little wary because even though we have stayed at each other's homes I'm not sure we would be compatible in an unfamiliar setting. Plus the guy doesn't really see any reason to travel for fun! It seems we are the incentive she is using to get him to try travel.

We've been lucky with the first couple, I think the second couple would need more serious pre-planning.

'Be selective in who you marry.
Be extremely careful who you travel with.' I am borrowing that from another poster on this website.

Also, if you are talking about renting villas or apartments, then you need to know upfront what the cold-feet/ break-up plan is. (Yes, work issues, children, parents health etc change people's plans. somtimes at the last minute).

You go where you want too. Let them do the same. Meet for dinner and discuss your adventures. This way each couple can go at their pace and feed off your different experiences. You may want to go to some places together. Make this agreement before you leave to avoid hurt feelings. emilyandjim.info

A perspective not yet mentioned here. My husband and I, while delightfully pleasant people, are also profound introverts. We have been married nearly 20 years and have travelled well together for as long as 6 weeks, being together 24/7. We will have one argument per trip and it will be about my husband's driving! But we like to be quiet - sometimes an hour goes by when neither of us has said a word. I can't think of anything more exhausting than having to converse every day, all day, with two other people, who are probably more chatty! Being with folks for dinner or even a weekend is not the same as being on the road for 3 weeks. In addition to all the excellent advice you've received so far, consider how the other couple are 'wired' compared to you. We learned long ago we're best on our own.