MOLVANIA?
 

Who has been there? Any comments?

Molvanîa is Europe's best kept secret and is clearly the next hot tourist destination to be discovered. Get there before it is spoiled.

Sadly, there is already a Macdonald's and Burger King in Lutenblag. Can Starbucks be next?

Only fat moles with buck teeth go there. The food stinks and all you see
are rodents begging in the streets. But the exchange rate is very good against the dollar.

Hi G,

I haven't been there yet, but am currently planning to include about 4 nights in Lutenblag.

Can anyone recommend a reasonably priced, airconditioned hotel that has great views, a balcony, full American breakfast, ensuite bath and a heavy-duty hairdryer, in a neighborhood central to all the important sites, yet away from the noise and not frequented by tourists?

Will I need a plug adapter and a convertor? We will have a Cam corder, digital camera, cell phone, laptop, Ipod, electric toothbrush and portable TV.

Don't forget to take washcloths with you. You may import one per person free of customs duties, but will be detained for attempting to purchase or sell them locally.

ira, I think the Rat Hole Hotel on Cheddar St fits your requirements.
Will you be needing a room for your luggage porters?

"Fat moles with buck teeth"!

Degas shows typical American self-centredness.

Molvanians don't share the bizarre obsession you have in the US with making the world safe for orthodontists. They practice natural oral hygiene, insisting everything that goes into their mouth come from organic, non-GM, meat or vegetables, or in direst cases, recycled antiques. "A land unkown to modern dentistry" is how the words on their coins translater into English. No Molvanian would ever allow himself to be polluted by tootbrushes or dentifrice (though they do sometimes grab a handful of twings and some baking soda). When, in the natural way, teeth fall out, Roman denarii, from the ample store in the ground, are melted down to replace them.

Molvanians are short. They take pride in this too: it demonstrates their pure descent from the Roman legionaries that occupied them briefly, uncontaminated by later marauding Vikings or Vandals (except of course when England is playing football in Molavania).

Molvanians' closeness to nature means they eat when there's food and starve when there's not. Feckless American tourists stay away in winter, so they see Molvanians only in summer, when they're large. Of course if Americans ever watched football, they'd have seen how thin the team were when they famously beat Northern Ireland 5-4 last November. But, insulated in their own cocoon, you Americans continue to stereotype these proud defenders of Central European values.

As always on this board, "fat moles with buck teeth " displays an Americocentric view of the world that I find offensive,

Fodors should remove this post. immediately.

Ira: I recommend the Rojal Palatz Hotjl in Lutenblag, which is the best in town, altough you will probably have to compromise on most of your requirements.

You can take all your electrical appliances, but you will need a transformer to convert to 37 volts. As these are difficult to find, you will have to buy one once you get to Lutenblag. The colourful weekly market held in the Platka di Busjbusjl would be the best place to find one.

You would be wise to keep your guard up at all times and store your wheat and oat supplies in a metal suitcase with triple locks.

And don't ever attempt to feed any moles in the street no matter how cute and harmless they look. They can turn vicious in an instant. One bite will send you to the hospital for a long series of anti-molaria shots!

Ankle protectos are a must!

How inexpensive is inexpensive in Molvanîa? I`m a little terrified by some posters who claim that Molvanîa is sooo inexpensive. Or do they mean it is cheap?

How are chances to meet m_kingdom in Molvanîa?

Brobra laverendrye

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo

Can anyone recommend a driver for day tours? There will be six of us. Will we need a van or will individual donkeys be better?

Zikavska Ira!

You won't need donkeys if you stay in Lutenblag, but vans are hard to find, as most of them are usually smuggled over the border. The best way for a group of your size to sightsee in Lutenblag is by tractor. As you possibly know, the Molvanîan government has recently introduced incentives for more than 15 people on a tractor.

If you are travelling outside Lutenblag, particularly in the Molvanîan Alps, you will want to consider donkeys, but make sure that you don't get donkeys that have been specially bred for the national sport of Plutto.

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo! (May God send you a sturdy donkey)

We've never been to Molvania before and need advice on weather and what to wear. (I know there are web sites for this - but just don;t have the time).

Will it be cold in the Molvanian Alps in winter? Will it be warm in Lutenblag in the summer? Do we have to have AC? Or just take large palm fronds for waving?

I know we'll need boots to protect our ankles - but what type of boots should we wear for the new years eve cotillion? And is it OK for the beau to just wear his lederhosen and hiking boots to the cotlliiion - or will he have to bring long pants (we're flying elcheapoair and so only taking brown bags - no real luggage - so don't have room for other clothes)?

It will be bitterly cold in the Molvanîan Alps in winter, and oppressiely hot in Lutenblag in summer. However, you will not need AC, which in Molvanîa works on air currents passed over large blocks of ice, and is usually only available in the winter months. Palm fronds are unavailable due to the prohibitive tariffs designed to protect the domestic air conditioning industry. Do what Molvanîans have done for centuries and wear a long thick sheepskin coat winter and summer, which insulates nicely from the heat and the cold.

I would advise against wearing lederhosen unless you want to be identified as an adherent of the neo-Nazi Jsalter Party.

>...is it OK for the beau to just wear his lederhosen and hiking boots to the cotlliiion...<

Only if the boots are black.

I see on an internet search that the currency there is the "ayo", pronounced like I-O, not to be confused with the euro, pronounced E-Roh.
At any rate, can anyone tell me if the ATMs are dependable there?
Or should I hop over to my local bank for a few thousand "ayo"(there is no plural). I hate getting off a plane at Lutenblag International jet-lagged and all.
Let's go to Lutenblag!

Hi platz,

No need to worry about getting ayo. Just bring a lot of $1 bills.

Chocolate, cigarettes and nylons are also useful.

Will I stick out as an American tourist if I wear capris? Should I bring my umbrella and if so, should I bring my 16" collapsible or my golf umbrella? Which size suitcase should I bring for a 7 day vacation??

Make sure you get vaccinated for whooping cough before you go!

I cut one day off the stay in Lutenblag and add it to Venice.

Would it be possible to hire a Molvanian driver so we don't have to take the trains and public transport? What kind of cars do they use?

How is room service in Molvania?

Got any good recommendations for souvenirs to bring home?

In the WSJ, I see the ayo is listed at 11.5655 to the dollar, but on my favorite foreign exchange website (no names please), its only 10.4378.
Those rats. Excuse me, moles...with bad teeth.

Does anyone know of a study program for the Molvanian language? I am having difficulty mastering the triple negatives & the gender relating collectively to cheeses. Does Pimsleur have a CD course I could buy before my trip?

Brobra & Krokystrokiskiaskya,
Trish

Zikavszka Platzman

What is all this business about the Ayo? Last time I checked, the official Molvanîan currency was still the Strubl. As best as I can tell, the Ayo is now only in a conceptual stage as a transnational currency for those EU members who can't qualify for the Euro. As Molvanîa still is not even a member of the EU due to its refusal to admit biological weapons inpectors despite its healthy IMF rating, it will be some time before it can even consider using the Ayo. Ira is right--US one dollar bills work like magic in Molvanîa.


Trish: You are very courageous in trying to learn Molvanîan, which is undoubtedly one of the world's most difficult languages with not only the triple negatives you have mentioned, but also the four genders, to say nothing of the danger of damaging one's larynx in trying to reproduce the many guttural sounds. Forget Pimsleur and just learn a few useful phrases. Otherwise, just shout very loudly in English and gesticulate wildly. Most Molvanîans will understand even though they pretend not to speak a word of English.

Krokystrokiskiaskya

Zlkavszka laverendrye!

I'm glad to know I can use loud English & gestures as a back up plan in trying to communicate with the Molvanians. I am still especially concerned about being able to make the sounds of their language, being that I have a full & complete set of teeth. I'm going to check into the options at the Linguistikprivatakademikalutnblaag as well.

What are some basic words & phrases that will help me get around while there?

How do I pronounce brobra? Is it Bro-brah or Beh-roo-beh-rah? Trish

Regarding an earlier thread inquiring about ESL...would the Linguistikprivatakademikalutnblaag
be a good place to start if one wanted to teach English in Molvania?

Don't forget to yell and jump up and down when the Movanians pretend they cannot understand English. It will help them understand you.

But, the big question is: Are white sneakers acceptable for walking around Lutenblog.

For the definitive opinion on Capris, I suggest you address your question to DJKBooks and M_kingdom.

In wearing capris, I should add that I shave my legs daily unless I'm jetlagged and my kankles aren't soo soo fat that they hang over my socks. (kankles: Fr., noun; ankles that are the width of the knee) Do you think I'll stick out from the locals? I plan to buy a pair of boots like the Molvanians wear...

Oh, one more thing. I'm 4 mo. pregnant. Are there any restrictions or worries being around the moles? Do they carry bubonic (sp?) plague? How does the Molvanian water taste compared to other European countries? Must I buy bottled water? If that's the case, do they have supermarkets there?

I know I asked a lot of questions but fodors is a great place to get everything answered!

Brobra & Krokystrokiskiaskya,
Debbie

Zlkavszka Trish!

There are a number of Molvanîan phrase books in print, but as they have been compiled by Molvanîan speakers with a limited knowledge of English, they can be misleading to the unwary, often dangerously so. You can find some in the classic Jetlag guide, but an even better list is in the recently published "Molvanîa Through the Back Door" by Rick Steeves.

If you do decide upon the Linguistikprivatakademikalutnblaag for study, an essential phrase to know is "Zrty kaszhinka dumbro, Hzocbeter hrti!!" (Keep your hands off me, Mr. Hzocbeter!)

If you pronounce Brobra as Bro-brah, you will be generally understood. You can either pronounce it with a rolled or a uvular "R", although the latter is only used by the educated classes (those who can read and write). The Beh-roo-beh-rah pronunciation is confined to the rural areas of the Western Plateau, and you will come across as a yokel if you use it in the sophisticated salons of Lutenblag.

Debbie: Molvanîa's drinking water is known throughout Europe for its taste and rich amber color. I wouldn't waste my money on bottled water, as it all comes from the tap anyway. However, if you are the tiniest bit concerned about bacterial and trace metal contamination, you might be best advised to stick to zeerstum or zvadovar.

Krokystrokiskiaskya

Sorry about the mixup on the currency. I wouldn't want to jeopardize an emerging economy with false information.
As to the language, according to "Molvania Through the Back Door", it states (p.53) that the name Molvania is actually a Latin derivative from the old Roman occupation days.
To translate loosely, it means "conceited moles".
Degas, you must have the same guidebook that I have.

And out of respect for their culture, I must conclude by saying,

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo

But how, please, does one get from Molvania to San Serriffe? Could MKingdom2, perchance, advise on local shopping opportunities?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0...308487,00.html

Hi Patrick,

Sans Serif is a type font.

Furthermore, an article written by "Berlin Sans" has to be a joke. :)

Oh ira, you nearly won the goody bag - but you didn't check the date...

Very good, Patrick.

I just looked at the header:

"When the world first heard of San Serriffe in April 1977, the tiny state was a sleepy island paradise under the authoritarian leadership of an unpopular general. Visiting the archipelago 22 years on, Berlin Sans discovers a vibrant nation transformed by a visionary leader"

I'm sorry, it was perhaps an unfair tease, blame it on a late evening. The original concept was a huge success in 1977 and for a couple of years afterwards - a complete advertising supplement on the wonders of San Seriffe, with all the advertisers entering into the spirit of it.
http://www.fact-index.com/s/sa/san_serriffe.html

Well, it is good to know that people had a sense of humor way back then.

How easy is it to move to Molvania and start a toxic waste cleanup company, perhaps close to a small villa in the
ravaged countryside?

Are union rules as bad as in France? I'd want my workers to work more than 20 hours per week, have less than 50 paid holidays a year, and take no more than 12 weeks paid vacation.

>How easy is it to move to Molvania and start a toxic waste cleanup company,..<

In Molvania they do not clean up toxic waste, they import it.

Zlkavszka laverendrye!

We want to import two breeding pairs of Molvanîan Warthounds so we can start the process of getting the breed registered with the AKC. We know they will need to be quarantined for the usual 18 months (unless they're Service Warthounds, but I understand the Molvanîan government keeps a tight grip on them for duty as tasters in the foreign ministry cafeteria.) But do you know of any reputable suppliers of "grey market" Warthounds in Lutenblag? Or do we need to "take off our sandals" as a Molvanîan acquaintance says?

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo!

Pardon my ignorance, but where exactly is Molvania? Is it in Europe? This intrigues me because I thought I knew all the countries in Europe, but I have honestly never heard of this one. I tried searching "Molvania" on Yahoo but didn't any helpful information.

Thanks!
Tracy