Ira, the info on the recycled tires is accurate. My brother had a 72-hour layover in Molvania last year, and is still recovering from it...he stupidly did not check his innoculations, and the whopping cough nearly killed him! Poor fellow is still recovering at his home in Edmonton, which he tells me is summer-like, even in winter, compared to the Molvanian climate.

uh-oh busted, if I were you, I'd try to bring some snowshoes if you're interested in seeing bears.

Bob the Navigator, I believe one of their largest exports is bear fat, so if you can use it, it goes for mere pennies. Another alternative is a bear-skin rug, but I can't guarantee US Customs will welcome you with it when you return to the USA.

BC

Molvanians ought to be well-protected against the whooping-cough, since they can grease themselves with a good layer of bear fat; but there is, sadly a shortage of brown wrapping-paper with which to complete the insulation. Hence their reputation for a certain slipperiness!

Arriving at Lutenblag in 3 weeks

Is it true that I have to bring 2 Pens (one for writing my name on arrival, another to give as a peace offering to the Molvanian Gods)

Is a single women safe walking at night in Lutenblag? a friend told me Moldavian Men have a ritual dance they do upon encountering a single female.

Do I have to bring toilet paper?, and if so how many rolls?

Do I have to bring a reversible waterproof coat or just a black pashmina?

I don't want to look like an ugly american, what do I have to do to fit in?


Thanks in advance!

PatrickLondon, I am one-sixteenth Molvanian on my paternal grandmother's side and I resent these slurs against a fine, if dentally-challenged, people. [-X

egads a Mole amongst us!!!

Oh fairhope, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Well, in case she didn't have travel insurance, at least you didn't have to ship the body home...so look at the bright side. Hopefully you recovered your donkey and found him in good health.

As one single woman to another:

"Is a single women safe walking at night in Lutenblag? a friend told me Moldavian Men have a ritual dance they do upon encountering a single female."

Yes, they dance to Bolero played backwards...wearing Lemer skins.

"Do I have to bring toilet paper?, and if so how many rolls?"

Someone else will answer if the two concepts are connected...Otherwise, I'd suggest condoms.

Please do not bring condoms to Molvania. Our balloon manufacturing jobs are already being sent to America where the wages are cheaper

Hmmm ! Almost forgot. I do have a wonderful photo of a Molvanian pensioner riding one of their famous native donkeys. Sorry I cannot post it here, but email me if you want a digital copy. [email protected]

If you are travelling alone, there's no reason to bring condoms. Based on what I saw when I was studying abroad in Molvania, there's nobody there you will want to get to know better, if you know what I mean. ;-)

And, whatever happened to the original poster GSTEED ?

I am traveling through Molvania next month and will only have one day in Lutenblag. What should I see? I understand the Molvanian Museum might be losing their prized molar collection - Rome wants them back as a national treasure they believe was stolen during the Mole Crusades. Will the collection still be there in November? Is it ok to wear jeans to the museum, or do I need to bring a Tux? What is the proper dress code for afternoon tea at the Rojal Palatz Hotjl and do I need reservations? Finally, how many carrots to tip the waiter? Any help is appreciated as I am too lazy to do any research on my own.

Every Molvanian man, woman, and child will fight to the death to keep the prized Colletzione Molarini! Those Italians! The nerve! They actually think their food and wine is better than Molvanian cuisine, not to mention their art. Hmmmph.

Wonderful news Marilyn! Thanks for saving my trip. I'll be sure to post a moment by moment trip report for my 24 hours in Lutenblag.

As for the cuisine, how can the Italians compare boring pasta to Wzrobkapazio (stewed mole entrails with potato dumplings) - mmmm, good!

lets go

carrots are for the donkeys. I am told you service charge is included - but if the service is exceptional you may give travel size toothpaste or the little boxes of glide dental floss. Exceptional service calls for a pack of the Crest Whitening strips.

It would be very helpful if the posters could tell us their Molvanian preferences before we go on a wild donkey chase. Are you going to Upper or Lower Molvania? Please tell us your carrot budget. Do you like to go bareback riding or side saddle. This way we can be more helpful. Please don't take this as a criticism of your silly questions

Its like pulling teeth trying to get those original posters to follow-up!

I was talking with some coworkers about my impending trip to Molvania and was astounded that none of them had ever heard of the place! And I'm a teacher!!! Is that not scary? Are Americans truly that ignorant and egocentric? How can they not know about this unique country that dates back to the early Middle Ages and is the best preserved example of life from the 1200s?!

Molvanians are dedicated to preserving their rich heritage, for goodness sakes. They forsake modern conveniences and survive just as their ancestors did centuries ago. Today's proud serfs living in their fiefdoms are still defending the manor and raising moles (a tedious and difficult job, from what I understand). Is that not something to respect?

I'm sorry if I'm venting but after the ethnic slur about toothless Molvanians on last night's Presidential debates last night and the idiots I ate lunch with today, I just had to let go.

Thanks for listening!

Don't worry, we know what you mean! I love the upper Molvania because I enjoy the goat herders who have many a tale to tell and when they invite you into their humble, squalid hut, you know you have not really enjoyed life to this extreme.But confidentially. I did not enjoy eating squirrel, though I want to kill them here in my back yard.

LOL, cigale!

I heard that those Molvanian sheepherders are very verry fond of their sheep. How sweet ~

Cigale, was the squirrel prepared "a la Molvane" or was it Squirrel Tartare (a clever Molvanian trick for conserving fuel)?

actually, scarlett, I have heard many an upsetting story of the herders and their goats, but please, I don't want to get into that , as I have no proof, an only as told to.
Marylyn, the squirrel was prepared.
a la peau avec rosemarin et thyme, et vin blanche.

You are right , Cigale, we will not think unpleasant Molvanian goat thoughts :D

But I do hear they make wonderful blankets with the goat hair, although they are Molvanian sized, which makes them impossible to bring home.

What a coincidence, Cigale! That's what we are having for dinner tonight!

Ira,
Thank you very much for the donkey information. Since I was curious if we had any of those animals here in the States I did some investigating and found that there is a ranch in Montana.
"Overlooking the Yellowstone River, the course at The Spotted-Ass Ranch". They evidently shoot clay pidgeons from the animals and did suggest that you face to the rear so as not to damage the eardrums. I learn something new every day. Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo

John, be careful mentioning a spotted ass in the company of Molvanians. There is a great and tragic tale of collective shame and embarrassment to be told, but only among those accepted as true Molvanians. From an outsider, however well-intentioned, it would be taken as an intrusion too many.
Splivote!

Zikavska! This board is an absolute wealth of information about Molvania!

Trying to find out if I bid 4* on Priceline.mv for the lake district in Molvania, will I be garanteed a non-smoking yurt? I'm fatally allergic to smoke, yak hair, and macadamia nuts - will this be a problem in my travels here?

Also, if I wish to stay in Molvania for longer than 90 days, will I require a Schnegen visa?

Kath

Nuts of all kinds are abundant in Molvania and are hard to avoid, especially the ambulatory varieties. If you should suffer a cross reaction, the medical attention could prove an invaluable cultural experience. You may even wonder why you left home.

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo

Hi Kath,

I think that Molvania is NOT part of the Schengen Agreement. You will have to get a visa.

I am told that the reason Molvania did not join Schengen is that 1/3 of the GDP comes from visa fees.

Zikavska Patrick,
My lips shall remain sealed for fear of offending anyone in this rich and unsoiled country. I hope that in Fodors "Up Country Molvania" that a segment will include "do's and don'ts".
Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo

Ira, your figures are correct about the visa fees, but Molvania's biggest industry is the yard/garage sales. At least that was true years ago when I was studying abroad in Molvania.

Good heavens! I was a fool and booked airfare to Paris in March.

Are there any discount airlines that fly from Paris to Molvania so I can cheaply correct the terrible mistake I've made?

I have GOT to pay closer attention to Fodors so I don't make this kind of mistake again.

Molvania hasn't changed much over the centuries, I think you'll still have to get there via donkey. However, I've heard they have express donkeys now, so getting there is not such a pain in the ass (no pun intended). There are some helpful tips for donkey travel in this very thread.

Hi Indy,
>...Are there any discount airlines that fly from Paris to Molvania..<

See
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/for...topic.php?t=48

Kath, anyone wishing to stay longer than 90 days in Molvania is considered de facto to be clinically insane and refused admission into the country on principle.

indytravel, I have always emjoyed your posts on this forum, and very much respect your opinion, but please don't tell me you actually considered going to Paris when you could be going to Molvania in March, the most beautiful time of year there! What on earth were you thinking?????

BC

Sad isn't it BC?

It must have been a combination of jetlag, post vacation blahs and a VO Manhattan or 3 that made me click the "purchase now" button for Paris.

No matter, I'll use ira's link for a discount airline and find my way out of the quagmire I've created for myself.

I'll make lemonade out of this yet!

Ira, Kath asked about the Schnegen agreement. This little-known Molvanian adventure into international co-operation allows persons with appropriate typographical errors in their documentation certain advantages in procedures in entering, but sadly not leaving, Molvania (largely due to the fact that no other country could be persuaded to take the original text of the agreement seriously - unfortunately, the signature of the Molvanian foreign minister was obscured by a large blot of bear fat). It would, therefore, be unwise to rely on its provisions in negotiating with immigration officers anywhere.

Hi Indy

Travel overland rather than fly from Paris to Molvania. You'll avoid immigration hassles at the airport and see more of Molvania's natural beauty.

I recommend you hire a tractor for the trip. Abandon the vehicle when you get to the mountains and look for a donkey (Hint.. carrots are useful)

Border guards are few and far between (and easily bribed with a greasy $1) but watch out for bears and don't stray too far north....the region is full of goats which can be dangerous in the Spring.

And where in Lutenblag can I get High Tea?